The Importance Of What You Wear In Midlife And Why It Matters
Do clothes make the woman? Some would argue that what we wear is unimportant and our interest in discussing fashion is shallow. Attempting to trivialize the fashion struggles of women over 50 is not only uninformed but also naive because what we wear can make or break our confidence, which makes it worthy of discussion.
We have lots of new readers, so I’m republishing a post that many of you may not have read. I think it’s an important topic that needs to be discussed.
Clothes can be a shield we use to get through challenging times, but more importantly, they tell the world who we are. Whether we like it or not, we’re judged by our appearance, and the clothes we wear matter.
Look sloppy, and people may decide you’re careless and have little respect for details or yourself. Wear overly revealing clothes, and you may be seen as inappropriate or desperate. Wear flamboyant colors and you may be seen as carefree or loud. The upshot is that we are judged by our appearance so managing our image is important.
Women over 50 often struggle with feeling invisible. How we dress is a powerful tool to combat that lack of visibility by restoring our feelings of power and control.
Our generation has a challenge with fashion that earlier ones didn’t. My grandmother never struggled with what to put on in the morning. She wore her printed house dresses at home and dressed up to leave the house. There was no question about whether she should wear a T-shirt and jeans or a dress with stockings and sensible shoes. There were fewer options because there were unspoken rules.
Our generation doesn’t want to follow fashion rules unless they can use them as tools to dress with confidence. We want to make our own choices and dress to express ourselves. This freedom is welcome, but it can also leave many women unsure about what’s appropriate. With so many options to choose from, she needs a clear vision of the message she wants her clothes to send.
An open discussion about fashion and image is helpful for many women over 50. Does that make us frivolous? No, it makes us curious, intelligent women. To imply these conversations are unnecessary is to belittle the struggle many women face each morning.
Have you ever felt invisible? I’d love to hear your thoughts. What are you struggling with?
Agreed on all counts! What we wear is an extension of ourselves and I don’t believe it is a frivolous and shallow obsession.
You sure did nail it, Jennifer! The older we get the more invisible we can become.
Loved the blog!
Hi, I’ve been mulling over your comment about those who
“Wear flamboyant colors . . . may be seen as carefree or loud.” As a Winter, I wear bright colors and prints. I live in Chicago where it’s cold, snowy and dark nearly until May. I don’t want to wear and I don’t look good in muted colors and I certainly don’t think as myself as loud. Isn’t there room for us brights?
Of course there is. You’re never missed when wearing bright colors which is fun.
This is so on target, Jennifer. While I was working, I dressed professionally to feel good about myself and give me confidence. For one work setting in particular, I wondered if I was appointed to some leadership opportunities and responsibilities because I looked more professional than some of my colleagues, who I knew were just as competent as I was.
Now that I am retired, I still want to dress well to express my personal style, to not be invisible, and because I just love clothes! It is part of who I am. Your blog has helped me hone my personal style and preferences so that I actually am spending less money and make fewer purchases that I end up regretting. It is not shallow to want to look good and feel confident. It is smart to acknowledge how much everyone makes assessments of people based on appearance, and to realize that our appearance reflects AND influences how we feel about ourselves.
You’re so right! I’m sure you did get opportunities in the workplace because of your appearance. The same happens in everyday life. Thanks for sharing Ruth.
Great topic. I am older than most of those commenting and you too, Jennifer. I have only felt invisible once, 10 years ago. Because of the nature of the gathering, I let it slide and remained invisible throughout. But, that’s not my nature; I’m petite lady with a BIG personality. I have lots to say, lots to contribute and know no strangers. When you write about neutrals, I often comment that there’s nothing neutral about me. If I’m wearing neutrals, there’s something exciting going on with pattern, texture or fabric. I love clothes though I’m most often in workout or outdoor attire. Just today, at the gym, someone commented on how nice I looked at an event months ago! YES, clothes matter…..make that statement, wear what makes you happy and who cares what others think!
Thanks for sharing Thérèse! I fell like a small person with a big personality too!
Janet said what I was thinking: If I put the effort in, I’m more visible which boosts my confidence. Me too and I’m turning 80 in a month! We as women need all of the tools in our kit to express who we really are and even as a great grandmother I’m sure not everyone’s grandmother and dear would send me from zero to full on flames in a heartbeat. I love what you do Jennifer and feel that you have helped me tremendously with my clothing choices. Today’s blog has been very interesting and lots of great comments too.
You are very right with your comments and today I read an article on older women in the Ethel post and it talked about how older women are sporting pink, blue and other hair colors as well as nail colors that match. They will not be invisible. Caring about your appearance and wanting to look classic or up to date doesn’t stop either. Thank you for your posts because they help explain what I am feeling.
It’s been a bit of a struggle as I age. My work as a costume designer and maker kinda even makes it more interesting and important to me. Don’t want to be to “artistic” as to look foolish, but don’t want to be to “blendy” as to disappear. And at 70, there’s the added issue of age, and yes, there always seems to be that hovering feeling of ageism, especially when hiring for a project. I love reading your advice and ideas, as I want to stay current and appropriate. Sometimes in my field, younger folks seem to think anything goes for any activity. Maybe I’m still old school, but to me, there’s a time and a place and a level of propriety. I never want to seem offensive, off putting or rude to others, neither do I want be remembered as that crazy woman so flamboyant or not remembered at all. Fashion and style does matter, like it or not, it says a lot about who you are, how you see the world and how others see it don’t see you. It’s not a trivial thing.
It’s one of the things I research in my work to get characters right for our actors. What they wear makes such an impact in the show.
Your comment is so rich with ideas to unpack! I love it Kathleen, thank you. Your work sounds fascinating!!
