Thoughts On Going Gray
Everyone’s perspective on gray hair is unique. Whether a woman chooses to embrace her gray hair or dye it, we need to respect her personal choice because the most important thing is to feel comfortable and confident in your own skin. Today I want to share some thoughts on going gray.
As expected, I decided what to do with my haircut as I sat in the stylist’s chair yesterday. The longer we chatted, the more I realized how unhappy I’ve been with the way my hair is going gray. Rather than the bright silver or white I’d hoped for, mother nature has given me a messy melange of white, silver, and blonde. It looks muddy rather than bright. Combine that with letting my layers grow out, and you have a recipe for Jennifer taking scissors into her own hands, which is never a good plan.
Embracing your gray hair can be a powerful act of self-acceptance, but it’s not for every woman. I’ve earned every single one of those strands, and they’re a testament to the full life I’ve lived. However, I want to look and feel the best I can, and I’m not convinced I can get there without some help from added highlights.
How the color started
I started adding highlights to my hair at fifteen.
First came good old SunIn, which turned it a disgusting orange shade and left it feeling like straw. Then I moved on to the sophisticated crochet hook and shower cap routine, which looked splotchy and cheesy. I persevered and “streaked” my hair until foils came along, and I could afford a real stylist. I gradually forgot what my original hair color looked like. I just knew I was some type of blonde.
In 2021, I decided to go gray. Many of you shared your journey and encouraged me to stick with it. Along with the color, the texture has changed, and it’s lost a lot of shine. The whole point of highlights is to add brightness, which I must have always felt my natural color was missing. They also swell the hair, which adds body and helps my thinning hair look thicker.
The stylist asked if I wanted her to put a few highlights up front, to add that “pop” that I’ve been missing. I thought long and hard about it, then decided to wait. I had her cut a few layers into my hair and take off about 1 1/2″. I realize my stylist at home has been blending my layers into a smoothness that is counterproductive for its volume.
Volumizing Products
I came home with an arsenal of new hair products to boost my volume, and I may go back to using Velcro rollers.
I know that some women simply prefer how they look without gray hair, and there is no moral failure in that. I may be one of them. I’m going to pay more attention to the style of my hair as the color continues to evolve and leave my options open.
Does your stylist help direct how you should cut your hair?
I’m a bit older than you but I let my hair go grey then white by getting a short haircut. The results made it easier to adjust because the new growth was pretty uniform.
The hairdresser I have now is restricting me to a certain length and that’s making me feel old! I really think it’s time for a change and I like the idea of highlights. I used to dye my hair and it did give it more texture. Now that I have baby fine hair, this may help!
Love your articles and your suggestions give me something to reflect on.
Keep it up!
It may be time for a new hairdresser. Dot let her decide what you need or want.
Jennifer, I thought your going back to a “natural” hair color was a great decision. Your hair never seemed to lose any luster but photographs are not always accurate depictions of the reality we each see every day.
Personally, I decided to go “natural” in 2015. I allowed all those beautiful colors my stylist so painfully constructed to fade away and my god-given colors to come through. Alas, I had muddy steel silver mixed in with a muddy dark blond and strangely, brown (I had young hair in the strawberry blond with auburn shades) tones. My bangs looked beautiful while the balance of my hair was just aging.
In 2020, I made the decision to start coloring my hairs again. What a difference. I cut my long hair into a stylish low neck length reverse bob (similar to your hair), returned the base to medium copper blond and highlighted with 3 other varying shades of golden to flax blond.
Everyone commented how my cut was perfect, the color outstanding and how the stylist took literally 15 years off my projected age.
Now I’m so picky about the color. I’ve gone through several stylists who cannot manage to keep the color consistent. On my 4th and so far, so good. Seems a though when the stylisits change salons, they are required to use products which are salon promoted and not necessarily the color formulas a client requires. So tired of these changes and paying $450 plus for a cut and color regardless of the resulting quality.
I firmly believe everyone needs to do what they wish to do with color, cut and style. Good friends of mine refuse to color their hair now that they are over 60. Some look fabulous with their natural color, some look far beyond their actual age due to natures lack of gifting.
If one requires only shine and gloss to their natural hair color, non-ammonia formulas are available to add just that, gloss and shine. Is a wash in, heat set then washes out in 3-4weeks formula. Only available to licensed beauticians. I find it wonderful for those, like you Jennifer, who have God-gifted natural color that just requires a little “boost” to make your natural hair color shine.
I loved reading your hair journey. Thanks so much for sharing it with us, Katelyn. We need to make the choices that makes us feel most confident and beautiful.
I have hair similar to yours. I have colored my hair roots and all every month for years. When my hair goes gray, it basically looks “ clear”. It takes a little special care because it tends to make it dry. I love the Kevin Murphy products and highly recommend them. I would never go without coloring my hair.
I feel that one of the things that makes grey hair look like an d person’s hair is the dullness of it. I have found that using Palmer’s coconut oil formula moisture boost protein pack not only gives some body to thin hair but really helps with the shine. Good luck!!
Thank you Judy!
I have hair that looks similar in color and texture to yours. I haven’t used color at all. Several stylists that I follow suggested Hair Biology , which can only be purchased at Target. I first got the blue for gray hair, but then got the one for volume. My hair now has shine that I have longed for my whole life! I am 76 . I have always had blond hair and it got darker as I aged. It is now cut in a bob and shiny and healthy looking! The other day when I was in for a cut an older lady came in and asked for my color and my hairstylist told her that she could not duplicate it as it was natural! I think keeping your hair healthy and shiny helps any color look better. I have had the same stylist for over 30 years! That doesn’t hurt either! My hair does not do well with layers either! Sun in was how I lightened my hair when I was a teen, too, but it never turned my hair orange, but I know many who it did! I believe Tania from 50 is not old was the first to recommend the HB, then Beth D and Cindy Spivey.
