Monday Musings: On Trying New Things, Even When It Feels Unfamiliar
Happy Monday, ladies. This week I’ve been thinking about making new friends and how long it’s been since my nervous system truly relaxed.
We joined two clubs last week, partly because we’re new to town and wanted to get more connected in our community, but also because making friends at this age doesn’t happen automatically anymore.
There’s no natural structure, the way there was when our children were young. Back then, friendships formed all the time, with little effort. You stood on the sidelines at a soccer game long enough, or waited through enough ballet classes, and eventually you started talking to the same people over and over again. Familiarity did most of the work for you, and natural connections formed and grew over the years.
Now, there is no sideline. You have to put yourself in the room on purpose.
I’ll admit, it feels a little awkward. Not terrible, just unfamiliar. Especially for an introvert like me (yes its true). You walk in, aware that everyone else seems to know where they belong, and you’re not quite sure where to stand or how long to linger. It reminds me of the first day at a new school, except now you have decades of life experience and still feel oddly unsure of yourself in that moment.
What’s different now is that friendships aren’t formed out of necessity. They’re formed out of choice. And choice requires more intention. You have to decide to go. Decide to introduce yourself. Decide to come back again, even if the first time feels inconclusive.
I don’t expect instant friendships. But I would like to find them over time. And familiarity… to recognize someone and be recognized in return. To have small conversations that feel a little less tentative each time.
That’s usually how it begins…with repetition and shared space. It may take longer now, but it’s still possible.
I’m curious how you’ve made friends at this stage of life. Did it happen naturally, or did you have to be more deliberate about putting yourself in new places?
I suspect many of us are figuring this out as we go.
Accupuncture
I’m also thinking about acupuncture.
I met a practitioner at a sound bath a few weeks ago and was fortunate to get an appointment with her last week. She’s also my daughter’s Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor, which made it easier to walk in and trust the process.
We spent time talking before anything began. Not just about my symptoms (of which there are many…), but about how I’ve been feeling overall. Once I was on the table, she placed the needles and checked my pulse frequently, watching how my body responded. At one point, she said that when she calmed one area, another would react. My system wasn’t settling all at once.
That sounded familiar.
The best part was certainly how I felt afterward. I was deeply calm. Not tired, just relaxed in a way that felt unfamiliar. I remember thinking I could easily lie down and nap, which never happens to me in the middle of the day.
It made me realize how accustomed I’ve become to carrying a low level of tension without noticing it. It had quietly become my normal.
Many years ago, I had an integrative medicine physician who was also trained in acupuncture, and I trusted her deeply. When she moved away, I lost that layer of support and have missed it ever since. This experience reminded me what it feels like when your nervous system finally lets go.
I’ve always believed in being open to different ways of supporting the body, especially when they work alongside good medical care.
So with that in mind, I’m curious if any of you have tried acupuncture? And what other ways are you unwinding tension these days?
You likely already know about this – and in Vancouver, the Vancouver Women Newcomers Club (part of a network across Canada/US), is a great way to meet other women and participate in so many different activities.
https://vancouvernewcomersclub.com/join-us/
I did not know that, thank you so much!
My boss SWEARS by regular acupuncture (and massage). I have a massage regularly but have been considering acupuncture as well and am further intrigued by the experience you described. I’ve also been giving thought to making friends as a mid-50s person who might be living in a new town in the next few years (post-retirement) so I look forward to future posts on your journey in this area.
I’m also an introvert in new situations and I’m more introverted as I get older. For me, doing something else while talking with people makes it easier. I love to knit and and doing a knitting drop in (eventually) led to friendships. I also go to the same exercise class at the same time and have met people that way.
Friendships do develop over time. It takes shared experiences together to create a history upon which the friendship is developed. I expect it can also occur with multiple conversations that lead to familiarity. Hobbies and a little part-time job have helped to meet acquaintances and develop a couple of friendships. Since I’m also an introvert, acquaintances sometimes fit the bill as less time and commitment is required.
I have done acupuncture several times for different injuries. I am deathly afraid of needles but acupuncture has helped me every time. I love it!!! I have not tried it for anxiety but I know people who swear by it for anxiety
I just wish my insurance covered it….I’d go more often….
