Ageism and Style Over 60: What a Style Insult Taught Me
Some mornings, I open my phone, and it feels like stepping into a crowded room where everyone is talking at once, with opinions flying and images everywhere. If you’re a woman navigating ageism and style over 60, that noise can feel especially pointed. It can be overwhelming, even when you’ve chosen to be there.
Being online is my choice and my business. I show up here because I care about thoughtful style, real conversation, and the women who read what I share. But even when you choose this path, even when you’re clear on your purpose, there are moments that stop you cold.
A woman recently commented that my outfits reminded her of what she sees on women going in and out of nursing homes. And yes—she meant it as an insult. She wasn’t offering a gentle opinion or a quirky association. She was trying to cut me down.
Now, I’ve been around long enough to know that comments like that say more about the person delivering them than the one receiving them. Still, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t land somewhere. She wanted it to sting. And for a brief moment, it did.
Not because I believe her. But it reminded me how easily age is used as a cheap shot…a quick way to diminish a woman without saying anything of substance. The fact that it came from someone in her 40s adds another layer entirely. It speaks to the way our culture still pits women against each other, feeding us the idea that youth is currency and age is something to fear. That kind of comment isn’t just about me, it’s about the insecurity and internalized ageism that tells younger women they gain value by tearing older ones down.
There’s this tired belief that dressing your age means giving up. That if you choose comfort or subtlety over flash, you’ve somehow surrendered style altogether.
I reject that. I wear what reflects who I am now… a woman with experience, confidence, and a wardrobe that fits my life, not someone else’s expectations. If that’s too subtle or mature for some, so be it.
Judgment is everywhere, but for women over 60, it can feel especially pointed. Choosing to be visible, online or off, is a quiet act of defiance. It’s how we push back against a culture that still hasn’t figured out how to value women as we age.
If you’ve ever hesitated to share a photo or wear what you love because of what someone might say…consider whose voice you’re prioritizing. Let it be your own. The one that knows what fits, what flatters, what feels like you. That’s the voice worth listening to.
I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter here and join our positive conversation about aging in style.
If you’ve ever questioned whether your style is still ‘relevant,’ this post on Style Myths Women Over 60 Should Ignore may feel like a breath of fresh air.
FAQ: Ageism and Style Over 60
Q: What does ageism look like in fashion and personal style?
A: Ageism in fashion often shows up as subtle (or not-so-subtle) criticism when older women dress in ways that reflect who they are, rather than chasing youth. It can sound like backhanded comments, surprise that you “still care about clothes,” or assumptions that style has an expiration date. It’s rooted in the belief that aging should be hidden, rather than lived out loud.
Q: How should women over 60 respond to ageist comments about their appearance or style?
A: With clarity, not apology. You don’t need to defend your age or your style. If someone takes a cheap shot, it says more about their own discomfort with aging than it does about you. Confidence is often the most unsettling outfit of all for people who don’t know how to wear it.
Q: Can personal style really push back against ageism?
A: Absolutely. Every time a woman over 60 dresses for herself…not for approval, not to look younger, but to feel like herself, she’s quietly challenging the idea that aging makes us invisible. Style isn’t just about clothes; it’s about presence. And presence at our age is powerful.
What would you say to a younger woman who’s never been told that aging can be its own kind of freedom?
Jennifer,
I did not see the post you referred to about the ageism and your wardrobe and I’m glad I didn’t.
I am 69 years old and read your posts. Sometimes I think that I wouldn’t wear an item on your blog, but not because it would make me look old, but because it just wouldn’t flatter me or be true to my style. You always look current and well put together.
I just spent five days in Hawaii with 6 of my high school friends. We will all celebrate our 70th birthday this year. There was a wide spectrum of fashion on the trip and everyone looked great but definitely had their own style, from bathing suits to dressing for a luau.
We had fun, supported each other and discussed ageism and how older women are often invisible in our society and how to stay relevant.
Keep up your goo work on the blog. I enjoy reading it.
Allison
Your trip sounds amazing! I love to see other women’s style. It inspires me.
Bravo, Jennifer!
My mother always taught me “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” I agree that the person who made the rude comment is probably insecure about her own appearance and life, therefore, needs to cut someone else down who IS secure in their appearance and life just to feel superior. Looking for attention is her goal. One motto I have is “Sometimes the best response is no response.” When you don’t respond, maybe, just maybe the other person will wonder what they said or did wrong without you having to point it out.
I am a young-looking almost 70-year old. When someone says to me “you don’t look (fill in the blank age)!” I tell them “This is what (the age) looks like!”
Thank you for the replay of this post. I’m keeping it as a confirmation of my own style and life.
Jennifer, my first response to that gal is unprintable actually, but I TOTALLY agree with a statement in FAQ that says presence is EVERYTHING, I am nearing 72, and I have found that women who feel the need to tear down another woman are usually very unhappy about something in their own lives. And though I can sympathize with them for that, I find it deplorable that they feel the need to denigrate another to make themselves feel better. I don’t always agree with you or like some of the things you wear, but, YOU are YOU and I am ME. I love your column and look forward to your posts because another perspective always stretches you to look at new possibilities. Thank you for that. I hope you have a great weekend.
I’m disbelieving of the way some women spew poison at other women. Thank you
I love that you understand where this comment came from but acknowledge that it still stung. Ive been following some blogs where the writer dresses completely different from me. Its fun and freeing to say…thats not my style but she pulls it off beautifully. There is much joy in letting others be themselves and in being kind. Thanks for your ideas,your thoughts and your blog!
It really bothers me that someone could write something so callous and caustic, comparing your style to a nursing home.
I am much older than you, and I am thrilled to still be here and to still enjoy putting on makeup and dressing well. And also thrilled to still be in good health.
Yours is the first blog I have ever read and I enjoy reading what you’ve found and how you’re styling what you have found. I spent many years in retail management as a young college graduate. I appreciate your classic casual, but personal approach to style. A while back there was conversation about “coastal grandma” style. We laughed, but it was real and transcended generations. Please don’t be discouraged by one naysayer. There are many, many others who appreciate you and your posts. I’m one of them.
Thanks Melanie.
A 40 year old often has much to learn, although often they don’t realize it. I truly believe it’s best to speak about what you know. We know what it is like to be 40, she has no clue what it is to be 60 or in my case 70. By our age we aren’t as worried (hopefully) by what others say and can wear what we want with confidence. I hope you keep addressing the mature reader. We need you and I look forward to all your future blogs!
Some people thrive on putting others down in order to build themselves up. We all have choices to make. If someone does not like your style they can choose not to follow you. I am 82 years old, very independent, in good health and often get compliments on my appearance. I enjoy your blog very much and have purchased a few of your suggested outfits. I always get compliments on them. Keep up the good work. You are appreciated.
Thanks Patricia
I’m sorry someone was so harsh with her comments. You do a wonderful sharing content for your readers. It’s easy to throw stones, but what goes around comes around. Let’s hope she ages well. For me I’ll continue to dress to make ME feel good about myself. If I happen to turn heads… that just means they are jealous!
I am so sorry you were the target for this thoughtless woman. Too many people navigate life in Me First mode. My mother, who had great flair & style right up to the day she passed, would have said that (young) woman had too much time on her hands! To comment on a subject she obviously has no understanding of, on the internet, to a stranger only shows her immaturity. You have helped me navigate my 70+ years with your thoughtful look at fashion for “experienced” women. I appreciate you. Thank you.
Bah, humbug I say!
I appreciate your blog and you!
I love your style…there is no way you dress like a “grandma”. Your clothes are very classic and I have gotten a lot of inspiration from your daily newsletter. Just keep up what you are doing…there are many things I have purchased from ideas I read on your posts. Her saying that about you just shows how much she lacks self esteem. Tearing someone down makes her feel better. So sad for her
I really like the quiet looks you modeled today. Keep up the good work.
Wow…I missed seeing that person’s comment. I don’t know why some people feel the need to put others down. Boggles the mind.
You always look put together and well dressed. If that’s how someone dresses when they go to a nursing home, then that’s how I want to dress!!
I was in retail for 18 years but In the past 2 years I have followed you I have learned how to dress to satisfy myself and most importantly to dress with intention. The intention is hardest, I spend time switching out accessories to get it right. But I am loving it and feeling my best at 77. Thank you and do not let one cranky woman get you down!
I’m so happy to hear that! Dressing for how we want to feel is so important!
Well said
Great post today.
I look forward to seeing your blog each day and to see the outfits that you style. I think you always look so classy.
Just like Taylor Swift says, haters gonna hate. Shake it off.
I love 💕everything you say about age and clothing.
Wish I could afford 1/3 of what you show but try to adapt in my price range .
Ps love your new haircut
Yes what people say hurts at times but I try to brush it off
Thankyou and keep on
Diane Ragot from Quebec
My 98 year old mother is still very conscious of what she wears. She has always
said that as you get older you have to be even more conscious of what you wear. She still dresses to suit herself and loves new clothes and is a big fan of scarves, she has many scarves they always brighted up any wardrobe. She is a hard act to follow!
She sounds fabulous. You’re so blessed to have her.
So sad that a stranger feels better about herself by putting another person down. I’ve learned a lot from you, not only about styles that work for me, but also about a better “age” attitude. I have a question about the brooches you’ve been wearing. I have quite a few lovelies from years back. I stopped wearing them because of pinholes in clothing from their useage. Is there a new way of attaching them (I can’t imagine how)? If not how do you handle the 2 little pin pricks on your outfit when not wearing one? Thanks for all you do. Sandra
Amazon carries little magnet sets that you thread on the pin and “stick” to the magnet on the inside of your clothes. I try not to use brooches on delicate fabrics.