Critical people are such a joy 😂…. Seriously, yes clothing matters! If you look like you care enough to make an effort, it affects how people treat you. No, we’re not solving world problems, but taking care of ourselves is very important. I happen to love clothes and I know what I like for myself. But if I see a woman wearing something I wouldn’t wear, I still can appreciate that it looks good on her. And I will compliment her, because that always makes a person feel good.
Bravo Lisa! I love your attitude
Perhaps the most important thing to remember about not being or feeling invisible is that we each need to be courteous and aware of those around us. (I am sure you all are!) We never know what someone is going through (in times past, mourning dress signaled to one and all that someone was grieving. It also very much limited socializing for that person). I am not sure there is a way to telegraph , “I see you” except by courtesy and a smile. Personally, I love fashion and hope I always will. Your blog is a blessing to all of us. If I worked daily on a farm, I would still try to be fashionable–within reason. Hats off to all of us for making the effort. And thank you, Jennifer!
Thank you Mary!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Jennifer. I’ve been following your blog for a few years now. It has helped me make more intentional choices about what to wear and buy, especially since my retirement last year. I’m slowly transitioning from work clothes to everyday clothes that I feel great wearing.
Thanks for being part of our community Debbie
I have a passion for fashion and pay attention to it for that reason. I have always loved clothes, but it wasn’t until maybe 5 years ago I started following you and other bloggers, just to get ideas on how to put outfits together. I’ve learned a lot!
Recently, having had some pictures taken on vacation, and also going out to lunch with friends, people noticed what I had on and used the word “stunning!” I don’t feel invisible when I’m paying attention to what I put together, but first and foremost I have to please myself. Then, I think confidence and attitude happen and people notice, no matter what your age!
I agree Nancy! They do notice.
This is a good reinforcement of your first post on this topic. There are days we don’t care how we look to do various chores -supermarket, errands, etc and other days we might care about it, so I just give myself permission not to always have to look my best if I think it doesn’t matter at that time! But if going anyplace important to me, I try to look as good as I can. On recent flights across the country, I noticed how AWFUL some women were dressed…of all ages, but especially “older” ones. …like they just rolled out of bed wearing sweatpants and flipflops and graphic tee shirts! “Athleisure” is ok if done stylishly; I often wear casual/ athleisure pants and jacket to travel, but with a scarf, some makeup, neat hair, etc. I’ve read that flight attendants, size up passengers as they board. I’d like to think it makes a difference, (especially if you want to enter the airline “club”) but we’ll never know- just know that I feel better looking “put-together!
On another note, I noticed the photo of you in the leopard boots with grey sweater and a scarf. With either my leopard pumps or flats, I always feel that a scarf with a print won’t coordinate well! Can you please give some tips on how to match leopard print shoes with printed scarves?? Hopefully other readers would like to learn these tips as much as I do! Thank you!…
P.S. Is there a way to get an email with your response, rather than having to go back into this post and look for it? That would be great if there were!
I think of lepard print as a neutral but I hear you about combining patterns. I think if you look in the mirror and squint as you look at your outfit you’ll be able to tell if it’s too much or just right.
Thank You for reinforcing a given fact. Clothes can make us more confident and ready to face the world. I know I feel different in various outfits, and have cleaned out my closet of anything that makes me feel less than wonderful…since doing this, I get more compliments, which does boost my confidence. Being retired I do have more leeway in my clothes, I like casual chic. I read your blog every day and since we are close in age, I love your style tips….your pic with the gorgeous coat and hat is spot on…..I also follow Pam Lutrell, she has a good eye for fashion also….
ps….thank you for highlighting the burgundy Quince v-neck sweater, it just arrived and the color is gorgeous..wearing it to an event on Sunday
Here Here! At 76, I have never stopped caring about fashion and style! I think it is important to dress in a current and modern way. It keeps you young and gives you confidence. How you dress and present yourself makes an important first impression. And … wearing new clothes or putting together older clothing in a new fresh way … makes me happy! 😊
Yes as somebody said earlier, Jennifer you nailed this topic! Women who fail to even try to dress with confidence often have every excuse. I feel badly for them to a point. Calling YOU shallow irritates me to no end!
You’ve been an inspiration to so many!
Thanks for being part of our community, Paulette!
I often wish fashion didn’t matter but my reality says it does. I dress to say here I am, I am a vital part of this world, I matter! I can see variations in customer service based in how I am dressed. I drop into the mall in my work clothes and sales people are jumping to help me, I do not get the same treatment when I go dressed down unless I have done full hair and makeup and ensured my clothes are very stylish. A little effort helps with the over 50 invisibility problem! Thank you for addressing this issue!
It’s so very true! Thanks for sharing your thoughts Catherine.
Great article Jennifer and I totally agree with you. Thanks to my Mother and Father, and their standards of dress before leaving the house, I’ve always been very aware of what I’m wearing and how I’m presenting myself. Confidence and pride!
Pride is a wonderful adjective for this!
When I was vacationing in Italy, I would see beautifully dressed women, I would never think to call them “dear”…
I could see the thoughtful presentation they had curated, which spoke of respect.
What we wear , or how we present ourselves, can illicit different responses, something to consider…
Great point!