Great topic Jennifer. Six months ago I decided to stop coloring/highlighting my hair to see exactly what color my hair truly is. It’s a tough journey, but I’m going to hang in for the long haul. Getting structured layered haircuts every 6 weeks help to minimize the remaining colored hair. It’s a very personal decision and one that can be agonizing during the wait. It’s nice to hear encouragement. You look wonderful and renewed.
I’d love to see recommendations on shine products, too, especially ones that are silicone-free. ‘Cones weigh down my hair. I’ve been very fortunate in the grey hair lottery; mine is all silvery white. But it isn’t nearly as shiny as I’d like!
You are lucky. I like the Mystical Shine by Wow.
Jennifer, you look beautiful with your hair the colour and style you have. Be patient. I sometimes find when I’m feeling unsettled or frustrated with my hair, i discover that it’s something else in my life that’s the real cause of my anxiety, and once that resolves, I’m quite happy with my hair.
Your new haircut looks great. I also like your color. Almost 4 years ago I stopped getting my hair dyed. My natural color used to be a dark reddish brown and after years of dying my hair, I did not even know what the color underneath would look like. To me it was fascinating to watch how the natural color grew in. It took about 2 1/2 years for my shoulder length hair. My hair is white in the front, except for one dark streak, silver on the sides and darker in the back. The white streaks almost look like highlights. Sometimes I wish I had my reddish brown hair back, but I know it does not look right anymore. I also would need to go for root touch-ups about every two weeks or so. Even thought I like my hair now, it took me quite a while to get used to it. There are still times when I startle myself walking by a mirror. I learned a good haircut is a must with grey hair. Frizzy hair that looks like an outgrown perm is not something I like to walk around with. My hair is on the drier side, so I use Tigi Bed Head Urban Antidotes Recovery Shampoo + Conditioner. I works wonders on my hair. To keep frizzyness away I use Tigi Bed Head After-party Smoothing Creme after my hair is dry. What’s also great is Bed Head Glaze Haze Semi-Sweet Smoothing Hair Serum by TIGI. I just use a few drops on the palm of my hand and run it through my hair. It does not need a lot. Every second or third time I wash my hair I add some of Schwarzkopf Goodbye Yellow Neutralizing Shampoo – Purple Shampoo to my regular shampoo to keep the yellow tone down.
I’ve just learned how critical a fresh cut is.
You will love the Kevin Murphy products.
I took a year and half break from them and was that a mistake!
Grew my style out to a bob similar in length to yours.
Still color but have extreme coarseness that has only increased with gray underneath and summer humidity adds another dimension.
Use the Young Again Wash and Rinse and Smooth Again styling cream…..all designed for the control of gray hair!
Good for you to stick with no color. Many of my friends have gone gray which was initiated by covid…….None of them are blonde! My mother colored her hair all 92 years of her life! Guessing Im on track to do the same!
I think your hair looks wonderful! And thanks for the reminder about disconnected layers and blunt cutting. My fine, stick straight hair just doesn’t do well with point cutting. Think more blunt cutting would help. but I may need more layering than just on top…otherwise, I look like the dancing mushrooms in fantasia. I’m ordering that gel today 🤞🤞
As to color….whatever makes you feel happy and confident.
Finally, I love your “voice” you have a great sense of humor and are so real and relatable.
Thank you, Linda. I’m glad you like my voice 🙂
I get very frustrated when I try to write on your site! I just gave you a long explanation on using EvolVh products and the whole site went gray and dumped what I had written. I had not had a chance to finish. Their Ultrashine products are great for our color which is a lovely stripe of white and silver with a tiny amount of blonde still at the back neck. Mine is cut in a chin length Bob and my waves look great even though my hair is very fine and thin. I use the volumizing mousse and a tiny amount of Dream Gel to finish. These are very clean products and I love them.
I went silver/gray during the pandemic. My colorist recommended using a purple shampoo (Fanola) to minimize any yellow/brown tones. But my challenge was a bit different. My silver is very bright. Too bright for me. So I decided to add navy blue lowlights. I love it and get compliments from strangers…so I’m taking that as a good sign.
What a fun solution!
I thought about stopping dyeing my hair during Covid lockdown. When the gray started coming in, I did not like how I looked! Needless to say, I was back at my stylist’s as soon as she opened.😄 I see her every 5 weeks-for highlights, color and cut every other appointment and just touching up my regrowth on the other appointments. I wish I could embrace my gray as my sisters have done- think of the time and money I’d save! But I’d rather feel good and confident about how I look.
Feeling confident and happy with how you look is the ultimate goal.
I did the highlights/lowlights until my hair was completely gray and am lucky it’s a nice color. I have found that I need more blush to brighten my face. If I don’t put on any other makeup, I do blush and lipstick.
I need some makeup too or I look totally washed out.
I quit coloring my hair about 12 years ago. I have thyroid disease, terrible scalp flakiness and scaly patches (sorry TMI, I know), but coloring was just making everything worse. I will not color for those reasons, but I certainly get that everyone should do what they want. A couple of ideas that I try to remember. I hate my hair when it is getting time for a good trim. I hate my hair if I see it under nasty yellow lighting, you all know the kind. I try not to judge my hair too harshly on a trip, particularly if I am going from the nice cool humid coast to the dry mountains. Finally it is important to be careful about the complexion with white/gray hair. Makeup is your friend for adding depth. I look forward to your product reviews, Jennifer. The yellowing of white hair is a constant struggle. The purple shampoos don’t really work that well for me.
