Still Waiting: A Life on Hold
Happy Tuesday ladies. Several weeks, (or was it months ago?) ago I mentioned I was having some health challenges and awaiting a few test results. Several ladies have written to ask how they turned out so I thought I would give you an update.
Let me start at the beginning.
Last year…oh crap, this is going to be a long one…I had a CT to check the health of my lungs. I’d been a 2 1/2 pack a day smoker for many years when I was young and dumb. It seemed like everyone smoked back then, but I smoked a lot. Remember when tennis tournaments were sponsored by Virginia Slims? How crazy is that?
I have three friends who’ve had lung cancer and one who started a fantastic lung cancer foundation so I asked my doctor to schedule me for a CT. They discovered a tiny, and I mean tiny spot. Nothing worried the doctor so they decided to just watch it. This year, my doctor suggested I find an oncologist closer to where we live to monitor it because this was out of her field. I went to see the same top-notch oncologist at UC Davis who is monitoring my husband’s lung spot for any changes.
He ordered a follow-up CT to see if it had changed. One week later, he phoned me. Gulp, how often does that happen? He said the small spot on my lung had not changed so not to worry, they would just continue to watch it. Whew! But… they did find a small tumor in the center of my chest, between my lungs, in front of my heart. He was referring me to a thoracic surgeon because it had to come out.
WHAT?
After scraping myself off the ceiling I googled everything I could about this type of tumor. It’s on my thymus, called a thymoma and conventional wisdom says it needs to come out. OK, I’m on board with that. If we have to, we will and deal with the consequences.
I couldn’t get in to see the surgeon until we got back from our trip to Palm Springs. It was a long and stressful wait. I upped my daily walks, meditation and kept on keeping on because what else can you do? Every time I found myself going down the dark hole of worry I would shift my thinking to something positive.
The current health crisis was just ramping on the day of my appointment to see the surgeon but there was no way I would miss this meeting. So hand sanitizer at the ready, we went. The surgeon told us she thinks the radiologist may be mistaken and it might just be a cyst or lymph node. I sure hope she’s right. She’s ordered an MRI but of course, no one wants me to go near a hospital right now, so everything is on hold and I wait.
A few weeks ago I also got a call back about my mammogram. Apparently the radiologist saw something they didn’t like the look of so they rushed me in for a diagnostic mammogram, followed by an ultrasound. The waiting was nerve-wracking, and I was not alone. The room was filled with nervous women, sitting quietly, lost in her own thoughts. I did notice that every other woman had put her purse on the floor. I never do. Do you?
The radiologist finally came in to tell me they’re still not happy with what they see so they’ve requested a breast MRI. I’m currently waiting for my insurance to approve that one. Right about now, I’m sure my insurance company is regretting they ever heard my name:)
It feels like our lives are on hold while we wait for this nasty situation to go away. I know I do.
I’m not going to lie, this is tough. I’m trying not to obsess over these upcoming MRI’s because I’m a huge believer in the power of positive thinking. In fact, I’m on my third fourth viewing of this movie, and will likely watch it again just to bolster my mood.
In the scheme of life these days, I know I am blessed. I can’t control many things these days, but I can control how I dress, whether I put on lipstick and what things I allow to fill my thoughts. I know many of you are also dealing with things that had to be put on hold. The best we can do is support each other, encourage positive thinking and be kind to ourselves and those around us.
Please we well and remember to wear what makes you feel confident. Our wardrobe, cosmetics, and perfume may seem frivolous to some, but I believe they are powerful tools we can use to keep our spirits up when life gets tough.
xx
Prayers for you! A friend went thru something similar recently (with her mammo) and I know how extremely stressful this can be. Please keep us updated so we may provide continued support.
Keeping you in my prayers and stay positive.
Thinking of you Jennifer, and sending Love and Prayers ……From Scotland! X
Positive thoughts & energy being sent your way!
Don’t worry as long you don’t have a final result. I was in a similar situation and after many tests they find out a histoid adhesion. It could be removed just with a local anaesthesia. Anyway fingers crossed and all my best wishes. …and yes, you do right how you behave in these times…..positive!!..
and yes, putting your handbag on a floor is a bad Fengh Shui
I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. It is a lot , especially with virus worries thrown in. I’m in awe, actually, of the way you are handling this. And you will be in my prayers. Sending positive thoughtsš
Jennifer,
Waiting is excruciating! Sending hugs and prayers. Keep up your positive attitude!ā¤ļø
You and the doctors are proactive in this.
Early screenings are so important. You are perfect
to remind us.
Wishing you peace Jennifer. The grace you exhibit as you deal with this is inspirational.
Iām sure this is an extremely stressful time for you. Sending you my positive vibes hoping it helps calm your day!
I will keep you in my prayers
praying you get good results.
