Monday Musings on White Tees and Decorum
We went to a much larger farmers market this weekend. The weather was warm and sunny, so since my face was still puffy from the IPL, I wore this giant hat with the brim pulled down and a lightweight linen shirtdress. Most people were more casually dressed than I was, but I felt like me, and was super comfy.
I ended up carrying three bags of fruits and veggies, which convinced me I needed a foldable shopping trolly. If you’ve never gone down the rabbit hole looking at those options, you’d be surprised!
I want a cute one like this, or even this vintage one. It also has to be practical, so I’ll probably end up with one like this. They even make them with wheels like this, so you can easily pull them upstairs.
I end up holding my daughter’s flowers in the car each week, which begs the question, why aren’t I buying flowers myself?
There were lots of thoughtful comments on the blog last week. This one by Shari on the post about organizing our wardrobes for fall really stood out for me~
"I have also started a list of things I don’t need any more of. I can get attracted to certain items and end up with more than I really wear. (No more jeans!) I’m also having a frank discussion with myself about my true lifestyle and how many items of certain categories I really need. How often do I dress up, need business wear? Maybe a few times a year. I’m focusing on casual but not sloppy.
Too often, we buy things for a lifestyle we used to have or wish we had. At this stage of our lives, let’s create a wardrobe that really works in our favor and makes it easy to walk out the door knowing we look great.
Rainbow
I bought rainbow chard at the farmer’s market this week. I’ve never made it before, so I culled together a few recipes to come up with a nice side dish, but it turned out disgusting! Chewy and bitter, but it sure looked yummy. Do you have a recipe for chard I could try next time? I love the idea of eating a rainbow of colors, but it has to be edible.
Black & White & Boring
Pardon my rant, but…when did white undershirts become dinner-out attire for men? I know I’m old-fashioned, but I think it’s polite to make a small effort with our appearance when we dine out. It shows a level of respect for ourselves, the waitstaff, and the other patrons. But…if no one can see the effort, does it count?
Last night, we went out for a casual dinner at one of our favorite local French restaurants. I love a classic white tee as much as the next person, but when a man wears one, it looks exactly like an undershirt. If I’m looking at you across the room, I don’t know if the tag on your plain white tee says Hanes, Ralph Lauren, or Thom Browne.
In the same small restaurant, I spotted no less than 9 women wearing a simple white top with black pants. Apparently, they all got the memo that black with white is chic, but it bordered on boring. None of them had personalized their look with special earrings, a scarf, or a unique shape. I adore minimalistic style, but if you go down that route, it’s important to add some personality to your look.
Have you noticed men wearing a white undershirt/tee shirt out to dinner? Does it bother you, or am I too picky?
I like this post. I probably have too many clothes, and I have to really resist buying more things I simply do not need. I love JJill and their clothes last for a long time if you take good care of them. (I do.) I’m retired so most of my clothes are casual to nice-casual. Speaking of travel, whether a land vacation or a cruise, I will change before dinner into something a little nicer than I wore during the day. I.E., I would not wear shorts to dinner. I’m on a couple of FB groups for Viking cruises, people will invariably ask if they have to “dress up” or even just change for dinner. So many times the comments are, just wear what you wore all day out at excursions, no one cares or will notice. A few say they change. I am one of them. I like to change for dinner, just as I dress up just a little for a nice restaurant at home. And as far as no one noticing, I always notice what people are wearing! I will compliment someone if I like what they are wearing, whenever someone does that for me it makes me feel a little bit happy! And I agree with you, I would always rather be overdressed than underdressed.
I like to change for dinner out and always do it when on a cruise. It’s just how I roll. I suppose dressing is a chore for many but for me it’s a fun, creative process.
Debbie, I do too. I always shower and put on a nice dress or jumpsuit with earrings that go. I feel put together, pretty and dressed for dinner out. It’s part of the cruise experience. I guess some don’t want to pack the extra outfits and just carry the minimum in carry on.
I got a kick out of your comments regarding men in white “undershirts” at a restaurant. I love your blog. It is one of several I started to read a couple of years ago for the fashion content, which I love. However, you offer so much more! I do love fashion and like seeing what bloggers close to my age – I am almost 70 – are wearing. When I venture out in public I like to look put together. I feel like I am very much in the minority around here. The way other people dress in my neck of the woods makes me wonder how fashion retailers stay in business!
When my husband and I went to Olive Garden last fall for my birthday, I did quite a bit of people watching. In the area of the restaurant where we were seated there was only one other person who had taken the time to put some thought into what she was wearing. I’d guess she was in her 80s. Everyone else, men, women, teens, and kids looked as if they had gone straight from doing yard work to the restaurant. Lots of faded, stretched out tee shirts. Sloppy jeans shorts that looked ready to go into the trash. A few oversized, worn, and faded khakis on some guys. Rubber flip flops. I wore a casual dress knowing that I would look over-dressed compared to everyone else (except the 80 year old woman). I felt like me. I would never go anywhere looking unkempt unless it was a medical emergency! I don’t understand how it has become acceptable to dress like a slob everywhere and anywhere. Maybe I’m just an old fogy.