Some women can be so cruel! Unfortunately, it starts young. I am a retired high school teacher and the stories I could tell. ( I won’t though.) I would take a classroom full of teenage boys rather than girls any day. LOL
I truly enjoy reading your posts each day. I think you are elegant, kind, and intelligent. You also have such a great sense of who you are. I love your humor.
Thank you for being a true voice for women of a particular age!
Thanks Suzanne.
You are an inspiration to so many ladies who are petite, or short with a little extra flesh, and I have really enjoyed seeing the different outfits you style. I appreciate your dressing room try ons ( it helps me to see how it may look on me). Please continue. I look forward to your blog every day !
Life is too short to let negative opinions ruin your day and get in the way of living well. Whether you prefer casual classic clothing or bohemian style clothing it’s best to avoid hurtful criticisms of other women’s style. I’m not sure if it’s again or just another mean girl comment meant to cut another girl down. That’s been a problem with some women in any age group! Aim to be kind and respectful of everyone!
Kudos to you!!! You responded to this issue beautifully! Love your posts and so do many others! Cheers!!!
I like what you have to offer and enjoy your comments very much.
First of all that was a very unkind, uncalled for comment. If this young lady is fortunate, she will live to our age and have choice in what she chooses to dress and style herself. Kudos on your thoughtful selections and posts!
You are my daily inspiration Jennifer! We seem to be in an era of rudeness online, on the street, in stores and even on the highways. I refuse to give up my manners. I’m 81 now and still like to dress comfortably and nice. My haircut is current and appropriate for my face. Age gives a woman a lot of freedom to be exactly who they are and I’m one of them. Keep on being you Jennifer and I will be here to read your blog everyday.
I’m loving the freedom age brings! Thanks for being here Sydney.I love to hear from you.
Der Jennifer,
Thank you for your post and sharing great style with all your readers.
I will be 70 years of age next month. I too have encountered ageism, and it does hurt. I want you to know that on those days, your post gives me nourishment to keep going. Taking pride in your appearance and wearing stylish comfortable clothes helps me bring my best self to the world.
What would I say to a younger woman who’s never been told that aging can be its own kind of freedom?
As you age, the need to prove yourself fades, allowing a secure, authentic style to emerge. You stop comparing, because you realize your path—and look—is uniquely your own.
Thank you for all your polished and stylish posts.
I LOVE this-“As you age, the need to prove yourself fades, allowing a secure, authentic style to emerge. You stop comparing, because you realize your path—and look—is uniquely your own.”
Well said!!!! Love it 🥰
Loved your response to that little dig! Your style is classy. I vote for dressing well for our age rather than trying to dress like a 20 year old and look silly.
AMEN. JENNIFER.
I love the idea of prioritizing MY voice, something I don’t always do. But I will from now on!
Yay, Barbara!
It’s a Tawanda moment like in the movie “Fried Green Tomatoes”. We can all say “bless your heart” to the woman who left that comment.
LOL
It’s hard to believe anyone could be intentionally hurtful, but it happens. Personally, I feel sorry for that person. Thank you for asserting yourself and encouraging others.
Thanks for this post today. I have also experienced ageism so I hear you! You Always dress with style and class, poo on those who don’t see it!!!
This post really touched me. I’m sorry you received that comment, but encouraged that you were able to let it go – straight to the trash bin. Thank you for being a great model for us in so many ways.
Thanks for being here Barbara!
Jennifer, your honesty and your “transparency” are so refreshing. The only blog I read faithfully, because I care about what you are showing us, how you feel and how best to navigate this world. I love that you share your hair issues, the heart hurts that come to us all. Keep strong, all my Jeniffer friends! I think a doggie helps, a glass of wine on the patio, or a coffee with a friends.
Thanks Diane
Amen to that, and it’s hard to believe how some can be so cruel. Not thoughtless, because thought went into it before action. I trust you blocked her.
I’ve been here with you for years because I value and enjoy your advice, ideas, recommendations and encouragement. Not just fashion, but lifestyle too. I know a lot goes into what you provide. Thank you.
I love your style! You are classy and kind, and that is always in style. I see you helping women age gracefully. Please know you are a great influence and have lots of great choices for everyone to incorporate in the way that works best for their personal style! Take care and shake it off!
Thanks Charlene
Hi Jennifer – I admire that you do post online! While there are a lot of great people communicating online, I think an online forum gives cruel people the opportunity to say whatever they want with anonymity and I guess that is their idea of fun. I don’t think I’d engage at all because sometimes I think the crazies are just hoping for an opportunity to engage further. If I felt I had to respond, I do like Talitha’s response – “Well, bless your heart!”
Thanks for this today.
At 76 I am now able to pretty much dress for comfort but it doesn’t mean I look sloppy or lack style. I love keeping up with current styles. I just adjust it to work for me at my age and lifestyle. You always look amazing and I’ve learned so much from this blog. Haters gonna hate! That’s a shame.
Oh the ignorance of youth! My first thought is, just wait, you’ll see.
I enjoy the freedom of no longer being a slave to my looks. This doesn’t mean I don’t care or want to look frumpy. My priorities have changed. Good health, time spent with family and friends and the gift of mobility are appreciated and no longer taken for granted. And I love your posts. I learn from them.
Age is the great equalizer. If this young woman is blessed to live long enough to find out, hopefully she will see.
Well said. I am a firm believer that I am better at my age in all areas, not simply in fashion because I know who I am and I know how to comment on things that are relevant and important. Keep up the great work and conversations!
Yes, I agree Helene.
Age is power and wisdom!
YES
I think you’re a rock star, Jennifer! I love your thoughtfulness, candor and sense of humor…not to mention, your sense of style. Keep up the great work!
Thanks, Laura
Our Boomer generation was on the leading edge of so many, many changes in the wold.
The midi, the maxi, the mini, civil rights, the glass ceiling, men doing dishes, no bras, no makeup, Music that is still played today, computers, space ravel, Woodstock, recreational drugs, the list, like the beat goes on.
So why would we do this decade of our lives any differently?
You are our muse and our guide….thank you!
We boomers have really lived through it all! Funny story, I mentioned I love Beatles music to a young man, and he said, “who are they?”!!
Your post is perfect! Your style reminds all of us that looking good, confident and stylish can be comfortable without apologies. Thank you. I pray your critic gets the joy of aging into her 60s, 79s and beyond and doing so with as much style and grace.
Wow! people can be mean, obviously they do not realize how words matter. You handled it beautifully and left a heartfelt message for all of us. I am a first time responder but I had no recourse but to respond. I am in my mid seventies , very active and connected, and a retired teacher, Thank you for being a role model for women of all ages. And for handling it with such grace.
Thanks for being part of our community, Maureen.
There has NEVER been a classier more put together group of women at a certain than what we have today.
Just look at you, Beth and Kay.
Crème of the crop inside and out.
Here is to aging gracefully, purposefully and with love.
Warmly, Melissa
I am so honored to be grouped with these ladies. They are fabulous women, thank you Melissa.
Taking from experience I would definitely say that women is jealous and toxic.
YES!!!
This was your best article ever. It resonated with me and gave me some well articulated ideas to hold onto in those less than pleasant ageism moments. Thank you.
I’m glad it gave you some ideas. I think being armed is really helpful when you run across toxic people.
I love your style. I always have! I enjoy wearing clothes that help give me confidence for the occasion. There will always be those who judge and criticize. If they knew you like I do, they would be amazed at how your talents include more than styling us ladies. You style homes, gardens and you encourage your friends. Thank you for sharing your talents with us!
LA, my friend, thank you! You are the sweetiest and I miss you! xo
Actually, I am shocked, that anyone can be that catty & rude! If You don’t like the content, then don’t watch it! SIMPLE stuff… I find Your outfits very classy, & would feel comfortable in wearing the majority …Thank You…for just letting it slide like water on a Duck’s back.
Hi I am a long time reader and I think you always look great-very well put together. I seem to know many people like that-always giving me the side-eye or having something snarky to say. I dont think i dress too young or too old so I dont really know why, just their lack i guess. Dont pay any attention you are doing a great job. We appreciate you!
Thank you for these words of truth and afirmation.
“Confidence is often the most unsettling outfit of all for people who don’t know how to wear it.” I love that thought, Jennifer! It speaks to me about having the confidence to pursue my own style without worrying about what others think. It helps keep the journey of dressing for my life and my spirit fresh and fun, free from others’ expectations of what I “should” look like!
Yay, Ruth!!
Oh dear that is so sad the person felt the need to write such a hurtful response. To me it sounds like that of a very insecure person who may have had meanness and bullying directed at her. I’m in my 70’s and have recently found your website. Your style is “so me” and really helpful. Thank you so much
Well said Jennifer! The youth have much to learn. I for one really appreciated today’s blog. Thank you for making me feel stronger and confident in my own style.
The receptionist at my doctor’s office squealed “Well, don’t you look cute sweetheart.” She was saying that she couldn’t believe I was still trying.
I complained to my doctor about her attitude. She doesn’t work there anymore.
Bravo! Her comment sounded so condescending.
There is so much truth in wearing what is truly you. I had a cousin that was like my sister that I would go shopping with many times. She was a seamstress and I valued her opinion greatly. She would often pick out a dress or top and say “this is you”. Yes you are so right to dress to who you are. Do I love everything you wear? Maybe not, but it looks like you and I can appreciate that. You spark ideas and yes some items resonate with me and I do love what you offer. Like one of your readers says that she wants to make herself feel superior and better, and that is a sad thing for her.
