Monday Musings- Arrogance and Cover-ups

Happy Monday, ladies. Monday musings are never planned. I just start typing and it pours out, so hang on for a twisty ride 🙂

Our weekend was a chilly one. Not because the weather was cold but because our furnace is broken. Please pardon the upcoming rant…I detest arrogant men.

Repair Men

Our furnace has been on the fritz for several weeks. It seems to have a mind of its own and only comes on when it feels like it. Our warranty company sent a repair guy out to diagnose the problem. He was one of those morons who discounts women and would only talk to the “man of the house”.

The problem is, my husband didn’t pay much attention to what was happening with the furnace. He knew it was broken but I knew how to explain it exactly. I’m the one who adjusts the temperature throughout the day, listens to it, and knows what it’s doing or not doing.

He declared our zone motor was broken and it’s not covered by our warranty. I tried to explain how it was acting because his diagnosis didn’t sound right to me. This repair guy wouldn’t even look towards me when I spoke to him so I knew he wasn’t listening.

He said we were on the hook to fix it because our contract doesn’t cover that and he wouldn’t do it. We hired someone to replace that motor, which they confirmed was “acting up”, but the following day, the furnace was back to acting exactly the same as before and we are $600 poorer.

How do you deal with men like that?

Bathing suits and such

I’ve been so cold the last few weeks that we’ve decided to plan a few warm-weather trips. We’re going to visit my brother in Loreto Bay, Mexico which I am super excited about, and have a very quick trip to Hawaii planned. Of course, both of those destinations will require a bathing suit. Sheesh.

ROMPER BATHING SUIT

My one and only bathing suit is hanging along with my exercise band on the key to my armoire to remind me I’ll soon be walking down a beach. Muscle tone is not overrated 🙂 Here’s the thing…even if I had the rock-hard body of a goddess, I’m more modest at 65, and I just don’t want everything on display so I’m exploring swim dresses and swim rompers.

Swimsuit alternatives

I’m thinking kaftans, and coverups will be my friend on these trips. I’ll be packing hats, copious amounts of sunscreen and am shopping for casual clothes and coverups with sun protection built-in.

Sun-protective fashion on my radar

My brother’s latest book

The Magic Realm Book
THE MAGIC REALM

My brother Pete’s latest adventure book for children is out and you can order it here! I loved his first one and I’m collecting them for when my grandson gets a few years older. Peter is the one in our family who really inherited my Dad’s love of storytelling and writing. It’s a tale of magic, time travel, fairies, and dragons…perfect for the young children in your life.

A new “live”

One of my favorite, (perhaps the only) part of Instagram I enjoy is the Live chats. Susan from une femme d’un certain âge and I are going LIVE to chat on Tuesday at 10 am PT, 1 pm ET. The topic is going gray. This promises to be lots of fun! Susan is hosting and you can watch us here.

Thanks for reading ladies and remember to wear what makes you feel confident.

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122 Comments

  1. I am so sorry that you got such a nasty man looking at your furnace. You might want to look into buying totally new equipment from a reliable company and using their extended warranty, that is what we do.

    I have friends using those home appliance warranties that are supposed to cover everything in their house but out of all of them, only one got things covered to their satisfaction .

    I am sorry that man was so ugly to you.

  2. I travel to Maui several times a year and appreciate your ideas for warm weather fashion. I have two dresses from Cabana Life which I wear frequently! The high quality and versatility of these dresses makes them my go-to items when on Maui. And they never wrinkle!

    I always enjoy your blog. I am also making the slow switch to gray (with the help of my stylist who weaves in the gray with the blonde). I’m liking it and at the same time wondering who this older woman is!

  3. Grandma judy says:

    I have dealt with men like that before. You just want to kick them in the shins and scream “listen to me!!” When I can, I will call a manager and complain about them.
    I am 76 and since we have a cottage at a lake I still need a bathing suit. I tried one once with a skirt but it made me feel even older so now I just wear a cover-up when I can. Enjoy your trips and warm sunshine !

  4. Paulette Levy says:

    Luckily so far (knocking on wood) the repair men I’ve encountered have been polite and efficient- they actually diagnose and fix things. They’ve question one of us on the phone call first, and do have the part on the truck! Yay! The arrogance I’ve encountered were our last house painters. Didn’t listen and argumentative. So I get it! I am sorry about lack of heat. That is bad! Well, do enjoy your two vacations to warmer places! That’s one solution. Yes- I hate my two bathing suits and will try to find suits that flatter. I like the caftan idea!

