Why I’m Going Gray
Happy Wednesday ladies. As the title suggests, I’ve decided to see what’s happening with my hair color so I’m going gray. I haven’t been happy with the color of my highlights and their tendency towards brassiness for many years, so about 6 months ago, I decided to go cold turkey.
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I can’t say I’m going just gray, because what’s growing in, looks more like an ashy pewter gray. My hairstylist tells me it’s a combination of shades that includes some silver strands, ash blonde, and pure white. The overall effect looks darker in my bathroom lights and almost unnoticeable in other lights. Have you noticed the change?
My hair texture has definitely changed. I really miss the volume I got from coloring my hair. When you use bleach, it swells the hair shaft by opening the cuticle which adds volume. For a woman with thin, baby fine, poker-straight hair, that’s a big deal. It’s a lot flatter now too so I’m adjusting how I style it and trying to get used to the change.
Because I was a light blonde with highlights, I’m not dealing with a solid demarcation line where it’s growing. I am still dealing with the moth-eaten look and in some lights, I could be confused for a woman who has just given up. That gorgeous natural gray hair I envisioned just hasn’t shown up yet. I wonder if it will.
Natural brunettes would be hard-pressed to go gray the way I am without having their hair colorist make some adjustments. My stylist wanted to use a toner to help with the transition but I decided against it until I see what I have naturally.
I’ve got a ways to go before I see the full effect of my new, natural hair color, but I’m already changing my hair care products. I’m now using a purple shampoo every day and more conditioner but my hair is still not as shiny as it used to be. The reflective quality of the gray strands is quite different than highlighted hair.
Most hairspray also has a matte finish and I use it every day which makes my hair look dull. The shine products and glosses usually have an oily component to them which is fatal for fine hair. I did order a few things to try and will let you know how they work out.
In other news- we attended several holiday get-togethers last weekend and now that I’m letting my hair grow out, all I see are women who’ve done the same. I noticed something interesting at one event. The women who are maintaining their original dark brown hair, look older than the women who have lightened it or allowed it to lighten on its own. As we discussed earlier this week, our contrast changes as we age and that involves our hair color.
You might enjoy- How To Find Your Personal Contrast Level And Why It Matters
Many who are gray are wearing their hair in a pixie cut which is not a great look with my broad shoulders and square jaw. I’ve been looking for haircut ideas on Pinterest and Instagram, but for now, I don’t want to do anything drastic. One big change at a time is enough for me.
Now that I’ve started this, I’m anxious to get to the finish line. I’ve already decided that if I don’t like the results, I can always go back to the salon for color. Going gray is a personal choice each woman makes based on her lifestyle, upkeep of color, finances, and health concerns. It’s our privilege to go gray or not, and I encourage us to support other women’s choices.
How about you. Have you gone gray? How easy was the process?
Thanks for reading ladies and remember to wear what makes you feel confident.
I think your hair looks great! I’m several years into natural hair, and I now have hair to just above my waist in several shades of grey/white. I guess it isn’t common to see long grey hair because people often say how much they love it. I will say that it does need some maintenance. I occasionally use apple cider vinegar as a rinse (before conditioner after shampoo), but I for sure always use a mild shampoo (I use Aveda Shampure) and, in addition to conditioning every time I wash, I frequently use a deep conditioner. While my hair isn’t as shiny as my old dyed hair, it is different, and the time saved and the stress of having roots showing outweighs anything.
Well, my once very dark brown, short, curly and fine hair is now a light golden brown, shoulder length! It took me much longer to style my shorter hair! Fine texture. I found a wonderful hairdresser a few years ago who uses a multi tone coloring process and supports my choice to keep it longer. Day one, I wear it down and day two and three, I clip it up. I get a root touch up and trim every five weeks.
Many of my friends (and four sisters) have gone natural with their hair color and they look amazing!
I love your ability to share this journey that so many of us have found ourselves dealing with!
Hi Jennifer, I decided to embrace my silver when I turned 65 – last year. I had been coloring my hair a red/brown for years. I’d been seeing so many stories about women who decided to transition to their natural gray hair, and they looked beautiful. To your point, I now and again will see a mature woman with obviously colored hair and think it does age her. It’s too stark and kind of obvious.