Brava!! I think the last ten years have given people license to say things they never would have said out loud in the past and we are worse for it. I am turning 60 soon, and I am very firm in my Gen-X ness. So my response would be, “Who effing asked you?” Whilst using the full F bomb as Gen Xers do. “I don’t recall asking for your opinion.” I’m so tired of the rudeness and negativity.
I love your response Shari. It’s perfect. I’m tired of the rudeness, slovenliness, and lack of empathy in today’s society. Does that make me old fashioned? Perhaps, but I’m ok with that.
Hi Jennifer, usually when I read your blog first thing in the morning comments aren’t up yet. I was sure there would be many in reply to this post, but 209 (so far)! I’m so glad that you have all this support around you, and are confident enough to reject nasty comments like that one (even though it did sting a bit at first). As others have said, your blog is so very helpful, thank you!
I’ve been reading your column for years however this is my first time responding…just loved reading this one, you’re spot on my dear. I’m 83 and still care about my clothes, hair, nails you name it. Keep it up. Blessings
Thanks for being here Carolyn.
First time I post a comment but I look forward to reading your blog daily and have learned a lot! I am 70 years old but heathy and active. I try to stay as stylish as possible and not dress “to young for my age”, but admittedly sometimes make purchases I later regret because I feel they make me look like an older lady trying to look too young!!! But if it looks good on me I wear it anyway. Since retiring, I still have a lot of clothes I used to wear to work as the dress code was casual business, but I really need to part with a lot of that because I no longer wear those items… I love your blog and often want to purchase items you post, but I find many are not within my budget…I have recently made several purchases from Quince which I find to be great quality and a great company! I recently saw a hat you were wearing that I wanted desperately but $300 for a hat is more than I can bring myself to spend… keep up the good work… love your style and suggestions
This is just as meaningful now as it was last year. Thank you for reposting it. You are a classy lady and you help the rest of us look classy for our age (I am 80) . Have a wonderful day!!
Thanks Judy. I always love to hear from you.
I just had a thought (imagine that)….it’s an interesting topic but then there are plus size people that probably deal with stereotyping as well. I’ve seen some plus size ladies that can have great style and look so pulled together what ever their age is. I’ve seen and know people my age and older that can wow you. I just think it comes down to whether or not a person cares about themselves and makes a personal decision on how to present themselves and their own personal style (it’s a mind set). There is also the other side of coin so to speak…..I know people so hung up on how they look as they age that it can be quite annoying to be around them because I feel they can be so judgemental (maybe that’s the category the young lady you referenced falls).
Great points Robin
First, your outfits are lovely and inspirational. When a person in their 40s says this, I have to laugh. Their day will come! If we dressed like we were still in our 40s it would look ridiculous and that would be ridiculed too. As far as women not supporting women: I told 2 friends the other day that my feelings were hurt when my dad saw a picture of me and my 20’s and said “when did you get so heavy? And it makes you look older?” I’m like 20 pounds overweight, not so bad….but the point is my friends then felt it was an opening to jump in and start commenting about my hair, which I let go natural, saying why did I do it? And one actually pulled up a picture of me with my dark hair saying she liked it like that! Mind you, I have never had SO many compliments like I do with my silver grey hair, and I love it, but I was upset that they said it. What happened to: if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all??? P.S. These 2 friends are 66 and 85 and have never changed anything at all about their appearances in years. So maybe they are trying to justify that they are afraid of change? Anyway, keep posting and forget the comments from negative people – I mean if they don’t like it, why are they reading your column?
Your “friends” sound jealous, defensive and frankly, just mean. If you haven’t already, now may be a great time to send them an email, or voicemail with your thoughts. I hate when people take cheap pot shots at us.
Kudos to you!
No one deserves a cheap shot.
I would remind a person who trashes what I wear “thank you, I dress with pride and I dress for me.
Age is a number and mine is over 70 but that does not define me, dictate my style or number my days. I love clothes and have quite a range of styles but none are from a book telling me what to where to align with my age. I still have opinions, can make choices and dress myself! Thank you Jennifer for guidance, ideas and choices. I appreciate you!
Jennifer. Social media while so good has the ability for mean people to hide behind it. I applaud you for putting it out there and I appreciate having someone close to my age advocating for me. I dress like you. I am still working by choice so I always have to think about work appropriate but because I am in charge, I have made the work environment much more approachable. I came up in the 70s when women were fighting for equal rights in the workplace in order to get respect, we had to dress like men work harder and get paid less.
One more thing. If you are the one that told me that Munro shoes are still available I could kiss your sore feet. I’ve ordered three pairs and they are like custom-made for my feet. Thank you.
I was so thrilled to see Munro back! They are sooo comfy!
at 75, I want to dress classy yet fun. Are patterned skirts a no-no, especially for travel to a warmer area like the Mediterranean in early May? And, what about capris that are not wide-legged?
I would pause on the narrow capris these days, but if you love them, go for it. Patterned skirts are perfect for a warm climate. We love the Mediterranean…have a fun trip
Jennifer, I feel that women in their 30’s or 40’s who make cutting comments about an older woman’s appearance fear aging. I’ve thought about saying something like, “How about if I check back in 20 years, and we’ll see how middle age is going for you.” Will these women embrace aging, or will they hide themselves away in embarrassment? Are they comparing us to movie stars who have access to the most expensive plastic surgeons, dermatologists, stylists, photo editors, etc., and assume that everyone in their 60’s and 70’s can look just like Martha Stewart or Nicole Kidman? If so, that is a very unhealthy, unrealistic assumption.
Excellent comment for a situation we all have experienced I am sure. We hold back our comments because we’re shocked that someone would be so openly rude but mostly because we come from a generation where we were taught to be the better person in these moments.
The comment about a nursing home is cruel and not something anyone with grace or class would say. I smile as I think, in a few years, that woman will face reality without a way to handle the reality. Personally, I enjoy your posts and have purchased many of the items you recommend. I’ve found they are lovely and elevate my mood. Please continue your blog and ignore the crass comments.
Thanks Cathy!
Dear Jennifer, I don’t know what that woman is talking about. My Mom lives in an assisted living home and I can assure you that none of the ladies there dress like you, far from it. You dress beautifully and inspire others. This is why I subscribe to your newsletter. Your topics are relevant to me; I will be 65 in September. I think the person who made these nasty comments is just plain envious for what you have accomplished. I look forward to learning more about fashion, style and the products that you have tried and want to share with us.
This is a great article, love your posts and newsletter. Many of my style improvements came from my own wardrobe, “mix, match and dispose” of that you discussed many times. I also have found items similiar to yours whether it was jewerly or clothing which have inhanced many of my outfits. I look forward to all your information, love the try on sessions, you give great idea. I am petite, 4’9″ and buy most of my clothes are from J Jill. Their petites fit the best. Thank you again for all you insight and recommendations.
If she’s very fortunate eventually she will get to be 60 or older too. Not everyone gets that opportunity.
Jennifer, you’re the wise one, the person who insulted you probably is not thoughtful in general. Thank you for your excellent posts🥰
Jennifer,
Please don’t let this mean spirited woman’s comment waste another minute of your precious time thinking about it! As others said, the anonymity of internet allows people to get away with meanness they need to spew out to make themselves feel better. She should have just clicked out if she she didn’t like what she saw. Your information, ideas, visuals, etc are so educational and valuable to us! We appreciate you and your style and all the work you do! Thank you!!
I can’t imagine feeling so bitter towards the world that I’d be compelled to make a mean comment like that. Someday, (if she’s lucky), she’ll learn that aging is a privilege!
I am compelled to echo another person’s view. I grew up in the corporate world too- finance, and had the same experiences with some of my colleagues not hearing my words but winks and the up and down eye scan. The winks were the nod to an “atta girl” without saying good job. The women colleagues often times worse- snarky petty and mean. One woman I reported to asked me how I could afford a certain brand of shoes that she wore! Always scrutinized. I use to think if I cut my hair, changed the color, wore taller heals, sounded different, laughed better. Lots of sleepless nights and lots of hidden tears. We’ve really not come such a long way baby. But what a great marketing scam THAT was!
That’s brutal!!
It was incredibly hard and so very disappointing at the same time. An old friend of mine, male, said as I was crying and venting one time, “B, people will do anything to put braces on their kids teeth.” And he was not wrong about that (metaphorically) in the corporate world anyway. Mission statements, promotional group hugs and all that “stuff” is just that- stuff. So 45 years in the corporate world I worked so hard and earned a lot of great experiences and a lot of insights. Inner circles, different rules for different people and who you know (or THINK you know in many cases).
All this to say, please don’t allow some fly-by-night flunky ruffle ANYTHING about you.
As rude as she was I would have loved to hear her suggestions for changing my look. I’m always open to style tips.
Thank you for your work in helping us stay beautiful. Your response to these type of comments is respectful and helpful to us as we encounter others with similar remarks. By not allowing her comments to ruminate, you are the greater person, and we also can be the greater person.
