Monday Musings: The Discipline of a Decision
Happy Monday, ladies. This week, I’m musing about decisions. The ones that shape your health and others that help shape your style.
SIMILAR SHIRT / LIPSTICK IN MUTED RASPBERRY
My weekend involved a Little League scrimmage, which was a blast! Even though it was pretty cloudy, I wore a straw hat, which proceeded to crush my hair. The day before, I found this roll-up visor that I may try because it’ll protect my face on cooler days when a full hat isn’t required. It also rolls up tiny, so I can stuff it into a small bag.
What You Taught Me About Bone Density
After I shared my osteoporosis diagnosis here, many of you generously shared your own experiences.
Reading through your comments, I was struck by how many of you are already deep into treatment.
Some of you are on Prolia, the twice-a-year injection, and have seen real improvement.
Several of you switched to or started Reclast infusions after struggling with oral medications.
Many tried Fosamax or Boniva, with mixed experiences.
A number of you moved to Evenity after fractures or continued decline.
One reader shared her experience with Raloxifene for spinal density.
A few of you used Forteo after serious fractures to rebuild bone.
Others are taking Alendronate weekly.
Many of you are also lifting weights, working on balance, and taking calcium and vitamin D alongside medication.
Armed with all of that, I went back to see my endocrinologist when all of my test results were back. We talked through the options. A medication that would slow further loss and help maintain where my bones are. Or one that would actively build new bone for a limited period of time.
I was leaning toward maintenance. She wasn’t.
“Why try to maintain subpar bones,” she said, “when we can try to improve them?”
Well, that was to the point, but it clarified the decision.
Given the sharp drop in my bone density over the last three years and my previous femur fracture, maintaining didn’t feel smart, so we chose to rebuild first.
I started the daily Forteo injections. The goal is to stimulate new bone growth for two years. After that, I’ll move to a maintenance medication to hold on to whatever I’ve built. Without that second step, the gains disappear quickly.
There can be many side effects, but so far mine have been manageable.
I’ll keep you posted and share what I learn along the way.
Guidelines or Guardrails
I was chatting with a friend the other day about color. We were talking about palettes, seasonal typing, all of it. At some point, I said, “If I truly loved something, even if it wasn’t in my palette, I’d buy it and figure out how to make it work.”
She looked at me and said, very firmly, “I would not.”
That stopped me.
Style often matters more to me, and the pieces I’m drawn to aren’t always offered in my precise colors, so her certainty made me pause. It made me think about what a palette really is and how tightly it’s meant to guide us.
Is it a guideline or a guardrail?
A guideline helps. It points you in a direction and saves you from obvious mistakes. I know the blues that brighten my face and warm beiges quietly drain me. But a guardrail is different. It doesn’t just guide you…it stops you. It keeps you from crossing a line.
Palettes are meant to be guidelines. They create cohesion, make shopping easier, and reduce regret. There’s real value in that kind of discipline. The question is when that discipline quietly becomes rigidity.
Rigidity is when the rule matters more than the outcome, when you pass on something you genuinely love because it doesn’t meet a technical standard, and harmony becomes more important than expression.
Personal style is built on taste and instinct, and the small choices that make you feel confident when you walk out the door. If we follow every rule perfectly, we may end up looking correct, but correct isn’t always interesting.
My friend finds freedom in staying inside her palette, and I respect that. She always looks fabulous, and structure gives her clarity. For me, the structure is useful, but it isn’t absolute.
Maybe the real question isn’t whether to follow the rules, but how tightly to hold them. Color systems exist for a reason. They’re based on contrast, undertone, and light reflection, and they explain why certain shades make us look rested while others make us look vaguely unwell. That’s observable and practical.
But personal style isn’t a laboratory experiment. It’s shaped by mood, by memory, and by what we’re consistently drawn to. Sometimes a color isn’t technically ideal, yet it carries energy or softness or strength. Sometimes it reminds you of a place you loved or a version of yourself you’re not quite ready to retire.
There’s also something to be said for individuality. If everyone follows their palette perfectly, wardrobes start to look harmonious but predictable. Rules can refine us, but they can also smooth away the edges that make us distinct.
I don’t think abandoning structure is the answer. Without some boundaries, it’s easy to drift into impulse buying and closet confusion. A little discipline protects us from ourselves. But perfect adherence doesn’t necessarily create the most compelling version of a person.
Maybe the balance is this…use the palette to understand yourself, then decide case by case whether the rule serves you in that moment. Some days you follow the map, and some days you take the scenic route.
This week reminded me that good decisions take a little work.