I’ve found that doing the final rinse in cold water makes my gray shine. It does help a bit. From chemo , I grew in my natural hair. Quite the salt and pepper mix with bright silver streaks on top. I’m trying to be patient but it’s hard. Never get married to a single color palette, because not only does your hair color change, your skin tone does too. You need to reevaluate now and then!
Jennifer, your hair looks great! I’m new to your site, in the last month or two, and I love it! You have been so helpful (except to my budget!) and I’ve learned so much. I have always hated trying on clothes and you’ve made it so easy to find styles and sizes that I like. Thank you for all that you do to make it easier for all of us. Enjoy your time in Vancouver; I love it there!
Welcome, Deby. I’m so glad you’ve joined us!
You look beautiful and your hair is lovely! I don’t feel I can ever go gray, though. I’ve been coloring my hair since 9th grade when my southern mother decided my hair was too “ dirty blonde.” I think many women look incredibly gorgeous with their silver/white hair, but I’m just fine coloring my hair.
Thank you. It’s so important for us to do what makes us feel confident.
I can’t think of anything worse than a perpetual bad hair day. Don’t for a minute feel like you gave up, sold out, or threw in the towel, should you decide to go back to coloring your hair. It’s really the only part of the quality of our hair that we have control over. Do what makes you feel good and don’t feel bad about it.
I was feeling that way. Thanks, Donna
This might go against the grain here, but I’ve chosen not to go gray … yet. Got a lot of fun memories out of that Sun-In photo. My friends all used it (and turned orange), but I chose to use “Lemon Go Lightly” – you know, the one from Clairol with the big lemon sitting on top of a canister that you could use while sitting under a hairdryer. Used that for several years until I cut my waist-length hair and tried Dark Blond in a Clairol Herbal Essences box. Well, fast forward some 40+ years and I’m still using a box going a little lighter with golden blond after living in Hawaii turned my blond hair somewhat lighter. Several of my present and former hairdressers have commented that they love the hair color and that it goes well with my complexion, while blending in nicely when some gray shows. All have said, “Keep doing whatever it is you’re doing.” They laugh even harder when I tell them it all comes from a box!
I think it’s awesome to do your own thing! Many women will never go gray and more power to them.
I tried going grey for many reasons and decided to go back to dying my hair a light brown with a few highlights. I too was unhappy with the color that was growing out, I felt pressure to keep growing it out. So many people told how liberating and the savings, but I just wasn’t happy with it. I do feel many people might dye their hair grey etc. Give it a little help so it looks better. On their skin tone it does look great, but I am warm coloring, so it just didn’t work for now.
There is a lot of pressure on women to gro gray these days, so I’m very glad we’re having this honest discussion. Women need to feel supported which ever choice they make.
I started with Sun in it also turned me orange!
If the description of my hair wasn’t called ash, dirty, mousey, dishwater, etc… instead of moonlight, or some other name, I wouldn’t have reached for the bottle of Sun in.
My hair stylist also preferred to warm up my cool hair, despite my cool skin tone.
What’s up?
It’s cool grey now, problem solved. 😂
Hairstylists have a hard time not warming up blondes, I don’t know why.
Jennifer,
Love the cut! Great picture of you.
Thank you, Nancee
I like your hair! The length looks great on you. Gray is such a personal choice and it is a change. I had to wear my make up a little differently and choose different colors in my clothes. I decided to let my gray take over. My hairdresser blended with low and high lights in my hair as I transitioned to my natural color. I did that for several years until I finally had enough gray to stop coloring entirely. I’ve kept my hair in a short stacked Bob cut. It’s the perfect cut for me. I also have just a few silver tinsel strands in my hair. They are very subtle. My hair is fairly thick and can be flyaway. So I have to put product on to counteract that. I use the shampoo, conditioner and serum from Target HB (hair biology) for silver hair. It is a reasonable price. I tried many other more expensive products, but these work best for me. Persevere! You will find the right balance for you.
Jennifer,
I think your hair looks good gray. It goes well with your soft and cool undertones.. In a previous post of yours, you were wearing a gray sweater and gray (I think felt) hat and you were glowing. I think it’s wise to wait until you get a cut you’re happy with and then re-assess if you want color or high/low lights. As you say, do what makes you feel good. Good luck on the journey.
It’s a learning as I go process. Thanks, Nancy.
I like your haircut! I quit “highlighting” and grey out it out when i had 2 bad experiences with my longtime stylist. I had her cut into a pixie from a bob. Then lockdown happened and it was a grown out hot mess and I found a new stylist who really knows how to cut a pixie. Now I’m back to a bob but growing out my bangs…..I’m at the point where always in my face. I’m going to try the Kevin Murphy, thanks for recommending them.
Pixie was a disaster on me. A big disaster.
Your hair looks like champagne, a good thing!
I love that!!
Jennifer, love your new style and color. Also, SunIn, takes me back. I was also guilty of using lemon juice to ‘highlight’ my hair….but I’m one of those women who look awful with grey hair, talk about adding 10 years to my look. For years I went with a dark brunette, and a few highlights..with layers, I can only handle a short bob, or my face drags down….then about 6 months ago, my long time stylist parted ways, still friends, I’m just not a client. I did some cold calls and found the most wonderful stylist literally down the street from me. She convinced me to go lighter , with more highlights and warmer brown low lights. I’ve never had more compliments…and yes for whatever reasons, less layers made my very fine hair bouncier…..I’d recommend her, but it would be about a 2hr drive from where you live…good luck finding the right stylist…it does sometimes pay to change…..