My insurance doesn’t cover it either which doesn’t seem right.
I’ve been going to an orthopedic acupuncturist for neck and shoulder pain. She combines deep knowledge of anatomy with eastern acupuncture techniques. In practice that means using dry needling, electro stimulation, and gwasha more than focusing on the energy meridians. It’s helped me a lot.
Boy, have you hit the nail on the head. Because of my husband’s job, we’ve moved numerous times with several times being overseas. I’m not complaining because I loved it! But our last move before retirement was to a city that has never felt like home and with our four kids scattered across the country, we’re at a loss as to where we’ll end up. Like you said, it was easy with kids, but I’m dreading our final move and trying to make new friends in my 70’s. Thank you for sharing – glad to see I’m not alone!
Ah, making new friends in my 60s. It is getting lucky if you find a dear friend and puting yourself out there to widen the circle. I am an introvert and still working so I have a few great neighbours and one long-time friend nearby who will likely move away soon to be with her only daughter. The rest have all moved to other towns and I only connect by phone. Im not really interested in more right now. My husband retired 5 years ago and has friends of his own. I will likely connect more through volunteer activities when I retire.
So many reflections!
As to acupuncture, I had a mild stroke in 2017 (a “1” on the NIH scale…IYKYK) and was left with a constant “pins and needles “ on the right side of my face. Went to acupuncture and I would have good “same day” relief but it didn’t last. PCP advised that whatever aftereffects I had after 6 months would be permanent, and that has proved true. I am fine with it all and consider myself blessed that it wasn’t worse. And haven’t had another stroke!
As for making friends…..I have found that a shared activity is the key. When I left the corporate world and full time work, I explored multiple interests. Cooking and gardening were solitary. The book club didn’t work out; golf (at our club) did; and so did watercolor painting classes, but it took a few years because there were already established friendships. Had to wait for other “newcomers”. You have to keep trying and be patient. As (perhaps) like you, no one would guess that I have a hard time “breaking in”. I think they view me as a stronger personality……but that’s the external me.
Hi Jennifer,
At the end of 2024, at the age of 73, I moved from being a lifelong New Englander to becoming a resident of Michigan. I moved because my only son and his wife were about to have a baby, and they really wanted my moral support. I have to say that I have a number of friendly acquaintances, but no friends. I have joined 2 choruses, and a few groups. It’s slow going. I am thankful to have some dear friends in New England with whom I talk and email and text and see on Zoom. I talk to my sister, who lives in New England. I am not exactly an introvert, but I’m not totally an extrovert. I do my best, and I am content with life here. As for acupuncture, I had a wonderful acupuncturist in Massachusetts, and miss her greatly.
That’s a big change for you. It sounds like you’re not realy settled.
I have you followed since at least before your husband retired. Then there were the camper adventures. Then you moved to be closer to your grandson. Are you in California or where your daughter is. I have been babysitting my new granddaughter for the last year and have not had time to keep up with anyone 🙃
I have two places. A home in California near my son and grandsons, and we rent a condo near my daughter in Vancouver so we are able to go back and forth.
I enjoyed your comments about making new friends in the later stages of our lives.
I’m not a person with a ton of close friends though I have a friend from childhood and one from college. I made newer friends after our last move to MI in 1988 that I am close to now.
Then life happened. My bestie from 1966 forward moved to MN to be near her son and family. Worse my newest friend who was my neighbor and walking buddy for 12 years passed away suddenly 2 years ago in January.
Adjustments in relationships are
harder as we age but friends are a vital part of our lives ( I’m an only child. No sibs to lean on) So thumbs up to you as you reach out to make these connections.
C
Change is so hard but we do have to roll with them.
I’ve found acupuncture very helpful. when nothing else works Acupuncture works. Of course it has to be with the right person. I’ve often fallen asleep on the table.
Where have you moved to? I missed that.