  5. I too have a home warranty program that I have been with for years. The contractors they assign have no choice but to deal with me because I live alone. Only once has a plumber been so obnoxious that, although he did the repair work, I told the warranty company not to send him again when I had another problem. My latest problem is getting the electrician that the warranty company assigned to even call to set up an appointment. My understanding is that contractors seek work from warranty companies so that is who you should complain too in these situations because they certainly want your money. I have only used my warranty policy roughly four times in the last 20 years.
    So frustrating!!!

  6. Ok to vent! Look forward to your musings and todays only makes you more relatable ❣️ Tankinis are my go to now in my 60’s. I mix and match the tops and bottoms. The swim mini bottoms from Lands end offer just enough coverage without being annoying in the water.
    Want to grow out my hair but with my current caramel brown color it seems a long road of living with a skunk stripe. Not sure how to do it.
    Thanks again for the daily posts.

    1. A good colorist can help ease the grow out with some highlights

  7. Bathing suit shopping, yuck! I can’t do that any more . . . . summer dresses are more my style these days!
    Idiot service tech . . . . . my husband has stepped in before and told techs to listen to what I’m explaining. The company should make this right for you in some way.

  8. I am looking forward to hearing you and Susan’s live post tomorrow on going gray. I decided to stop coloring in April of 2020 when the pandemic first hit and now, almost two years later, I am artificially color-free. My hair color was like yours and Susan’s and I will be honest, I do miss it. I look at pictures and think I look younger and it was so pretty. Then I remind myself of the unhealthiness of coloring (dry, color fade…) the cost, and the time spent in the stylists chair…and I’m happy I did.

    NOW the big question, does going from blonde to gray change my “colors” of what I wear? Does the colors that flattered my blonde work with gray? When someone mentions that top looks good on me, that color looks pretty, I pay attention to what color it is.

    I’ll be interested in hearing what you both have to say about this and watch as you progress through the grow out. I enjoy your posts tremendously. Thank you.

    1. I think for many of us they can shift if our value contrast changes and as our skin ages.

  9. I agree completely with the others who said, “find another repair person.” Some people just aren’t living in this century and it’s a waste of time to try to change them. But do complain to the company who sent that person out and find another contractor who is polite and will listen to you.

    Regarding the bathing suit, I have a huge birthmark on my thigh (it’s faded over the years) and I always struggled to cover it up. Bathing suits with skirts are helpful, but once in the water, the skirts either cling uncomfortably or ride up from the water. I now wear separates from Lands End, with a long top and 2 bottom options: swim shorts with a bikini bottom attached, or separate bikini bottom and shorts. I no longer care who stares at my birthmark, they are being rude.

  10. I live by myself and own a home. I could write a book about repair people. I also have had shoddy work done and feel that if I were a man it would be a lot different.

  11. If on your search, you find some nice coverups that are just below the knee I would be interested. I’ve developed varicose veins behind my knees ( ugly ).

    I detest arrogant men! If I was being treated that way, I think I would ask him to leave, call the company and ask for another technician that has manners. I found that at a car dealership recently. He spoke to my husband until he told him
    I was the one buying the vehicle. He was quite attentive after that but if he hadn’t I would have left. We should never accept that type of dismissive behaviour.

  12. How I deal with “service” people like that is tell them I’ll think about the fix and then let him go. And then I find a more reputable repairman. We are well fixed with a plumber, a heating and cooling guy, an electrician and a builder who will come in an emergency. But you do have to “kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince”, even when you’re paying big bucks. Especially when you’re paying big bucks.

    We met with an architect about putting an addition on our house. We were spending a few hundred thousand, so, you know, you want to be heard. We met with a female architect who only spoke to my husband except for one statement she made to me: “Why do you have so many tables? Some of these are pretty ‘Grandmaw’.” I said, “these are antiques, I enjoy collecting and in fact, using, antiques”.
    I shut down immediately, we paid her consulting fee and moved on. I know we would have gotten the addition she wanted, not what I wanted. She also told my husband to use our basement for his recording studio! If he had wanted to do that, don’t you think he’d have already done so? I can’t stand arrogance, I really can’t,

  13. Rhoda K Clark says:

    Just a suggestion, but when you have a repairman/technician that has that attitude, just take a quick picture of him and explain to him that when you post his picture on Facebook, for example, and report his attitude to your friends and the world in general you want to make sure the photograph is flattering. Trust me, that will wake him up or you really need to ask for another tech.
    As for going grey, well, after following your post for over a year now, I have decided to let mine grow out. So far no one has noticed. Just a few grey hairs around my forehead and temples. But I have been following your move to all natural and I must say I love your hair! It looks great! And I can’t tell any difference in the body, though you may be using more product or spending a little more time on your hair. It really looks great. And I agree with changing the colors around my face now too. Colors that I wore before aren’t working like they used.
    I am really enjoying your blog.