I used to drive 2 hours to go back to my old stylist but then she left the state. It’s so worth it when you have tough hair. If she was still in CA I’d keep driving to see her.
Hi Jennifer, today’s post was so timely for me. I had been going through the exact same thing. I am very fair skinned and because my hair grows extra fast, I need frequent touch ups. I thought going natural would simplify my life, (my hair is quite white) but regardless of wardrobe or makeup, I just looked exhausted and (even) older. Yesterday I went for color, cut and highlights & came out looking like I had finally had a good night’s sleep! I guess I’m not yet ready for natural beauty. 😂 Good luck; it’s a hard decision.
Bravo Jo! I’m glad you decided to make the change to what makes you feel vibrant and joyous. Natural is overrated if it doesn’t give us confidence.
Oh, do I understand scissors in hand! I moved and lost my great stylist-still trying to find someone in my small village. What is the truth about blunt cut and layers? One stylist does a blunt cut then another insists on layers. I have long stopped coloring and love my salt and pepper but I have thin fine hair and boy does it lack body.
Thanks Jennifer-read all your blogs.
Amy
My best cuts are disconnected with blunt layers. No feathering. I guess I wasn’t paying enough attention to how my stylist was cutting them but now I remember what it takes. I’ll have to see if she can do it.
Jennifer,
Thanks for sharing your story.
This fall I just decided to own my age,and the grey hair.
Growing out grey is a long process and my stylist is using a semipermanent glaze so the demarcation is not so obvious.
It will be interesting to see the final color ,the texture has definitely change to drier and frizzy so more products to keep it looking smooth and healthy.
Thanks for highlighting (no pun intended)this subject.
Grey hair is having a moment as we seasoned women begin to own our age and our life experience.
It really is a process. Both psychologically and physically.
I know the feeling of losing your hair stylist. Mine moved four states away. Ach! And now I’m left with trying to find a new one. She and I first met in 1997! And over time we became the best of friends. We went through loss and divorce and many of life’s happenings. Funny how a chance meeting grows into something that brings joy and friendship.
At this time I now have a cut that looked more like a man’s cut! So while it grows out, I’m still looking.
As for going grey, at 75 I decided to go natural. Now I have like four grey hairs in the front, but I’m happy not having to deal with color treated hair.
I keep highlights in my hair to add volume. I also use the Kevin Murphy products you showed. I think you’ll really like them. Your hair looks very flattering just as it is.
Im one of those ladies that does not love their graying hair. I fully admit to color And highlights. I dont feel like i look my best i. My own hair color. So for me looking good also means i feelgood about myself, and thats what its all about.
I agree Julie! Feeling good about ourselves is the most important.
Love the soft layers and the color is lovely the way it is.
I have fine curly blondish hair, and live in a really dry hot climate. I always straightened or blew out the curl, which further dried out my hair. Finally accepted the curl and it has never looked better. Still enjoy my highlights and lowlights. Also, I take pictures from pinterest to show her the style I am going for, and she tries hard to cut my hair accordingly. Plus I follow Kari Lynn as she has good ideas for curly hair.
Following people with our hair type is so helpful.
I love the photo with your hair in a more carefree style, toward the end of your post (with some ends going out and some in!). And I do not see — from photos — any issue with shine, nor color. That said, I am looking at photos and I understand that when our hair changes, we may lament that change and wish to regain some of what we lost!
I have truly black natural hair coloring and have been coloring since beginning to gray at age 35, 28 years ago. I have a somewhat youthful face, even with wrinkles, and I haven’t envisioned myself with gray hair (yet). I know many women feel that having their natural hair coloring is more ‘contemporary’, perhaps more freeing, but I am personally against the symbolism of gray hair as politically correct/politically forward-thinking (that may have originated in my home state, California). I wish that some aspect of life could remain politically neutral 😉 My 2 cents!
Your two cents are worth a million bucks! Going gray has become a barometer of how confident and “real” women are which is hogwash.
Great cut Jennifer. I’ve whined before about my fringe envy. But I have NO forehead. ☹️ I stopped dying my hair over 10 years ago in my 60s and finally loosing the natural low lights which I love so may start adding back.
If you love them, add them back!!
I’ve had the same hair stylist for years. We’ve been through it all believe me. I had been coloring it for years until I lost it all from chemo. To my surprise it came in with a really shiny silver. I keep it short now because while I have plenty on top the sides are really thin. I think you’re hair looks beautiful 😍
Thanks Rosemary. Your hair sounds fabulous
Layers do make your hair look fuller. I’ve been trying to tell a friend that as her hairdresser keeps cutting it one length. Your hair looks lovely.
I stopped highlights about four years ago. It’s more a combination of colours- silver, white & dirty blonde. I know that sounds awful but the silver gives it shine and it stands out in a sea of all white. I had hoped for white hair like my sister but am now quite pleased with my own colour. It gives me more brightness.
I’m missing brightness and hope as I continue to change, I’ll get more.
I hate doing my hair. it is curly and I always wanted it straight. I colored it for many years. I was getting dissatisfied with that because it seemed to start showing the gray the minute I walked out of the chair. During Covid my stylist retired and I took the plunge. I’m gray and my hair is curly and shorter and I do hardly anything to it. I wish I’d figured this out earlier. But sometimes I wonder because at least where I am the vast majority color their hair.
