Going Gray: It’s Not Simple for Everywoman
Happy Weekend ladies! It’s finally raining here and not a moment too soon. California is parched so we need it but my hair doesn’t. I met girlfriends for lunch and a little shopping this week and per usual, the rain made my baby fine hair go flat…but worse than usual. Thin, fine hair is seldom improved by rain. Come to think of it, curly hair isn’t either. Today I’m sharing what’s happening on top of my head, not because it’s earthshaking but because I’m probably not alone.
I liked how I was dressed but I wasn’t happy with what happened to my hair. I’d stopped high and low lighting my blonde hair several months ago to see what Mother Nature was giving me. I assumed that at my age, my hair would grow in a pretty silver like my Mum’s. It’s not coming in quite as expected and I have less silver than I wanted.
I’m satisfied with the color so far, but not the texture. I hadn’t considered that when I stopped coloring my hair it would lose body and my hair would go flat. Couple that with a blunter haircut last time and my hair feels frumpy.
Images of stunning gray and silver hair fills the internet which look beautiful and powerful to me. Everyone goes gray or silver eventually, but I seem to be a late bloomer. Don’t get me wrong, my hair is fine, but I know it can look better.
I chatted these options over with my girlfriends:
- Go back to hi and low lighting for the body and brightness it provides.
- Leave it alone and be unhappy…not my style.
- Bleach it out white to look like I have silver hair and get the added body from the bleach.
Those options were all quickly nixed so I called my stylist and she squeezed me in between clients to add more layers for what she calls “a sassier cut”.
I’ll see how this works but the verdict isn’t in. I want to go silver but if it’s at the expense of me feeling good about my appearance, I won’t stick with it.
Did you go gray easily or are you avoiding it like the plague?
Thanks for reading and have a great day!
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I’m a natural redhead and had quite heavy thick hair until my first child was born, then I lost a lot of hair and what grew back was baby fine- he’s in his forties now , so I’ve had a lifetime of very fine hair which is thinning alarmingly following menopause. My solution was to see a dermatologist (who prescribed sprironolactone and oral minoxidil- won’t see results for a few more months) and then to see my hairdresser for an ultra short ice blonde pixie. I agree, Jennifer, that pixies really need thicker hair, but hey, I’m working with what I’ve got, and it’s easy care and quite flattering.. so many of us seem to have hair anxiety, don’t we, and cupboards full of products, in my case, at least..
Mine is certainly full of products. I did know about spironolactone but I never heard of oral minoxidil. I use the topical version twice a day and it has helped a lot. Hair loss is frightening and can affect our confidence tremendously. Ice blonde pixie sounds so cute! Good luck Lee!
I had colored my auburn hair for a long time but it had to be done so often and had become so resistant to the color that it took forever….during the last year of my mother’s last illness, I decided that all the components of my life made the ongoing time and effort impossible. So I got a heavy white frost and lived life. I don’t think I even thought about it for 3 years. My hair is a gorgeous silver or “mature blonde”. It’s certainly not as full feeling as it used to be, but it’s nothing that a cute, layered sassy cut can’t handle!
Thanks for sharing Patti! Priorities frequently help us make the best choices. I’m sorry about your mom…that’s so stressful. It sounds like you got fabulous color. I love the mature blond description.
Wow, you sure found a popular topic! Nope, no gray for me, not now, not ever. I expect to go to my Great Reward as a “natural blonde”! Although I respect anyone who wants to become a Q-tip, it seems to be very aging on most people. A friend of mine let her hair go gray and one of my former students upon seeing a picture of us together, asked if she my mother! I’m actually a year older!!
I’d love a discussion on hair spray. What works for fine hair in high humidity that doesn’t cost $25/can and doesn’t give helmet hair? I’ve never thought your hair looked frumpy, Jennifer, it always looks like a classic bob to me! My hairdresser texturizes the heck out of my baby fine hair to give me volume.
Hairspray is mandatory for me so I’d love to hear suggestions. I use Do-Over by Kevin Murphy but also use his regular finishing spray. I think technique has a lot to do with the success of it to prevent the dreaded helmet head.
I also need hairspray for my thick but fine hair that can go flat in a NY minute. I am hooked on Aveda Air Control, but it’s def not cheap. I don’t use all that much, though, and it holds really well for the day. I’ve read reviews trying to find another option, but I find most sprays have overpowering smells that I hate. Aveda smells great in pretty much every product. (To me, anyway!)
