Still Waiting: A Life on Hold
Happy Tuesday ladies. Several weeks, (or was it months ago?) ago I mentioned I was having some health challenges and awaiting a few test results. Several ladies have written to ask how they turned out so I thought I would give you an update.
Let me start at the beginning.
Last year…oh crap, this is going to be a long one…I had a CT to check the health of my lungs. I’d been a 2 1/2 pack a day smoker for many years when I was young and dumb. It seemed like everyone smoked back then, but I smoked a lot. Remember when tennis tournaments were sponsored by Virginia Slims? How crazy is that?
I have three friends who’ve had lung cancer and one who started a fantastic lung cancer foundation so I asked my doctor to schedule me for a CT. They discovered a tiny, and I mean tiny spot. Nothing worried the doctor so they decided to just watch it. This year, my doctor suggested I find an oncologist closer to where we live to monitor it because this was out of her field. I went to see the same top-notch oncologist at UC Davis who is monitoring my husband’s lung spot for any changes.
He ordered a follow-up CT to see if it had changed. One week later, he phoned me. Gulp, how often does that happen? He said the small spot on my lung had not changed so not to worry, they would just continue to watch it. Whew! But… they did find a small tumor in the center of my chest, between my lungs, in front of my heart. He was referring me to a thoracic surgeon because it had to come out.
WHAT?
After scraping myself off the ceiling I googled everything I could about this type of tumor. It’s on my thymus, called a thymoma and conventional wisdom says it needs to come out. OK, I’m on board with that. If we have to, we will and deal with the consequences.
I couldn’t get in to see the surgeon until we got back from our trip to Palm Springs. It was a long and stressful wait. I upped my daily walks, meditation and kept on keeping on because what else can you do? Every time I found myself going down the dark hole of worry I would shift my thinking to something positive.
The current health crisis was just ramping on the day of my appointment to see the surgeon but there was no way I would miss this meeting. So hand sanitizer at the ready, we went. The surgeon told us she thinks the radiologist may be mistaken and it might just be a cyst or lymph node. I sure hope she’s right. She’s ordered an MRI but of course, no one wants me to go near a hospital right now, so everything is on hold and I wait.
A few weeks ago I also got a call back about my mammogram. Apparently the radiologist saw something they didn’t like the look of so they rushed me in for a diagnostic mammogram, followed by an ultrasound. The waiting was nerve-wracking, and I was not alone. The room was filled with nervous women, sitting quietly, lost in her own thoughts. I did notice that every other woman had put her purse on the floor. I never do. Do you?
The radiologist finally came in to tell me they’re still not happy with what they see so they’ve requested a breast MRI. I’m currently waiting for my insurance to approve that one. Right about now, I’m sure my insurance company is regretting they ever heard my name:)
It feels like our lives are on hold while we wait for this nasty situation to go away. I know I do.
I’m not going to lie, this is tough. I’m trying not to obsess over these upcoming MRI’s because I’m a huge believer in the power of positive thinking. In fact, I’m on my third fourth viewing of this movie, and will likely watch it again just to bolster my mood.
In the scheme of life these days, I know I am blessed. I can’t control many things these days, but I can control how I dress, whether I put on lipstick and what things I allow to fill my thoughts. I know many of you are also dealing with things that had to be put on hold. The best we can do is support each other, encourage positive thinking and be kind to ourselves and those around us.
Please we well and remember to wear what makes you feel confident. Our wardrobe, cosmetics, and perfume may seem frivolous to some, but I believe they are powerful tools we can use to keep our spirits up when life gets tough.
xx
Jennifer, I pray you will find out soon. Waiting is the worst but you are a formidable woman. The Serenity prayer always helps me in these situations. Thanks to you I do wear lipstick everyday! I will wear it in your honor in the coming days..
No purses on the floor. Cross body bag for me. Best regards.
There is nothing like the power of the mind. Thanks for the update. You have become rather important to me. Soooo, am offering my support, my prayers and my positive vibes. Rock on.šš¼š
Hugs to you and your family! Health issues can be one of lifeās biggest stressors for sure. Thanks for sharing your health journey and hoping you will have positive outcomes as further testing is done.
Hugs, prayers. and God’s blessings to you and your husband.
Everything is going to be all right.
You are offering tremendous inspiration to us all. The good old serenity prayer (control what you can, accept what you canāt, and be wise enough to know the difference). Worrying is truly useless. Years ago, an ultrasound showed a tumor on my uterus. Turned out to be a āwater balloonā – Much ado about nothing. Your situation may very well turn out the same. I hope so.