You gather the information. You listen. You weigh it. You overthink it slightly. And then you make the best call you can with what you know.
That’s true in a doctor’s office and in a dressing room.
Jennifer,
You’ve thought through this carefully and came to the best decision for you, along with input from your doctor. Way to go! Behind you all the way.
There is a new FDA cleared vibration belt to help reduce bone loss called Osteoboost. Trials were on folks with Osteopenia but the research suggests it helps with Osteoporosis as well. They have lots of useful info on their website. https://www.osteoboost.com/
I will ask my Dr about it. Thank you so much Meganne. It looks fascinating.
Excellent articicle! Thank you!
I say wear what you love and feel comfident in . Life is short
Ah bone density….at 78 my doctor is amazed at how good my bone density is. No medication just tap, ballet and calcium with D. The secret is not so much the dance but the movement of jumping. Also walking helps too. Every person is different but of you can start lifting weights along with movement all the better not to take medication. Just saying!
Just to mention that a woman I know had her colors done many years ago and has stuck with them religiously ever since. It’s not that it looks bad, but after years of that, it becomes boring and predictable even to look at and one wishes she’d step outside the box occasionally! Most of us adapt our clothing styles in some way to what’s current and one would think some color choices might change as well.
Would you share what kind of side effects you are having on your Forteo?
I had one dose of Prolia and now my insurance won’t pay for it anymore. Forteo is one that they have on their list. I have a couple of more months to find something. Thanks!
I’m not noticing anything yet but I’ve only be at it 2 weeks.
Thank you so much for your open dialogue on osteoporosis! As you and many of your readers, I am also facing osteoporosis and the need to make decisions as to how to treat it.
As I’ve said before- I come for the fashion advice but really value your posts on all the other topics so relevant to our lives after a certain age. Thanks for sharing your health journeys with us!
Thanks for being here Ava
I’m sorry you’ve been diagnosed with this too. I’m considering your medication and wondering, if you’re able to share, what you’ve experienced or thought about the potential side effects?
I haven’t noticed any side effects yet. I do my injections at night, right before bed.
Jennifer, good luck with your bone density journey. I did Evista first, that didn’t help, then Prolia injections ( severe side effects), then Evenity injections for a year, then the Reclast infusion (had a bad reaction the first few days, then okay after that). I know I’ll have to see how that infusion does at the end of one year, but I’m hopeful it has helped me. Such a journey!
The color pallette was thought provoking. As I’ve aged, I’m nore like your friend: I want to know that a color flatters me & my minimal makeup. I’m disappointed when something, I know would fit and be comfortable, only comes in “fall” colors. Im more flexible when I know I have a scarf or jacket at home that will capture the attention. I didn’t realize that I’m more rigid now.
Not wishing an osteoporosis diagnosis on anyone ever, but I look forward to hearing about your journey treating your osteoporosis. I, too, have been diagnosed and there are a bewildering number of treatment choices, all with their pros and cons. At this time, I have not settled on any pharmacological treatments. Thank you for being so open with your life and sharing what you’ve learned. We come to your site for fashion advice, and take away so much more that enriches our lives!
Can you tell me a reliable place or website where I can get my colour palette done. I had it done when I was in my 20’s but a lot has changed since then (such as my hair color – now white/gray).
I’m sorry but I do not recommend online analysis. I had several and they were wrong.
Colour analysis is a minefield for me. I had in early 2000’s, what turned out to be, a very basic analysis of 4 seasons typed as Winter. Mostly correct, except, no matter what some experts say , my skintone falls into neutral. A lifetime of foundation struggles until someone came up with neutrals. Now fully silver from dark brunette, lighter colours are better but my deep green hazel eyes get me readily into softened yellow, coral and turquoise. And I confess that I have totally ditched black.
I agree with your friend and have learned to stick very close to my pallet. An example is when I bought a gorgeous sweater in a warm red even though I knew a cool red looks better on me. I thought I could make it work. But I’d put it on, try it with different accessories, and usually take it off because I liked other clothes I own better and ended up giving it away after only a couple wearings. I’m in my late 70’s and have limited funds. Wearing ‘my colors’ is saving me a ton of money!
My experience with Fosamax was not good. It caused me to have resorption of some jawbone, which led to a nightmare experience with root canals, gum lifts, and all kinds of other awful dental procedures. In the end I lost the teeth anyway. My dentist advised me to never take any drug for bone density unless I had pressing issues. (My condition had been diagnosed as mild osteopenia.) My hematologist also told me that there was no reason for me to take bone density drugs at this point in time after he reviewed my test results.