Hi Jennifer,
I think your hair always looks beautiful!
I continue to color mine and tease my daughter to be sure to give me $ for my colors when I am in the nursing home down the road! LOL!
Your blog is my favorite.
Thank you.
I’ve made my daughter promise to tweeze my chin hairs 🤣 Thank goodness for daughters. Thanks for being here.
Hi Jennifer. I’m learning to accept my hair turning gray. I used to get highlights & lowlights mainly to add volume to my fine thin hair. Once my hair grew back in after chemo 2 years ago, I let it go natural. My color now is ashy brown with a fair amount of gray mixed in. I call the color taupe. It has changed the colors in my wardrobe that best flatter me now but I’m ok with it. My stylist would love to add some highlights but my hair is somewhat fragile. She fully understands & works really hard to add volume. I am growing out most of my layers & she stacked the back a bit at my last appointment. I love it & it has helped the splitting I was getting near my ears. I use Velcro rollers because I’m totally inept with a dryer & brush.
I won’t get into all the hair products I use but I do use Rogaine, I take Nutrafol at my dermatologist’s suggestion & I use the IRestore Professional low level light therapy hat every other day. I’m not endorsing these for others but I’ve seen a big improvement in the thickness of my hair. And of course, I’ve purchased/used these with the approval of my doctors. It’s a journey but I’m happy to have hair & primarily want to make it the best it can be!
Thank you for sharing your journey, Judy. I use Rogaine and Nutrafol too. I’m never sure what’s keeping my hair in but happy to keep using whatever seems to be working. I wondered if I would be compliant with the light cap. I tried the hairband and found it a pain. Literally. It jabbed my scalp. Maybe the cap is easier?
The hat is my 1st experience with a device like this so I can’t compare, but it doesn’t jab my head at all. I use the 25 minutes for ‘quiet’ time or sometimes if I’m on the phone talking to a friend. It seems to fly by generally. I’m right around the 6 month mark with it & quite happy with my results.
This post & so many of your others address topics well beyond fashion alone that hit home with your followers. Keep up the wonderful work! And I do appreciate that you invest a lot of time & energy into this.
Thank you Judy. I may try one because the jabbing was what stopped me from using the headband.
Your hair looks beautiful! And yes, I too have been discouraged with my hair or parts of it and taken scissors to it!
During Covid I even cut the back! Mistake!
Hi Jennifer
Thanks for sharing your journey with going gray. I especially appreciate your remarks that each woman should do what makes her feel best and happiest with herself. I tried going gray recently and hated it. It really affected my self esteem. I’m slowly going back to being a redhead again (born that way) and trying to avoid too much damage to my ever thinning hair. One more visit to the salon and I should be back to what I consider “myself “. So many women are beautiful with gray or white (my hair) which is why I tried it in the first place. It just wasn’t for me at this stage of my life. I’m sure that will change with age. Best wishes in your journey and thanks for your wonderful blog! 😃
Great point! We have to be ready and it has to make us happy. It’s our choice, not a political statement.
Layers are key for me (and you). Your comment about your previous stylist blending the layers so everything lay cohesively is exactly my current problem. I need a new stylist, one who will not give me the “old lady haircut” I keep ending up with — but breaking up with the old and finding the new is hard. Or, I think it’s hard — you made it happen easily, it seems!
I do need layers. Blunt ones and only on top. Too many and the bottom is see through.
Hi Jennifer, Your hair looks great. I am still coloring mine, not brave enough to left it gray. I don’t feel that my hairdresser actually advises me but rather just does it the same each time. I do get frustrated, not sure what to do.
Enjoy your time in Vancouver.
It’s a catch 22 with stylists. I want a talented and creative one but I also need to feel in control.
Jennifer, your hair looks fabulous. What a lift. Love the highlights.
Yes, hair is a personal choice. One must be happy with it or nothing will feel right.
Enjoy.
Suzanne
Thank you
I don’t know if I can explain why I still add color to my hair and choose to not go completely gray but to say that this is who I am. My hair has been on a complicated journey all my life. Coloring it when not necessary and so many cuts, from very short to my current shoulder+ length. It’s just such a personal choice. My current hairstylist is a treasure. She listens, offers ideas and ultimately supports my decisions. If a highlight or lowlight adds to my confidence, then so be it. My style choice today is much more natural, less structured, less sprayed and easier to maintain. Day one and two, I can wear it down and day three it goes up in a clip or pony tail.
Do what makes you feel good!
I love your attitude Jan. Mine is such a thinning struggle it weighs heavily on my confidence.
I recently started growing out my colour. I wanted to see what my hair looks like in its natural state. I had no idea what to expect, but it’s coming in with a mix of salt and pepper. So, it’s interesting. Deciding to go natural feels authentic for me. I’m not sure I’m going to have my “Lisa LaFlamme” moment (her hair is gorgeous) but it will be 100% me.
I pretty much decide my hair style and cut. I have had a blonde weave since I left college. I can tell I’m gradually getting grey hair because my roots are less obvious as me hair grows out. But I will weave my hair with blonde (until I can’t afford it any more) or I wouldn’t feel like me. My current stylist does suggest hair color and highlight options. I’ve been going to her for about two years and trust her advice implicitly.
That’s a great point. Our hair needs to help us feel like ourselves!
