Monday Musings: On Calm Colors, Repeat Outfits, and Learning to Listen
Happy Monday, ladies. I hope all the mothers in our community had a lovely day and treated themselves to something delightful…even if just a few hours with a favorite book.
TEARDROP EARRINGS / SUEDE SHOULDER BAG / FRAMES in different color
Why I prefer calm neutrals
People often tell me I should add a pop of color or that red looks fabulous on me. And sometimes they’re right. A color can technically suit me, and I can still have no desire to wear it around all day.
I know because I’ve bought those pieces. They hang in my closet, looking optimistic, while I keep reaching for neutrals. Apparently, admiring a color and wanting it to follow you through errands, lunch, and bad lighting are two different things.
That’s what made me curious. Why do some women thrive in bold colors while others prefer things visually quieter?
So I did a little digging. Color preference isn’t just about taste. It can be shaped by memory, lifestyle, personality, and even how much visual stimulation your nervous system is comfortable managing.
Researchers call one piece of this Sensory Processing Sensitivity, which means some people process stimulation more deeply. That doesn’t mean every sensitive person prefers neutrals, or that women who love color are less sensitive. It simply means we don’t all react to brightness, contrast, clutter, and visual busyness the same way.
That made sense to me. I’m prone to anxiety and have always preferred calmer spaces, so it’s not a stretch to think I’d prefer calmer colors too. My nervous system has never once asked for more visual excitement. Loud noises startle me, too, so honestly, my nervous system has been pretty consistent about its preferences.
Some women thrive on color. A red coat or bright sweater gives them energy and makes an outfit feel alive. That’s part of the idea behind dopamine dressing, and for many women, it’s real. They wear colors the way I drink decalf tea.
For me, neutrals settle things down. A softer palette gives my eye a place to rest, which feels increasingly reasonable at this stage of life.
This is also where color analysis gets interesting. A shade may harmonize with your coloring, yet still feel like more stimulation than you want to take on. Just because a bright color is “your color” doesn’t mean you’re obligated to build a wardrobe around it.
Do bright colors make you feel energized, or do you prefer a calmer palette too?
Worn on Repeat
A reader told me recently she was tired of seeing the same clothes on me.
I’ve been thinking about that ever since, mostly because I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or take it personally. I landed on a laugh.
Here’s the thing. I’m not like most bloggers. Most of what you see me wearing on this blog is what I actually wear in my life. I don’t buy giant boxes of new clothes… steam it, photograph it, then ship it back to the store. It makes great sense as a business model because it provides you with lots of options, fresh content, and lots of links. But honestly? That’s more effort than I have in me.
That’s why I do try-ons in stores. It lets me show you what’s new, how things actually look and feel, how they fit on a body that isn’t six feet tall, and whether something might be worth your consideration even if it’s not right for me.
So yes, you’ll see the same white shirt. The same sneakers. More Eileen Fisher than feels strictly necessary. That’s not a content gap… it’s my wardrobe.
I Wasn’t Pushing Too Hard
We started seeing a personal trainer, which seemed like a sensible, safe way to build strength, balance, and mobility with someone who actually knows what they’re doing.
By the third visit, I’d pulled a groin muscle, and three weeks later, I’m still nursing it along. Ugh. It reminds me of the time I threw my back out getting out of bed, which remains one of the least impressive injuries on record.
The humbling part is that I didn’t do anything dramatic. There was no heroic squat, no impressive athletic moment, and nothing that would make a decent story. Just one wrong move, and suddenly every turn had to be done with more thought than any doorway deserves.
Pilates is on hold now, which really stinks because I love how it makes me feel strong and flexible, two qualities I’m apparently only able to admire from a distance at the moment.
So I’m moving more slowly, listening more carefully, and trying not to be annoyed that rest is sometimes the assignment. I prefer my life lessons with less limping, but apparently, I don’t get to choose the delivery method.
Final Thoughts
At this stage of life, I’m less interested in forcing myself into someone else’s idea of style, productivity, or even strength. I’d rather notice what works, respect what doesn’t, and pay attention when something clearly isn’t working.