So, my advice to anyone would be to get a second opinion about bone density drugs in general. I exercise, lift weights, garden, take calcium, and magnesium along with vitamin D. This will be my regimen hence forward.
And thank you for giving us all permission to flout our color palettes. There is only one color I won’t wear next to my face – beige – but all the other colors or some shades of them are welcome. At 74, I know which colors look the best on me, but I would never, for example, give up wearing black because it ‘cast shadows’ on my face. Any dark color will do that. We pay entirely too much attention, in my mind, to other people’s rules. Wear what makes you feel confident and happy. So many women trash entire wardrobes because of some color analysis. Then a few years later get a different one. What a waste.
Thanks for sharing Susan
Well said 👏👏
I have always known that I was an Autumn and understood that I was going to look best in colors of that palette. I called it the Mud palette. I’ve recently left the professional world for retirement, so I am revamping my wardrobe to the colors I enjoy wearing, of which 90% are Warm Autumn and maybe 10% Warm Spring, now that I am losing strong color in my hair and skin tone. For me, this means trying to catch up on Eileen Fisher items, especially on sale, because of their great integrated color schemes that give some fun to outfits, knowing the colors go together. When in doubt, I might order an EF shirt or even a scarf in a color I’m not so sure about so I can try it out to see if it really suits me or not.
However, as I shop, I get so confused by the color names and whether they have a warm tone, neutral, or cool tones. I notice it really makes a difference on me, so I really try to stay with neutrals of warm tones and avoid those of cool tones, but it gets really tricky. I really enjoy your articles about clothing choices and colors and have picked up on always paying attention to the color that is nearest my face. When in doubt, it usually is a nice scarf.
I’ve switched to looking for Navy or Ink pieces rather than Black for wearing for travel and such where light neutrals would not hide dirts or spots as well. I really do appreciate all your tips about putting outfits together and love your photos.
I read your column religiously and even though I was a women’s apparel salesman for the state of Florida (and thought I know a lot about clothes), I always learn something new. I would like to call your attention to a store I always go into. The Loft – part of the Ann Taylor group. They carry Lou & Grey. The pants fit me beautifully and the tops are stylish and comfortable. The prices are reasonable and promotions are not to be missed. Check it out. (Not the ones in the outlets.)
Thanks Susan. I love Loft. A few of my favorite pieces are from there.
Could be a silly question but where do you get your colors done? I hesitate to just look online. Could you point me in the right direction?
The only online I have felt was accurate was John Kitchener. He’s genius. I’ve had several other analysis online and some were way, way off. One called me an Autumn, which is laughable. I highly recommend in person and prefer the Sci-Art system with a person with a lot of experience
I read Color Me Beautiful when it first came out (autumn). Then Color Me Beautiful’s Looking Your Best when it came out (soft autumn). Even looking back to my favorite clothes as a child (I’ll be 73 on Saturday), these are the colors I have always been drawn to. I walked into JJill last week and saw a paisley (a favorite pattern) shirt on sale in my colors that can be mixed and matched into various outfits with the staples already in my closet. That brings me joy to buy something that blends into my existing wardrobe even having the perfect earrings that coordinate. Over the years I have occasionally tried other colors but have found those items are the first into the donation pile.
Speaking about osteoporosis, I used Fosamax several years ago and it did seem to help so now they want me back on it but I get horrible acid reflux so I’m going to look into something else. Thanks for all the great info. I have a really hard time finding petite clothes so if something fits and it’s not exactly the right color I will purchase it anyway and make it work.
Good luck Rosemary. There seems to be a lot of options now.
I, too, want to stress the dangers of Fosamax. It left me with GERD although I took it exactly as prescribed. Now, about every three years, I have to have my throat dilated so I can swallow. By the way, Jennifer, I have a sweater very similar to yours that I paid dearly for. It is one of my go to pieces.
I’m so sorry to hear that!! These drugs can be scary. We have to weigh the benefits to the negatives and it’s a very hard choice.
Thank you for sharing your bone density journey. It both reminded me that I had had loss and took Boniva now at least 10 years ago. After 2 years they took me off it. I am 70 and I need to light a fire under my GP to get a bone density test and most likely revisit medications to rebuild bone.
Yes! Please insist on a bone density test.
Hi Jennifer – Best wishes for great success with your Forteo treatment. I completed my two year course a little over 10 years ago and am incredibly grateful to my endocrinologist for guiding me. It felt like a miracle after seeing how disabled my mother became with her osteoporosis. I wish Forteo had been available for her when she was younger.