In many ways Jennifer , you are lucky to be blessed with blonde hair because even with foils and colour, it looks more natural (as you age) than dark brown hair, which I have. I get my hair professionally cut and coloured every 7 weeks, which keeps it looking soft and shiny, with no intention of letting go grey naturally. My current hairdresser is a delightful Chinese woman, who when we discuss styles, said, ‘you have Asian hair’ (very straight and dark brown), so it is a layered bob for me – and I am always happy with it.
The lack of contrast between the blonde and gray is easier for sure.
Hi, I appreciate your comments on going gray and getting a cut that helps volume. Could you please share with me the way to have a stylist cut layers for
volume? I have layers that make my hair smooth and flat. I have the dreaded thin, fine, somewhat frizzy and curly gray hair that is a challenge! I just moved and the new stylist was a nightmare!
Thanks!
It looked like she cut them bluntly, and didn’t blend. My stylist at home feathers them which is a flat disaster. She only layered the very top
Got it! That all makes sense.
Thanks so much!
My hair color is very similar to yours, and about the same length. Im having the same issue with thinning, and how to add layers to a blunt cut. Keep writing about hair styles for older ladies.
I will keep sharing.
Jennifer, I just LOVe your hair layered like that. It has so much vitality. Love the gray color too!
It’s feeling sassier which I really was missing. Thank you!
Jennifer-Try this(what did when went gray): had the stylist color/hi light my whole hair with a mix of dark/lite gray colors.
Why does that scare me? I just don’t have a good enough stylist that I trust to do that.
I recently switched stylists and am so happy. My hair is silver in front and gray with silver streaks in back. I wear a very spikey pixie. The new gal cuts it like a barber, dry with scissors. Does it ever behave better. I use a leave in conditioner, and then use a firmer styling product with shine.
I’m in the exact spot you are with your hair! I decided to go another month without any high or lowlights. A great cut makes a huge difference & I’m adding some hydrating conditioner to cut out the frizzies. So far it’s not weighing down my fine textured hair. Between Living Proof & Kevin Murphy, I’m happy with the results of added shine & volume. It’s a balancing act, isn’t it?!
Ps your haircut looks great!
I love the Living Proof too. It adds so much volume.
Which living proof product do you use? And which shampoo, etc?
I use the dry shampoo which adds volume on day two and three.
Our youngest daughter works for Living Proof, and she has gifted me products from their Full line (shampoo, conditioner, thickening cream), plus more recently a volumizing mousse. Love all of the products, though the mousse is a bit drying and leaves my hair a bit stiff.
What kind of shampoo are you using? I don’t know if it is ok to mention brands so I won’t mention my favorite but blue/purple shampoo works miracles! My stylist picked the one she likes and my hair which is on the white side of gray absolutely shines. I don’t use it every shampoo because eventually I would have the REAL old lady lavender hair. I encouraged several of my friends to try it and they, too, are huge fans of blue/purple shampoo. I think your hair always looks lovely.
Please share the brand! I use one by Olaplex every so often. Maybe I’m not using it enough?
I’ve used Joico blue shampoo. My issue is more toning down what’s left of the brown hair I used to have. I find that blue/purple shampoos are rather “heavy” which might work against a ‘do that has volume. I wouldn’t do the shampoo and the Olaplex together as they both have a coating action on your hair.
See if you can find a sample size before springing for a big bottle!
Awesome, thanks Rose
Yes, please share! I’ve been using Redken Graydient and really like it, but I’m almost out and it looks like it’s been discontinued…..I have short hair, so a modest sized bottle of lavender tinted shampoo that is only used a couple of times/week lasts for AGES. Would love to have a recommendation from someone who actually uses the product, rather than relying on magazine websites (“the top 10 anti-brassiness shampoos for gray hair!”), because the cynic in me believes they only highlight products which advertise in their ‘zines.
Hi Jennifer,
I decided to fully commit when I turned 65. My stylist and I discussed it and came up with a plan. I let my gray grow out for 6 weeks, at which point she knew what my natural gray looked like. She put in highlights and low lights to match my roots. So I walked in with red hair and out with gray. It was great. I used purple shampoo, to keep the silver parts nice and cool as they grew out, and she glazed my hair at regular intervals to keep it shiny. My hair is now fully grown out from the color. I wear it in a simple stacked bob, which minimizes layers, and maximizes shine. I have a mix of white, silver and dark hair, but the top layers are mostly light. I get so many compliments from young and old alike. Ladies ask me who does my highlights. 😂. It took a couple of years to fully grow out, but was worth it. It’s very freeing not to have to worry about whether your color needs a touch up. 😁
Great point about layers and shine!!
I laughed when I saw Sun In. My sister-in-law and I used it one time and both turned carrot orange. What a disaster that was. LOL. I didn’t get the white or bright silver that I was hoping for either, but then I realized that I would look really washed out if I had gotten what I’d hoped for. I am more greige because I am peppered with a light brown/very dark dishwater blonde. If I am in bright light I look more white, and in less light it looks darker. My hair is thinner and finer than yours, so I keep it cut quite short. I will be interested in how you like the Kevin Murphy products
I’ve used these all before and love them! I just have to be careful not to use too many at one time or I have no shine and need a shine spray
Jennifer, your new style looks fabulous! I too have fine blonde hair (a smithering of grey around my hairline) that thinned due to thyroid issues but love, love, love, Kevin Murphy Body Builder, Repair-Me shampoo & conditioner. Thank you for your candid posts!
Thanks Bette! My thyroid wrecks havoc on my hair. I haven’t tried the Repair shampoo and conditioner but I love everything he makes so I’ll look for it.
