Monday Musings: What Are You Talking Yourself Out Of
Yesterday’s email brought in an avalanche of emails asking for more details about style essences and style archetypes. I was going to cover it today, but I think it deserves its own post, so look for that in a week or so.
SIMILAR BANDANA SCARF, which began the day around my neck and ended tied to my bag
I was shopping over the weekend and felt a sudden wave of boredom with what I was reaching for. Not a crisis, just that flat little feeling of, haven’t I bought this before?
I kept drifting toward the same classic shapes and familiar colors. The pieces were perfectly fine, and some were probably useful, but they felt a little too expected. What fascinated me was the running commentary in my head: that’s a good color for you, that will go with everything, that’s the kind of thing you wear.
All true. Also, not very exciting.
Then I saw this tank in a color that’s not on any of the color palettes I’ve ever been given. It’s a yellow-green called Lemon Drop that should have made me walk right past, but it didn’t. It stopped me, and I picked it up twice. Then I tried it on and made the snap decision to buy it.
This was not an earth-shaking experience, obviously, and no one alerted the authorities. But for me, it felt like a tiny act of defiance against all the color rules I’ve collected over the years.
I’m not tossing out everything I know about color. I still believe color analysis can be enormously helpful, especially when you’re trying to understand why some shades light you up, and others make you look like you’re recovering from the flu. My readers love color palettes, and I understand why. I do too.
But I’m starting to question why everything has to be flattering in the most technical sense.
Why does every color have to brighten me, soften me, or perform some small miracle before I’m allowed to wear it? At our age, where does fun come in? Where does experimentation come in?
That chartreuse tank may not be my “best” color, but I liked it. It made me curious. And that feels worth paying attention to.
A color palette should expand your wardrobe, not shrink your curiosity.
I don’t want to abandon what I know. I just don’t want what I know to make every decision before I’ve had a chance to be interested. At some point, liking something is a good enough reason to try it.
One Small Wild Card
Leaving Room For The Wild Card
I don’t want this stage of life to make my style smaller. If anything, I want it to give me more room.
More room to be curious. More room to try something before I talk myself out of it. More room to wear something because it interests me, not because it checks every box on a list I made years ago.
Because we do edit ourselves, don’t we? For fit, color, comfort, occasion, and all the tiny messages we’ve absorbed about not trying too hard, not standing out too much, and heaven forbid, not looking like we think we’re twenty-five.
Some of that editing is useful. I don’t want clothes that fight my body or make my day harder. An uncomfortable waistband can still ruin an otherwise promising afternoon.
But there’s a difference between editing and erasing.
I’m not interested in full-on eccentric dressing, although I admire women who can pull that off. I’m talking about one small wild card, something that shifts the mood a bit. Maybe it’s a color I don’t usually wear, a bolder accessory, or a piece that makes a familiar outfit feel less predictable.
At this age, I don’t want getting dressed to become a long list of things I’ve ruled out. I want what I know to support me, not narrow me.
When was the last time you tried something on simply because it interested you, not because it was your best color, your most flattering shape, or the sensible choice?
I love that you just went with it – that chartreuse tank! Sometimes you just gotta heed the heart! I too have been drawn to that color this year, and have purchased a cell phone case and Jack Rogers sandals in that color. I went to my math department retirement party (I retired from it last year) and my colleagues noticed that I also had on that color sunglasses and watch band, albeit the sandals that I hadn’t yet purchased on Poshmark. They commented that the real me has come out during retirement – ha – although I like to think I was wild and crazy before too, but maybe not chartreuse-crazy. Love that you’re having fun!
Good for you!! Dressing should always be about making us happy and feeling good and i bet that tank will put a smile on your face when you wear it. Have a great day!
Hi Jennifer,
How refreshing! The Lemon Drop tank is a lovely colour, and your red cardi will always give you a cheerful look.
Thanks for being an inspiration!
Agree with being more adventurous with color! When I wear a bright color, I feel I’m expressing myself. Maybe letting my spirit be sen for who Iam, a woman with dignity, love to give, and experience. Thank yo for sharing your inmost thoughts. God bless you.
…but some colors I like just make me look AWFUL! so, I have to say no to them.
