The Power of Words
It should come as no surpriseĀ that we live in an ageist society. Discrimination based solely on our age hurts all of us all but can be hardest on women.Ā When a woman is told she looks good for her age, itās a conditional compliment thatĀ implies that she might look better if she were younger.
When a young salesperson calls you sweetie, dear or honey, itās not a polite form of familiarity, but it’s condescending and ageist.
Labeling on skin creams and lotions have long been ageist with the term anti-aging. It implies there is something wrong with getting old and we should want to stop or reverse it. I applaud Allure magazine who announced last year that they will no longer use the term anti-aging. They also called on the beauty industry to follow suit.
Ready access to the Internet and social media has given birth to a new form of reckless conversation. People speak their minds freely, often in generalities with no concern for who it might insult or it’s ageist implications.
Calling something an old lady or a granny style is ageism, even when we do it ourselves.
So how do we help dismantle ageism? We lose these derogatory words that support outdated stereotypes and speak out when they are used by others. The fact is, ageism doesnāt just affect how people see and treat us, it also affects how we see and treat ourselves.
Let’s support each other, ladies. Let’s join the fight against ageism and start with ourselves. Beware of the words you choose because words have power.
I do think we get offended awfully easy these days. Not a fan of some of these terms myself, but “sweetie” and “hon” really are terms of endearment in the south, like it or not. Sometimes I think we just need to take words as intended and move on…
Sometimes I also think people don’t think before they speak. I once had a young man working at a store ask me if I was Troy Aikman’s (former Dallas Cowboys QB) mother. I am certainly not old enough to be his mom, so I told him, “No, I’m his wife.” That ended that in a hurry! š
I’m not offended by the term anti-aging. What I am offended by is skincare lines that are targeted to my demographic using models like Kendall Jenner, age 22 (hello Estee Lauder??) to sell me anti-aging creams. I may be aging but I’m certainly not that gullible!! I don’t like being called honey or sweetie either, but life is short so I pick my battles. š
while i completely agree with what you say – there is just a stringent standard for everyone. Young people are supposed to look like supermodels because if they are anything but skinny – people say how can she be fat when she is only 18? I think it is just one of those things that happen and occur to every single age range as women.
Not only what is said, but how itās said.
Poor manners seem to be contagious.
Jennifer,
Count me in!
I believe I have mentioned this before, but I believe we need to teach others what we need from them. I do think a close term of endearment from a stranger can be condescending in my world where ageism is prevalent. In many cases it is used because of my age; it wouldn’t have been used if I were 25. I will politely provide another way to be addressed. I do love an endearment when I know a person well enough for it to be used. For me, whenever I am addressed differently because of my (older) age, or advertising uses terms like anti-aging, it devalues me. So when I need to, I will teach others. Thank you, Jennifer, for raising this.
I’m with you on this one Janet!
It’s very interesting to read how everyone has responded to this topic. Thanks for bringing it up, Jennifer! I was raised to be very formal when addressing others so I am not used to being called “honey” or to using first names with someone I don’t really know. The phrase I find particularly offensive is “young lady.” My mother called me that when I misbehaved as a child and I certainly am not going to put up with being called this when I’m 60 years old. I once had a salesperson ask me if my daughter and I were sisters in a very transparent and unsuccessful attempt at a compliment. I found that to be extremely insulting. I think I inquired about his eyesight!
Good for you Janet!
Words do have power! The concepts or attitudes behind the words also have power. I wish American culture were not so youth obsessed and obsessed with ideals of physical perfection. The day that this changes, then I will really do a happy-dance. As it is, we are inundated with messages in all forms of media (both direct and subtle) that wrinkles, gray hair, etc., are bad and ugly.
It has been a struggle for me to stop internalizing these cultural messages. My wonderful aunt (87 years young) never dyed her hair or had āproceduresā done to her face, neck, or elsewhere. She has aged naturally, in her own way… Strong minded and self confident.
I volunteer at a hospital. We are told to use only the first name of the patient when calling them for an pp ointment or procedure. This is due to HIPP and privacy. i always call a woman by her first name when she is coming in for her mammography. In stores my preference is to be called mam’m just like the queen!
Love that!
As a retired (thankfully) English teacher, I can wholeheartedly agree with Jennifer that “words have power.” I have been called many things, some nice and some not, but I try not to take any of it too seriously. If I were to believe that I was “that old *****” heard from some of my students when they didn’t know I was listening, I wouldn’t be much of a teacher. (I’ll bet there are one or two of us here who didn’t love the English teacher) I once had a student ask me when teachers were going to get with the 21st century and start using “modern” language like text speak. She was smirking with her “gotcha” question. I told her (and subsequently took the wind out of her sails) that the number one rule is to consider the audience. If the point of speaking (or writing) is to communicate an idea, then it makes sense to use words the audience understands. “OMG u 4got 2 b chill” does not translate to “you were not polite” to every person. The principle holds through every type conversation; doctors understand the language of medicine as any person in any job understands “shop talk” as it happens between coworkers. Advertisers know this. The language they use is no accident. They know we are concerned about “looking old” and they prey on that. Jennifer is right that we have the power to change the way they market to us by choosing what to buy and not to buy based on the language the advertisers use.
As for being called “dear” or whatnot, I have been called worse. If the intent of the speaker is to be polite to someone he thinks is like his grandma, I have no problem with it. Besides, if I need to put him in his place for possible rudeness, I can always correct his grammar. That’s power Haha.
Thatās fabulous Kay!