I decided to go natural with a longer style during the long COVID ban on salon visits. Every time I looked in the mirror, I was washed out, but I persevered. When visits returned, I continued to persevere reminding myself how much money I was saving. One night after coming home from an evening out, my husband said he wished I would go back to coloring my hair. When I reminded him how much money I was saving, he replied (and I quote exactly) “I don’t care what it costs! I feel like I’m a companion to my grandmother! We worked hard all our lives to enjoy some of the luxuries we couldn’t while raising our children. Call the salon TOMORROW!” Needless to say, I’ve been back ever since and my stylist is wonderful at both the cut and color. I often receive compliments and am asked where I go. End of story!
I love your story Maureen! Washed out is what I’m feeling and it’s no fun.
I love that story too! Rather than get angry Maureen embraced the idea offered (not so gently) by her spouse and ended up at a happier place. I think as we age and spend more time than ever with our partners it is so, so important to reflect ( and laugh) at their opinions rather than take offense. That’s my 2 cents!!!
I agree Dorie. My husband refuses to comment on my hair one way or the other. It all goes back to the time (25 years ago) I came home with a very short haircut. His comment was, “what happened to you? Your hair got butchered.”
That was not a good thing to say to a woman reeling from a bad haircut 🤣 My response cured him of EVER giving an opinion on my hair.
You are right to wait on the color. Your general dissatisfaction was probably due to the cut more than the color.
I think you may be right. It’s taken me 2.5 years to get this far. I don’t want to quit without giving it a good try.
I have hair similar to yours and I always get them to put some shorter pieces in it with the thinning shears. Gives me a bit more lift and fullness than being all one length. I find, like you said, that all one length just looks flat on me
I thought a lot about ditching the dye , My hairdresser has told me my hair is 90% gray. So in January, I stopped coloring my hair. My hair dresser cut it very short in two month increments . Now it is gray with my natural brown mixed. I have to say I am liking it. It does take time to get used to it.
Bravo! A short cut can be so sassy looking too.
I was discussing coloring my grown out natural hair with a top stylist. His opinion on color was that it was easy to get a nice color, yet difficult to keep it. I remembered how my color would go brassy and I rarely was pleased with the color. It was a work in progress. Gray hair is even worse to color. If I would do anything to make mine pop, it would be a few. I understand, we all feel like change sometimes, but change can be very frustrating. You were smart to hold off and give it thought.
I feel ya sister….going grey is not easy street. My experience: I save money on not paying for color work, also no hash chems going into me through my scalp and the drying effect of coloring on the hair. All good things. On the challenging side…I found I needed to add more vibrancy and contrast in what I wore or I looked like a cadaver. So pale pastels around my face weren’t working to my benefit anymore 😩…had to move them down lower on my body. Also, and this was key: the quality and style of my haircut became preeminent. Wrong style or cut sends me straight into “frumpy land” where I do not wish to live ☺️. Lastly, finding the right products to help the tresses shine and be super healthy was a quest. The Prose line of hair products was a godsend. Also, loving Oribe…from my brilliant stylist. Just some thoughts …..hope your quest finds its reward!!!
Your thoughts are golden! No pun intended. Thank you. My uninspiring cut combined with the dull color is a recipe for disaster! I’m finding that true about clothes and it’s a challenge because I love soft neutrals so much.
Jennifer, I also have thinning fine hair. I am naturally a brunette but have embraced a much lighter hair colour (blondish) as I do not like my grey colour. The colour does add volume too. I also use Kevin Murphy products, the anti gravity volumizer and the texturizing hair spray specifically. They are fabulous! My hair stylist is incredible, she adjusts my hair colour and hairstyle as needed…we discuss some styling and then she just works her magic!
Kevin Murphy is my favorite line. The Bedroom spray is magical as is the Doo Over
Good morning!
The photo you show in your post, looks great. It looks silvery to me.
I colored my hair auburn for 20 years. I hated my almost black hair color. As the years went by the white strands didn’t color well and I felt like I needed to color more often. I never went to a stylist, always colored it myself.
I went to visit my cousin in England and she is 2 years older than me and she had white hair. She inspired me to grow out my color and 5 years later I’m gray.
There’s no doubt it ages you but I couldn’t care less.
I’m embracing my age and like you, I’ve worked very hard for every white hair.
I have one girlfriend that will never go gray, it’s all about what makes you happy.
Good day🌹 I am enjoying your blog and the helpful content. About deciding to go gray or not. My original color was a warm brown with copper highlights. In 2010, I had started giving thought to stop coloring my hair (did it at home with the help of Clairol). When it began to last only 3 weeks, I felt it to step up 🤔 By chance, I found a young woman, who was amazing with her suggestions and walked me through this chapter of my journey. I agree you should do what you feel comfortable with and not feel guilty about it. You have to be mentally prepared for this new look. Whatever you choose, it will be the right answer 🩷
I’m glad you’ve joined us, Kathy.
You and I have travelled the same trail on our hair journey, starting at sun-in and ending at grey. My hair is now what I call a streaky grey/taupe mixture, which is much better for my coloring than the brassy tones I had with foiling and finally overall color. However, my hair texture has changed—little volume, curly on one side in the back, matte finish. I would love to find a stylist who would make styling, color, and product recommendations. I would consider adding highlights if there was no risk of brassiness. No luck so far. Please let us know what you discover with the hair products. Thank you for this post!
Yes! I looked ghastly in brassy highlights but that’s what the undertone of my hair liked to pull out. I don’t miss that part.