I recently bought a bright yellow sweater with bright flowers all over it – totally out of my play-it-safe comfort zone. I was a bit afraid to wear it for a while, but kept being drawn back to it because it just made me feel happy! Now when I wear that sweater I feel joyful and other people see that joy! Wear those fun colors and light up other people’s lives!
Joy is contagious!
😍 loved it
I am a Soft Summer, which is a summer tending toward autumn. My color chart includes Pantone “Garden Glade” and “Shadow Green,” which look a lot like the tank you bought. Maybe it isn’t so far out of your usual color range as you thought!
it’s a tiny bit warmer than my summer yellow.
The Lemon Drop tank is gorgeous and so pleased you bought. And then I read the latest Substack post from one of my favorite authors: Janelle McCulloch…A Luminous Future – Why yellow signals a cheerful new era…..” and have included the link hoping you will enjoy. https://salonfloraison.substack.com/p/a-luminous-future-why-yellow-signals?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=830429&post_id=200995540&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=nja9d&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email.
A wild card that grabs your imagination is a gift. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you for sharing that article. We could all use more cheerful!!
Thank you; I feel validated. My choices have always been for comfort, fit & fun. At 5′ 2″ , even in petite lengths, fit is a problem, but having auto immune diseases comfort is always #1. I’ve learned that the large colorful print or a shade out of my usual range brings in the fun factor that can overcome the, “I just want to stay home with a heating pad” issue. I’ve learned so much from you about combining styles & color. Sandra
Fun can not be underrated! Thanks for being here Sandra
I have Chico’s jeans in that color. It goes with everything; all shades of blue, especially turquoise, green, peach, orange etc. I’m a Spring so I love color. And, if you have to, it even goes with black. Which I don’t wear because it ages me 25 years and I’m already 78. LOL
I felt like this this Spring/Summer. I wear a lot of blue and white in this season, but this year I’ve added several red pieces as well as a few yellow. They make me feel alive!
I LOVE the color of that Lemon Drop tank! So cute!
Totally feel that. I gave a lighter lime and white jacket that I quit wearing because not my
Color since I went grey. Decided to wear it with a white tank and black pants and got compliments. And to think I almost donated it…lol.
And if you felt great in it, that’s important.
I pick up what makes me happy all the time, almost, lol! Still regretting leaving behind a pair of 100% softest cotton red and white checked loose fitting summer pants at a local discount store. It’s easy to know why they were remaindered at a price point so tiny a couple of missed coffee drinks would have covered them. And yes, still look for them every summer, hoping maybe I bought them and don’t remember! They evoke wonderful childhood memories of warm summer.
I’ve learned so much from your blog about better reasons to buy clothing or an accessory, and am grateful. Sometimes, though, a pop of fun is good too.
You could check Etsy which seems to have everything!
Thanks so much for encouraging us to wear other colours not in our colour pallets. I recently bought a coral top with palm trees on it. This is something I’d never choose but I was attracted to it. As it turned out, I love it.
What a wonderful discovery
Yes, again you nailed it. I never wear yellow but when I saw this beautiful soft yellow sweater I had to have it. No longer do I box myself into certain colors but if the colors makes me swoon, I will buy it!
I hear you. I have been wearing a lot of Johnny Was which I love. I have this thing about embroidery! But surveying my pieces, I decided that even though I love them, some of them did not make me feel my best. So I sold them on a website which will be unnamed. A very smart woman wrote on instagram, “at this time in life, I so not wear anything that does not make me happy to wear it!” That idea really struck me. I have been trying to step out of my comfort zone which is navy, black and white, and pink. I don’t wear flashy prints or colors I think I am afraid that someone will laugh at me?? That sounds about right.
I completely understand where you’re coming from, Linda. It’s a freedom I think we deserve to give ourselves.
Red. I love it. I’ve talked myself out of it way too long. Not head to toe. Just piece here and there. I snuck in some fuchsia a couple of years ago and nothing horrible happened. Now I’m a soft, cool tone embracing red. No telling what a little boost in color will do.
Your new tank will ignite your blues!
Good choice.
I think it will!