I was in a rush yesterday but saved this to read today. As an almost 75 year old women I can relate. The first thing anyone does is look at your face and judge what you are wearing. Which frankly is nobody’s business. I worked in corporate for over 21 years and always…always… ‘dressed’…meanwhile GenZ wore pajamas or jeans…unkempt hair and questionable hygiene…..boots in July and Sandals with socks in December….Older Boomers appreciated my “look” while the “kids” thought I was a fraumpf. I had someone tell me on the phone after I answered and fixed their problem….”you know you don’t sound old”!!!!!! Lol. Jennifer I apologize for the insecure women you said that to you. The rest of us love you and your style. Keep up the good fashion in helping us stay relevant.
Ouch…that was a clueless person who said that to you!
It makes me sad that the tired attitude of this crabby 40 something may be the future generation that’s supposed to be forming thoughts in younger women. We products of the 1940-60’s struggled for years for a voice and the younger ones have no idea. I try to wear not only stylish age appropriate but rather body appropriate clothing as well. The mean 40 something will learn that as she ages her body will change, and unless she has a lot of surgeries planned she’ll need to learn to love herself as she ages.
That being said, I trust your voice on this matter and love your thoughts! Shout it out!!! 😊
They will all get where we are, if they’re lucky!
Dear Jennifer, I haven’t commented for a while and reading these lovely heartfelt comments from your followers was quite touching .
I can’t add anymore to what has been written other than THANK YOU,
I too appreciate the hard work that you must put in to deliver your happy blog to us ladies. Fondest best wishes from,
Pamela UK x
I have been following your blog for many years. I love your fashion sense, travel and beauty tips, musing and courage to share your life with us lucky followers. Your blog always feels like a safe space. That woman’s comment is why I prefer dogs to most people though I have a wonderful husband and lovely grandchildren. I do appreciate as you include outfits that are size inclusive. You always look beautiful and you are definitely an inspiration. We both love Eileen Fisher and I do like to support companies that support women. I always love your beauty products reviews and recommendations. I am 66 and definitely understand how women our age often feel invisible. Thank you again for your inspiration and being an advocate for all women.
It is a shame the woman who made that comment does not have kindness in her heart.
That was a weird comment about nursing homes.
I have an elderly relative who lives in a Continuing Care Community, on the Independent Living floor. For the most part the people who’re on the Assisted Living/Nursing Floors don’t go in and out a lot. They mostly stay put. So I think the the comment was about the women – usually 60+ plus Daughters- who were visiting their elderly relatives.
A few months ago I was leaving and two women were on the patio, sobbing. Their Mother had just passed, they’d been there all weekend with her. It didn’t matter what they had on, their tear stained faces looked like love to me.
Thanks for sharing this Rose. You have a kind heart.
I have not experienced it, yet. I have always being confident and not in the show off , up myself type of way. I’ve always dressed for myself and if someone doesn’t care for it, it’s their issue. If a comment was made to me, I would answer I’ve reached this age (56) you may not.. Jennifer, you inspire many of us, who does this person inspire?? Mean spirited. The last few years I have said, it takes same energy to be mean as it does to be nice, why chose mean?
Wow, I’m sorry you were subjected to such a toxic comment.
My reply would be I’m at an age where I’ve lost dear friends. What a privilege it is to reach the age of 71. I’m not trying to be “younger” as I dress for my day, I’m just trying to stay modern and true to my personal aesthetic as I grow older.
But truly the best response is no response. As my mom reached the age of 102 and got criticized from her fellow residents, the social worker told me the negative comments came from fear.
So the best response is to ignore. If said to my face, my response would be to ask why? Why would they think that was a kind legitimate question? Put them in the hot seat
Btw, you are beautiful and a wonderful example of dressing beautifully as we enter these years.
You are so blessed to have had your mom for so long, Jan.
Yes I was very blessed, thank you. I still miss her every single day.
I recently went on a Christmas cruise with 3 girlfriends. One of the 4 of us had terminal cancer. At her request, we all wore “festive turtlenecks, etc”. At dinner one night I wore “regular” clothes. As I was leaving our table a woman commented “it looks like someone didn’t get today’s memo”! It was said insultingly so I know exactly how you felt, Jennifer. I don’t know why people need to be so cutting and judgmental.
Thank you for your insights (and your clothing advice)…you are always positive and its appreciated!
I am never sure either, Cathy
My goodness! I think most of us will remember being taught, if you don’t have anything nice to say, it’s best to say nothing at all. I’ve never understood why some people get off on offending people. You blog is wonderful, and I truly enjoy your tips, honest approach and the women who are part of this community. Keep doing what you are doing. You do it well, and you are appreciated!!
Jennifer, this topic really resonates with me. How is it OK for a man to look distinguished as they age but, women look frumpy and no longer attractive. It is women in this chat that can help change the way society sees us. The generation behind us changed the way they work and made it acceptable for the fact they have children that need to cared for and that came first. I came from a workforce that pretended children were not something we could ask for time off to care for. I am sad that someone was so disrespectful to you, but know you are beautiful and provide a safe place for us to be genuine. Thank you and hugs to you.
Well a bunch of adds flashed and my comment disappeared. Darn! I agree with the other 85+ commenters. Great blog today Jennifer. You are the best and so is this community.
That woman’s comment was really nasty! Don’t you think that some people are nasty because they don’t feel good about themselves and want to project that onto others? Reminds me of a comment a “new friend” said to me when I met her for our second outing. she said, ” I think you look like an old maid schoolteacher!” Wow I was stunned! 1) I was newly married, and 2) what is wrong with looking like a schoolteacher???? I would say to that woman, are you really comfortable with what you are wearing? Well, I am! I wear what I am comfortable in and feel put together. I am not trying to please anybody else but myself.
Have very sad she felt the need to leave something negative. She certainly could’ve just scrolled on along. I don’t have children. I’m not a soccer mom. I’m a 57 year-old cool aunt and I dress according to my mood be at a vintage concert T-shirt and some ripped jeans to a tailored suit from Talbots. I would say dress to make yourself happy. I would also say embrace every stage of life. One of my best friends is a 90-year-old woman who used to have a television show and she still rocks it.
We can all rock it!
Thank you for this post. When a number of hurtful comments were made to/about me, I understood what was happening intellectually but was at a loss to handle it emotionally. As a result, I’m working to regain confidence and get my style mojo back. Your real, down to earth approach coupled with great wit has helped. I’m glad you’ve let it go and not allowed it to rent space in your head!!
Sincere thanks, Jennifer!
Hang in there Linda! To be perfectly honest, some people are a-holes and don’t deserve our time.
Yes!! 100%
That is quite the insulting comment. These long dresses and skirts that everyone is wearing (regardless of age) do seem as if they bring out this type of commentary. I will not be unhappy when garment manufacturers realize they can make more money with shorter skirts.
I was actually in a nursing home the other day. One of the residents had an outfit hanging up in the hall. I am sure it was her favorite outfit and reminded her of days when she wore it before she was in the nursing home. It did look as if it was 20 years old. More power to all of us to wear our favorite clothes to remind us of our full lives.
Thanks for sharing that story
I am sorry that someone wrote hurtful and rude comments. No response is the more powerful thing to do. Just let her negative remarks sit there to be a reflection of who she is. Anyone reading it will know what a shallow individual she is. Your blog is great! You give options for everyone. We get to be whatever we want to be.
We do! Let’s empower other women.
I was on a cruise right after my mother had passed. I wore her wedding ring on my right hand that she’d placed there on her deathbed, and my wedding and anniversary rings on my left. A woman at my table wearing slacks and a button-down shirt was commenting on (criticizing) the formal attire that evening. She looked at me in my LBD and said, “I’m not trying to impress anyone,” and then pointed at my rings, “or wearing jewelry just to be noticed.” I was so shocked that I couldn’t say a word about her rude behavior. Later, it bothered me that I didn’t respond and shoot back how I wear everything for myself and the rings were all more significant than their value. I realized I couldn’t be as mean to anyone as she’d been to me. I believe she was so insecure that she attacked to justify her appearance. Her comments were so low that I didn’t want to retaliate because sometimes people are pitiful enough as they are. I walked away, knowing my silence spoke louder than her cruelty ever could.
You are a very classy lady Connie. I’m so sorry that happened to you! Her words speak to her insecurity and lack of class.
It is so hard at times to battle with yourself – I want to wear this, is it appropriate? But if I answer YES, I WANT to wear this, I do. I teach 9th/10th grade girls. I told my girls on my birthday that I turned 69. The most surprising comments were: you don’t act like you are old, and you don’t dress like you are old, you always wear such bright and fun colors. So yes, I will continue to wear what I want. Thank you for the reminder.
Oh, my goodness! Why do women have to be so catty at times? We should always be ready to build each other up, no matter our age, body size and type, race, etc. Let’s straighten each other’s crowns for a change!! Love your blog, Jennifer.
I recently read a method for responding to such a remark, but unfortunately it’s something best done in person:
First, ask them to repeat what they said.
Secondly, ask them if their intention was to hurt you, after which you stay silent while much
embarrassed (assuming they have the self-awareness to know shame) back-peddling likely ensues.
I’m so sorry you had to be subjected to that!!
That’s a great tactic.
Jennifer-you are a great example of how to look chic and put together at any age and how to help others continue to feel beautiful. Shame on that individual for leaving that kind of negative comment. As you said women should be supporting women at all ages.
No need to defend, your blog has always said it all. Someone once said to me “think about your words, what is the outcome you’re wanting”. I feel so sorry for her, what is in our hearts is what comes out of our mouths. It is also reflected in our lives and how we present ourselves. She’s already a trashy, bitter, pathetic and sad little person. Keep being you – you’ve got an awful lot of friends who like you just the way you are.
Well, I did once have to put a snotty youngster in her place: “With any luck, you’ll die young and won’t have to worry about it.”