Amazing! Thank you for letting me know.
I have a comment to make about osteoporosis meds and I leave it here just for information. My husband was prescribed Fosamax; he took three pills over the prescribed time frame; he instantly developed severe neuropathy in his feet, legs, hands and arms. That was over 9 years ago and he still suffers daily with the burning sensation and pain. We all have to make decisions based on our individual situations and on what knowledge we have — this is just information that we wish we knew before he took Fosamax.
Thanks for sharing Ann, so sorry he had this issue. My husband had a horrible reaction to the injection.
Like you I know my “colour palette “. I use it as a guide but maybe less so now. The warm fall colours are my best I know however I’ve ventured out! Not bad for an almost 75 year old. I embrace reds and pinks! Darker in winter lighter in the spring/ summer season. I notice when wearing my outside the box colours I have a confidence people notice. You have helped me a lot with these choices and attitudes. Thank you. Good luck with your “bones”. Another great choice being pro active.
Wonderful observation. Thanks Brenda. 🤞🏻
Interesting thoughts ! I have an art background, I’m a seamstress, and I designed handwoven textiles. I had my colors done about 7 times! Thankfully my good friend took me to an expert professional, and my outcome has been great, I’m getting compliments!
I’m willing to try my new colors , I think of them as great makeup, I feel good.
I’ve decided at my age , any old feelings about color can be retired, I can decide for myself. The new colors have helped me see things in a different light. I take pics in dressing rooms, first, these phones really help us see .
The pictures are so helpful!!
Jennifer, I hope you see great improvement in your bone density with treatment.
I am with your friend on selecting colors that best flatter skin tone, brightness and contrast. Like your decision on bone density treatment, why settle for something that you can try to make work when you can start with something that does work? For years, I had closets full of random items that were stunning-for someone else. The items that “I tried to make work” required more one off purchases to make them work. And after a wear or two, much was donated.
No more. Each season, I select 4 colors from my palette and build around them. This spring and summer, if it’s not navy, white, light blue or lilac, it’s not coming home with me. I hope whatever it is looks great-on someone else.
I love how you choose colors for the season. Would be fun to mix it up.
I always stay within my color palette also. Plus, there are colors in my palette that I don’t like wearing at all, so I avoid them. Color is very personal. For me, it feels really weird to put on a color that I hate and try to wear it. Just like how I feel if I try on a style that does not fit my personality. It makes me cringe. Every woman has to make their own decisions.
I would not and could not put on a color I hate either.
Yes! I do the same thing. Grey actually does look good on me and is in my palette (True Summer) but I just feel so down and blah in it. I wear the colors I love from my palette, but I don’t stray from it because those colors do look great on me and make me happy.
First, I love reading your blog.
I wanted to give a warning about Alendronate for bone density. My doctor placed me on this because of osteopenia in my wrist. About six months after starting the medication I started having severe cramping in my feet and hands. The doctor insisted it was not Alendronate as cramping was not listed as one of the side effects. After extensive testing, they could not come up with an answer. I stopped the alendronate and within a month the cramping disappeared. So please remember to be proactive in your own health.
Thank you Fran! I’m noting down everything I notice and will be vigilant. I recently had a doctor change my thyroid meds and it’s been a disaster. A total disaster so I’m insisting we change things.
After reading your post, and before writing this comment, I kept changing my mind about what I thought! Ultimately, I arrived at the realization that choice of color, or really any other self created rule, matters less to me than feeling confident and perfectly dressed for the occasion. I think the perfect outfit is an ever changing game. One that absolutely requires -“ You gather the information. You listen. You weigh it. You overthink it slightly. And then you make the best call you can with what you know.”
Yes! That’s so smart.
It sounds like you have a very thoughtful physician, and I hope you are able to see some positive results from your injections. Probably not fun, but way better than a serious fracture, for sure.
I find my reaction to color to be a very gut-level. I usually either feel like I love a color or it’s not right at all. I’m knitting with a yarn right now that has the most beautiful dark teal in it and every time that color comes around ( it’s a variegated yarn), I feel a sense of almost wonder. There aren’t many colors that do that for me, so if I see something like that I tend to acquire it, within reason, of course.
I agree. I listen to my intuition a lot!
I hadn’t thought about it, but in reality I do both. Beige is the one color that I can’t wear near my face no matter how much I love the piece . But I have and wear some other colors that aren’t the best for my “winter” skin tone but I enjoy them. Great article, it made me really think this morning!