I do like the scent of Aveda protects and have that hairspray too! I spray the roots which helps prevent helmet hair 🙂
I let my hair grow out last spring but it was more mousy brown than silver. So, I went back to highlights and lowlights. I think I look a bit younger and my hair behaves better with some colour. I’ll wait another couple of years and check it out then. My sister has beautiful white hair. I spoke to my hairdresser and she told me those with dark hair tend to go white over blondes.
I did keep some length from my grow out though. I’ve worn some version of pixie for ten years now and wanted a change. I now have a swingy bob. I’m loving it!
I hope your new layers work for you.
We all have to go gray when it’s our time! You will know when it’s your time Joanna. So interesting that your sister has such a different experience. Thanks, they did help…I’m just not sure if it’s enough:)
Thin, fine, and WHITE, thanks to a grandfather who died before I was born. I colored it until it refused to take the color. Sassy cut, it is! It’s more fun to refer to the color as blond. Platinum blonde. V e r y platinum! Do whatever makes you feel good about yourself. I really enjoy your posts.
Thanks Vicki! I love your attitude!
I’ve been going grey VERY slowly for over 20 years! Rather than colouring my hair, I chose to embrace my silver highlights a long time ago. It’s a good thing, because at 65, it’s still a long way from being fully grey. As for texture, I have the opposite problem to you. My hair has more body than I know what to do with! For years I kept it short, but I got bored with that and last spring I decided to let it grow. I wasn’t sure what the ultimate goal would be, but as it got longer and it’s natural crazy curls emerged, I discovered that I loved it and I’ve received ever so many compliments on it. Now it’s reached a stage where I think it needs a good trim, so I’ll soon be off to see my stylist for the first time in ages.
Your hair sounds glorious Elaine! If my hair were thick enough to wear long, I would grow it in a heartbeat!
Why do you need silver hair right now? I had highlights done until my hair colorist told me I should stop and go natural. I’m fair like you. Get a killer cut,impeccable natural makeup and dressing, which you already have and go for it. A lot is attitude, as is aging well. Don’t go gray if you are going to feel frumpy or the you detest,
Just a side story: last week at my salon, my hairc stylist was coloring a youn girls hair and the youn girl wanted my color!
I enjoy your down to earth blog!
I love that Lucretia!! Young women are coloring their hair gray too:) Thanks for reading and sharing.
Your hair looks far from frumpy! But if you decide to try a shorter hair style, I think it would make your gorgeous large eyes pop even more! I have 2 friends who have very short thin wash & go hair and they both look so chic and get many compliments.
Another suggestion is to just ask someone on the street who’s hair you admire for her stylist’s number. A friend did that and ended up with a very chic modern cut she’s delighted with.
Thanks Susan. I can’t go too much shorter because I have a large face and very broad shoulders. Too short and I look like a pinhead:) My stylist has lots of ideas for me but I go slowly and with caution.
Wow, this topic really touches a nerve with many of us, doesn’t it? I’ve struggled with thin, baby fine hair all my life. As a young girl I was so envious that my friends could wear chic ponytails that stayed in place all day, but mine would just slip out because of my fine hair. I’ve colored, cut, bleached and permed all my life. My last step was to try a few extensions. I liked how they added some fullness to my hair, but they feel weird and you have to be so careful about shampooing and styling your hair because they are rather delicate; that being said, the extensions lasted almost 5 months. I just don’t have the nerve to go gray yet: I like my blonde highlighted hair, and my stylist adds a darker base color to add depth. The Velcro curlers do seem to work for added fullness at the crown (my thinnest area), and I do use minoxidil, but only every other day when I wash my hair. Some have said that having your stylist cut interior layers is the secret to having fuller-looking hair.
I’ve tried most of those things too Kathy. The light layers my stylist just cut, did seem to help. I have always wondered about extensions but never had the nerve to try them. I think a clip in piece might be fun. I use Rogaine twice a day every day and know it has helped a lot!
Frumpy is no where on you, Jennifer! I too have problems with graying nicely and I’m 70 years old. So far, I’m continuing with high & low lights because mousy brown is what my choice would be au natural. Thankfully, it’s not fallen out and with today’s products has quite a bit of body. Actually, I was just noticing how much I like your hair.
Thanks, Cheryl Ann. Mousy is not my idea of pretty either so I am looking at mine with a critical eye. BTW…these pictures do not show my hair color accurately…not sure why.