I have a GREAT hairdresser. When I decided to bite the bullet, she did a highlight/lowlight treatment, carefully matching my roots. (that was the painful part – letting my roots grow out enough so she could accurately match my natural color) I came out of the salon with gray hair, that matched what my natural color would look like. That made the transition easier for me.
It has taken a year, but now only the very tips of my hair have any of the high/lowlights remaining. The rest is all me. You would be surprised at how many compliments I get on my hair. Women young and old think I paid to get it looking like it does. I really love how it grew out, and agree, the natural color does compliment my mature skin tones more than the color did.
I too have baby fine hair. I wear a bob haircut, only slightly stacked in the back, to my chin or slightly longer. It’s easy to maintain and the shape is flattering.
I say, be brave and stick with it! Your transition won’t be as drastic as mine was from red/brown. I bet you’ll be happy you did.
I stopped coloring my hair three years ago and I love it. It was a
change for me too but I have gotten so many compliments . My hair is thin on top so I had to change my hair style. I use Aveda products and do well with those.
Welcome to the club! Going gray is a type of freedom. I was tired of my 4-6 weeks color appointments. I had a chin length bob and about halfway through going gray I cut it short. My hair is much healthier now.
You will love your new hair! You’ll find that “your” gray is the perfect one for your coloring.
I was a brunette who went every 2 1/2 to 3 weeks for color. Even with highlights, the color looked hard on me.
Turns out there was no salt and pepper period. My hairdresser said I was mostly white/gray and lighter around my face. He helped so there was no grow out line.
I love my gray! It’s a softer, lovely color. I use Olaplex with a blue shampoo once a week.
I noticed grey/white coming in my late teens/early 20’s. Then I thought it needed to be covered up so of course went for full coverage dye jobs. Oooooops – it soon started looking like a toque so stopped the colouring. I didn’t really have the root issues fortunately as my hair was dark enough for it to blend. When I had colour analysis done about 25 yrs ago I felt it was more to do with complexion than hair colour (as that could be artificially changed). I have had very short hair for endless yrs working in the food industry (and wearing hair covering) Now at 71 I have let it grow – you can always make long hair short and softer. B/c I have naturally curly hair I never wanted it to look like a bad perm as I aged.
My hair change came with the pandemic and my hairdresser moving at the same time. The more I washed my hair the more my hair lightened . It came in a silver gray! A purple rinse really helped. I also changed my glasses, from rimless to navy blue. It made a big difference! At the end of the pandemic, I received lots of positive comments. So good luck . It took a bit of patience but now I just go for a haircut_ no color needed.
That is wonderful that is something I have been thinking about, I also know several women who did during business lock down with covid limitations. I may try it in January next year. Thank you for your inspiration.
Hi, I have my naturally very dark hair high lighted, and much lighter over all. I’m not ready to bite the bullet and go gray yet, but my dark hair was much too harsh for my aging face,lol. Redken makes a salon product (maybe called Shades) that gives that hair-color body and shine, but no pigment. It might be an option for you! I enjoy your posts!
Yes! I went gray the year before covid! I was always a brunette and the color was brassy and I needed a touch up every two weeks. Surprise! My hair is white! I did use toner and absolutely do not recommend it as it tended to turn my hair greenish🥺. Now, using baking soda in my shampoo once a week keeps the color bright and occasionally use a purple shampoo, but find that builds up on my hair. My product choices today are Embellish finishing hairspray by Calista( hands down best volume spray I have found), Redken Style High gel, Wow shine spray, and Wow gray hair fibers to cover pink scalp areas.
I did cut my hair shorter during transition, but that was mostly because of the toner issues. I am thrilled I did this and wish you luck!
I’ve been looking at hair fibers for awhile, and haven’t been able to decide which brand to try, mostly because of the lack of color choices. Which Wow color are you using–I’m not seeing Gray as an option?
Check out Boost N Blend. I use and really like. They have a big color palette and offer different shades of grey.
Thank you. I have gone natural gray over the last year. I’m finer, straighter, flatter than before. I’m so anxious to read your experience and advice. I agree that so many women have gone gray now those who are still coloring , especially darn, look older
Have you tried Boost N Blend?