That applies to color, clothes, and apparently personal training. Some lessons arrive quietly. Others arrive with ice packs.
Do you find yourself trusting your own patterns more these days?
I really enjoy reading your blog and appreciate all your advice. I just wanted to jump in to say how much I love the glasses you’re wearing! Are they your new ones? The shape and color look great on you!
No these are older. The new ones came in and sat too close to my eyes so my lashs hit them. No matter how hard they tried to adjust them, they wouldn’t work, so I’m now waiting for the new ones to arrives.
I love color. When I dress in all neutrals I feel too blah. But then I had 2 wonderful parents who also loved bright color. And you love neutrals and that is perfectly ok too. I had never thought about someone wearing neutrals because they needed the calm. Thank you for the insight. And what a boring world it would be if we all liked the same thing. Maybe that is why we have winter. It is the calm after all the bright colors of the other 3 seasons.
Hope your back gets to feeling better soon. I just started PT after doing something to mine. I have no idea what but guess that is part of old age. Have a beautiful week!!!
Sorry about your back Judy. It seems like it’s always something with me these days. Have a great week.
I appreciate the fact that you show your wardrobe and not order in clothes you might have us believe you’ve bought and love. It’s nice to see different ways of wearing your everyday clothes.
I think you always look classy.
If I can’t afford certain brands I use your ideas for inspiration when I am needing something.
I love your blog. It’s feels totally authentic – not contrived and chasing trends. And I love all the Eileen Fisher. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and your wardrobe with us!
I understand perfectly your personality, because I have the same type. It’s called a sensitive personality. You startle easily, prefer calm spaces, enjoy reading, and dislike loud, crowded rooms. Same, girlfriend, same.
I appreciated your business model explanation. Made a lot of sense.
Yes, I am a HSP and was so relieved to read about it. Thanks for being here!
OMG and LOL….I had to google what does HSP stand for, now I know. Interesting read today and have a good one.
I had never heard of HSP until this column. I identified with Sandy’s description of it. Very helpful!
I totally agree with you and Sandy! That’s why I don’t like cats. They move too suddenly. Give me peace and calm in environment and clothes!!!
I never gave it much thought about the color I wear, I just know what I like. I’m into color and my closet looks like a rainbow exploded in there. Neutrals drain me, especially beige and browns. You always look lovely in everything you wear, I learn a lot from you!
Interesting and thoughtful take on dressing with color. I am wondering if it might align with being an introvert or extrovert.
I suspect it does.
Jennifer,
I fell and strained a groin muscle that was not healing until I went to Physical therapy. Rest may not cure it.
I’ll give it a few weeks, then call my Dr for a referral.
Hello Jennifer, I follow you because I like your outfits, your style, and for this reason I enjoy read your blog; your outfits are a source of inspiration for me. I do exercises by myself at home and I love red colour , but don’t wear often. Rosalba from Rome, Italy
Hi Rosalba!! So happy you’re here.
This post really resonated with me. I like that I’m reading about someone who is telling her story and preferences and not “selling” all the time. Your coloring differs from mine, but I learn from your selection criteria and certainly from all the discussion of health, hobbies, family, style, hair and skin care. Keep up the great authentic sharing!
Thanks, EP.
I love your real life fashion!
From lots of experience in the fitness industry as a Certified STOTT Pilates Instructor, stick with Pilates and if its group Pilates, add a private Pilates session focused on other equipment for strength. Mat Pilates is overlooked and will strengthen your core like no equipment can. Interview your prospective trainers to find out their history with injuries and especially aging. Building muscle and lifting heavy isn’t the same for everyone. Stick with it but be very cautious and listen to your body.
Thank you Anne. I truly love Pilates. I do group on the reformer and some of the instructors are so knowledgeable.
Thanks for letting me know why you prefer neutral colors. I’m old enough to remember when we were picking colours that had to do with our season – winter. summer, fall, spring. That system worked for me and still does.