The young woman who made the comment must hang out around senior communities where the residents dress with elegance and great style because you always look “Fabulous, Darling”. Thank you Jennifer for sharing your great sense of style as well as articles about living our age with style and a great sense of joy.
How incredibly thoughtless and rude that comment is, and what a thoughtful and intelligent post you’ve written in response, Jennifer. I’m 75 and have been following you for years. You have great style and you support and encourage other women. Thank you for all you do do!
Jennifer, I am horrified you find yourself on the receiving end of such comments but it is encouraging to read such inspiring responses here at your blog. Those who seek to belittle older women only highlight their own cruelty, ignorance and fear of their own advancing years. We here are making the best of our lives and the assets only gained in later years and through experience. (Confident elegance being one of those assets!)
Jennifer…thank you for sharing this situation. Being intentionally unkind is so unbelievably unattractive and yet seems to be an ever increasing part of daily life. Please know that I love reading your posts, and think you exude style and confidence. You have created a wonderful community here!
I adore this community and am so happy you all support each other!
I’ll never understand why some people are so unkind. I’m sorry this stung you, Jennifer, even if it was just for a moment. The cruel comment speaks more to the commenters insecurity than to any fashion judgment. We should feel sorry for her, her future doesn’t look bright. I bet she dreads looking in the mirror every morning.
FWIW, I believe that all folks going in and out of a nursing home to visit and provide comfort and support are beautiful!
I agree with you Terry, they are all beautiful
To all the positive comments you’ve received—Amen!!! That internet troll needs to crawl back to the rock she crawled out from! Jennifer—you are a beautiful both inside and out!
If that opinionated person is VERY lucky, she may be walking in and out of a nursing home someday. I’m 83 and my wish for her is that she feels fantastic in whatever it is she is wearing if she does. Yes, women are women’s worst enemy much of the time and that is so unkind. You just keep being you. I’ll keep being me. We really have no choice since everyone else is taken. I’ve learned to appreciate, and wear, whatever it is that brings me joy, whether it’s a bright red pair of shoes or a neon pink bad-hair-day baseball cap. Go women over 60! Go!
Bravo Jennifer! I love your blog! Keep inspiring women that these years are about the self confidence from knowing who we are and claiming our space instead of shrinking into invisibility.
Dear Jennifer, I have so enjoyed, and felt encouraged to be the best I can be; and you and I share a similar body type, so your comments assist me when I standing bewildered in a store.
My thoughts – the person who spews ugly comments isn’t receiving validation of her worth – too bad, and ugly is the the way to shine. She’ll grew up one day and hopefully find her better side.
From an 86, healthy, happy, active fan,
diane
Im shocked at the rudeness of that woman who felt compelled to share her thoughtless opinion with you. ( And surprised that I can still be shocked at age 83.) I love your philosophy of dressing in a way that makes you feel confident. Here’s an interesting Anti-Ageism source: https://oldschool.info/. (The founder is an inspiring woman named Ashton Applewhite ([email protected]) There are many opportunities for those so inclined to get further involved in combatting ageism.
Thanks for sharing
Thank you for sharing your experience. You are a very cultured, intelligent, and classy lady. I enjoy your posts everyday and have learned a lot.
The woman who made that comment showed such a lack of understanding. One day she will have to deal with aging. I doubt that she will be graceful about it. (I taught young women like that when I taught HS. They were so very unhappy with themselves that they didn’t want anyone else to be happy.)
Suzanne
I hope her empathy grows are she ages!
I’ve just finished reading your blog entry 06.28.25. Thank you! just what I needed. Within the last 6mo. I have had major major life issues. … I drifted away from who I was. I lost my love for styling my clothing. I even stopped wearing makeup! I didn’t care anymore. Slowly, very slowly I am making my way back to reality. Dear Lady, you have helped me more than I can express here. Continue writing. “Ne laissez pas les bâtards vous abattre.”
Thank you for being here Pat!
Karma!!!!! I truly believe in it!
Thank you for always being true to yourself! 💕
I love all the thoughts you shared in this post! Thank you for being you and for being here for us gals who are older but care about how we look and feel! I am just “bone-tired” (as really old people would say!) of people who feel like hateful comments are necessary to express. Keep on being you!
Thanks for being here!
Every single one of the comments said exactly what I would say. Respect goes a long way and appreciating women at every age is something not be taken advantage of. I love all of your style tips and I feel confident when I walk out the door because there is a community here that embraces aging and aren’t we lucky we get to age!
I loved this post. You inspire and always look terrific. Thank you !
I would have asked her how many nursing homes she volunteered at…..obviously none!
Jennifer, I typically do not post comments. But I can’t believe someone would make such an insult to you of all people. I agree that comment was more about her than anything else. And I also believe that every birthday is a gift and we should embrace it. Have fun and be the best version of yourself.
Jennifer, you are such a stylish lady and I always look forward to your posts.
You are right style is not just about any specific piece of clothing, but of the confidence of the person wearing them.
Hi Jennifer,
Good for you for choosing not to take that ignorant barb personally. I especially love this line in your post: “…consider whose voice you’re prioritizing. Let it be your own.” It has taken me a long time (I should say a LIFEtime) to get there but I have finally reached the point where I can face the day with confidence even if no one compliments me or my outfit. I think I’d like to put your words on my mirror for a daily reminder!
Yes! It’s past-time for us to prioitize our own voice.
So many wonderful comments and affirmations from the community. When I read the post (3 hours ago in a doctor’s waiting room) I was too dumbfounded to reply. I am a person with strong will and strong opinion, but cannot imagine wanting to say something insulting to anyone. As to what I would say to her, probably nothing because I would be speechless (rare for me). But what I might later think I should have said: you may cringe at my image now, but I wonder if for one fleeting moment at my age, you will remember this remark and cringe at the memory of your younger self’s judging nature and remark.
Yes!! I was stunned by it and saddened that woman are the brunt of such negatively
Like so many others it saddens me that women find it necessary to put down other women. Ageing is a gift too many of us don’t get to experience. So why not do it in whatever way we see fit without the negativity from others. I was just reading yesterday that post menopausal women are the most true to themselves, are the most real. I am a few years younger than you, nearing the end of my career and looking at a new life in retirement. You are one of my guides as I build my wardrobe for the next stage. Keep up the good work.
You’re using your voice for good. Sadly, using our voices can sometimes be a double edged sword. There will always be those who feel the need to spread negativity, but that’s their issue, not yours. I recently joined the “we don’t care” club online and it is just what is needed to combat the negativity. You keep being you, Jennifer!
Thanks Janet
Thank you for sharing your experience. Her remarks were definitely more a reflection about her than you. It is shocking to me what people – supposedly adults – will say to each other online. I don’t know if this is about the perceived permission/right people think they have to say whatever they want online, or if it is age issues with some people or just people with innate bad attitudes and poor behavior. My motto has always been not to engage with crazies, although it is sooo tempting some times! However, I do block them.
I block them too. Allowing toxic people access to me gives them too much power.
If I could have thought fast enough, I would have pinned her down by replying casually, “What prompted you to say that?” I would have enjoyed hearing her response, so that we could possibly have had an opportunity to chat about what her intentions were in such a comment. The conversation also may have been enlightening as to that generation’s perception of women and aging. If you’re willing to share, I would like to know a bit of background about the incident. Was it a “live” incident, or a comment on one of your platforms, where she knew who you were? Either way it was, of course, extremely inappropriate, and I thank you for sharing it with “your team!” 💝
It was an unsolicited comment on my Facebook page from someone who does not follow me.
Well said, Jennifer! I hope time will moderate her views about what is age appropriate, or she will continue to be an unhappy and insecure person. Meanwhile I continue to be inspired by your ideas!
At 5 years old, I begged and pleaded for patent leather shoes. At 12 I saw a classmate with a neckscarf and loved…and adopted…the style. At 24, a fellow I dated said I looked too preppy…not sexy enough. Through all of that, I pretty much wore what I liked. I am…to my shock…85. I dress very much as I did at 25 except that my skirts are not mini and I like covered arms. I have been complimented many times on the way I dress…to my amazement…because I have always dressed for myself. And as I said recently and repeat regularly, if not now, when? As you said, negative comments show the problems of the speaker. If they don’t like what you advise or how you look in your blog, they don’t need to read it.
I love that you wear what you like!
Jennifer,
Having also had a business, I too have had mean online comments. Sadly there are haters out there, and they just get their jollies bringing people down, no matter who or what business you have.
So many of us have benefitted by your leadership. I always get positive comments on the outfits I put together with your direction, and am grateful for your help.
Just ignore the meanies and keep on with your great posts.
Jennifer I am so sorry that ignorant 40 something woman made such a rude remark to you, totally uncalled for. You handled much better than I would have. I am tired of people thinking they can say anything they want and it’s ok!!! I usually just ignore that type of person, but on occasion I flash right back and that usually puts them in their place immediately. I have followed you for several years now and you are the best! Have a great week!!
Thanks Dianne
Jennifer, you go girl!! Wonderful reply to some snarky, unhappy someone.
Everything I wanted to say after reading this thoughtful post has already been said in previous comments. We are blessed to be alive and healthy at our increasing ages. To be cut down for wearing comfortable, well made clothing that fits our current lifestyles is sickening. But that’s how people seem to behave in today’s society. Being rude while behind a keyboard is becoming the norm. It’s sad.
We are so blessed!