I agree with everyone who is saying that clothes can be an important form of self-expression and are therefore can be an integral part of who we are,how we feel about ourselves, and how we interact with the world. Color, form, line, texture are all a joy to explore and play with. I have an additional, slightly different, take. I think this criticism is a strong, if subtle, message that surrounds us on a daily basis. But I don’t think one’s interest in fashion, or anything, needs to be defended. I believe it is only because an interest in fashion has recently (althought not historically) been associated more with women than with men that it is open to this level of criticism. This receives a lot more scrutiny than the amount of time, money and attention paid to typical “men’s” areas of interest, like sports. This criticism is another venue for male/societal control of women. On the one hand, men feel entitled to judge women for what they wear, with the attached labels of hot girl, slut, professional woman, soccer mom, old hag, while at the same time criticizing them for being interested in something “frivolous.” Some may feel I’m making a feminist mountain out of a mole hill. But I think this strikes a nerve in most women and the other comments here would support that. If it strikes a nerve like that, then it is important and has real meaning. Oh, and I know some will want to point out that the original criticism came from a woman and not from a man. I would guide you to a definition of ‘internalized misogyny’. Sorry, not sorry, to get heavy, but these days I just can’t let this stuff slip by without comment. I really enjoy your blog and think you should only feel pride in your creation.
Thank you for sharing Ellen. Your point is a very important one. I can’t let that stuff “slide” either because it seriously pisses me off! I hope to empower women to fell confident enough not accept feeling invisible.
A woman in the grocery store approached me and complimented me on my outfit. After I thanked her, she said “do you always dress up to go to the grocery store?” ( I was wearing colored jeans with a coordinating top and a fun jacket.) I was not dressed up in my mind, that was just the outfit I’d put together for that day. I find my clothes are a creative expression, and I enjoy putting an outfit together. Comfort is more important to me now, but that doesn’t need to mean boring. Fashion, for me, is just fun. And it really does help one feel more self confident.
Yes, yes, yes, I agree! I do dress up for my day which always helps me feel better than if I just haul on any old thing.
I started life as an aspiring artist who loved color. In college, I realized that the only thing I lacked was talent! And I also realized that decorating myself was the way that I could express how I felt about color and texture and arts in general. Clothing and jewelry have always pleased me and I have always loved playing with them. I dress to please myself and say that if one considers clothes frivolous, GOOD…frivolity needs to be part of life (which is serious enough). I am in my early 80s and have never felt invisible, though maybe I should have. Iris Apfel has always been a beacon tho far beyond me. Two of us recently agreed that we would assemble fun dressy outfits and go out for high tea as a way of finding some pleasure in scary times. You are absolutely correct in your assessments of the role of clothes and appearance.
I love your comment, thanks for sharing Lee!
Oh how I needed to read this. I enjoy just trying to dress nice and have that confidence. Sometimes I feel like my peers do think it is frivolous (not being being extravagant, just enjoying fashion and style) but I am also so much more productive at work when I have that confidant feeling! Thank you for all you do.
I have found the opposite here in North Texas. If I walk into a store, they are very welcoming to me, and ask if I need anything. I dress like I care about how I look, thanks to your blog, {smile.}. They have figured out, If you dress well , that maybe you will buy something from them. The young people here do not seem to dress well. They wear athletic wear mostly.
I haven’t experienced anyone ignoring me here. We do have a lot of young people who live here. This city north of Dallas is a very family community, and friendly.
I am sorry this woman feels the way she does, but she doesn’t have to join the blog. It is her opinion, and we can agree to disagree. It is all good and we can still get along with each other despite our differences.
I agree with everything you said, with one caveat! For the woman who struggles to put food on the table, or a roof over her head, fashion is frivolous. It is all about perspective, or where it fits on one’s hierarchy of needs! For those of us who are fortunate enough to have basic needs taken care of, fashion can effect our mood, our confidence, how other people perceive us, and often allow us to make a statement about ourselves and our beliefs.
Thank you for this blog, it is a bright spot in my day!
That’s a very insightful thought, thank you. Many of us are so blessed, we forget. For woman who are struggling like this, self-care and a small amount of time with our appearance (using what we own) will boost confidence and help her feel more empowered.
I just had a woman at my desk yesterday purchasing some insurance. She had a wonderful short hair cut with a long sweeping curly bang (she was embracing her gray) and the most funky glasses and I complemented her on her glasses. She mentioned what local shop she got them and how the woman there looks at you when you sit down and says “I know exactly the glasses for you!” We need more retailers who help empower us!
Yes! Rather than just sell us the frumpy looking clothes they have in stock.
Thank you for this post Jennifer! I read your blog every day and this one makes me smile. I’m on the way to the airport in my Frank and Eileen shirt, Everlane jeans, comfy sneakers, and thanks to you I added 2 stacked necklaces, and a bracelet. I’m 72 and feel stylish!
Awesome, your outfit sounds modern, stylish and comfy! Have a fabulous flight.
Hi, Jennifer. I love fashion and putting together outfits for myself is one of the pleasures of my life. Since this is what makes me happy (along with many other things), I will continue to do it with gusto! And your blog is a pleasure to read. Have a wonderful day.
I wholeheartedly agree! I’ve just turned 75 (yikes!) and am really small. That makes 2 strikes in terms of invisibility! But when I’m thoughtful about my outfits, , adding a scarf or an interesting necklace, I feel confident and am treated with consideration . It makes so much of a difference! I’ve begun to wear slightly brighter lipstick which seems to brighten my face! I learned that one from you, Jennifer! Keep the information coming. I like feeling current, not trendy and your blog is invaluable!
Happy Birthday Susan!! That’s a fabulous milestone. I’m so glad you’re here sharing with us too.
Thank you Jennifer, and all who have commented on your post! Great information and so true. What we wear reflects who we are and how we feel about ourselves. Wishing all a wonderful day!!
I struggle a lot with not dressing like my daughter- nor my mom. I want to be fashionable and confident. I so appreciate your blogs! Thanks you!!
Thank you for sharing Lenora. Many brands don’t make it easy for us and some “midlife” brands can lead us the wrong way. We’ll chat about this more.