    1. That’s awesome, Rhoda! It’s sure taking some getting used to. I will share a link to my chat with Susan later on the blog if you can’t watch live.

  14. I bought a swimsuit with the tankini top with two different bottoms. I have the short skirt, and the briefs that have adjustable draw string on the sides. I agree swimming in the skirt is unflattering and cumbersome. I wore the adjustable ones the most when we went to Maui. We snorkeled a lot, and I wore a rash guard for that. If I am just walking on beach or sunbathing in chair I wear skirt or briefs. I am noticing now there are board shorts out there. I thin k a cute slim tankini with board shorts might be the next thing for me. My thighs have cellulite and covering them would make me happier. lol Landsend has good suits that fit the rear end and have loads mix an match tops and bottoms.

    1. Landsend seems very popular. Even my Nordstrom carries them. I’ll have to check them out.

  15. The irony of the situation is that you are the one knows something is wrong and can explain it. This is a common scenario at our house, too. And when someone does that to me, I deal with them as best I can, but they won’t be back. We had a monthly care subscription (about $15/month) with the best furnace people in this area in our last house. They were great about talking to me and listening. As well, that subscription bought us immediate attention when we had any problems. It was super important when we lost hear in the winter here in the Midwest.

    The best companies train their people not to ignore people by gender. BUT, I will also say, if this is a warranty you bought when you bought your home, we had one and they cover very little in reality. Any real problem we had wasn’t covered. Very frustrating. I hope you get it fixed by someone who has better customer service skills.

  16. What is the name of you brother’s new book? I bought his last one for my 11 year old grandson and he loved it!
    I’ve found a variety of quality swimsuits for mature figures at Lands End. Nice coordination with coverups and reasonable prices.

  17. I love the sun hats with built in UV protection from Coolibar. Do you know them?

  18. Jan Whichard says:

    I am sorry you let the workman annoy you. I have worked with men and women in a former “man’s profession” for many years. Women are equal annoyers.
    BUT mostly, I come to read your blog to get away from the negative news of the day and while I understand your annoyance I would ask if your blog is really the place for sharing that. I enjoy the light hearted artistic approach to your daily offering but I have enough annoying people and events to not want to read about it in a style blog.
    My 2 cents.

    1. I think maybe the post goes along with the idea that woman of a certain age become “invisible”, which I think was recently touched upon.

      1. I was certainly invisible to him and I find it intolerable in someone I am paying

    2. Jan, I think that her ‘Monday Musings’ post was an excellent place for Jennifer to vent her frustrations among her loyal readership. And going by the comments, many others have had the same experience, and some have come up with great ideas to counter it, and encouragement to stand one’s ground.
      I’m just a couple of years younger than Jennifer and I love it when she brings up lifestyle issues that affect women of our age (or any age really).

    3. I’m sorry this disappoints you Jan

  19. Oh Jennifer you hit my hot button! Not sure where home warranty companies find these arrogant, ignorant men to represent them. On one occasion we simply said nope, send someone else. Then different state, different warranty co, the repairmen was trying to hustle more business out of us and we let the company know and to NEVER send the guy again. (I won’t go into warranty companies.)
    My bathing suit hunt ended with a flattering wide leg, 5” board short and a cute Tankini top. (Hawaii in February.) Some of the rompers were so cute but too short.

  20. Don’t get me started on repair men. Some of them are the most obnoxious, rude and condescending individuals I have come across in my life. Started years ago at a car dealership. Service guy tried to tell me there was nothing wrong with my car….constant stalling is not a problem I guess. He told me to come back with my husband (man in other words) and he would talk to him about the problem. Didn’t you just tell me there was no problem?! Various other men in any field have acted the same way….ever since then I absolutely stand my ground with these men and amazingly enough they back down right away and actually listen to me when I am trying to explain things to them.

    1. Cynthia B says:

      So funny….I felt my blood pressure increase with the story of the repair man 😂. Absolutely rings my bell. I used to just deal with it and then be angry for days after. Now, I firmly get right into it and explain which one of us they need to be dealing with. My husband is very supporting cuz he’s seen me and our daughters be run over by boorish men and he won’t stand for it either. It’s poor manners, regardless of the gender issue.
      Thanks for the bathing suit update. I really like the choices you brought out!

      1. You hit the nail on the head, he was rude

    2. Years ago my car needed body work. When I went to pick it up I didn’t accept it because the paint didn’t match.. The guy said it matches and I said no it doesn’t and he said where’s your husband and I said where’s your wife! He fixed the paint.
      I know we all have lots of stories about condescending people and it’s empowering to stand up for ourselves.