When I said I was retiring the younger people looked aghast and said, “All you’ll do is sit around watching TV and be bored.” HA! I’ve never been happier or busier doing the things that I want to do.
That said, the hardest part for me was learning how to dress. Going from business dress to casual has been hard and I still don’t always get it right. Your style and commentary has been a guiding light. I remember being young and seeing older women in all those Koret pastel print outfits and thinking I don’t want to dress like that. Your style is casual, and country classy! Thank you (maybe a post on the change from business to casual might be interesting)
I will work on a post for that. Thanks Nanci
I am almost 78 and live independently in an extended care community where people from 65 to over 100 are respectful and kind to one another. The cruel comment about nursing homes bothers me way more than the insult to your clothing. You are always beautifully dressed and I look forward to “being with you” daily. Frankly, I can’t imagine what the person means…are you a poorly dressed visitor? People in nursing home are dying and they generally don’t go in and out unless they are lucky. Old people dress how they want because they have figured out what matters and most wish they had figured it out sooner.
.
Beautifully said Mary, thank you!
I agree with the comment about rudeness. People like this should be held accountable for their remarks … anything from a “well, in my day we had manners,” to a simple, “are you always this rude?” It doesn’t matter what you/we wear or what we look like: this kind of remark has no place in our social discourse.
I love how you dress and try to emulate your outfits. My friend and I have let our hair go natural and someone who isn’t that much younger said she will never go grey. My friend said ” well I find it liberating.” I loved that. Stick with what you know and like.
I find it liberating too but encourage all women to do it their way!
I am sorry you got insulted by this person. So rude! I wonder why she was on this blog if she was 40? She must be an unhappy person searching out blogs to insult women.. Sounds like she was jealous of how good you look for your age.
She is cowardly because she hides behind her computer with her insults, and would not tell you in person such things.
Thank you for all you do, you always look classy.
As a southern woman, my mama taught me to respond to such comments with a smiling “well, bless your heart”. 😉 I am continually astounded by people who claim to speak “truth” while hiding behind a keyboard. I doubt that this woman would have had the audacity to say something so rude to your face, but you never know. I received some negative comments (all from women, by the way) about “letting myself go” after I stopped coloring my hair four years ago at the age of 60. Just because my hair is now an amazing shade of silver and cut in a bob that Anna Wintour would envy does not mean that I have stopped taking care of myself! Jennifer, I think you look great and I love getting style inspiration from you. Sad that many don’t realize that aging is a privilege not available to everyone.
As a 74 year old woman who goes every other day to visit her 94 year old mother in her assisted living place, I can one hundred percent attest that you do not dress like most women going in and out of a nursing home! A snarky comment
such as that reveals much about the commentator. Also: “if you can’t say something nice, do not say anything at all”! More than 55 years ago, a San Jose
Mercury News “lifestyle” column suggested giving three heartfelt compliments
per day as a way of overcoming shyness and introversion, and I have tried to do that daily since. Thanks for a lovely blog and you dress beautifully.
I so appreciate you sharing your feelings and thoughts on this experience. I agree with everything you said about how and why to continue to be ourselves with style—whatever that means to each of us. Thank you for daily encouragement and honest, thoughtful approach!
Cheers! Gosh, I wish I could give you a hug. I do admit, I am a confident woman who is over 60. This weekend, I made the decision to cut my hair shorter after successfully allowing the natural grey color to grow out. If you are interested in appearing attractive to others and still in the game, it does cause a sharp intake of breath to see that older visage staring back at you in the mirror. It will take a bit to get used to. Age is still a crucible for most women and there is a double standard. Thank you for sharing your voice in this area; it’s challenging to navigate a world where choices are foreclosed due to “years in service.” Blessings to all!
Such a wise comment
Thank you for your thoughtful and well-written blog. I appreciate the work that goes into creating this daily blog.
As far as the young woman expressing her opinion, it is just that. her opinion. At 40 we all think we know so much-until we realize how little we do. I thought I was old at 40! Ha. Looking back I was still so young. Never thinking about the things we hide as our bodies change with maturity. My arms are not so firm, my legs have spider veins, my neck is not cooperating with the rest of my body, and my feet get grumpy. But-my hair looks great! So we celebrate our bodies that still carry us so strongly. I can walk, ride a bike, hike, swim, and enjoy life. How lucky are we? She will learn that her “nursing home ” look may be her most comfortable as her body changes, and she celebrates her days. cheers to you all-what a great community of beautiful women.
Yes! Let’s age out loud, celebrate our friends and ourselves, and honor the value wisdom brings to the world.
Hi Jennifer,
I find your comments pointing out derogatory ageist ideas aimed at older women refreshing and needed. Too often those ideas remain unanswered and stinging.
What would I say to a younger woman who made an ageist remark about me? I would say “I hope you will be as lucky as I am to live this long and that you never hear a remark like that.”
Well, I guess that nasty commenter has seen some very stylish women!
Yes, because I’ve seen some very stylish women in nursing homes!
Considering the average age of women entering a nursing home (as a resident) is 85, surely she meant you dress as a daughter or female relative visiting a resident. Either way, it wasn’t a very polite comment.
I dont care what others think. Im good with , & love, combacks. So see me for replies to obnoxious remarks. This particular person was insulting you, the collective you and people who, out of necessity, live in or frequent nursing homes. So whatever comeback she gets she deserves. ( Not long ago I told you Im no sweet old lady. )
Try:
– Embrace the nursing-home vibe do you?
-Wearing your insecurities today, I see.
– I know you are most welcome at parties.
I could go on and on.
But, seriously, older people need to cease being so nice and putting up with ageism. Call it out. At the same time don’t give others fodder for rudeness. I once told a guy, at a dinner party, that his remarks were ageism. He was so fun to mess with! He told me he’d never heard that word. He knows now what it means – we did not part on bad terms.
Great blog! The woman that made the nasty comment will be lucky if she looks half as good as you when she is 60! Well said. Thank you.
Good morning Jennifer, I love your insights on style for the over 60 women, it occurs to me that I can’t believe I’m 75 going on 76. I’m still “me” inside, feel great , after inevitable things like hip and shoulder replacements, and keep myself focused on going each day as a wonderful gift. I smile knowing those whose comments and opinions may be rude or insulting are truly a comment on lack of empathy and care for others. Be the strong experienced woman; your instincts are excellent and your style is ageless as well as elegant, modest and classic.
Sandra
Embrace each stage of life! Yes, it’s true with age comes wisdom. The wisdom to be happy in one’s skin and enjoy each day, and to be comfortable and stylish in one’s clothes.
That’s great advice for a younger woman!
At almost 71, I’d say embrace your aging! We all show the scars of the battles we’ve raged in life, but if you’re lucky enough to reach my age and hopefully go even further, realize how fortunate you are, embrace it and try to give a little something back to the world each day.
Love this!
I so enjoy your blog! Thanks for talking about an important issue that impacts many of us older women. It’s hard not to personalize mean comments.
I’ve often wondered what our world would be like if we all looked identical (literally), with identical looks, hair, clothing etc. Suddenly we’d be paying more attention to what really matters, what is on the inside ❤️.
Carole
That’a a great question
I find it amusing that someone frequently comments on what I’m wearing…such as aren’t you hot wearing that, etc and what I want to say is Why do you care? I’m 90 and I really don’t care about their comments!!
Thank you Ginny!
Enjoyed this post- especially the comment from the insecure 40 year old. She is in for a rude awakening in a few years. Lol. Looking back I too probably felt arrogant as she does about what I was going to be in my 60s but I have found, as you have always written and shown, that this is an age of wisdom, modesty and class- a comradery of sorts that she is yet to find. And the very best thing about being at this stage of life? We don’t give a rats behind about what someone thinks. Lol Keep up the good work Jennifer.
I find as I age (soon to be 79) that I am more free to be me, now more than ever. I am surrounded by dear friends, some younger, some older, but all add value and meaning to my life. I find that is the best shield from ageist comments and opinions of others. Is there anything better than an evening with good friends, a wonderful glass of wine and if anything needs to be old, let it be the cheese. Oh, and of course, put a beloved pet in the mix as well………
Yes!
Jennifer,
I have been following you for a long time. This post was one of the most “raw” writings you have done. It made me realize I don’t thank you enough (maybe never) for helping me style authenticly! I am 67 and still working very hard in my career field. You have helped me dress daily for years! Thank you!
Thank you for being here!
As a retired clergy person, I have been in and out of many nursing homes. I can only feel wonder that a person in her forties has not experienced the wit and wisdom of many elderly people – regardless of their outfits. I appreciate all the ways you encourage us to express ourselves with our own style, regardless of age. Thank you!
I think I would have said something like “Can’t wait to see what you are wearing at 68 (my age)”. With a big smile! Just to remind her that time spares no one – not even her. And taste/preferences change over time. And her attempt at being mean just didn’t work. She’s probably at that stage where facing the mirror in the morning is dreaded. I feel sorry for her. Time is coming like it or not
Bravo, Jennifer!! Your post is a wonderful reminder we don’t have to apologize for aging; we have been through a lifetime of challenges and do not need to justify our choices. I always think of the late, great Madeleine Albright who said there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women. Please keep writing & sharing. Jo
I love that commnent and agree with Madeleine.
This is a very big topic! I would like to know how you responded. Did you have further conversation with her? I would be tempted to just block that person, but I’d also be so curious as to why they’d even want to follow you and attack that way.
Love your strength in these kinds of situations!
I was unable to respond because it was a social media platform…which gave me time to reflect on the ageism.