Gen X has entered the chat…as a generation we have always been ignored! That’s why we do what we want and don’t give a “f” what anyone thinks. To me fashion is self expression as much as any other art form. How can something that builds confidence and joy be frivolous? Haterz gon hate.
As someone who is about the same age as you and also has thinning hair I find your blog invaluable. Incorporating your advice has done wonders for me. When my hair, makeup and clothing looks good it is a tremendous confidence boost. You are like having a best friend who keeps you from making those style mistakes.
I’m so glad we have this community to support each other!
If I get up, get dressed and put together, I am motivated to do things. Since I retired 18 months ago, I still get dressed every day. Now my fashion fun is repurposing my beautiful items in a more casual way. I refuse to be invisible; my skin, hair, and body are aging but I refuse to not use my mind and assets to enjoy life. I am more put together now than I was in my earlier years.
Thanks Nyla. I refuse to be invisible too.
At 76 I love you4 blog. Love,Love DRD
I took the “Look Good, Feel Better” class offered to cancer patients, and updated my look, after a cancer diagnosis. It makes a huge difference in well-being and confidence. It has sparked an entire transformation. I have just lost 45 pounds and am now slim and trim. I love taking the time to look “pulled together”, no matter what the occasion. And I am still constantly receiving compliments, even from the young men at Starbucks! Learning how to style outfits from bloggers like you has made getting dressed simple. It’s an art to look tasteful, and brings joy and beauty both to myself and others. I am now 70, six years cancer-free, and loving life.
Bravo HB! That’s wonderful
At 76 I love your blog. Love,love DRD
Wonderful post and discussion. I couldn’t agree with you more! Thanks for being there for us.
Thank you for being here Mary.
I am happy to join this choir, singing about the importance of what we wear, both to boost our confidence and to show that we recognize the importance of events we go to, people we meet.
When my three children were small, I felt invisible. I was often praised as a “good mom, they’re lucky to have you,” which felt like I’d been sent from an agency. Why didn’t I take an hour every now and then to buy clothes that fit better, or get a good haircut? It seemed frivolous, but it would have done wonderful things for my sense of self.
As they got older, I reclaimed style. Usually I’m casual, accenting jeans with bright thrift shop finds. I read AWSL regularly and so appreciate your discussion of principles of dressing — proportion, color — and yes, why it’s important.
Thanks for being here, Margaret
So many thoughts on this post, Jennifer. I remember the moment that I reconnected with the power of a fashionable presence and how it ignited this passion I have for making an effort in my appearance. I went to a YSL retrospective at the Denver Art Museum. The beauty and artistry of those clothes just inspired me. So to me, this “frivolous” attention to appearance has two components…..sharing beauty and not being invisible. The second one has become mote important lately as I crested 60 in the professional workforce. You better believe that when I have an important meeting, I suit up with my best foot forward. Plus, it’s just a lot of fun!
It is beauty and a ton of fun. Bravo Cynthia!!
Dear Jennifer, love your style and your blog. Let me tell you experience I made : went with my husband to musical in Hamburg : “Pretty woman”. Tried to be well dressed : black dress, kitten heels, necklace, hair / Make-up done and as soon as we entered Theatre we were shocked : woman in dirty jeans, very cheap shirts, huge back packers, hair not washed, old Sneakers,with their warm huge coats in arms they sit down, struggeling with their packages around, not even able to spend money for leaving coat in extra room – we were in a musical, tickets were as from euro 80 plus – and Woman not able to get bit better dressed?! (Their Partner were same). Sorry, but this seems to be “normal” in Germany now —-why?? Missing respect?! It is easy to get well dressed and not only a question of money- for me it seems that American woman take much more care of their look. Yours Angela from Hamburg
I am constantly amazed when I run into a situation you describe. It happens everywhere these days and is just so sad to see. Our society has become so casual that “appropriate attire” has no importance and anything goes is the norm. I hate it.
“Dressing for Success” is as important now as before. If we feel confident,we project that to others. If we feel beautiful and values, then we project that too.We are not being frivolous! even if we are just going to get groceries,if we look presentable. we feel better,because I always run into someone I know when getting groceries.When someone says that I always look nice, it makes me feel better and hopefully, I project that to others!
I am 78 and I too love your blog! I have several health issues and walk with a cane, but when I go out I like to dress my best. I know that at my age I spend more time on my appearance than my Mother or Grandmother did at the same age, but I feel more confident and happier. Also, my husband makes me feel good when he gives me a compliment. Thank you for your blog!
Confidence is everything!!
Great discussion by “the choir”! Lol! The other thing is, dressing appropriately shows your respect for others, for the efforts of others, and for the occasion or place. It’s all part of enjoying the journey.
Yes! I agree
Hi Jennifer
Thanks for reposting this for those of us who have started following you recently.
I love clothes and fashion. I wear clothes almost every day.? I read a lot about clothes and window shop the web constantly, and buy new stuff.
Am I the only one who has a closet full of really nice clothes, takes good care of them, rotates them dutifully every season…and rarely wears them?
Part of this is my lifestyle and environment. Retired, small town, not a big socializer. When I wear my nice outfits, sometimes I feel like I’m an imposter, or wearing a costume.
I guess you could say that my interest in clothes and fashion and self confidence is more theoretical than
practical.
But I never miss reading your blog, and imagine myself
looking as fabulous as you do every day.
I’ve recently reclaimed my style and confidence. Life had gone flat. After years of low grade depression, work boredom, empty nest sadness, I somehow found my way back to fitness and a healthy weight. As the body transformed, the mind and emotions followed. I found your blog and others and have had much fun rebuilding a wardrobe. As my appearance changed, my work life improved. Am I treated differently or am I behaving differently? My inner confidence is mirrored by my clothes. It is interesting and fun. Thanks for your good work.