We haven’t moved, we rent a condo in Vancouver and go back and forth to California
What a wonderful post today! I agree, it isn’t as natural or easy to make friends as we age. When I retired, we got a little dog. Through her, we’ve met every family in my neighborhood with young children or a dog. Sweet Karman is an extrovert, I am an introvert. She’s opened doors for me. Through her I met another retired neighbor and we started a neighborhood retirees bookclub—so much fun, we hold nothing back. Through my dog, I met another younger neighbor with a cute, friendly dog. She invited me to join her bookclub, which I’ve done. I’m making friends but share your feelings of awkwardness and some anxiety about not “messing it up.” I’m also still hoping to make a new dear friend of the heart. Stress, yes, me too. I’m restarting a meditation practice and am hoping it will help. Thanks again to you and all the commenters for a truly inspired post!
Our closest friends now at our ages of 77 and 79 are friends we have made over our political beliefs and leanings. It started with one couple who also was frustrated with the direction of local as well as national politics. They had like-minded friends, we had like-minded friends and our group grew. We now meet once a month for lunch and talk where all talk is not political, but we know how each one feels however. We support each other on social media posts and appreciate having friends who we know believe as we do.
I tries acupuncture for knee pain years ago. It didn’t help and I ended up having surgery after all. But it was kind of relaxing in an odd-sensation kind of way. Regarding making friends…golf leagues, book clubs, art classes are great ways to meet other women. I’d add pickleball but the aforementioned knees aren’t a big fan of that activity.
Love accupuncture . I went for my back issues, but the relaxed feeling afterwards was amazing. One session she also took care of my jet lag that I didn’t even realize I had!
On acupuncture, I have nothing to offerbut wish I did. On making friends through my yoga classes ( I’m 79-will be 80 later in 2026) has been a bit easy. One woman I really enjoyed was so outgoing and we’ve shared lunches,
Met at Senior Center activities to sit together, attended concerts and just talked. Eventually her daughters decided she should move closer to them ( out of our State). She accepted.
I’ve met other friends at yoga classes (I attend 3 classes a week) but none quite like her. I see friendships formed at book club too.
Do you think because you travel back and forth between Vancouver and your California home quite frequently this might play into the idea of being a regular, or not a regular?
I’m quite introverted too, Jennifer but I tend to be here a lot- therefore a regular at yoga, Tai chi, book clubs. Good luck at your two new clubs; just ask questions as people live to talk to a caring person! You are that!
Thanks Paulette
When I retired, I started teaching myself to quilt. So I went into a quilt store, bought fabrics, joined a quilting group that met there monthly which brought me new friends, joined a quilt guild which brought me more new friends, and one of those friends got me knitting! It’s like a ball of rubber bands – just keeps growing! Can you tell me what shoes (boots?) you are wearing in the lead in photo? They look like they would be great travel shoes. Thanks for all the ideas you throw at us!
Jeannette in STL
They are old Munro booties and I adore them. Sadly the company closed down last year so I treasure them even more.
I have met many nice people after retiring a few of who have become good friends. I do believe you have to put yourself out there. Try new groups and things. I have the three time rule. First time to a new group you are most likely going to feel uncomfortable. I go the second time . I go the third time. Then on the third time if I still don’t feel right or like the group I stop. I do believe you have to give it more than one time when you are starting up cold with a group. Most of the time I am quite comfortable by the third time.
I tried acupuncture once and I was in such pain that I never went back nor did I try another acupuncturist.
I joined a Newcomers club when I retired to Vancouver Island. Through that I joined various clubs and met other ladies that way. I also engaged with my neighbours, inviting them to join us for a drink or the ladies for coffee. It is harder as we get older to approach and befriend people. We just need to put our big girl panties on and go up to others to start a chat. You never know who might become a friend.
Yup, that’s what it takes 🙂
I find that as I get older (I’m 75), I find myself more selective about who I want to spend my time with. My best friend (since I was 16!) doesn’t live near me but when we talk on the phone we can pick up the conversation like no time has passed. My close friends are my three sisters-in-law. I know they would be there for me and I for them. I am very much an introvert. I don’t have time or inclination for shallow relationships anymore. We do live in an over 55 community as well, and while there are some nice people here, it is VERY clique-ish and I just don’t have time for the drama, plus I find it draining to be around people all the time. Some people love it, nothing wrong with it, I guess we are all different.
I’m very supportive of acupuncture with personal experience in successful treatment of chronic fatigue syndrome and planter fasciitis.