Wow! You nailed what I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Your clear thoughts and encouragement are so needed! I debated about wearing a bright yellow eyelet outfit to a wedding yesterday, was energized by wearing it, and got compliments. I’ve chided a couple of other prominent senior bloggers for calling comfort shoes “granny” (granny should be an honor!) or “too orthopedic”. Everyone has value at whatever age they are. Thank you, Jennifer!
As I was reading your post – I was just as offended as I’m sure you were. Some people are just mean! You do not look like you live in a NH.
I was once talking to a 30-something friend and asked who did her eyebrows because I was thinking about having mine microbladed. Her answer? “I’m surprised you know what that is!” I dress appropriately and modern and was shocked that she thinks I live under a rock. Ageism is real!
Oh wow…it is very real!
I even know what a “Man Bun” is. lol
LOL…I LOVE THAT
Whilst having lunch with younger colleagues, one of them (in her twenties and part time job in beauty salon) informed us only women aged over 60 have pubic hair. Gave us a good laugh ( I think).
Interesting
Please do not take offense to the person’s comments. I recently started following you and read your emails daily. I love your suggestions. Do I like all of them? No. But that is everyone’s preference. I would never make a negative comment because we all have different styles and opinions. My biggest concern is that a lot of your pieces are out of my price range. So, I absolutely love it when you have your “spend more or spend less” comparisons. Keep up the good work! I look forward to your emails!
I’d say to them…be patient. It will come to you too, and you can experience the quiet withdrawal of society, the isolation that can come with aging. Last week someone commented on Insta that a cute bob haircut a stylist did was a style for ‘old women’. Seriously, it was a timeless bob cut. I fired back on her to open her eyes, there were millions of young women with this exact cut. When Anna Wintour stepped down, tons of the comments were about her hair! Not about what she did guiding a global presence in the fashion world. How could she keep this style for so long, etc etc. It was her trademark, for gosh sake! And it was flattering to her because she owned it as such! It’s too bad that our manners have deteriorated to such a point that, behind the cloak of anonymity, anyone can say anything, no matter how mean spirited or evil.
Sorry about the rant! This topic touches a nerve.
It touched a nerve for me too!
I’m 54 and I wish I looked HALF as put together as you do in the outfits you show on your blog. Don’t let that little troll get to you. You are aging fabulously and to a lot of people, you are an inspiration!
Forget ageism! Its not worth the fretting nor “snide remarks!” you’ll be chrono-old befire you know it.
I’d tell her to think first off, eating well ( fresh food no junk food nor processed food) and staying fit!
Use sunscreen daily. Really that’s all.
The sunscreen and healthy habits are so important. We feel so invulnerable when we’re young, but the damage we do then, shows up later.
I’m sorry you were the recipient of that person’s nastiness. You took the high road in your response and by doing so illuminated just how low the other person stooped. She not only exposed her discomfort with aging by her remark but she also displayed a truly vile nature. What we all just learned about you is your sense of style isn’t the only classy thing about you.
My first two thoughts were has she ever visited a nursing home to see a loved one and has anyone ever told her that she will be 60 some day, that 40 doesn’t last forever? As much as we tell ourselves that we’re better than people like that, comments like that still hurt. Not that a person younger than 60 can’t enjoy and learn from your blog, I wonder why she even reads it if that is her way of thinking (insecurities of her own??).
Jennifer, this post made me so angry! People will say things on social media that they would never say to someone’s face! I guess it makes them feel better to insult someone else. The epitome of rudeness! Regarding style, I am such a believer in doing what feels right to you. I dress in bright colors and trendy(ish) clothes, but not to please my husband or other women, but for me! I wear what makes me happy and that’s what everyone should do, regardless of what other people think. As far as younger women seeing age as something to fear, shame on them! Every birthday is a gift, and we all know someone who would have given his or her right arm to be the age that we are now. Embracing your life and the style that makes you happy is the recipe for a “well styled life!”
Well said Maria!!
Jennifer, I’m sorry that you were the recipient of such ugly words. I subscribe to several fashion bloggers, but your website is my favorite and the last one to which I would unsubscribe. Your lovely, mostly affordable, and timely suggestions always appeal to me, and I am more than ten years your senior. Thank you for the care you give your preparation for posting; I look forward to seeing you daily!
I would say to her, “My goal is not to appear young, but put-together, current, and approachable, in clothes that suit me.” Her views might change as the years go by, so maybe I would add, “I see you lack a degree of life experience. Good luck with your fruitless quest for youth, as the years go by.” I might preface the first statement by saying, “Oh, how rude of you.” In kind tones, of course!
Love this post! I’ve experienced it and agree that it’s more about the person saying it than you. Keep on being you!!
I’m sorry that a young woman made that nasty comment. I think you wear your age beautifully! Your pictures show you look classy and put together. I have found that sometimes the young gals think they will always have the body and skin to wear whatever they want. However, in about 20 years, they will have feet that can’t handle really high heels and need more cushion to be able to get out and about. They will also have a little more around the middle and skin that isn’t as firm on their bodies and face. They, too, will be looking for a different style. If not, they will look like a 60-year-old trying to look 40…and that is not a good look for anyone! We can be proud that we are healthy and still doing what we love and looking good while doing it! I am on my way to 78, and I have always loved to dress in clothes that are appropriate for my body, whether I was 20 in a bikini or 75 in jeans. Keep up the good work and give mature women a great example.
A beautiful and thoughtful post; thank you!
Your question about what to say to a woman that fears aging made me think. Actually, I usually do not say anything in response to negative comments like the one thrown at you. I usually just shrug them off with the knowledge that someday those women will understand that aging is a natural and wonderful process.
Although I agree that no matter how hard you try to ignore the mean girls, sometimes the comments sting. And these days, personal insults seem to be modeled to people as a way to gain power and confidence, so the comments do sometimes make me sad. Having friends who also embrace our age with style and confidence helps a lot. The community you have built here is a salve against the negativity. Keep it up and thanks again!
This community is the best!
Perfectly said Melissa! We’re in a terrible state where hate and insults are becoming the norm. Women should lift each other up regardless of age.
Well said, you hit the nail on the head says my 84-year old self!
This really hit home. I am 76 and I have always been conscious of style. I spend a lot of time thinking about what outfits I will wear/pack for travel. I like feeling good and comfortable in my clothes. Is it harder at this age, yes, my body has changed which presents new challenges to my style. I love how you provide options and guidance, thank you! Unfortunately, I think many of us dress to be accepted instead of how we want to look.
Age is certainly something you can’t escape, so make the best of it. Taking care of your body and your mind is paramount, but what we wear reflects our personality.
So much has been written about women feeling “invisible” as we age. I say step out of your comfort zone once in a while and wear something bright and beautiful!
Thanks, Jennifer, for the daily inspiration on mind, body and fashion style. It’s a boost of confidence to me.
I love this article! As a therapist, there are many points that you made that I agree with and that resonate with me. Also, many of your points are things that I have talked with clients about. For example, when someone gives you a backhanded compliment/ insult, it does say more about them than you. Being able to know that everyone has their own opinions and we can’t control what others think/ feel/ say or do is freeing because in turn, they have no control over what we think/ feel/say or do. This can help boost confidence in one’s ability to dress how they choose to.
Dear Jen, I am so sorry that happened to you. The woman who delivered that insult is clearly insecure and unhappy. Nothing feels better than lifting up others! I so appreciate you and your daily words of wisdom!
I share the same sentiments as Barbara and my reaction to the younger woman would have been, she might want to consider professional therapy as it can do wonders for people who have attitudes like hers. -Brenda-
To the younger person making ageist comments, I would respond….”Wait”
I recently started following your blog and must say I love the way you look at everything. I think I’m following you more for your profound thoughts than your fashion advice! I am turning 61 in September, and I relate to your way of thinking and can only wish I could put it into words the way you can. Keep doing what you’re doing and putting it into words for us to read, it’s truly appreciated!
Welcome, Donna!
Oh, wow! That was quite the insult, Jennifer. My first reaction was to think how I would have replied – something along the lines of “well, at least I do not dress like a teenager who thinks that showing a lot of skin and dressing in wrinkled pajamas every day is fashionable.” HaHa. No, I would not really say that. But I would think it. You handled it much better than I would have, Jennifer! Have a great day and know that we love reading your blog and hearing about your fashion choices.
Where do I even start? I’m kind of curious which outfit she said that about! First, I’m sorry that happened to you but it opened the door for you to address this important issue! Which you have handled perfectly. 2nd it is sad people hide behind their computer to spew ugly. Did her mother not teach her: “if you don’t have something nice to say; then don’t say anything”. If this isn’t her gig, why not just move on to something that is? I’m going to guess she is too much a coward to even be reading what folks are going to comment on this post! 3rd she can only hope to reach her 60s 70s 80s 90s with the heart, soul, $, & health to dress well. Good luck girlie! You shall not steal our joy! 4th I love your style and enjoy your posts. Keep up the good work. We love you & your beautiful smile. Thank you.
Thank you. I won’t let them steal our joy…we’ve earned it!
I’d say “Honey, hope you make it to my age and feel as good as I do.”
I love your site! I always take something useful away from each post. Women can be the worst critics as we’ve all seen throughout our lives. I think sometimes women like the one you referred to today are just terrified of getting old, but news flash, it happens to all of us if we’re lucky. Like you, I try to stick to my own personal style, while also making changes for my age. Aging gracefully doesn’t mean giving up and I would rather be true to myself (and my own comfort) than be desperate to remain relevant or trendy. That being said, if you’ve spent your whole life wearing tight, revealing or wild clothes and you still feel good when you wear that, go for it. I think we all need to be a little more supportive of each other and remember that one woman’s style – especially if dramatically different from ours – doesn’t take anything away from us.