Bravo, Mary!!
A great discussion! Yes, clothes do matter. How we put ourselves together in public lets others know we have self respect, self worth, and that we are to treated likewise as worthy and respected. A sloppy exterior sends the message that “I don’t care”.
Clothes that fit and are becoming bring joy! And don’t we all know that feeling when we put on that great outfit, one that has resulted in compliments? Yes, clothes matter.
Such an important message, Jennifer! Thank you.
Thanks for reading Elaine.
You are never too old to look good. I subscribe to look good to feel good. I will be 50 in November and I feel as if my style has only gotten better. I know whay looks good on me and more importantly I have the confidence to wear it. Women are like fine wines, we just get better with age.
By the way, I love your blog. I recently discovered your blog and I have to reading my way through older posts. Thank you for presenting a woman of a “certain” age as stylish and fashionable. We need more women to speak up and show us by example that life doesn’t end when you turn __.
Greetings from Melbourne,Australia.
Firstly,go Jennifer!What you do is very meaningful and inspiring to many and please be proud of this achievement.
Your blog,and a few other blogs,are important to women of our age to remind us to take pride in our appearance and to find stylish clothing options.Thanks also for your genuine recommendations re cosmetics,skincare,etc I believe we should always try to “put our best foot forward”.
I’m 63 now and have been semi-retired for 7 years and it took quite a while to adjust to all the clothing options I now have.No more work suits for me but I still need to maintain my appearance for my self-esteem and the contented feeling it gives me.I love how a bright scarf,special earrings or wearing something in my favourite colour can make my day when
I’m not feeling great.
Thanks once again for all that you do.
Thank you Julie! I am so grateful you’re here and share with us!!
At 74 I Love your Blog. ????????❤️
Thank you Gail!
I love clothes. Always have. As a kid, I sewed things from Vogue patterns to save money. And as an adult, I buy carefully but cheerfully! It’s hardly something to apologize for. If people want to look less-than-their-best, have at it, but don’t criticize those of us with another view! Keep on writing. I love it! XO
Beautifully said Jen! I used to see using Vogue patterns too. I don’t think they exist anymore but they were awesome. Xx
It is too bad you have had someone trivialize what you are trying to do, but for me and I suspect the vast majority of your readers, it is an important discussion. The effort we put into how we present ourselves to the world tells others how we feel about ourselves and how we want the rest of the world to see us. That is not trivial in any way. Thank you for sharing your tips with us.
Thanks for being here, Beth. I agreee with you completely!
Well said and I agree with you COMPLETELY!!!
Thank you!!
Amen to being pissed off and making your voice heard. I appreciate you. Keep up your amazing blog.
Thanks Katie! I couldn’t let this go without speaking up for us!
I enjoyed this so much, I have been told by a few people how they don’t understand why at 55 I bother putting on my make-up, fixing my hair and getting dressed because I am also disabled and am fairly housebound. I always have the same response because I do it for ME. Just because you may get older and health issues may keep you home I feel if I don’t take care of me I might as well dig a hole. I do it because it makes me feel good and when I look good the whole day goes better.
Exactly Tammy!! Bravo to you! It’s all about self respect and the fabulous way it makes us feel. Thanks for sharing with us.
You’ve really started a conversation! What a great post, I couldn’t say better myself. I believe I am treated better by store assistants,etc, because I take the time to make sure I look my best when I go out for even the smallest errand. Similar to having good manners, It costs little to make an effort.
Thank you for always brightening my day!
Beautifully said CJ. It takes little to make an effort. I love that!!
I am grateful for your blog and the many others I read. At 62, I find them educational and supportive! I wish my Mom had this in her day. Who doesn’t need assistance or guidance in fashion, make up and hair. Looking good is important to me.
I enjoy reading your thoughts on downsizing and all the comments that follow. This topic is common with many people of a certain age and countries ????????
Thanks and keep up the good work Jennifer!
I’ve noticed there is another Robin 😉 …I’ll go by Robin T
Thank you Robin T! I appreciate you being here and sharing. I love to get help. Who wouldn’t?
Love this Jennifer! I refuse to be invisible and anyone says clothes don’t matter is living in another dimension! And I love you and your blog!
Thank you Wendy!! I’m happy you’re here.
Thank you Jennifer. I have learned so much from your blog and please keep the information coming. It has done a lot for my self-esteem to feel more confident about the way I dress at this age.
Thank you for being here Konda! We’re all in this together.
When I read this great post this morning, I knew there were going to be lots of comments. No one is saying dressing well will bring world peace, but it has often given me some inner peace and confidence to go through my day. I am over 60 now. I spent years raising my wonderful sons, taking care of house and home. Now I’m taking care of me!
Good for you Stormy!! It is your time. Confidence at our age is priceless.
Sometimes the term “dear”, and the like, is just a substitute for “ma’am” and is regional, and not meant to be dismissive at all. For example, here in Baltimore, Maryland the term “Hon”, short for “Honey” is used across the board, male/female and younger/older……it’s endearing and meant well. There’s even a “Hon-Fest held in B-more every spring, relishing in all things Baltimore and “Hon-like”; bee hive hair-do’s, kitsch and John Waters. Now, I wouldn’t expect a teen-ager to call me “hon”, it’s all in the delivery…much like a well placed “Bless your heart.” And we southerners know what THAT means!
Great point! I had no idea Hon was used so commonly in Baltimore. Even I know what bless your heart means. It’s a priceless expression.
Tea, I agree with you. “Hon”, “Honey” and “Dear” are not meant to be condescending by most Southerners. However, it is all in the delivery. I work in a medical supply business and it is not unusual to hear our people call customers “Honey” or “Sweetie” as a way of reaching out to them and letting them know we care about their needs.