Jennifer, this post is where I am living right now! What I see in the stores is not in my usual style, and I am feeling overwhelmed and/or frustrated by the options. I like many of the current styles! But when I try them on, either they are not flattering, or I feel like I am wearing a costume. I want to look current, not invest in an item that will just sit in my closet. So I fall back to what works for me, even though I would like to try something new. Choosing something in a classic silhouette but a different color, as you did, is a great way to break out of “the usual.”
Such a great point about trying something just because you like it. People always compliment me when I wear certain shades of blue. They followed up by saying that I should always wear blue. And my reaction is, how boring life would be if all one wore was one color, flattering, or not. There would be no fun in getting dressed! So I wear the occasional leopard print which absolutely does not flatter my coloring, but it’s a pattern I really like, etc.
Great point! I love leopard print too.
I walked past an Eileen Fisher window several times being drawn to the cardamom crinkled silk shirt in the window. I love (and have) those shirts for their ease, comfort, and polish….but chartreuse green! Finally went in to see how bad it was against my skin and actually liked it. Is it my best color…NO! But each time I wear it I smile. It’s just fun!
I love those shirts!! They’re so useful and the texture makes them so interesting.
“At some point, liking something is a good enough reason to try it.” YES!!! Jennifer – thank you for this post. You managed to put eloquently into words what I’ve been thinking/feeling for so long. Here’s to more FUN and freedom in our clothing choices!
I just bought a tee from Talbots that is exactly that color!
This is a color I couldn’t have worn in the past. I was trying to find a top to go with a pair of black pants with white embroidery on the bottom and this top works beautifully!
I am always afraid of standing out too much,also. Living in a small Midwestern city doesn’t help either! 🙃
That’s part of the issue, isn’t it? I’m working on being more comfortable with it.
“An uncomfortable waistband can still ruin an otherwise promising afternoon.”
A quote to remember! Classic!!!
Same with shoes that pinch my toes 😂
I agree Jennifer, it’s important to keep our lives fun and interesting even when it comes to clothes occasionally!
This is interesting commentary. Certainly, expanding our horizons makes sense. I will say, though, that as clothing rises in price, purchasing something that’s interesting that we may never wear seems somehow unacceptable. I’m a winter and like deep brown — but I know I will wear it. But I’ve also bought several blues outside my palette because the design and fit were good. They’ve been recycled or consigned. I’d love to hear your perspective six weeks from now and find out how often you’ve worn the new shirt.
I’ll let you know how it goes.
This makes so much sense to me. There are so many ‘rules’. Why do I have to follow the ones for dressing along with allll the others? If I’m not supposed to wear black next to my face, why can’t I wear black pants and shoes? No shadow is going to be cast on my face from my pants! What happens when you do this is you end up with a wardrobe of all the same things in all the same colors. All blue shirts, some stripe, some plain, some ruffle, some long…but all blue.
Wear the red! Wear the chartreuse! Wear what you want. Life is too short.
I totally agree which is why I have lots of black in my wardrobe. Both tops and bottoms.
I had a similar experience last week with a Talbots tee in limeade. The incredibly bright and unusual color struck me immediately. I bought it, wore it, loved it.
At our age, I say Let Your Freak Flag Fly! Colors and interesting accessories make most people smile.
Yes, yes, yes! They’re joyous.
Loved this reflection. A few weeks ago I decided I was only going to buy “happy” colors. In summer, they’re plentiful. And can be relatively inexpensive.
Enjoyed reading this! Good recommendation 😊
Love this article and love that color! It’s a favorite accent color for all the blue I wear. It’s not in my color wheel but I wear it because I like it.
I like to hear that
Jennifer, your comments today resonated with me. Lately I have been buying a few colors (such as butter yellow) that I usually don’t wear. When I paired a butter yellow sleeveless top with my usual navy jacket or cardigan, I was surprised at how fresh the outfit looked. Also, I recently bought a casual navy fitness type jacket at Talbots, and since this jacket had a colorful stripe (with yellow in it) down each sleeve, the yellow shell looked super with it. Then for fun I paired a yellow cropped cardigan with a French blue shirt with a collar, and I was delighted to see how great that looked. None of these outfits was usual or expected for me. I felt as if I had a whole new wardrobe!
I love that!