If positive thoughts, prayers and encouragement make a difference and I too believe they do, you will continue to be well! You have helped many others, we will help you.
Thank you for the posts you send to encourage us thru this containment and fear of the virus. Now to learn you have done this while coping with your own personal health scare, what an absolute Trooper you are. I wish You and Yours all the best during this difficult time.
Keep up your positive attitude! That & continuing with healthy self care are the best things you can do for yourself. Worry about the future outcomes will rob you of the joy of today. Sending prayers & positive thoughts your way.
Sending you love and prayers. I had a similar mammogram last year and had a lumpectomy in June followed by radiation. All good for now, but who knows when it isn’t safe to go for check up appointments. I’m glad you updated us on your tests. Think positive, keep that wonderful smile….we are all rooting for you. Look forward to reading your blog each day.
My thoughts are with you. Have a positive attitude often ends with positive results.
Prayers for you Jennifer. What ever it might or might not be, you were wise to follow your intuition and sought it out early.
Sending you love and prayers. Your courage and strength shine through in your writing. By sharing this we all know we are not alone. Please keep us updated as this goes. Peace
Positive thoughts and hugs to you. The waiting is the worst, and when you are distracting yourself, all of a sudden the negative thoughts rush in for a visit. Having friend and family for a distraction helps a lot and for me gardening. I waited months for a specialized surgery and finally, the day before shut down, had it and yes, she got it all. Did find another problem and have to wait for results of biopsy, but I am not going to my appointment next week. Just too afraid right now. Luckily some doctors do great virtual appointments. Do continue to find the things that lift you up and know that we are all here for you. It was brave of you to lay your feelings out for us and I (we) are here in spirit for you. Keep up with the lipstick and jewels. Also, I do not put my purse on the floor either. Thanks for being there every day to help us all stay sane.
Oh Jennifer, I’m thinking of you, sending you love and strength. Thank you for keeping us posted, we care about you and will send prayers and positive vibes out into the universe. <3
My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. And no, I never put my purse on the floor, yuck!
So sorry to hear of your health problems! The tension of ānot knowing ā is such a terrible weight. Please know that the sisterhood of those of us who daily come together when we read your blog are caring, praying, hoping for all the best for you!
Sorry to hear that you are waiting for these tests! This is a very stressful time! Will pray for you to stay well. Take care, Jennifer! Hugs!
Iām sorry to hear about these health issues. This would be unsettling at any time; I would think even more so right now. Best wishes for a good resolution to all of this.
Jennifer, sending prayers and good thoughts your way. I get the call back scare every few years too. I went to a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound 2 weeks ago. First I had to get past all the locked doors, caution taped areas, masked employees, acrylic window shields and temp screenings for all on the way in.
I read recently that you should schedule “worry time” into your day. When the 10 mins is up, so is your worry time. Sounds easier than it is but it may be helpful?
Sending many positive thoughts and prayers your way. I fully agree positive attitude has a big impact in the way we deal with EVERYTHING in life! šøš¼šŗ
What disturbing news and especially during this dreadful time. I am thinking of you and feeling so for you that you have to wait for your insurance to approve an MRI that you need for proper diagnosis. I have recently had an MRI in Australia. The cost was AUD$530.85 and our Medicare paid $380.85 of that leaving me with a $150 gap to pay. That would be equivalent to USD$93.00 out of pocket. I am not sure if my insurance will kick in anything but at that small gap, I wouldn’t need to rely on their cover anyway to get peace of mind. I hope that they come up with an answer soon for you and I pray that the results are good as mine were.
Jennifer
Sending love and prayers to you and your family!
Thank you for sharing.
Deborah
The waiting is the worst. I agree with you that a positive attitude is everything. You will be in my thoughts and prayers Jennifer. ā¤ļø
Staying positive today for you!
Positivity coming your way!šā¤
I am constantly reminded how fortunate we are to live at a time when the medical fields have made such tremendous advances. I have a lengthy list of things to be grateful for and this is certainly close to the top.
Waiting for test results and now trying to schedule appointments can be frustrating! Stay strong Jennifer!
Sending you bunches of best wishes, jan
Dear Jennifer. You will be in my prayers. Thank you for sharing this post. Please keep us posted. Blessings to you and family. ā¤ļøšā¤ļø
Praying for you.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Lots of women look forward to hearing from you each day so stay positive and remember that there are many of us who will be with you in our prayers.
Thank you for the update. I have been worried and wondering what was going on. Iāll continue to put you in my prayers and please keep us posted. We all love you!