Why I’m Going Gray
Happy Wednesday ladies. As the title suggests, Iāve decided to see whatās happening with my hair color so I’m going gray. I havenāt been happy with the color of my highlights and their tendency towards brassiness for many years, so about 6 months ago, I decided to go cold turkey.
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I canāt say Iām going just gray, because whatās growing in, looks more like an ashy pewter gray. My hairstylist tells me itās a combination of shades that includes some silver strands, ash blonde, and pure white. The overall effect looks darker in my bathroom lights and almost unnoticeable in other lights. Have you noticed the change?
My hair texture has definitely changed. I really miss the volume I got from coloring my hair. When you use bleach, it swells the hair shaft by opening the cuticle which adds volume. For a woman with thin, baby fine, poker-straight hair, thatās a big deal. It’s a lot flatter now too so I’m adjusting how I style it and trying to get used to the change.
Because I was a light blonde with highlights, I’m not dealing with a solid demarcation line where it’s growing. I am still dealing with the moth-eaten look and in some lights, I could be confused for a woman who has just given up. That gorgeous natural gray hair I envisioned just hasn’t shown up yet. I wonder if it will.
Natural brunettes would be hard-pressed to go gray the way I am without having their hair colorist make some adjustments. My stylist wanted to use a toner to help with the transition but I decided against it until I see what I have naturally.
I’ve got a ways to go before I see the full effect of my new, natural hair color, but I’m already changing my hair care products. I’m now using a purple shampoo every day and more conditioner but my hair is still not as shiny as it used to be. The reflective quality of the gray strands is quite different than highlighted hair.
Most hairspray also has a matte finish and I use it every day which makes my hair look dull. The shine products and glosses usually have an oily component to them which is fatal for fine hair. I did order a few things to try and will let you know how they work out.
In other news- we attended several holiday get-togethers last weekend and now that I’m letting my hair grow out, all I see are women who’ve done the same. I noticed something interesting at one event. The women who are maintaining their original dark brown hair, look older than the women who have lightened it or allowed it to lighten on its own. As we discussed earlier this week, our contrast changes as we age and that involves our hair color.
You might enjoy- How To Find Your Personal Contrast Level And Why It Matters
Many who are gray are wearing their hair in a pixie cut which is not a great look with my broad shoulders and square jaw. I’ve been looking for haircut ideas on Pinterest and Instagram, but for now, I don’t want to do anything drastic. One big change at a time is enough for me.
Now that I’ve started this, I’m anxious to get to the finish line. I’ve already decided that if I don’t like the results, I can always go back to the salon for color. Going gray is a personal choice each woman makes based on her lifestyle, upkeep of color, finances, and health concerns. It’s our privilege to go gray or not, and I encourage us to support other women’s choices.
How about you. Have you gone gray? How easy was the process?
Thanks for reading ladies and remember to wear what makes you feel confident.
I thoroughly enjoy your content and really appreciate your honesty in all things fashion, beauty and lifestyle.
Itās been almost 5 years since I made the decision to go gray and I couldnāt be happier with my decision. I have fine, thin hair and understand where youāre coming from with the texture without coloring but recently had a perm and after an initial period of learning to handle the curl in my hair Iām very pleased with the results. You might give it a consider a perm to improve the texture of your hair.
PS
Loved the recent content on contrast!
Anne
I am a member of that exclusive baby fine, stick straight hair club (and not much of it) also. Decided to fully “embrace” the aging process (thank you Covid) in 2020. Am 67 and so happy to have made the change. You truly don’t understand how freeing it is to stop coloring your hair until you do so. Various FB groups (Going GRAY Gracefully, etc.) helped on those days when I thought WTH am I thinking! Regular haircuts helped tolerate the growing out phase. I now sport a long pixie with lots of layers that give volume. I love the shades of gray/white and have followed advice to get in-person color analysis which resulted in good purge of closet and makeup (was spring, now hard winter). Truly a total transformation. Life is good!