I think that if you have a large clothes’ budget, then experimenting with non-flattering colors is fine. (I am a winter, but some browns and bright ivories seem to work although not on my face.) But clothes are really expensive, especially investment pieces, so purchasing something that (seems to be) a one-off seems a needless expense. There is, for example, a difference between someone saying, “I love your jacket” and “I love that jacket on you.” I don’t see staying in my palette as being rigid; I see it as the best use of my money. Hey, if you really want to feel good, donate the money to a charity. That makes you feel like your best self every time.
Hmm…Color Palette…I’m a Spring. What a delightful experience “ having my colors done” so many years ago. I tended to wear drab colors in the autumn palette prior to the experience. I am now well into my eighties, but feel so comfortable when wearing my lovely spring colors. Occasionally I wear white tops, but usually try to offset with a third piece or scarf in “my color”. Also black and most grays and very deep navy are saved for “bottoms”, slacks or skirts, not next to my face. This knowledge of “my colors” in the Spring palette has made choices so much easier and enhance my natural coloring. I’ve gained confidence in clothing choices, knowing I can maintain a more youthful appearance just by using color to complement. Having my colors “done” was one of the best things I ever did! It was life changing.
That’s a great way to use your colors Nancy.
I hope your bone journey sees improvement! I told Jennifer I pretty much stick to my palette because they are my favorite colors and always have been. As in I remember loving specific crayons (magenta) and hating others (burnt umber, it was the 70s). I may deviate occasionally, or choose a pattern that is a mix, but I just don’t like many warm colors in general.
Same Shari. You’ll never see me pick up an orange anything because I just don’t like it and never have. Same goes for umber.
Something can be on trend but if it isn’t my color or style (meaning I don’t look or feel my best) no I’m not falling for the trend. I’ll stick to boring (not really) but I’d rather have items that work rather than trying to make them work. I like classic Parisian and sometimes a little bit of bohemian…….lol try mixing those two together for fun.
My mother in law, who passed away several years ago at the age of 93, had her colors done when she was in her 50’s. From that day forward that was her bible. She would never, ever deviate from her color palette, even going so far as to look for her colors in a plaid or a print. It drove me crazy! I could never let a color palette control my life. That being said, I know the colors that look good on me, and the majority of the time I am drawn to those and more often that not, I choose those colors for myself. I like the guideline versus guardrail analogy; I definitely lean towards palettes being a guideline.
I hope you have good results with your osteoporosis treatment. I got the diagnosis after my last bone scan. Due to an autoimmune condition that is currently in remission I am afraid to take the meds as the side effects can trigger my condition to flare up again. I’ve been going to OsteoStrong for a year now and am hopeful that I’ve slowed down or even stopped the bone loss. Its still 9 months until my next scan but I have noticed that my balance has improved dramatically so I’m optimistic about seeing reassuring results.
I’ve had my colors analyzed twice 30 years apart and the results were consistent. I stay with to my palette most of the time. There are a few colors I love that are close and seem to work well with the rest of my wardrobe. I’m warm (autumn) so I stay away from black, white, gray, dark navy, etc. My exercise close, however, are in those very colors. I see every time I dress for yoga or Pilates that they make me look tired and frankly, older so I have not trouble bypassing them when I shop.
If I see workout clothes in my colors, I buy them but it’s a rare sighting.
Just a quick update. A year ago when I started OsteoStrong I was 5’3″, today my height was measured at almost 5′ 4.5″. When I told my husband he was not surprised. He thought that I was looking taller. I’m sure its better posture due to stronger bones.
Amazing!
You will need to get a case with ice packs to travel. It’s pretty easy to travel.
Thanks Julie. I found one on Amazon for my upcoming trip.
I’m with your friend. I’m working on a quality wardrobe of maximum versatility and an ability to play with structure, texture, silhouette to build something uniquely mine. It’s helpful in a smaller wardrobe to have color coordination. There are -tons- of clothes out there. See something you love? If it’s not in your best palette, just wait, because you will find something you love next week that is. As a formerly plus size woman who now wears misses sizes, it’s just amazing to me how many choices are out there now. It’s honestly a little bewildering. I don’t find sticking to my (admittedly, gorgeous and rich) palette of colors limiting at all; rather, it’s not only efficient, it’s freeing.
That’s wonderful. Congratulations Linda. You’re right, the options are so vast.
I appreciated this doubly thoughtful discussion about bone density and color palettes. Concerning color: I agree with the guideline approach. However, color palette id (online) has opened up new color choices that I am blending i with my existing wardrobe. The contrast analysis built into the color palette id was helpful too. I no longer have as much contrast and it helps to recognize that change to avoid buyer’s remorse!