      1. LOL

    3. Some of them are nightmares about cars! It makes me furious

  21. We had our furnace and a/c replaced last year as they were going on 20 years old and we knew the lifespan was limited. Those home warranties have a bad reputation where we live (for doing what yours did), so we have savings to cover these things instead of paying warranty companies. We found a terrific company to handle this plus they installed energy efficient units to lower our energy bill.
    As for swimwear, i wear a regular suit with swim shorts and rash guard for snorkeling and water adventures. For the pool, I wear the same without the rash guard. It is comfortable for me….

    1. Marcia Brinkley says:

      I live on Hawaii Island. I’m almost 70 and jiggly in various places but just don’t care about bathing suit issues any more. Wear something supportive but cute (Lands End is our friend) and enjoy the water!

      1. Lucky you!!!

  22. Nancy McNamara says:

    Tell him if he won’t talk to you he has to leave.

  23. Barbara Heisler says:

    Call that repairman’s company and express your total disgust with their behind-the-times and evidently not well trained repairman. I assume they’d like to retain you as a customer. I’m in real estate and have learned that I never lose it or use profanity, but I can get my point across quite forcefully. With so many women in real estate, we have an advantage.
    Love the swim suits, and envy you the trips. Have fun.
    Oh, how young is young for your brother’s books? Have grand twins turning 11 soon.

    1. That’s the perfect age for his books!

  24. My daughter, a single mom physician with 2 master’s degrees, calls it “mansplaining.” It is demeaning, arrogant, and obvious. Be sure to write a review to the company. Absolutely archaic.

    1. Great term for them. I have complained loud and clear to the company 🙂

  25. Arrogant men are frustrating. Thank goodness I didn’t marry one. I went through a similar experience when we were having Internet issues. I’m the one who dealt with the spotty connectivity and documented it (and worked as a school district’s tech specialist for 20 years and know how to troubleshoot), yet the technicians ignored my input. I’m also in the market for bathing suits for upcoming beach vacations. The rompers are new to me and might work to camouflage my muffin top! I’m looking forward to your Instagram live. I didn’t realize that Susan is also going gray. I love my mostly white hair!

  26. Sorry about your experience, Jennifer. Please let me know which suit you choose as we are going to Palm Desert and AZ in April and I need a new one. As much coverage as possible please!
    Have a great week and stay warm my friend.

    1. Thanks, Mary Ann. I will be wearing the kaftan I bought two summers ago I thought I would never wear.

  27. I’m not fond of swim dresses. When you actually get in the water they cling to you and make swimming, snorkeling or whatever more about your bathing suit clinging than your water experience. I’m for wearing a rash guard on top and regular bathing suit bottoms and just adding a cover-up once I’m out of the water.

    As far as the arrogant repair person, his company should be told about his attitude and reminded that you won’t be doing business with it any longer.

    1. Good to know about swim dresses, thanks Pam.

  28. Good Morning – I had to comment on your “arrogant” men. Several years ago, when single, I was shopping for a new car. I was asked by the “young” salesman if I would like to take the car home to show to my husband to see what he thought about the car. I responded “what should I do if I do not have a husband”!

    The dealership lost a sale that day.

    I have a quote posted on my desk, not sure of the author. It is
    “I am not a product of my circumstances, I am a product of my decisions.”

    Have a wonderful day!!

    1. I love that quote!!!

  29. Mona Rioux says:

    Hi Jennifer! I hear you about the arrogant man. I owned and maintained my house by myself while single for about 20 years. I’ve run into a few of those and it really got my goat. I kicked one of them out of my house once! Ha! After all, we are paying them-they work for us!
    About the bathing suit, when I turned 40, peri menopause hit me hard and I gained a LOT of weight quickly and I felt so self conscious about wearing a bathing for a trip to SE Asia that I went and bought an expensive full coverage one piece to wear so I’d feel more comfortable. When I got to the first beach, I realized I had nothing to worry about. All other tourists, young and old, small and large were all wearing the skimpiest of bathing suits, especially Europeans. They don’t seem to be bothered by that at all. So I never let that bother me again. Now at 59, I’m going to Maui in March and I just bought a nice bikini (not skimpy) and a one piece because I’ve finally lost all that weight and proud of it. No matter if there’s sagging skin or a little cellulite, I don’t care!

    1. Congratulations! My daughter is insisting I wear a bikini so I’m on the hunt for one.

  30. Yes, to your statement about arrogant men. Especially when you appear older and they think you can not possibly know what you are talking about.