Great post about a subject rarely discussed. Making new friends and connections later in life is supposedly one of the best ways to improve health and quality of life. I look for connections–just people to interact with, who may or may not become friends–at church and in my neighborhood. I try to have low expectations and give it time. Just having a conversation is enough.
I love a massage and yoga! 🧘♀️
I have been going to an acupuncturist for decades. He also does cupping. He relieves my muscle aches and pains ( and I have many health issues) almost immediately. I carry a lot of tension in my shoulders and back. I always leave his office walking on cloud nine! I enthusiastically recommend going to an acupuncturist!
I have tried acupuncture for sinus issues, and I think that it is effective. My acupuncturist retired, so I need to find someone new. I’d like to learn more about acupressure as well.
My attitude about making friends now that I am retired is to do some things that I like that are in a group setting, instead of doing solo things. At the minimum, you are around people for the activity so you have one thing in common, and you are doing something you enjoy!
The Assistance League is great for connecting with people, and I always thought that if I moved to a new area I would immediately join the Assistance League. They have created a community for their volunteers with a lot of social events and activities, along with the volunteer work that you do as a member.
Great suggestion
I met a new friend in the food court at Costco. We talked for awhile, exchanged phone numbers. Ended up going to lunch, have friends in common and our husbands like each other. It’s a win win. Actupuncture is wonderful.
Wow that’s great
It certainly is harder to make new friends at an older age. When my best friend and my sister died within a few years of each other I have felt lost. We have a group of golfers that have become really great friends. In the winter we meet for drinks but miss my friend and my sister dearly. I am really curious about acupuncture and coping with stress. The struggle is real!
I’m so sorry to hear about your losses, that’s really tough.
After retiring from being a Realtor for 27 years I knew I needed to be around people! I joined a drawing class, a ukulele group (there are 90 musicians in our group) & I volunteer at a local museum & in prison ministry. I’ve found being around people with similar interests sparks friendships. And volunteering is good for my body, soul & mind! It brings me so much joy!
For introverts there are ‘Silent Book Clubs’ worldwide.
Thank you, Jennifer for the fashion information you share, as well as your common sense wisdom!
Silent book clubs sound interesting
After 50 years as an adult in Chicago, my husband wanted to move away for our retirement. We ended up in Santa Fe almost 6 years ago. We didn’t know a soul and I am a major introvert. We were extremely lucky in that we moved into a new development with many retirees who had also moved here and didn’t know anyone. But I had to put myself out there and that was stressful. My best advice is to join things that truly interest you: lifelong learning group, pickleball, book club (library), HOA (unless it’s toxic), etc. Don’t get stuck on the “shoulds,” volunteering for things you’re not really interested in. If you meet some friendly neighbors, invite them over for a glass of wine and simple snacks. You will attract lots of people wanting to be your friend once they have met you.
I live in San Diego. There’s an organization I have heard about and finally checked it out. Not sure if this is available in all states in the U.S., but its called Oasis, funded partly through Medicare and through private funds. They say this is for 50+ age group. Perhaps there are other organizations that are structured for this age group around the country. Classes offered are everything from Art Appreciation, pottery, knitting expertise, languages, yoga, pickleball to name a few. Anyway, I tried it out and met some lovely people. I’m considering taking more classes to make some acquaintances.
Great tip!
I agree , it is not easy meeting people when you are retired ,unless you join groups that interest you. I have joined a quilt group , and that is once a week . I did not know how to quilt when I joined. We quilt for charity groups. We support each other by sharing our life’s journey. We bring our lunch. We sew on sewing machines, sew, pin quilts together there. I also recommend a book club that reads books you enjoy. I also joined a group of women at my church. We meet for social and lunch once a month. The groups are very casual, and no
pressure of any kind . The women are super nice and respectful.
I go to the gym for my stiff tense body. I am going 4x a week 40min. per time. I sometimes I invite a friend, and we talk and use the elliptical or bike. I find talking to someone passes the time pretty fast.
I have not tried acupuncture, but hear it can be helpful. Let us know how it goes .