It does sound like an amazing change! Bravo
It is a frustrating transition at times and I applaud you for doing it in front of all your followers. I went from darkish brown and white roots in the front which needed touch up at least every three weeks, cold turkey as well. After letting the roots grow for a few weeks I got it all cut off to about an inch. When I had a bit more growth, got it all cut back again, then let it grow back. There is quite a bit of change in texture and shine as you said, and finding the right products is a process. I do not have straight hair or especially thin hair, except the front, so don’t have much for suggestions for you, but as you fall in love with the new you, you will find your best look. Until you pointed it out I did not notice your roots changing. Thanks for being so open once again to showing us your changing self.
Thanks Diane
Hi Jennifer,
Agree with the others, I have not noticed a change in your color and you do a terrific job of styling your hair! I am (or was) a brunette. I color/highlight my hair. I do my own roots and it’s like having a part-time job. I am still working and hate the look of gray roots, so I color them myself. My highlights are caramel and I have found that using a filter to remove harsh minerals from my shower water has made all the difference with brassiness. I mention this for others that also color their hair. However, I do look forward to the day when I will make the transition and just go gray (in a few years). I suspect I will have to cut my hair very short when I do that so as not to look like a skunk. š
Caramel sounds lovely. Iāve read about those shower filters snd they make sense to me for so many reasons.
I stopped coloring two years ago. I think my salt and pepper hair looks a lot softer than the dark brown I was dying it. I had to let all the dye grow out before I could really see what it looked like. I really like it now.
You look beautiful with this new look!
I am one of those women you mentioned “maintaining my dark brown hair.” I would love it if you could speak more about how this look might be aging and actually make us look older and ‘out of date.’ Trying to work up the courage to go grey!
Dark hair can be a harsh contrast to aging complexions, much like wearing black clothes next to our faces. Everything softens as we age so artificially keeping hair dark, begins to look unnatural. Perhaps try some soft highlights or a lighter version of what you have and watch the contrast change. You might like yesterdayās post on how to check your contrast levels.
Sam – I think how good dyed brown hair looks depends a lot on your colorist and on the style that you do your ‘do’. Natural hair isn’t all the same color, so a dark one shade color is a giveaway. Even highlighted hair needs to be carefully considered. Brassy highlights or hair with underlying red tones really stand out against a naturally weathered 40+ y/o face.
The thing is, even if you go with ashy tones, your dyed hair can pop up with brass/red tones.
Pam over at Over 50… has decided not to go gray. Her colorist has significantly lightened her brown hair over the years. She’s also moved off of the satin blowdry to a more tossled natural style. I think that brings more light into your hair and is softer.
I think when considering what to do about your hair that doesn’t involve the infamous “big chop” that you’ve got several different areas to employ your strategy – color, cut, style.
Many years ago, my wonderful hairdresser (since retired) told me that my hair would go platinum gray, that it would be a great color with my skin tones, and I shouldn’t color my hair. I followed her advice. My hair hasn’t gone completely gray yet, but she was right. My friends tell me that if their hair was going gray like mine, they wouldn’t color it either. I am always looking for products for my thin, fine hair as well and look forward to finding out what works for you.
Just lovely anyway! I started going grey in my late 20s. At the time, my hair was very thick. We didn’t have a lot of money so I would color it myself and it always took 2 boxes and wouldn’t last 6 weeks. I then had my year and a half battling cancer and decided I didn’t need to add any chemicals to my system. I too, noticed that women my age and older (60’s) that kept dark hair (men too) look so artificial. I will never forget my granddaughter telling me I had ‘magical’ hair. What? Grandma, it looks brown in the house but when you step into the sun it turns white! It is like magic! I am fine with my magic hair! Thank you for sharing.
Such a beautiful story. Magical hair. I seem to be getting some of that too! Wise woman, your grandma.