I let mine go natural “platinum” many years ago. I’m fortunate that my hair was blonde so the transition was an easy one. I’m also lucky that mother nature blessed me with a very pretty shade. I’ve been asked who colors my hair. So hang in there as it may end up better than you think. So far you still look marvelous !
When I first went gray I didn’t like it and colored it once more. That was it. I went gray and have never looked back. I love it. I’ve had so many compliments about the cut and color.
Good morning! I transitioned in 2016. I wear my hair similar to you and it took me about 18 months to fully transition. I am totally white….how I wish I would have started sooner so I would have had a little salt and pepper but maybe I wouldn’t. About 6 months in I started growing more hair on the crown….hair dye is very damaging after years and years of use. I have found that using different products each shampoo is best for me. I also wear glasses and have 4-5 pairs I switch to depending on what I wear. Good luck with your transition. It is a liberating experience and you will learn a lot about yourself and your friends.
I have been on the same journey since May. I also have baby fine, straight hair and am missing the volume that color gave my hair. I probably have one more cut before my hair is totally gray. Not hating it, not loving it..and I’m also leaving my options open to go back to color if I decide to. But I am enjoying not having to do the upkeep that I’ve done for decades. And my hair has never been healthier…that’s something, I suppose. I’ll be anxious to hear about any new products you try.
I went gray a couple years ago and have not regretted it. A word of caution about the purple shampoo. I, too, was using it everyday and my hair began to look a very odd mousy color. My stylist told me I should only use it, at most, once a week. I am much happier with the results since following that advice. Good luck with your journey.
I was a natural brunette, but started turning gray in my late teens. My grandfather who was a very dark brunette became white in his 50’s. I took after him! At 48 I had my hair dyed a light brown with highlights. I loved it. I had been dying it dark brown since my 30’s. After a couple years of the highlights I decided to let it go gray…it was the best choice for me. I have had so many complaints over the years. My hair was always shiny and still is. I’m now white/silver with dark hair around the back of my neck that grows in an arch and is hidden underneath my lighter hair. My husband loves it! So, for me, letting my natural hair grow out has been worth it. I hope you enjoy your decision…which ever way you choose.
I am completely white in front. I too after pandemic gave up on coloring roots then highlighting but bc I’m not completely white ie crown and back I have highlights put in. Honestly not sure I’m comfortable with the cool tone of white against my skin. Hair product. Try Nexus clean and pure. Love the shampoo and FOAM conditioner. Wow. I read in blog about it for gray hair. Good luck. Yes I cut mine shorter finally to really figure it out.
I had wondered if you were letting your colour change – there were a couple of pictures that seemed to show the difference.
My sister who has very thick curly hair had her hair cut and coloured in December 2019 and then we had lockdown here in the UK. She was shielding and unable to leave the house so just let it grow through. By the time lockdown and shielding had ended she just had a small amount of her dark hair left at the back and that has now completely gone. It’s now a very nice silvery white.
She has said that her hair feels fantastic, thick, healthy and in great condition. She’s using the Kevin Murphy products for grey hair.
I am one of those brown haired women. I tried last summer. It looked awful! So I am back working on a blend. MUch better,especially for my terminally straight hair. Di I mention it is also baby fine, so all that plus a few personal
issues and I might et it to be presentable! Will let you know!
Susan – I have brown hair that grew out with a very striking line of demarkation.
I did a side part -sorry TikTok- and kept touching up the part line while letting the rest of my hair go uncolored. I don’t think it fooled anybody, but it got rid of the skunk stripe effect and as the rest grew out I got a blend. I coupled that with frequent trims from my very supportive stylist for about a year and a half.
Once I was mostly gray, at least down to my ears I flipped my part to the other side which covered up the touched-up part line, and gave me a decent looking mostly gray mix.
It didn’t look great but I could look at myself in the mirror without cringing, and between you and me what I think was the most important thing. So it worked.
I was grey in my late 40’s and would flip flop with color and highlights every couple years until I just had to stop. I started out salt and pepper, now the crown of my head is silver but I still have lots of salt and pepper in the back. I get more compliments on my hair now than I did years ago. I’ve been blessed with thick, healthy hair, I wear it short. I agree with you that older women still using dark hair color look older and just not natural. I’ve had to change makeup and lipstick colors to adjust to my grey. I would never be without a lip stain or I would look washed out. Hang in there I think you’ll be happy.