Hugs and prayers……ā¤ļø
Thank you for sharing. You are right, not knowing and waiting is the worst! I went through this several years ago while waiting for my MS diagnosis. You are doing all the right things to keep your mind and body healthy and like you, I feel my best when I feel like I look my best. I read your blog every morning to get inspired for the day. Hugs and prayers!š¤
Thinking of you and praying for good news!
Oh Jennifer, I understand all too well how you feel. I had the call back for my mammogram just like I do almost every year. I was so fortunate to be able to go. The center had cancelled all mammograms and follow-ups beginning the next day. I have had a biopsy in the past. This time it was cysts. I was so thankful I knew the answer when I left that day. Positive thinking can be difficult at times but it sure does work. During these very challenging times for all of us, we must follow the ārulesā and find happiness and little rainbows in each day. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us posted. š
Thinking of you and sending big prayers.
Godās got the whole world in his hands!
Prayers for you to have strength to get through this! We will all persevere through these troubled times and come out the better for them!
(((((Hugs)))))ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø
You are NOT alone. Others have been there. in 2009, I WAS ToLD i HAD VERY EARlY DETECTION BREAsT CANCER! WHO, NOT ME! You are right in trying to be positive. Find a project. I had one,kept me very busy. Would go from radiation to work at the project.Got me through it.Do whatever you can to distract yourself from the issue.Mine looked like a dust bunny on the x-rays. But I got through it,knowing how blessed I was.Others had it so much worse than I did. Made me appreciate what I had. Thoughts and prayers are with you.You will survive this and be stronger for it.
You will be in my prayers, Jennifer. Peace be with you!
Jennifer Iām so sorry to hear that you are going through this, the waiting is the hardest part. I had breast cancer 25 years ago and I found the waiting harder than the decisions and the treatment. My friend is a doctor and she told me about a wonderful book written by a doctor from Loma Linda California. The book is called Doctor Susan Lovesās breast cancer book. Please check it out, I think you will find it very helpful. Knowledge is always powerful and this book will give you information you need to ask the right questions and help you with the decisions you may have to make. Iām sure you can get it on line.
You are doing the right thing, continuing to have a positive attitude is going to be your best asset.
Iām praying for you. I wish you all the very best.
Beth Crawford
Thank you so much, Beth. It sounds like a great book, I’ll look into it. Knowledge is empowering. xx
Hello Jennifer, I do hope all,of your test results are negative. But waiting for results is terribly stressful. Johns Hopkins as an online website all about breast lumps, cancers (benign and malignant) You can submit any question you may have concerning tests, symptoms etc. you will receive a very prompt reply by a Breast Cancer Nurse Specialist. I used this myself a couple of years for myself and was very impressed. As a retired Oncology trained nurse, I can empathize wit your predicament, but it isn’t always necessary to stay steong. You can get the ‘wobbles’ and be upset – it is perfectly healthy to do so.
So sorry you are going through this! This was me last year! It is extremely stressful!! Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Praying for you!
Peaceful thoughts!
Prayers and positive thoughts. Health issues are so stressful. Enjoy what makes you happy. You bring joy to many folks thru your blog. Hopefully the universe is with you.
Prayers are coming your way. Not knowing is the worst! Your positive attitude is such an asset, particularly now. Stay strong!
Sending a big hug and prayers.
Praying for you ā¤ļø
Thank you
Oh Jennifer. Prayers are going out to you today and onward. Waiting is tortuous, I know. But you are a vibrant, otherwise healthy woman. You exercise, you eat healthy foods…..in good shape to confront this.
I believe it’s in Gods hands now.
You’re doing the right things for now, thinking positively……
I have feelings you will be okay.
Thanks a Paulette. I sure hope youāre right.
Thinking of you. These things are scary at the best of times so itās even tougher right now. You have a great attitude though.
Keep putting on the lippy.
X
Thanks Val, I will š
I always say the not knowing and waiting is the worst! Thank God for these tests to catch things. My experience is that most issues are caught early and treatable and quite often nothing shows up at all.
A positive attitude is so critical to our health and joy of life! Every day I strive to stay focused on the positive and find some delight in the world around me. Tough at times, I know.
Let’s keep focused on our wellbeing and do our best to get through these tough times together!
All the best Jennifer and keep us posted! š
Thank you so much Janet.xx
Sorry your going thru this, hang in there. Is all you can do . My year last year. Small cyst in breast, January, in May surgery, after all kinds of tests. Had to remove a lymph node also. Started radiation in August 33 rounds . Finished last part of sept. Felt bad but yes you keep going. Sometimes very scared. Found lots people doing same thing. Lovely ladies. Sad as it is. It helped. The estrogen pills for after cancer I just canāt take. About did my body in. So not taking. So now itās 2020. That was 2019.
Iām so glad youāre through with that. Hang in there