I don’t see frumpy. I think you look great. I recently let the color grow off my hair and I said I would never let that happen.I was surprised at how much white I had , mainly on top. I think that wearing my hair the same way for so many years made me feel like I never looked good, even when I had it cut in different ways. I too have fine hair and natural curl. Nothing seemed to work as I got older. So I let the color grow off and had it cut short. I LOVE IT! I have gotten so many compliments from others on the cut and my color. I have tried different products than I used over the years. You have to find what works even if it means trying many different products. I think you will be happy with your new look.
That sounds sassy and fun Dianne. I agree, as our hair changes the products need to change. Sometimes I need super hydraulics to get any lift in my hair:)
I have never liked to do much with my hair except for washing it and letting it air dry. Now it is salt and pepper, mostly salt and I keep it short. It is curly and has a will of its own. Does it make me look older, probably but so what, I am old! I believe that we should do what is best for us and what is comfortable. Jennifer, you look great. Thank you for your blog.
Thank you for sharing Jill! I totally agree with you…women need to do what makes them feel happy and confident!
I am in the same boat. I like the look of silver hair but so far I continue to have blonde highlights. I tried going with a darker color but it became drab. Hair dilemma! I think your hair looks good.
I looked drab with darker hair too Linda. It was an eye-opener. There is a happy balance…we just need to keep hunting until we discover it. Good luck!
It took four months and a lot of time and attention at the hair salon to get my soft brown with gold highlights down to its ‘natural’ white. I was so unsure but could not keep up with the ‘skunk’ stripe part that would appear after 2 weeks. My natural hair turned out to be snow white, but definitely needs a smart, sophisticated cut (NOT ‘wash and wear’) to make it look good, and to make me feel good. With a good cut, you can do anything, and if you take care with how you dress, and present yourself, it can be a wonderful move. That said, I had a weekend recently where I nearly dyed it all again! I will say, my skin tone looks amazing against its natural colour of white!
I love your honesty, Rosemary!! Thanks for sharing that with us. We are entitled to change our minds as often as we like. Having our skin time flattered is HUGE! Maybe add a brighter lipstick when you feel the need for some more color.
I do think that so many of the images we see with women looking great with gray hair are slightly off: take a look at skin tone in these images….I am sure they are all photoshopped to make that gray look great with nice smooth skin! Anyway, no, never ever for me. I have highlights and color every 6-8 weeks and do color myself in between. Have it down to a science after many many years. Can’t imagine how awful (and how much older than 70)I would look with gray!!!
Libby, I am on this exact same routine- highlights and color every 8 weeks and I color my own roots a couple times in between hairdresser appointments. I am still working at 62 and figure I will color my hair at least until I retire. I kind of have a goal of age 70 for going gray. I am looking forward to less maintenance, and yet am afraid I will look a lot older with the gray. Even my husband tells me he isn’t ready for me to go gray yet. And Jennifer, thanks so much for your on spot posts for aging women. You rock!
Thanks for sharing Debbie! Decide as you go along and reserve the right to always change your mind! You rock and I so appreciate you.
There is a lot of photoshopping going on plus some women are just more flattered by gray hair. Do what makes you happy Libby!!
Oh my you don’t look frumpy AT ALL!!! Your hair looks fantastic! I am a dirty blonde and I quit coloring my hair when I turned 50 and embraced my natural wave and I must admit it got better, as in it seemed to get thicker. Then about 3 years ago I quit washing it with shampoo and only use a cleansing cream and only do that 2-3 times a week. I love my gray and get a lot of compliments on the color…. it’s kind of a vertical ombré…lol… light blonde gray in the front and darker dirty blonde in the back. I’m 57.
Thank you, Nancy! I’ve never heard of cleansing cream. Where do you get it? I love the verticle ombre. I have that going on too. The back is much darker than the front.
The curl cleanser and styling cream are from sally beauty, the line is called beyond the zone , noodle head. I have fine hair with some natural wave and not shampooing has helped a lot.
http://www.sally beauty.com/beyond-the-zone-noodle-head-curl-mousse/
Thank you Nancy!!
I’m really torn about going gray – most of my friends are and look beautiful . My husband keeps saying he loves it this red color and I do get compliments on my color all the time. But I’m getting tired of the continually upkeep and maintenance with it. I guess I’ll think about it some more until I can really make a decision.
What’s important is to do what makes you feel happy and confident Kathleen, not what others like. If the upkeep is too much then decide what you are willing to do. Not an easy decision, so take your time and always reserve the right to change your mind:)
By the way, this styling video (YouTube) helped me. She uses Velcro instead of the flatiron.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MpvsUVkDxgk
Thanks Brenda!!