If you want to know what “conscending” sounds like, try questioning a bigwig from Medicare about how they make their pricing decisions. The last time I did that, I felt like I needed a shower to wipe the slime off afterwards!
Jennifer, thanks so much for the reminder on why I care about how I look. Sometimes it feels kind of “frivolous” and sometimes I like being invisible, which is kind of sad. You inspire me to stay in the game! I’m 70 this year and it’s been a bit of a shock! I really feel about 50 but do not want any knife near my face. So, I’m working hard to express my true self, stay healthy, and viable. We recently moved to Nashville (grandchildren) from Seattle…so my style is undergoing some regional changes. Blessings to you my friend.
Thanks for being here Cheryl. Nothing is frivolous that builds our confidence. Good luck with your mind be!
I laughed when I read your comment about being called “dear” ! LOL If the person is in their twenties/thirties I just reply with a “honey” in response ! I know that you mentioned that the women that started this conversation ‘appears’ to be very confident, but, I think a statement such as this says just the opposite. She probably dresses to impress, labels matter, fit matters, power suits or whatever are her everyday choice. Sounds to me like a whole lot of thought and time might go into her own “look” !! I always try to remember that Strong women lift each other up. I see her confidence as a facade of sorts.
Excellent call Maureen! Some women are impressed by labels and some find them a silly waste of money. It’s how confident the item makes us feel that matters. Thanks for being here!
Thank you for a wonderful discussion today! I couldn’t agree with you more- clothes and style do matter. I look at it this way- none of us can walk around naked and I have the choice every morning to cover my body with boring, uninteresting clothing or something that is stylish and says something about my personality. It is a way I enjoy expressing myself. I have noticed the “invisible” thing too and have been made to wait in stores. The other thing that irks me is waitresses, etc., calling me “hon” or “honey”. It seems condescending and I feel like they are using it because I am over 60. So rude.
It does feel condescending and annoys the heck out of me. I know I receive much better service when I spend the time to dress properly. Thanks for sharing Debbie!
What a great topic of conversation Jennifer. I refuse to be invisible! When I’m out shopping I make it a point to engage with store personnel, clerks, cashiers and even some customers. And I find that I’m always treated with respect and greeted the next time I shop there. My husband used to tease me that I got too dressed up to go grocery shopping, and my reply was that the butcher always remembered me and gave me the best service LOL. How we dress is a reflection of not only our personality but our own self respect.
Your post reminded me of a scene in the tv show Grace & Frankie. Have you seen it? Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin’s characters are at a variety store to buy something, and are completely ignored by the young male clerk even when Grace (Jane) has a meltdown and starts yelling at him. The end result is that Frankie (Lily) eventually steals the item they had wanted to buy, since nobody would serve them and remarks that was the one advantage of being “invisible”. Actually, there are many ageing and ageism topics that they cover and all done with a great sense of humour.
I need to watch that show! That’s a hilarious sounding scene. Some women say the like to be invisible, I don’t so using fashion to look my best it a great tool. Thanks for sharing and being here!
Dear Jennifer,
I am restraining myself not to say anything about midriff tops, 3-inch skirts, skin-tight “jeggings” and anything else worn by those who might criticize us classy over-50 ladies.
But I digress. Let me thank you so much for your blog. I have an auto-immune disease and some days it is a struggle to get out of the house. Your blog has encouraged me to style my hair, put on makeup, go out and strut my stuff (from Chicos, J Jill, Artful Home, etc.). You have encouraged me to jazz up my plain clothes with a scarf, nice piece of jewelry, or handbag. As my sister-in-law and I always say, the older you are the more you need your accessories. She is bolder that I am in her choices, but bold or classic, we are right out there with you.
I read your blog everyday to see what you recommend and always get ideas. Keep up your blog. You have many faithful followers. Can’t wait to see what you are wearing tomorrow!
Thank you so much Eileen. That means the world to me! Very good point about the stilettos and micro skirts. Classy goes a long way. Thanks for being here!
Way to go Jennifer! Well said.
Thanks Nancee!
Well said. As an artist, I take joy in expressing myself through clothing, colors, accessories, etc. How dare someone say such things are trivial? Beauty is a gift to ourselves and the world. It’s importance is even expressed in nature. Flowers are beautiful and accented to attract the pollinators and many birds and fish are decked out in colorful finery which does not fade with age.
Excellent point Penelope! Thanks for being here and sharing.
Jennifer, I pretty much love all your posts, but today’s really struck a chord with me. You are correct: Clothes at any age – but especially for women 50+ – are of great value. Why for our age group, exactly (I’m 64)? Because our society seemingly has NO value for us whatsoever. Once we’re no longer of child-bearing age, we become invisible, as you suggested. WE know we’re of TREMENDOUS value to society, so we need to do all we can to remain not only visible, but viable. Women – all women – take a beating in our society (we’re paid less, our healthcare isn’t deemed to be important, control over our VERY OWN bodies is threatened by policies, etc.), but for more mature, seasoned women, the threat is even greater. Please forgive the slightly political rant, but thanks for expressing what I’ve felt for a while.
Rant away Candy! You’re exactly right. How we dress is a powerful weapon in the fight against invisibility. Thanks for being here!
Thanks! And by the way, I read a few style blogs, but YOURS is my very favorite! I like that you are self-deprecating (in the very best way possible!) and that you offer lower-cost options for the gorgeous clothing and accessories you highlight, AND that you let us know when the sales are on! You have become a friend over the “internets!!”
Thank you Candy:)!!