My husband died over two years ago, and I hadn’t realized it, but I have been wearing dark colours since then. However, as I am processing my grief and learning to become “me” rather than “we”, I find that I am moving back into the brighter, more intense winter colors. I think that you’re right that psychology has a lot to do with color preferences.
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband, Bev. Color can be very therapeutic.
I think that is why I started following you. You could calm me down some in taste as I moved forward. Yesterday since Mother’s Day I put on my red Talbots blouse and loved it as much as I did when I got it last year. I do love color!!! My skin blahs out sometimes in beige or too light a shade of pink. I am still watching and listening and learning. Thanks for helping!
Fabulous!
One truly learns something new everyday! I wasn’t aware I have an HSP personality. At 75 I thought I was just aging, LOL, and need less stimulation. The description defines me to a “T”, and more so now.
I read your column everyday Jennifer and really like your sense of style and business mode. We’re similar in size except for the extra inches of your legs which makes a difference and creates pangs of jealousy!
I hope you feel better soon. I suffer with a diffuse arthritic spine and just keep moving, as much as I can. A big hug and thank you.
It is rather freeing to realize being a HSP is perfectly normal. We do have to keep on moving!
Prayers for your recovery and smooth healing. It is so aggravating to try to get healthy and get hurt. I wish you well and I enjoy your common sense blogs. I think you have a great sense of your SELF when choosing your wardrobe. Thanks for sharing.
Like Heather I am also an introvert who wears colour. I am a redhead who wears lots of warm carmels and moss greens. Blues are very tricky for those with warm undertones as they need a little green /yellow in them. My hair(curly) and skin (freckles) both have texture and so I look best if I have some texture or pattern in my clothes. The popular neutral colours make me look sick. In addition to those reasons, my introverted self is happy letting my clothes speak for me.
Love this! Your colors sound beautiful for you.
People are different…Whatever makes you feel good! Hooray! Getting compliments when I wear a particular color reinforces this idea for me.
Absolutely it does!
My own pattern is exercise by myself and be home whenever I can.
Now I’m trying to take more y classes and making new friends or at least trying.
I love your hairstyle. Looks darling! I so appreciate your everyday style.
Since I’m not a “gala affair” woman ….its perfect.
Thanks Karen. I’m really enjoying it.
It occurs to me that I love your style and that is why I read your blog! I read other style blogs, and enjoy the fashion, but I mostly seem to click through to purchase things I see on your blog. I just realized that I do wear red, but only during the Christmas season when it’s an easy way to look festive. It’s also the time of year when it’s seemingly everywhere so it becomes more of a background color, if that makes sense.
It does make sense to me!
Thanks for today’s “musings”. I’m in my 70’s and a “cool, clear” winter with a sporty/classic style. I am an introvert but love colour – hot pink to icy pink, navy, cobalt blue to icy blue and hot turquoise. I also love contrast so would wear a hot pink top with white capris for example. Muted shades don’t suit or appeal to me but depending on a person’s skin tone they can look fabulous. I have seen people wear cream and beige and look stunning but those shades would make me look very unwell. Unhappy also. Its nice that we’re all so different and have the right to wear whatever colours and styles we enjoy.
Exactly, Heather
Hi Heather…….You must be my twin!
Bonnie
I’m the same. An Introvert who loves the same colors as you do, Heather, with the addition of royal purple, and now that I’m retired, I am free to experiment more with it. The only neutrals I wear are white, navy and black, and they were my staples when I was working. Although beige and cream neutrals are considered more chic and expensive looking, they drain my complexion. Bright colors, on the other hand, invigorate me and make my eyes sparkle. And accordingly, while I’ve been following Jennifer’s styling recommendations, I’ve been incorporating pops of color to replace some of the neutrals. At this point in our lives, we’ve earned the right to be individual about our style and get away with it.
Jennifer – One of the best things about your blog is that it’s real. Personally, I can’t relate to someone who expects me to believe that life is an endless shopping spree, and my closet should be larger than my living room. Keep doing what you’re doing. Just don’t hurt yourself !
Thanks Susan!