I am also interested in this topic I just moved into a development to be close to my daughter and know no one. i am older and would like to know how to meet and make friends I am an introvert too
I’ve moved a number of times over the years and found that if I “join” a group of similar interests, it helps me to meet people and make friends. Then through someone in one group or another will introduce me to her friends and so it goes. The main thing is you have to put yourself out there. I read that it becomes easier to stay home than extend yourself and that is very detrimental to our mental health.
Loneliness is an epidemic in older people.
You asked how we unwind tension. For the past several years I have done a 10 minute meditation each day – not something I would ever have thought about when I was younger. I started when I was the primary caretaker for my husband (very exhausting and stressful) and a friend suggested the Calm app – there are many other similar apps. I found that after a short meditation, often there would be tears running down my face – I didn’t even realize how much tension I was holding in my body, and I felt so much more relaxed afterwards. It’s surprising how helpful this is.
Thank you so much, Susan. I needed that reminder. I meditate occasionally but certainly not enough.
At 72 I learned to play pickleball. Four years later, a have a group of wonderful women friends, some of whom no longer play, who share events, lunches, books, dinners…
Amazing!
Jennifer,
I am such a believer in accupuncture and cupping and do this for maintenance throughout the year. It is how I choose my insurance yearly (as coverage or not has charged yearly).
This and functional medicine ( a little harder to find a practioner) work hand in hand in my personal opinion.
Believing you have to. Be your own advocate when it comes to your health is my mantra.
Good for you and it is so good to hear you had immediate results based on how you felt after the treatment.
It works so well also with how you eat, too which I imagine she will get into with you, too.♥️
Accupuncture has nothing to do with ‘if you like or hate needles’ which I hear often when I mention my success with acupuncture.
Who likes needles. Not me.
Who wants to feel their best, ME.
Now go enjoy and thanks so much for sharing.
I love your blog.
Warmly, Melissa
I haven’t tried cupping but I’m certainly curious. I’m hoping to also find an acupuncturist back in California. Thanks Melissa.
Curious about the 2 groups you joined? I can certainly relate to the challenge of meeting new people.
Thanks, Diane
One was a senior community group and the other was a boat club.
My now good friend and I have often talked about how we met and became friends later in life. I was recently retired, with less of a plan than I should have had, and she was a librarian at our local library. We initially bonded over our love of books. That first tentative dance of “mmm…I like this person, will she like me” was a bit scary!
I can relate
Good morning. Thank you for this post and your honesty. I am experiencing much of what you wrote about. I’m 74 work full time at a job I really like. I’m an administrator at a college. I Take care of my grandkids one or two days a week. My friendship group is made up of my co-workers and a neighbor I have lunch with occasionally. I’m thinking about retirement, but very hesitant to retire. The thought makes me feel lonely and empty. A few months ago, I got to talking to the lady next to me at the nail salon. She runs a Facebook group for women over 50. It sounds like a good way to meet new people with whom I might share some interests. I’m going to give it a try.
I also carry anxiety. I’ve never thought about acupuncture. I will look into it. And, lastly, most people would say I’m a definite extraverted. Truthfully, I’m more of an introvert than most people would think. That’s why this big life change facing me makes me so uncomfortable.
Take care and good luck in your effort to make new friends.
I think retirement is over rated for some people. If you enjoy doing what you do, and they will keep you on, why stop? Retirement isn’t always the nirvana people talk about. It’s so personal.
Like many others, we sold our home and moved to an in-town condo building after many years in a suburban house. We have met and made friends with all sorts of people by just chatting with them hither and yon…at building meetings, at the elevator, in the laundry room. We have also joined building committees. Two of us started a mystery book club by chatting at the elevator. Neighbors introduced us to others. People are never intrusive and never knock on doors uninvited. We help each other on all sorts of occasions. Lovely experience overall.
I was widowed suddenly 1 1/2 years ago. I am still navigating life as a single person but feel blessed every day that I live in a 55 plus community. I have an amazing group of friends who support each other in all kinds of ways. I play pickleball which is great socializing and also lots of cards and other activities. My relaxation comes from nature and walking/hiking. I work on balance and strength. I’m lucky I’m healthy and able to be active. My faith keeps me grounded too.
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband.