Cute story – I am in that same scenario and a few weeks shy of turning 68. My hair color only looks good for 2 weeks and then I use root sprays and powders and wear hats. (Easy to get away with in Florida) Iām sort of at my wits end with my hair and really not sure where to start. Unfortunately my hair is pretty fragile and thinning so my options are limited. Other than that I am blessed with good health. š
I decided to let my hair do what it would as I aged. I am pretty minimalist about hair care, but maintain a six week schedule of hair trims. Iāve had short hair and medium hair length, never long as my hair is wavy and sometimes curly.
My black hair has turned gradually silvery but seems to be going gray. Itās hard to tell because of the lighting.
My hair is healthy, and I get compliments on the color.
Whatever we decide to do with our hair, letās all be happy that we are healthy and have an enthusiasm for life. Weāre lucky that we have lived so long to show the color change of hair.
BTW, I think your hair has always looked great!
I love your attitude Gloria!! Thank you for sharing.
I went grey during the lockdown. Before my transition I would color my hair a light brown, however within a week or two it would look blonde. My hairstylist said that was due to the grey! What ! I never realized I had any grey. I love my grey and get many compliments. However like you my grey is fine, silky and flat. I was hoping for the corse grey. Looking forward to see what products help with your fine grey hair
Mine was fine silky and flat to start so this will be fun:)
I had noticed a change to your hair colour Jennifer, but I thought it was just from new highlights. It’s probably more noticeable to you and to those who see you in natural light.
I’ll be going ‘au natural’ very soon, and am anticipating having white hair, so I’m very interested in what products and different styling techniques I’ll need to switch to. Any information on that would be appreciated. I’ve started a Pinterest board on short and grey styles, and I’m actually looking forward to trying out different lengths that I never would have had the courage to try before.
Courage is a great word here, Yvonne! If not now, when? I hope youāre doing well. Xx
I too, stopped coloring my hair last year with Covid in full force. Wearing a mask and not going out much at all last year made the transition easier. My hair color was similar to yours and I found that for a week after coloring it looked great, then downhill from there. Cost and concerns over safety of all this dye, along with unhappiness with color and finally accepting my natural hair color pushed me to do this. Iām completely dye free and while most days I am very happy with the new color, some days I have remorse. All in all, a good healthy decision. I find using a purple shampoo once a week keeps the āyellowingā at bay. Iām now struggling with clothes colorsā¦I read your post yesterday and need to re-read it to help me fully understand. For now, when someone says āthat looks great on youā I take notice of what color it is.
I am struggling with colors too so will have more info going forward. Thanks soft sharing
I hope that you are as pleased as I have been since I made that decision 4 years ago. It seemed that I was seeing gray roots around two weeks after my hair was colored. I was tired of the time and money it took to have it colored so I had it cut in layers and stopped coloring. I have never looked back! I’m looking forward to hearing about the “finishing” products you will be trying that will add a little shine.
Congratulations! The gray and cuts of our grandmothersā days are gone if one chooses. I started to add auburn highlights to my brown hair in college and that was quite a while ago! About four years ago, before Covid, I got tired of the coloring and needed a change.
So I started letting my hair grow out. My hair had started to gray at the front in my 40s and I had left a gray-white streak uncolored. When I stopped coloring, I was amazed to find that my hair was completely white. I have always had curly hair but coloring inhibited the curl and I kept my hair quite short. Now, my hair is white, wonderful curly, longer, and much more shiny. The texture is softer but the curl hides a multitude of sinsā¦including a much-thinned crown (hereditary). I donāt think I have ever gotten so many compliments. Who knew? And now I can wear many softer colorsā¦as you discussed. Having a jolt of new appearance has been great fun at 80.
I have not seriously considered it but think about it often. I get tired of the grind and expense of color; color and hair products are a cost of working at this point in my life but as i move toward retirement i may do it differently. Color, nails, add up over a month.