I think you’re on the right track adding highlights to brighten. I’m not an expert certainly, but always was told that a blunt cut added the illusion of volume while layering took away bulk in thicker hair.
Like you as I’ve aged I’m becoming less and less happy with my hair no matter what I do. I’m still blonde with horrid mixed up greys as my riits growing white in front and dark grey in back so I keep it blonde.
We are go gray so differently. I was envisioning a luscious bright silver! Ha! Not happening.
My stylist is my best friend when it comes to my hair. She gives me good advice on cut and color. You know she is your bestie when you get compliments on your hair. My hair is very fine and thin so I really need her guidance.
Thin hair is really a challenge. One wrong snip makes a huge difference.
I have natural curly hair. A blessing everyone says. But it is not always. My hair is straight in the front and fine and pretty cur!y in the back.
Decided during Covid I’d go gray. (I am blonde with high lights). The gray was awful. Looked like I was related to a skunk.
My hair stylus said to just color it a nice shade of blonde and see what my gray looked like as highlights. It worked. My hair is a nice shade with true high lights. She just gave me d good bob hair cut and angled the front so I can blow dry it forward or back. What a difference. Just got to make yourself happy. Love your new cut. Highlights would give you more body and shine.
But you need to be in your Happy Hair Place. 🤗
Thanks for the post, Jennifer. I am a brunette in my early 60s and have been gradually going gray for a while now. I stopped coloring almost 6 years ago, choosing the highlight route. That seems to work for me as the gray hair, the blonde highlights, the caramel-ly lowlights and my still-brunette hair provide interest in my hair that I think would be lacking with just gray and brunette. I look forward to hearing how your journey goes with your highlights.
Your new style looks great and I do hope you love it. Your colour choice is very much your own decision and there will be many differing opinions so you do you for what makes you feel like you. Those products have me intrigued so let us know how you like them after using them at home.
I have tried them before and know they’re terrific.
Brief history. My Dad had beautiful white hair at 40 and my Mom was Salt and Pepper finally at 70. I asked my hometown hairdresser based on my roots which way I was leaning. She said my Mom. I kept coloring a Medium Ash Brown. She continued discouraging me from going gray.
Six years ago was in need of a a haircut while we were at our cottage in another state. I asked that hairdresser based on my roots her thoughts. She said pure white(except at the nape of my neck). She dyed my hair blond, gave me a really short hair cut Jamie Lee Curtis and in about 4 months I had white hair. During COVID I let it grow out longer to a Bob and scrunched my natural curly hair. I have loved it ever since. Just recently got it all cut like Judy Dench.
Best advice:
Do what makes you happy and feel good.
Your hair sounds fabulous!! I love your advice
I think your hair is gorgeous as is and suits you perfectly. As a summer, bright gray shiny hair probably wouldn’t suit you. I think of you in that neutral outfit with the long sweater. Those colors, your hair and you are in perfect harmony. Your eyes just pop. I think we have this stylized idea of what “silver” is supposed to ne, but few people look that way. As a dark winter I was was expecting defined salt and pepper. Nope, it’s a muddled gray/brown that looks silver in some light but not others. Oh well! Everyone has to do what makes them most comfortable of course! I think you look great as is, esp in your summer colors!
Thanks Shari. You’re right. Too bright would be overpowering on me. I am definitely looking at colors diferently as my hair changes.
Happy Friday Jennifer, OMG, I want your haircut, you look fabulous!!! I have been coloring my hair since I was 39, (72) now..
My middle daughter told she is letting her hair go grey, my other two daughter still color their hair. I’ve talked about it with my husband, he likes the color my hair only because I have never let it go grey and to be truthful, when my roots come in, the grey makes me looked washed out. So, I’ve decided to color my hair every 6 weeks. Thank you bring up this topic
Have a great weekend
Happy weekend, Pat!
Your new haircut looks fabulous!
Thank you. I do feel like a new woman 🙂
My hair is thick, wavy and coarse. Going grey has made it coarser and drier. I live in a dry place to begin with, so it’s a constant struggle to find products to help with this. Add sensitive skin to that equation. Many products irritate my scalp. I have natural blonde highlights of my own, but I don’t use blue shampoo very often as it adds to the dryness of my hair. We all have our challenges, I guess!
*That should have read 1.5 hours.
I travel literally 100 miles, driving for 1.5 miles to see my stylist. It’s well-worth it, though, because Tracy gets the color and cut perfect every single time. I can totally relax the minute I sit down in her chair because I know she’s got my back. I am blessed and grateful.
You are lucky! My fabulous gal moved several states away so I’m going to have to explain myself better to this one. Finding a new stylist is a nightmare.
I am white 3/4 of the way- mostly front and sides. Back of my head salt n pepper. For fun, I have purple added to strips on each side of my part. I get so many compliments. ! Having a good cut every 6-8 weeks helps too. Lottie
I love that Lottie!
I can only tell from photos, but I think your hair color looks natural and is flattering. Gray hair does come in at different stages, so what you have may not be what you’ll get. Different colors? Actually, our hair is always a blend of shades. To me, hair that’s all one shade looks fake.
I don’t mind the color of my gray hair, and does have a range from light to darker. My complaint is dullness. My stylist, who I trust, also recommended a few highlights around my face for brightness rather than color. I don’t regret doing it, but it really doesn’t make a difference . The only thing I notice now is a little gold tinged strand once in awhile. I’m going to skip the highlights.
Do any readers have recommendations for adding shine to gray hair? I use a gloss, rotate a purple shampoo and have a shine spray.
Interesting! Thank you. I do have a shine spray but forget to use it.