I am a hair coloring addict, I guess, but not ready to give it up just yet. 69 yrs. old, and am blessed with pretty thick hair, but it’s going grey ‘unevenly’, so I ($$$) have highlights and lowlights to give a kind of mulit-toned look all over. This haircoloring thing (approx. every 7 weeks) is a serious indulgence, as prices for this seem to have skyrocketed! However, I find the idea of what would be my ‘real look’: dispiriting….A grey front and sides with medium ash brown at back. Just not ready for that, somehow, and I am complimented on my hair. Feel a bit guilty at the ‘price’ and now there seems to be a bit of guilting from society in general if one chooses to ‘color’ or alter the grey. I have not rid myself of gray, couldn’t do that as there’s way too much of it, but some highlights and lowlights just sort of make an interesting palette. Sigh. There’s no easy answer to this, but if one needs to do this in order to feel confident: I say ‘go for it’. Now, the eyebrows are a totally different matter, as they are rapidly disappearing….Big challenge there, along with thinning eyelashes…..Does anyone out there have a tip for thinning/disappearing eyelashes? Argan Oil? I looked at the Rodan and Fields ‘eyelash’ product, and think it’s out of my price range (due to the hair color budget, naturally)…Jennifer, your look is consistently stylish, upbeat, and very beautiful, so I say “do” whatever gives you the best feeling of confidence….
I read an article today that said castor oil works for hair growth. Apply it with a clean mascara brush to your eyebrows before bed. The product mentioned was Tropic Isle Living Black Castor Oil. It’s not expensive so worth a try.
I agree about the subtle guilting for dying our gray hair and have no tolerance for that. At all!! We are entitled to style our wardrobe and hair in whatever way pleases us and one is neither is superior to the other. Your hair sounds fun! My eyebrows are a disaster, They are migrating to my chin faster than I can pluck them. I actually just ordered the Lashboost because I want to use it on my brows!! I will keep you posted. It might be an indulgence I need.
Everyone is different but I had to stop coloring my hair…I was almost bald…now my hair has thickened up miraculously…its almost as thick as when I had my natural color. So, white hair is my friend and not my enemy. I just wish I had gone natural a decade ago.
Glad you’ve found the solution now Becky! It’s terrifying to have your hair fall out. I bet it looks great too!
Jennifer, I have been admiring your hair over the past month or so. It was a little shorter and the color was lovely. I didn’t know you were trying out going natural. From where I sit, I think it looks classy and healthy.
Like you, I have had baby fine blond hair all my life. My hair has always been think and if left to it’s own devices, flat. I am 65 years old. For the past ten years I wore it very short, messy/edgy with low lights. The three ColorStory allowed me to wear colors I couldn’t normally wear and I like the quick styling in the morning. It was an expensive look to maintain so last year (close to retirement) I decided to let it grow out (less haircuts) and stop coloring it. It was straw- like from years of colouring it. My mom maintained her striking Scandinavian blond color until she was ninety (at which time it went a bit dingy in color).
My hair is now a bob, the natural colour has silver around my hairline (temples) and abit in the back- the rest is close to the blind color I had in high school. The hair feels so much healthier. I was it less (every 3 days), use conditioner and a product for dry ends (Evo end doctor) and after blow drying it I curl it using a flat iron. I was apprehensive about using a flatiron due to my fine hair but the hair had handled it well. I spray the roots with Pantene texturizing hairspray and let the curls cool as I do my makeup. Then I run my fingers through the curls, then apply some Superdust (L’Oreal) – this really increases the volume. My adult children tell me it is a softer look than my previous punky hair and I have to agree. The look does take me longer in the morning than shirtbhair but I feel it looks elegant and soft. I plan to try the silk pillowcase idea to see if this might help my style stay in ( thus less use of the flatiron). ????????
I’m getting a silk pillowcase too!! My stylist uses a flat iron on my hair but I have never gotten the hang of it. I wore my hair very punky in my 30’s which I loved but not sure it would work with my style now. Your hair sounds so pretty. I’m willing to put the time into making my hair look flattering so maybe I need to master the curling iron too!
At 67 I decided to stop the colouring, contrary to the opinion of my now former hairdresser. I’m definitely S&P with much darker underneath. I had thought it would be silver too but actually like the darker colours better now. Mostly it has been compliments. I didn’t notice that those who were vague in their reactions still had coloured hair, which I don’t find flattering on them.
It you want opinions and help with your hair, I’d suggest joining a Facebook group. I picked up tips there. There are recommendations for hairpieces and fillers for those that use them as many have thinning hair issues. There are also short videos by the site manager,
When my hair is looking drab, I add a little Biosilk for shine.