Last week I got several compliments on my style when I ventured outside the house. I work from home, so venturing out doesn’t happen a lot. My 8 year old grandson’s therapist complimented me on always looking put together when I take him to his appointments. Two 20-something young women who were manning a cell phone booth in my local Kroger commented on how nice my outfit looked. I was wearing an Amazon dupe for the Spanx Air Essentials jumpsuit. (BTW, I have the jumpsuit in 4 different colors from 3 different Amazon manufacturers. Each one only cost me $20 when they were on sale! My 4 jumpsuits all together cost less than one Spanx jumpsuit.) A trip to the library resulted in a compliment for a simple summer dress.
I do believe that how we dress sends a message. I want to telegraph that I care about myself and that I am still relevant. I tend to wear bright, joyful colors. They do happen to be the colors that work best with my warm coloring, but they also elevate my mood. (I think dopamine dressing is a real thing!) I have believed for over 45 years that my music students respond best when I dress professionally and in happy colors. Professional dressing for me is different than what it may be for women in other professions. I imagine I would dress differently if I were an attorney. What I firmly believe is true for all of us, no matter our life stage or our occupation, is that dressing our best changes the way we feel about ourselves and the way the world responds to us.
Jennifer, you are a great ambassador of that message. I truly appreciate all you do.
Thank you so much for sharing this Kathy. I agree with you whole heartedly.
I use Swiss chard like so:
Bunches of small tender beets (one bunch red and one yellow). Wash green parts and beets really well.
Slice beets into rounds, reserve leaves.
Sauté beets in a bit of EVOO.
Add chopped up leaves AND a bunch of Swiss chard (just the leaves)
Add a splash of white wine.
Salt and pepper to taste.
Serve with a chunk of goat cheese and a slice or two of rich, homemade bread.
Wow, that sounds amazing!!
Those wicker/straw carts are fun but I think they are meant for city people or folks who live in the country and walk to and fro their shopping and home. I am always thinking about storage when I purchase an item, How is that vintage cart going to get into your car when you are finished shopping? You will have to remove all the contents into the car trunk; where will you store it when not in use? Back in my library career days where I lugged books from one school to another I had a tote that was simply a box on top of a carrier. It folded up into a flat piece that I could store in a closet. If I remember correctly I bought it at staples. Plus it sure wasn’t over $25!
Amazing point I did not consider! Thanks. It’s not too helpful if I have to unpack it for the car ride home. Back to the drawing board for me.
So sorry, but I agree with your daughter on your hat…..
You mean it having a witchy vibe? I agree too and love it.
Amon the same page about the men looking sloppy. About your shopping trolly – this is my area of expertise lol. Try and buy one that has a rigid frame but still folds up, otherwise it takes up too much room. Inside mine which attaches to the frame is a zipped bag with thermal insulation to keep things cool. Mine also has wheels for up and down stairs. A lot of people ask where I bought it.but don’t know how to send you the link. The fabric one pictured above when full slides off the stand. Nothing wrong with having a good whinge about things – it is therapeutic
Thanks for the tips!! Great info I needed.
Jennifer, I love, love, love the wicker shopping carts. They may not be terribly practical, but they sure are cute! 🥰
I know!!!
You made me smile about the men in white t shirts. I rarely wear them to dinner as the inevitable splash always happens! I prefer prints and color anyway. My hubby only wears underwear around the house. I hate it, but after 40+ years together I refuse to nag him about it. Live and let live. Cooler temps are here for a week, so I am looking forward to getting out and about. Cheers!
Here too! It’s nice to have a break in the weather.
Thanks for your post Jennifer, especially sharing the comments by Shari. I found this perspective very helpful as I too am trying to downsize my extensive work wardrobe since I retired. It’s very hard to give away items so considering the needs of my current lifestyle is a good approach and mindset to have. However another complication is that I have a couple sizes in my wardrobe as my weight can fluctuate so this is also a consideration in downsizing. I agree with your comments about people not bothering to dress up any more. I sometimes feel overdressed when in a restaurant or theater when the majority of people are very casual. I know what you mean about tee-shirts being worn in a nice restaurant; I have even seen shorts, but fortunately not that often. I do like to dress up somewhat when I go out, however my husband will wear a nice shirt and sometimes a jacket, but he often likes his jeans as he finds them comfortable. This is a reminder to me that my wardrobe needs to reflect my current needs of casual and dressy casual.
I agree with no white t shirts on men. To me it looks like an undershirt. I don’t mind a nice white golf shirt however. I guess I have been dressing for my lifestyle as I can’t even put together an outfit for a memorial. I’m trying not to think so casual and add some really nice clothes to my wardrobe. Love your daughter’s flowers 🌺
Have a separates to pull together for a memorial is always a good idea. Sadly, they seem to come up more often, the older I get.
I have been cleaning out closets as well as stored clothes. Now that I have been retired for 3 years, I’m ready to part with all my work related clothes. I am facing the fact that dressing for all occasions is a lot more casual than it used to be. It is difficult to find dressy clothes to buy. What I have decided to do is to embrace the casual lifestyle, but to buy clothes that are well made and of good quality. When going to a good restaurant or social event, I have noticed that younger people seem to be dressed very casual. However, if you look closely at what they’re wearing you’ll find that the clothes are of high quality and well deigned.