I am the same color pallet as you and several years ago became fascinated by a tank top in a slightly deeper shade than yours. I find it especially cheerful and easy to wear, particularly with blues. I expanded my wardrobe a little with that color, but found that little tank and a few subtle scarves was all I really needed for that slight wardrobe tweak.
I’m on the hunt for a wild card bag to carry with all my neutrals.
Oh yes – thank you. This post hit the nail (my nail!) on the head! I love blue and white – my house is blue and white; my decor is blue and white and I have been in pig-heaven all this spring with cobalt blue and white and stripes – and now I am seeing too much of it. I bought a fushia tank this weekend – hopefully I will have something to wear it with! (navy blue sweater or shirt? white?) I just have to remember to do it!
Hang it on the closet door to remind you. That’s where my tank is.
Yay for you, Jennifer! Knowing the colors that work best with our exterior appearance is smart; however, it’s nice to try something that makes our interior feel good too. As I age, I enjoy getting out of my comfort zone and breaking the wardrobe rules sometimes. I find that when I do, it is reflected in my confidence level and ultimately shows on the outside too. I hope you will post a pic of you rocking the new tank. Have a great week!
I will!
I’m at the point after rebuilding a wardrobe (with all of the neutral basicals) that I’m craving wildcard pieces. I bought some bright coral orange pants from J Crew and I love them! Life is too short not to mix it up! I love a pop of chartreuse/acid lime. Yes, it’s technically in my winter palette, but it sure wakes up navy and black!
Exactly my feeling Shari. And you’re lucky that your palette has lots of bright options.
I loved this post and totally agree. It’s good to keep the color thing as a guide but it’s fine to wear a color you enjoy! I know that lemon drop color- it’s fabulous. I just bought blue & white striped jeans with grommet belt loops & a rope belt. A little more funky for me than normal. I wore them with a white linen shirt & felt wonderful. Sometimes something different is nice.
I loved this post and totally agree. It’s good to keep the color thing as a guide but it’s fine to wear a color you enjoy! I know that lemon drop color- it’s fabulous. I just bought blue & white striped jeans with grommet belt loops & a rope belt. A little more funky for me than normal. I wore them with a white linen shirt & felt wonderful. Sometimes something different is nice.
Soooo true Jennifer! I popped on a “forbidden” color recently and was so happy because I was not the same ole, sale ole! Fun to be a rebel now and then🤠.
Lol, yes!!
I think that color will look fabulous with some of your base colors, particularly navy. Love it up!
I understand fully! When I was doing color for makeup back in the 80’s, it was alot about the clothes too. In my training I was colored as a summer/winter. I could wear summer darker shades and winter lighter shades. I have blonde hair (highlighted ) and blue eyes , light to medium skin but at times fair skin with a cool undertone. I have worn lime green for years, Not one of my colors but get plenty of compliments when I wear it. I tried it once and never looked back. If it suits you, wear it!
What a thought provoking post! Yes to trying new things and being curious but I know I sometimes get carried away and end up not being brave enough to wear the wildcard.
Fairly new follower here and I appreciate your style. I just turned 60 and find myself refining my wardrobe to neutral basics with the occasional added pop of color. I enjoy your daily emails! Thank you.
Welcome Michele, I’m glad you’ve joined us.
I love that you are adding the unexpected into your wardrobe. That colour will look great with navy or off white. I didn’t purchase much (if anything) for summer the last few years, and I was tired of my usual black & white combinations, so I’ve added a midi length shirt dress, a gathered midi skirt, a number of tees and a few linen shirts and pants, all in winter’s bright or icy colours. I feel more alive and it’s fun to change up my usual. Now I’m looking for sunglasses with an icy blue frame.
That sounds so fun Yvonne. Glasses make such a difference.
Am I in a wardrobe rut? Happily so. After years of closet edits, lifestyle evaluations, body type analysis and color analysis, I am finally confident about what works for me and have spent years building upon it. It pays off in large and small ways, such as packing for a trip yesterday, when a somewhat cohesive wardrobe made the task much easier. Personally am not interested in organizing wardrobe orphans anymore.
I will play in unexpected accessories. In a world of dainty chains, I’m still drawn to statement necklaces. My bag collection could fill a theater prop department. Accessories are my play space.
They’re a great place to play.