Women are treated differently in the work place with gray hair. Itās not fair, but a fact. I hear you
I envy your curls! How fun to have a pleasant surprise. Thanks for sharing your journey, Lee
I went gray years agoā¦my auburn hair was just too resistant to color to maintain. A full hour with color on it every 3 weeks was taking too great a toll on my hair, budget, patience and time. I actually had my stylist do one final āheavy frostā (Iām sure itās called something else now but thatās what it was then). My mother became seriously ill about that time and between being a classic Oreo caregiver and a full-time job I didnāt think about it for the next 3 years. My hair is now a beautiful white. I use purple shampoo once a week; other than that I use a mild shampoo and conditioner every day. It is a little thinner now but it was originally very thick so itās not a problem. I do find that I wear bolder colors now but still minimal makeup. I agree that women who continue to color tend to look older than those of us who donāt. There are some great Facebook groups for women going gray that can be very encouraging and provide advice and reassurance!
Thanks for sharing your story Patti. ā¤ļø Your hair sounds beautiful
I went gray years ago for the same reason – color just wasn’t working and there was brassiness in some spots. It has been so liberating although there are changes and adjustments. I have natural curl and deal with humidity and frizziness in the summer. Fall and winter, my hair is so much easier to manage. I now have a layered short-ish bob. I need layering to add volume. My hair is not as thick as it used to be and is very fine. Always a challenge!
Iām thinking a shorter bob may be necessary for me too
Growing my hair out was a lot easier during Covid as everyone seemed to be trying it out. What looked like beautiful silver did not turn out to be the case and I am like you – dealing with a less than ideal hair color and texture. And thinning. So, I will be following any successes that you have.
I could be in your boat but Iām anxious to see
To be honest I havenāt really noticed a huge change in your hair color. Maybe once or twice thought youād gone forward with more platinum highlights but only that- once or twice.
No Iām still having my roots colored. (Why? my hair root is white in front and dark grey in back) – ugly in other words! Not going au natural!
So- Two to three times a year I have lighter and darker highlights added and I like it. I may add a few more lowlights
next time! If I was coming in all white or uniformly grey I might think of it but not yet!
Paulette, that is what mine did at the start, white in front and a dark blend in the back. When it grew in I let the bangs grow and did a side sweep with the white. People would stop and say how great it looked, and did I have it professionally done. Hairdressers would say that others would pay ‘big bucks’ for that look and I was so lucky. I just wanted it to be all the same as the front, but have grown to really like the look. Actually the cut is what can really bring it all together to make it unique and fun…. just a thought.
Itās such a personal decision. I canāt see the back but assume itās much darker than my front too
I have just the opposite problem. I am a golden blonde , fine, straight hair with little body, starting to gray. After a stem cell transplant seven years ago I lost all my hair and believe it, it came back a very dark golden blonde with no gray and curls. I gradually lost most of the curl, but it is still very dark. I am 77 and everyone thinks I must be coloring it. Go figure!
Hi Jennifer, I decided to embrace the grey over a year agoā¦..attempt number 2. I gave up the first time but Iām so so glad I tried again. I love my hair now after years of highlighting and colouring. I have very short, thick hair so the transition was pretty quick and easy. My colour is a mix of silver at the front, gradually going to a darker salt and pepper back. Who knew!
Trips to the hairdresser are every 5 weeks but they last 45 mins and are much cheaper š
I am now finding the colours I wear are changing tho, which is interesting.
Good luck. Will be watching the results.
Your hair looks beautiful. No worries about the tone, it looks great on you. Mine is very similar but I still have some color added in to temper the mouse-y color. Thanks for your encouragement to all of us as we age gracefully.
Hang in there! I went gray a few years ago and it was a brutal process (I had dark color). I missed the texture coloring gave my hair too. But when you are finally done (and it took me a couple of years because I have shoulder-length hair), your hair will feel so healthy!! And the color of gray/white will improve with time. Good luck!