I tried several sessions of acupuncture many years ago. The practitioner was only trained in using it for addiction but thought it might help with my anxiety. The needles were placed at spots in the ear. I did notice a difference. I felt sleepy and drained after the sessions. I stopped going because, while I knew acupuncture did something, the practitioner was not well trained. I would definitely consider doing it again with someone else, especially for something like pain or muscle soreness.
First of all, I am an introvert also. It’s not easy making friends at my age in the 70s. I don’t attend church or belong to any clubs. As the Brits say, i keep myself to myself. I been known to avoid neighbors standing in their yard by pretending I don’t see them. LOL. I have made friends with one of my neighbors whose husband died 2 years ago. My husband and I have sort of adopted her, inviting her for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners and other times during the year. It’s an easy friendship. I was born in the Midwest where I think it is easier to make friends. I was in for a shock when I moved to New England. They really keep to themselves! Now I live in Florida. At my age you really do have to put in a lot of effort to make friends. It is not easy. I did try acupuncture and I enjoyed it. It is a great stress reducer!
Hi Jennifer,
Someone suggested acupuncture for me when I was coming to grips with breast cancer and going through chemo and radiation. Acupuncture is so good for stress, and I would have a session a couple of days after the chemo to help me relax, and then after the treatments finished completely, I continued for another two years for chronic insomnia. I found it so calming and I met the right practitioner and office that also really helped me on the journey of finding wellbeing. I thought for a while of training in acupuncture! So I really loved it. Right now to “unwind” I am sewing again: making a quilt top and enjoying putting all my colors together. That and walking every day my 10,000 steps! Have a lovely week!
The steps are so important. I really notice more stress when I’m sedentary.
First of all you look wonderful in that blueberry colored down jacket. It is a wonderfully, joyful color. As far as making friends I tend to be passive so I have probably missed a lot of opportunities in past years. But, my husband and I live in a small town and I started going to the First Friday of the month coffee chat at the library about a year ago. I then connected with a couple gals my age 50’s to 60’s. Flash forward one of the ladies is very bubbly and started inviting me to her birthday party , to a pizza night etc and on Valentine’s day this year I found myself at a delightful Galentines breakfast. It is a sweet and fun group. And after living in this small town for 17 years I am finally meeting some folks. Timing? Not sure but after Covid I did find myself more outgoing.
Fabulous!
As a lifelong knitter, I have met the most amazing people. Although we live in different states we have managed to meet for a weekend of knitting, laughter, and food twice a year for over 20 years. We have shared the best and worst of life throughout the years and now we meet once a week via zoom. Look for a group of knitters. Most are kind, talented, generous and welcoming women.
I do miss my knitting group we moved away from.
We made a big move about 18 months ago to a community where we knew no one. Both my husband and I already belonged to clubs that we were able to transfer our membership, that was very helpful. Our new home is in the south near the Gulf of Mexico and we chose an over 55 community, with lots of activities to choose from. It’s made the transition so much easier.
I just wanted to say how much I enjoy reading your blog each morning with a cup of coffee. I’m 5 ft and 69 but young at heart. I really enjoy seeing your outfits even if some are out of my price range you also help me expand what I look at. I was brought up with a British mother who always had a flare, whether it was with hats, scarves,belts , on a budget she always looked put together. She once said she never owned a pair of jeans but when she passed I found one with her sitting on steps with head back and rolled up jeans in her 20s looking like a young Marilyn Monroe.! I used to joke my mom probably had a girdle on vacuuming. She was a reminder that looking put together doesn’t take a lot of time or money. She lived to 97 but even at the nursing home was known for her style, I miss her and thank you for taking me back in memories and also looking forward to being a well put together old lady!
Welcome! She sounds like an amazing woman.
Good morning! Many years ago I had acupuncture from a Chinese Medicine Practitioner to quit smoking. He also placed a staple in my ear. It immediately took away any cravings. It is very relaxing.
Wow!
After moving to the South in my mid sixties five years ago I too have gone through and continue to go through the process of meeting new people. I joined a health club and participate in group classes and have made a few friends there which led to monthly book club and game nights. I also joined a civic group with community involvement. Recently I joined a mahjong group. People have been friendly however many have lived here for a long time so outside of the group meeting time they seem to be busy with family and other commitments.
I have found that volunteering my time at a non profit charity has been a great source for friendship as well.