I recently had a similar situation except the critique was the voice inside my head. Recently visited my son and new grandson. The first night I wore a jumpsuit/overall out to dinner. The voice said, you are too old to wear this (I’m 73). The next day we took pics with everyone and I looked at them and the voice said, you look like old grandma, LOL. What a miss that outfit was and now all the pics are of old grandma. I can’t win.
About the other voices, women can be so cruel when it comes to other women. Especially when they hide behind their keyboards. I follow a style FB group and these women are downright mean as they critique other women’s style. I really don’t understand it. I worked for 2 women at different times in my life and found they were not advocates for women and actually kept them down and in their place.
I’m sorry you have to deal with these insults. It boggles my mind how women treat other women.
We are often harder on ourselves than we should be, Deb. Let’s work to quell negative inner voices too! You are beautiful.
Good morning! Let me first say, wow! That woman wasn’t raised right and both her and her Mom and family should be ashamed. She wasn’t taught the “if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all”. I’m so shocked and frankly ashamed for her! Sadly, we live in a time where everyone believes they “deserve” and are “entitled “ to say whatever they want. Confrontational me says “shut that mouth up sometimes, it makes you look very ugly”.
Unbelievable that you should receive such rude comments. Dressing like women entering nursing homes! You have classic timeless style and exceptional taste. I so enjoy reading your column every morning in my tack room at the stable. I have 30 year olds working for me with the horses that come to me for fashion advice, for I too, dress in what I like and know looks good on me. Always happy to give them tips. Although I live in the country on a large farm does not mean I look like a farmer when I go out!
The girl who made that comment was very unkind and probably unhappy in her world. You do a terrific job of helping all of us with fantastic tips.
Thank you for your insightful thoughts and for your honesty. I am in my 70’s and I sure enjoy all your fashion choices and tips. I am sorry some people criticize you, but I admire you and look forward to your posts every day!
Very curious about your 40 something detractor. Why was she reading your post anyway if she doesn’t like your style? In your business, suppose there will always be that risk.
Bravo! You go girl! ❤️
Age brings wisdom and life experience that a younger woman simply doesn’t have. Bless their hearts.
A few thoughts:
I’m going to take a leap on an assumption that the woman who made that comment wants to feel superior for a moment. She may feel inferior to others in her life or who she experiences on line. Her feeling won’t last and she’s soon onto another target about something- e.g. weight is often a weapon. It’s her story until she realizes making others feel worse doesn’t make her better.
I’m never sure what older women mean when they speak of being “invisible.” Does it mean they don’t stand out in a crowd? That they no longer get noticed for how they look? If it’s about being noticed for my appearance, sign me up. I had a long career in corporate life beginning in 1980, often the only woman on a male team. I worked really hard, put in long days, took a break for dinner then did more paperwork. It paid off and I earned a huge promotion at age 30 to a regional staff. The role required regular presentations to groups of mostly men. I would exhaust myself in preparation before these meetings. There were sleepless nights of anxiety.
Then, I’d give my 15 minute presentation. Often, the feedback was about my appearance. “You look nice.” “My wife has a similar outfit. Do you shop at (blank)?”
“Do those shoes hurt your feet?”
My colleague weren’t being mean. Appearance was what they were taught to notice about young women. So, I find the idea of people not noticing my appearance first rather appealing.
Fascinating comment Susan. I had no idea it was like that in the corporate world. Thanks for sharing
Well said! I have learned to avoid nasty people who say nasty things whenever possible. I appreciate you and your blog 😊
Jennifer,
I’m a bit behind in reading your blog…life happens!😀 I am so sorry that you had to experience this woman’s insecure nastiness! On a personal note, your advice has been so helpful to me…dressing for weddings, trips, reunions, coffee with friends, and just for every day. Know that you really are providing a valuable service…we grandmothers like to look nice too! Dianne
Dear Jennifer,
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I don’t understand mean girls and think you are spot on that such unwarranted criticism speaks volumes about the critic and not you! Why such a person can’t just “take” what works and leave the rest is beyond me. I for one love receiving your blog and value your opinions and suggestions; assembling such informative suggestions week after week can’t be easy (although you make it seem so!). Thank you for being a voice for us older gals who still want to look our best.
Jennifer, I just had to leave a message to you and say how much I admire you and your posts. Today I just had to respond for fear I wouldn’t latter. You are so correct in your post today, I am heading out the door to walk my dog in what I like to wear, my style, casual and comfortable. I’m 76 and can still walk and talk with the best of them. If they want to S E E me fine. Thank you again for the post. Linda H
Linda, you are an inspiration.
Great article, thank you!
Rudeness is unflattering. Just because you think it doesn’t mean you should say it. I was at my granddaughter’s 1st birthday party over the weekend. There were many ladies in their thirties in outfits I would have never worn when I was that age – very tight, very revealing dresses and one lady was sporting see through white pants over a black thong(!). Our style is personal and changes as we age. Someday your rude reader will hopefully realize this and regret her actions.
I am so sorry that that women had nothing better to do. Most of us try to make another person’s day better NOT worse. I really appreciate your response too. I rarely post here but I read you every day and I certainly have taken to heart many ideas and suggestions you give us. I am really appreciative. I also have purchased things that I read about through this post and have always always been so pleased. So, thank you. And shame on me for not taking the time earlier to say so. I often refer to you and suggest others read the blog. Thank you for being vulnerable and positive. You help me be that way too. Becky
I’m so glad you’ve joined the conversation. This community is filled with wise, loving, supportive women and we all grow stronger together!
I have been reading your blog since late winter and it has really helped me to understand my own style and what I’m comfortable wearing. It has also cost me some money to add pieces that filled out my wardrobe! But I’m really happy with my closet now, thanks to you! I love your style and that you choose comfort WITHOUT losing a sense of style! I look forward to your posts. Keep up the good work!
Insulting opinions – please IGNORE
If you feel confident in your own skin, that’s all that matters.
Please keep producing your fabulous blog for us. Happy Monday!!!
I’m sorry you were subjected to a mean spirited act. Your post today was very informative. I just retired and it’s like I have been put out to pasture. I still do some consulting work and people are shocked when I come to the office well dressed. Your posts have helped me make the transition from work wardrobe to a more casual style that suits me.
I have looked at people in my age group (60’s +) and not agreed with what I see, but I shut up. I’ve also had people say things insulting to me (some in my own family) while good friends are complimentary to me. Yes, it hurts but I would not give these people time or space in your head. I stick with my theory that mean people are unhappy people with low self esteem. And a woman in her 40’s attacking someone in her 60’s – guess what, she’s going to be in her 60’s one day, if she’s lucky! That 40 year old has time on her hands and needs a social life. That being said, what I notice most is not how mature women dress – it’s the hair and makeup that need help. Some women seem to get stuck in what they always did in the past, and it doesn’t work anymore. But I would never ever say something to hurt a person’s feelings. Even if I were asked my opinion, I would proceed with caution!
Since your blog is targeted to women over 60, it makes you wonder why someone in their 40’s is reading your blog. Just browsing the internet and looking for someone to insult?
Hi Jennifer, I’m sorry this happened to you. People seem to be getting so hateful. I know right now many are upset, worried and frustrated, I just wish everyone could find a productive way to channel it. BTW, I’m a retired nurse and spent a couple of years working in a nursing home. I always think you look stylist. What does being “dressed like you’re going to a nursing home” look like anyway🤷♀️😊
That’s what I wondered! Her comment was just meant to insult older women and hurt me. It made no sense
Thank you … that was beautifully said! Some people just seem to have a mean spirit and have a need to put others down. I’m thinking that it’s poor self-esteem.
Keep on sharing. I love how you combine colors and outfits in ways I would never have thought of doing. It has greatly expanded my wardrobe, and I feel great when I wear unique and interesting outfits.
Dear Jennifer, I am a long follower of your Blog- needless to say : I love it! Lot of efforts, tons of inspirations, sometimes I like, sometimes I have to think about suggestions, sometimes I don’t – but: that is life! You do a great Job- thank you! Women going in/out nursing homes do a great Job, too and I think nobody should comment what they wear! You are absolutely correct: we should respect each other – so, bitte,go on and just be….Jennifer!
Thank you und viele Grüße aus Deutschland ( presently in Denmark looking for fashion in small Shops in Blavand/Henne) – yours Angela
Have a fabulous trip!
You are wonderful ❤️
You showed style and class in the way you handled that situation. That other woman clearly has issues!
Well, that person needs to learn kindness and manners, for sure! I am amazed that the anonymity of social media can produce such vile words when people such as yourself work to bring us such quality content. We appreciate you and all the background work you do to create this blog, a daily read to start my day. One thing I particularly like is that you present clothing for the fashion conscious not fashion slaves. I wonder what the nasty person wears? Are they a fashion plate, busy keeping up with every new item on the store racks? My heart is saddened for you and others that receive such comments. Age is a privilege many do not enjoy. We should be proud of it, and others should accept our wisdom. Please know you have a following because we identify with you and appreciate you.
Thanks Irene
I remember seeing the first post and feeling pangs of sadness for you. Feeling it again, that you’re feeling that way. You have wonderful style, and I hope the support here buoys you up today. We want to see and hear what you have to say!!