Thanks for what you do for us Jennifer. You go girl. My mother, Natalie, until her passing at age 89, would get up every morning and put on her makeup, fix her hair and put on the cutest colorful outfits. She loved to go shopping (not always to buy} and the sales associates would always comment on how adorable she looked. And, she had the personality to go along with her colorful outfits. When I would see her (she was 5′ 100 lbs soaking wet) she would put her hand in her pocket, put her foot out and say “how do I look” which always cracked us up.
So, as you see, fashion made my Mother happy to a wonderful age. Style/Fashion does matter.
Thank you for your venue for all of us to share.
Judy in Phoenix
How fabulous Judy! Fashion is such a powerful tool and it sounds like your Mother wielded it well. Good for her. Thanks for sharing and being here. I really appreciate you.
Thanks Pam! The women who said this is actually an overly confident woman who was trying to hurt my feelings. She missed the mark because it angered me rather than silenced me. What we wear does matter and is a powerful tool in our arsenal.
Sad that some people really aren’t concerned about how they look or enjoy the thrill of fashion & hitting your sweet spot. It makes life so much more fun. Yes, we all have different interests & life styles, but it doesn’t mean that just because we want to look our best in any situation it’s trivial. Thanks Jennifer, for defending your stance on hitting our sweet spot. When you look good you feel good & often pass that feeling on to others around you. That just helps to make this world a better place to live in… so go girls, keep looking good & pass the good feelings around. Life is too short not to hit your sweet spot. This is from a gal hitting 68 & having fun in the fashion world but still has time for fun things like grandkids, baseball games, gardening, baking dog biscuits, cooking, family gatherings, reading etc. etc. Love your blog everyday, Jennifer.
Hi Carol!! You’re so right. Thanks for being here and making a difference. I really appreciate you.
Thank you Joanne! I appreciate your support and thoughts. Leslie is right 🙂
Thanks Barbara!
Thank you for putting into words the feelings of many, including myself. Your post is spot on, and I’m sorry that someone was rude. I look forward to your post every day, and you have been very helpful. At 55 it is a challenge to style myself as I’d like to be seen by the world. I appreciate all the help I can get and the friendship that comes from your blog. Enjoy your day!
Thank you Patty! I’m so grateful I can help or inspire in any way. I really appreciate you being here.
Well said, Patty!
It is simple. Those who do not like this blog don’t have to subscribe to it. Those of us who enjoy it are free to do so.
Thanks for being here Jill!!
Yes, we certainly are judged by everyone all the time. The art of looking good requires a combination of skills that we actually have to learn and practice. The resources are our mothers and millions of magazines that are selling us stuff. And as you said, the rules changed and we have many choices. It’s very overwhelming and confusing.
Finding a blog like yours is a treasure. Your approach is the best I’ve ever come across. Your posts are relevant and real, sensible and fun. I’ve learned so much and gotten inspired.
If we’d be French we would not be having this conversation!
I think you’re right Miriam! The French seem to have an inborn confidence we could learn much from. Thanks for being here!
I am sorry someone trivialized your work here! I think it’s extremely important, for all the reasons you so articulately put forth. I look forward to your posts & find them very valuable. Thank you!
Thank you for being here! I really appreciate you.
Jen – great post. I have frequently felt invisible – that is what our society does to women over 50. It is more important than ever for us to dress with flair and confidence. My style is much more casual than yours, but when I leave the house, I want to be neat, not sloppy, and wear clothes that project who I am. Another thing I notice is that women frequently walk with heads looking down. Poture is so important; stand up as straight as you can and look forward, not down!
You’re so right Barb! Body language is critical. Walk with confidence and you’ll be more visible. Thanks for being here.
Jennifer,
You nailed it ! Great post ! Good for you ! The struggle for us is real and we seriously appreciate your posts !
Best to you,
Diane
Thanks for being here Diane!!
Since fashion blogs began I’ve become much more interested in not my only fashion choices, but also those of other women. I like to imagine what intention a women had when she chose her outfit. I’ve learned from bloggers that there are no rules and I don’t judge another woman’s choice. I often compliment a piece of clothing. This morning at a coffee shop I complimented a woman’s top. She thanked me and mentioned she was on her way to work. I told her that as a retiree, I like putting a working person ahead of me in line. She was thrilled about that and we both started our day in such a positive way. And it all started from thinking about fashion choices.
Brilliant Linlee! I think insecure women criticize other women’s fashion choices. Thanks for being here!
Hi Jennifer,
You are absolutely correct about our concern with fashion and being invisible after the age of 50. Dressing well improves our visibility. I don’t think we should obsess over clothing, but when we make dressing well easy, this enables us to move on with confidence. There is a coffee shop near my home I refuse to patronize any longer after being ignored at the counter in favor of younger customers. And I tip well!
Their loss Deborah! I hate to be ignored. How dare they? Thanks for being here.
I most certainly agree, Jennifer! If I put on a polished, stylish outfit for the day my confidence and self-esteem most definitely go up. Yes, it takes thought and a little extra time, but it is worth it!
It gets more and more challenging to know what to wear and how to wear it, especially since I am nearing mid-fifties. (And, anything seems to go these days.)
That is why I am so grateful that you take the time to share (and educate) what you consider stylish. I think the picture you posted sums it up well – what I wear and my own personal style is very important and says a lot about how I value myself. Thanks!
Exactly Miriam! Our clothes speak our message loudly and controlling that message is empowering. Thanks for being here.
I’m with you Jennifer!
Thanks for being here Louise.
You go girl!
:). Thanks Sally!
Jennifer, so we’ll said. At 65, I feel the same as if I was in my 20s. I wear what I want. Granted, my tastes have changed, and I do a much better job choosing clothes that work for me. As you said, wear what you feel confident wearing.