I haven’t noticed a lot of white T shirts at my local restaurants, but lots of baseball caps! Maybe that’s okay at fast food places, but I don’t like seeing them in sit-down restaurants. I have lost the battle in asking my own son, son-in law and teenage grandsons to remove them when out to eat with them. We aren’t with them anytime we visit a fine dining establishment; I am hopeful they would leave them at home in that case!
Your hat looks very versatile and provides ample coverage from the sun!
I agree! Men are supposed to remove hats in a restaurant. A cap is a hat. It feels like a losing battle for manners.
I sometimes have to wear a baseball cap/visor, I have dry eyes and often the air conditioners/fans are on high and blowing directly on me and my eyes are dried out pretty quick. I hate doing it , but otherwise I can’t stay. I usually walk around and try to feel for the lest windy spot. That being said , I know that most of the guys are just wearing hats, not for any reason.
Great point! I’ve switched chairs because of those vents too.
What’s IPL?
Intense pulsed light treatment for redness and brown spots. I mentioned it on Sat.
Haha!! I loved your rant on white t-shirts! I, too, think a white t-shirt on a man looks like an undershirt, but on the flip side, I love wearing a plain white tee, so how is that really different & is it just because we are used to plain white t-shirts on guys as a so-called undershirt, but why can’t it just be a tee? This is a very interesting subject to ponder!
Exactly my thoughts!
I love swiss chard, green or red! I sauté 1 clove diced garlic add couple links of cut up chicken sausage and 1 can whole tomatoes. Cook med heat while preparing greens.
Boil pot of salted water.
Gently crush the tomatoes after cooking a while.
Clean Swiss chard well. Like spinach it’s very gritty. I pull the strings from the stalk as well. Wash well and roll the leaves to cut up into 2-3 in pieces. Add to pot of water gently boil 15-20 min. With slotted spoon add greens to tomatoes, letting the added water make it soupy. One pot meal.
It never occurred to me to boil them but it makes total sense. Thank you!
I’m guilty of that boring look. I have a metal allergy so I can no longer wear earrings. I’d love to wear a scarf but I have a short neck and full face and have not found a way to wear a scarf that doesn’t overwhelm me. I’m new to your site. Do you have a post on wearing scarves?
Welcome Karen. I haven’t done a post in scarves for a while so I’ll be looking to do one soon.
I totally agree about people looking sloppy and not dressing for the occasion. When we were on our Alaskan cruise – I make myself crazy over what I’m wearing to dinner (dressier restaurants) then I look at other people and think – what am I freaking out for – nobody else bothered. I like the idea of dressing more casually (I live in a hot/humid part of the country) but come on people! My other rant is about people wearing leggings everywhere! Ugh! I wear them every day – to the gym. Then I shower and put on regular clothes.
It amazes me how many people never change out of their workout clothes.
We went out to dinner at Ruth Chris with my brother and sister-in-law. She wore running like shorts, black with the white stripe hem and side seams, along with athletic shoes. I was hoping they’d refuse us entry, instead I wanted to crawl under the table every time someone walked by. I am always amused that people wear shorts and tees while shopping. That’s where you might run into someone you know. Besides, looking stylish usually helps you get better service.
Our society has gotten too casual for me. I understand dressing for comfort but not at the expense of making an effort.
So true, Jennifer. If you look at newsreels and video from the last century or so, look at the radical change in dress. You didn’t need to be rich to be clean, well-groomed and put together. It does say a lot about our society, of which I won’t comment further, but you get my gist.
Thank you, I agree with that rant. When we were stationed in the Bahamas for four years our sons were in high school. When we arrived we were handed a packet of dos and donts, from the State Department.
Now the Bahamas are beautiful! Blue water, beautiful beaches, warm and friendly folks and of course the attire was very casual.
However, in the packet of info it said when indoors for any thing at all it is necessary to wear tops or t shirts that cover the upper body.
So when our sons friends were come over to visit, the first thing the boys would do is tell their friends about the dress code, it made me so proud that they showed respect for our host Country.
That little habit stuck with me and I still get a tightening of the gut when I see men in a restaurant wearing muscle shirts.
I love your story and what a beautiful place to spend a few years!
I always put a little vinegar on my greens when I eat them. I got that trick from my mom who was from southern Illinois. I wouldn’t so much mind a plain white t shirt on a man if it was made to be worn as a shirt. What I don’t like are men wearing tank tops with hairy underarms sticking out at restaurants or anywhere. Yuck.
Agreed. Tanks are way worse in a restaurant. It feels like they should be doing maintenance not be seated at a table. I know I’m aging myself here🤣
I live in Connecticut and haven’t noticed that trend of men wearing white T-shirts (undershirts) in restaurants. Frankly, I’d be appalled if I saw that, like you! Around here, I do, however, see lots of baseball and trucker hats worn inside by men. I know it’s old fashioned, and I have to resist the urge to approach these men (both young and old) and explain to them that it’s considered disrespectful for men to wear hats inside!