I wish I’d transitioned years ago. Good luck whatever your decision.
Thank you, Julie! I am all about supporting women and so appreciate finding support for myself. I never thought about Facebook groups! brilliant
Yours doesn’t really look gray to me – more like disaster blonde which is the color mine would be if I stopped highlighting it. NOT! I will probably out those lights in my hair as long as I am able. I see ladies my age w Gray h a it and they just look 10 Yrs older and that is SO not for me! You’re a style setter so whatever you choose will rock!
Thanks Charlcy..I am always a work in progress:))
I went all natural a few years ago and love the results. My coloring is similar to yours so would think you will look good in silver hair. Have you tried products in your hair? My understanding is that they can provide the lift and bulk you are looking for.
What made me decide to give it a go was asking myself if at the end of my life, I wouldn’t like to have back the time, not to mention the money, that I spent at the hair salon. The decision was clear. I must admit it does make me look older but also is more striking.
That’s a great trade-off Penelope! I love your thinking and there’s nothing wrong with looking old! Striking is a powerful look.
My silver pixie cut hair was getting thinner and thinner when I realized the razor cut was the cause. My new hairdresser has changed me to a layered bob and uses scissors to texturize. It has really helped. It is still fine but no longer thin.
I had a stylist who used the razor on my hair too which helped initially then made it thinner. Silver pixies are so cute, but I think you need thick hair to pull it off.
Hi Jennifer, I too, have thin blond/ light brown hair that is turning gray and I get lots of compliments on it, like who colored my hair, did they use a cap or foil . etc , I like the color, too. It has thinned a lot in the front, but I find if I use a product called Pantene Expert collection age defy, it helps give it body. It is clear and you put 5-6 squirts on wet hair, comb it through, then blow-dry as usual. It used to be in our Wal-mart, but hasn’t been for several years now, but I have found it on line. Also, Your hairdresser may suggest a spray that they use on older women’s hair. I used it while I
I couldn’t find the Pantene. I am 70 years old. My Mom grayed very early, and had beautiful white hair when she died at 94, ten years ago. Her Mother lived to be 100 and she had salt and pepper when she died, The texture of my hair has also changed. I find on humid days not only does it droop, but wants to be frizzy, which I hate, but sometimes, I just scrunch and let it go! Hope this is helpful.
How interesting that your Mom and grandmother had such different hair results! My granny went gray very early, my mom did not. My texture is changing too and not in a good way. The joys of aging:) Thanks for sharing Janice.
Hi, Jennifer……I’m 69……a few years ago I noticed the hair around my face going totally white….while the back was just turning a mousy dark color…..I’m a natural brunette……trying to cover up the white in front was getting costly and not fooling anyone…..I needed color every 3 weeks and found myself planning my social life around my hair appointments! I opted for lightening the dark bits and blending it into the white around the front……The result is that I only go in for color every 8 weeks! No more “white halo” around my face every 3 weeks! I feel that if you keep your weight down, dress stylishly, and have an up to date stylish hair style, the grey/white says, I’m a confident, stylish mature woman! It’s when you hang onto old styles, in both clothing and hair, that’s when you look dated and frumpy…. That said, it’s a totally personal decision for every woman…..
I totally agree, Cherrie! We need to switch things up and stay current to look modern. I don’t want to look younger but I do want to look vibrant.
I had quite lovely dark curls when younger that I eventually started coloring to cover the gray (doing it myself) but eventually decided to stop…it was always cut short and still took a long time to let go to a natural gray/silver. Thankfully, it looked fine and I receive compliments; however these past few years (am over 80) the curls have disappeared and thinning on top has occurred. SO frustrating; but one day I forgot to wash the conditioner (Trader Joe’s) out and lo…I didn’t have time to go back so set in my velcro rollers and wow, wow, wow…much thicker texture which holds a style.
Now it’s just part of my regular routine: wash hair in shower/towel dry/rub a dab over all/comb it through/set hair.
I love that Marlene!! Sometimes our mistakes end up to be a good thing.
Let’s see the sassier cut!!
As soon as we get some photos! I caught his man cold so am not feeling too sassy these days.
My hair is a lot like yours. I had my hairdresser take out the color (golden blond) and put on an ash tint. Then three months later she put in silver highlights. Mine is shorter than yours so I can just put a root boost in and fluff and go.
Mine was having trouble keeping the warm tones out of my highlights so it looked brassy. I’d be thrilled to add silver highlights.