Thank you Pauline! I appreciate you being here and sharing.
This is so true!! I was sick for a long time and didn’t dress well. I always felt very frumpy. Since joining several wardrobe groups I’ve again started to care hobo look. I finally, at 64,felt good about myself. In the last 5 days, an event has taken me back several steps again. I’d had a double mastectomy years ago and have had several reconstruction surgeries. While on a flight to Florida, where we were about to board a ship for a cruise, one of my implants ruptured and leaked. I now have to have another surgery, probably to remove both implants. Now I have to rework my wardrobe,again. No one can tell me that clothes should have nothing to do with how we feel about ourselves! For me it’s everything!!
Oh Karen! I’m so sorry. That’s just a struggle you don’t need!! Good luck on your surgery and thank you for sharing, I’m pulling for you!!
Very well said, Jennifer!I enjoy your posts and find them helpful and encouraging. I agree with what you said. Thank you.
Thanks for being here Leigh. I appreciate you.
Thank you for your post.
Thank you!
Yes, Yes, and Yes to everything you said! I recently attended my 40th high school class reunion and you better believe I thought carefully what I was going to wear. And as I dressed, it did feel a little bit as if I was putting on my “armor”.
Yay Robin! It is armor and can provide confidence and joy! Thanks for being here.
Your post is exactly what I have been feeling this week. As a single woman in her 50’s I too struggle with what to wear. I’ve been focused on being a mom and raising kids the past few years. Now my kids are older and I want to dress more like a feminine, single woman and less like a mom without looking desperate or inappropriate. So I enjoy your posts and getting different perspectives.
Thank you Eva! It’s your time and it matters. Confidence can not be underrated!
First, Jennifer, thank you for sharing your thoughts and expertise in your blog, which I always enjoy reading. With regard to whether discussing fashion for women over 50 is frivolous, I have found that your blog, and a couple of others, have helped me to focus my wardrobe shopping on clothing that makes me feel confident and comfortable. As a result, I have been able to pare back to the wardrobe basics that I really wear and enjoy, and to change my accessories to suit the occasion. Thanks for what you do; wishing you a wonderful day!
Thank you Carol! I appreciate you being here and sharing with us.
Over the past couple of years, I discovered your blog and several others (Pam Lutrell, for one). They have been so helpful in helping me rediscover my style as an over-50 woman. I think it’s important for us to feel and look our best because it does make us confident and positive. What you do is NOT trivial at all! Thanks so much, Jennifer!
Thank you Beth! I appreciate you being here.
I couldn’t agree more, Jennifer! Clothes also provide joy, and that’s in short supply at all ages!
Yes, I agree Beth! !Thanks for pointing that out.
It’s easy to say, don’t let the naysayer(s) get to you. I guess I understand the point they’re trying to make. There are big problems in our world, and perhaps deciding what to wear is isn’t high on their list. On the other hand, in addition to reading about fashion for over-50s (or whatever age), I also like to see photos of, and read about food. So I guess there are those who say, we should only eat to live, and the rest is frivolity. But I like to cook, try different cuisines, and enjoy trying new recipes. And, I view this as one of many creative outlets I have. The same goes for clothing, photography, travel, and the arts. Some might argue all of these are “unimportant” and therefore, interest in them, is shallow. But I believe all of these areas (and more) help make our cultures and also make life worth living. Carry on, Jennifer!
Thanks For being here Marty! It is easy to let critics get you down, this gal just picked the wrong topic which has the opposite effect.
I agree that this is an important discussion. Clothes and how we choose them is a fascinating topic. I see clothing as a form of communication as well as creative self-expression. If clothing were not important to humans, we’d all be wearing a uniform, or maybe nothing at all. I never believe anyone who says he/she doesn’t care about how he/she looks… Admit it or not, we all care about our hair style, the look and comfort of our shoes, the style of our eyeglasses, what to wear to a special event, and so on. Thank you for an interesting discussion.
I never believe them either Cindy. It’s a cop out. Thanks for sharing here.
Thanks for this post! Yes, clothes are important- they can convey confidence or defiance, youthful outlook or established mantras. I’ve recently begun revamping my wardrobe to reflect who I am now – a vibrant woman ready for a new beginning. I maybe 60 but I still have something to share!
Awesome Sue!
What I hate is when I realized that younger people – say around ages 20 – 30 – start treating older women like everyone is their grandmother! And, then of course, is when you realize that you have become invisible to men, all men, no matter the age.
I hate that too, Linda! Then they start calling me “dear” which makes my head spun. Thanks for being here.
Could not agree with you more on this, and i don’t always agree with you????
What we women of a certain age wear, and i might argue that it applies to all women of any age, definitely impacts the way we are viewed and treated. It is not frivolous. It is part of the struggle we face every day in a world that is increasingly misogynistic. We need all the conversation we can get from all sources to help us through these times.
Keep doing what you do. It matters
Thanks for being here Ramona! I appreciate you sharing.
Agreed on all counts! What we wear is an extension of ourselves and I don’t believe it is a frivolous and shallow obsession. I am fortunate that in my personal and professional life I am not viewed as invisible but, at 58, I have started to feel that in public due to my age. It is more obvious on the days I don’t put the effort into my appearance. I won’t dictate to others and I ask the same in return. My appearance is a source of pride and confidence and I will continue to make that a priority – and follow your blog. Thanks!
It’s the same for me, Janet. If I put the effort in, I’m more visible which boosts my confidence. Thanks for being here!
Thanks Sarah. I do like constructive discussion of style and you’re so right, it’s nice to get other women’s take on an outfit. That said, some mighty unhappy people feel compelled to spread their unhappiness and I want no part of it. Thank you for reading.