Your post on making new friends outside of being a “parent” really hit home. As I get closer to retirement, I realize that outside of my kids and work friends, my circle has diminished. I will take the step to get outside of my comfort zone and join a new club. One that interests ME and brings me joy. (Garden, Volunteer, Church, Fitness Center?) Thank You and I thoroughly enjoy reading your column every day.
I returned to my home town after living away for over 22 years. I initially caught up with some school friends, but too much time had passed just to pick up from where left. Many people at our age are not looking for new friends as they already have them, or their families take up a lot of their time. I made some new friends at work and those friendships have lasted, but really can’t be bothered making any effort these days to meet new people. It sounds as if you are more sociable than me and I hope the groups do pan out for you. Glad the acupuncture was successful – a hot stone massage is my go to tension reliever
We’ve made friends in our walkable urban neighborhood, through repeated interactions, as you describe. Attendance at regular community meetings helped a lot. Taking a leadership position for a while at a minor organization helped. Making friends with a highly social person who loves to entertain helped. (We didn’t become friends with that intent, but it did help nevertheless.)
Several years ago, I started the practice of looking for opportunities to connect with people I know, even acquaintances. The perfect time to send a little text about something relevant to them. The check-in if it had been too long. Not overwhelming people, but also not getting so caught up in my own day-to-day that I forget to nurture my relationships. This system works really well for me.
It’s not smooth and easy like when we were young, is it!
Great question! I recently responded to a blog post that was (re)introducing the idea of an old-fashioned pen pal. You are to handwrite letters and send them USPS. At one time I could sit and write long, lovely letters, my thoughts and handwriting flowed without issue. For now, we have only exchanged Valentines cards, and I felt like a third-grade student who had very clunky writing skills.
Will it turn into a real-life friend situation? I have no idea!
Over ten years ago, I did connect with someone who shared a common interest with me, on Facebook. We often meet halfway between our homes to have lunch and shop. Emails are exchanged a few times a week with a smattering of text messages and phone calls. Our husbands have also become friends. Good things do happen in our later years of life!
As for the pen pal, I plan to continue on, but who knows, maybe my “pal” doesn’t?
I am 71. I could easily retire, but I don’t want to because of the social connections. I have every day with my staff and donors. I’m still productive and effective albeit slightly tired. One thing I did that was very hard is give up wine. I love it, but I realized I am not a social drinker. I’m a daily drinker. I had the bad liver panel. I worked too hard to stay fit and healthy to kill my liver with a habit. regarding acupuncture I’ve had it on and off Since 1976. It’s wonderful if you can find the right person. Thank you so much for your blog. I love it.
Thanks for being here and sharing, Julie
I am putting myself out to a group of women at the Y
Not awkward anymore they are welcoming. We have interesting conversations. I enjoy being with them.
Perhaps not for everyone, but I made new friends by joining a choir! It’s very ‘low-key’ – no auditions, you just have to love to sing. We do a concert a couple of times a year so that there’s something to work towards to, and our weekly practices are full of laughter. Whenever I’m out now I usually run into one or two fellow singers, and that’s such a nice feeling. If my husband is with me, he always says, ‘who was that? Don’t tell me, someone from the choir.’ We live in his home town but sometimes it seems that I know more people than he does.
Woah boy did your friendship post strike a nerve with me. We moved to a new community and town only 6 months ago with the plan that this is it until we can no longer live independently. There are tons of activities, clubs, etc. but we’ve yet to make any “friends.” At my age, I’m not looking for a new “best” friend, but hope to find some acquaintances that I can grab a coffee with occasionally. My husband is a golfer so we’re hoping that leads to some new connections. I did join the book club and at the first two meetings when I tried to grab a seat I was told at 3 separate tables that the seat was “saved.” I didn’t let that stop me though. The next few meetings I would grab a seat at an empty table and just waited for it to fill or not. I do not plan to stop going and have yet to connect with anyone, but it’s a bit disappointing that the cliques still exist even in 55 plus women. I have a very lovely circle of close friends but everyone lives 3 hours away or more so we connect via phone when we can and plan “reunions” at least once a year. Old friends really are the best because they know your history.
I hear you about the cliques!! They exist where live too.