Monday Musings- Visibilty
Happy Monday ladies. I have a funny story to tell. There’s no rhyme or reason for why I’m telling you this now, except I found this blog draft written out and had forgotten to publish it.
Picture this, a 65-year-old woman (me) walks into a restaurant to have dinner on a busy Friday night in a large metropolitan city. The only place to sit is at the bar. I sit down, slide a menu over and scan it. There’s a lot of activity behind the bar…two or three bartenders and several waitresses are hustling back and forth. I wait for five, maybe six minutes before anyone looks up and says hi, would you like dinner?
Dinner is delivered and I start eating. A young woman walks up and asks if it’s OK to take the seat next to me. I smile and nod. Before her butt has even touched the seat, a bartender greets her and asks what she’d like. Interesting…
I continue eating as my mind tries to make sense of what just happened. Perhaps she’s dating someone who works here. Maybe she works here. Or maybe she’s a regular. There must be a reason for her greeting vs mine. Or perhaps it’s simply because I’m a 65-year-old woman who has become invisible.
As I enjoy my meal, I try to digest what happened. I pay my bill and just before I go, I turn to her and use that old tired line, “do you come here often?”. She laughs and says “no, I’ve never been here before”. I relay to her what happened with me vs her. She begins to apologize profusely and I stop her mid-sentence. I tell her I’m not bothered and encourage her to enjoy and appreciate the attention she receives now because it won’t last a lifetime.
She looks me in the eye and admits she had such a bad day, she didn’t want to go out that night, then she thanks me for making her day.
This happened last year when I was dog-sitting in Vancouver. It didn’t upset me, so much as remind me that women our age do lose visibility. Has this happened to you?
My interest in color continues and I am currently reading Color Therapy. A reader mentioned how certain colors make her feel so I hunted around and discovered this. It has very good reviews. Since I’m also in the market for wall color, I thought this would be a fun read, and it is.
Remember when I said I wouldn’t paint my nails periwinkle, I changed my mind. I was shocked at the number of blue and purple nail polish colors available. Where have I been? This is the Essie pret-a-surfer and I also ordered the You Do You which is closer to a true periwinkle blue.
I went for a consultation several months ago…long before the invisibility experience above, and am considering having one. My mom had a complete facelift at 57 that I helped her through, so I saw the process up close. She looked amazing, felt more confident, and was thrilled.
I believe all women are entitled to age the way they choose. There’s no shame in improving our appearance. Anything we choose to do that empowers us and makes us feel more confident, is a personal decision. Botox and filler are commonplace and many women think nothing of it. Does that differ in intent from plastic surgery? Not in my book. It’s used to improve your appearance. The funny thing is, fillers frighten me…I know, crazy. Surgery does too, but strangely, not as much.
What are your thoughts? Please remember to be thoughtful of other women here, because many readers have had “work done” and this blog continues to be a safe and respectful place to discuss things.
Thanks for reading ladies and remember to wear what makes you feel confident.
Your invisibility experience reminds me of the episode of ‘6 Feet Under’ when Ruth (Frances Conroy)feels invisible and her friend, Bettina (Kathy Bates) takes her shoplifting. Upon initial viewing many years ago the storyline provided food for thought. Now that I’m 68, it really resonates.
I haven’t seen that movie. It sounds hilarious!
I had a neck lift some years ago. I was so uncomfortable with the “turkey wattle” and felt it really aged me. I was thrilled with the results. I chose not to tell many people beforehand. Afterwards, when I did share what I had done, I got mostly negative responses. People couldn’t understand why I would have surgery that was not necessary. The lesson? Don’t share information when it serves no purpose other than to make you feel bad. Good luck×
I’m sorry people reacted that way, Meg. I simply don’t understand why people act that way. I’m sorry you had to deal with that and thanks for sharing. I feel the need to be transparent here and hope it can help others.
Your right not to tell ! Your your life ! Who cares but if a friend they should cheer your on !
I felt pretty invisible until I was about 50. Except for unwanted catcalls on the street. I’m a 5’6” brunette and reasonable attractive. I’be always been the girl next door. Few people notice me. I’m 60 now and more visible and thank God I finally aged out of catcalls.
My new visibility comes from my general demeanor and how I make eye contact. I did some public speaking and some things about me changed. I have much more confidence and it shows. The wallflower is gone, unless I want it.
There are ways to attract positive attention. The first cheap trick is one bright accessory. I have a red silk scarf. I’ve compared entering a room with and without it. What a simple trick! Who knew?! Iris Apfel, I’m sure.
There will always be a jerk of a bartender who really just wants to get lucky. That’s hormones. I would not take that one personally.
As you tell us, do the things that give you confidence.
I’m 56 and had a facelift 10 weeks,ago. People are nicer to me a more complimentary.
I am shocked by the difference I see. My Dr. did a great job especially neck and lines around sides of my mouth. I went to dinner w friends on 14th day recovery. It was worth cost and recovery for results.
Thanks so much for sharing with us, Starla!!
I would have had a facelift, especially the neck! But I have frequent obstructions that cause hospitalizations occasionally. These days in the hospital made me realize I want nothing done that causes pain or discomfort. I, at 79, am now too old, I wish I had done it at 57.
Thank you for this! Yes, I’ve had similar experiences to yours. Just keep your head held high.
Hi Jennifer, I am in 81, youthful and active. I have had my face done about 10 years ago and so glad I did. Periodically , I have had fillers including my hands because the skin is paper thin.
I was planning on having a mini lift and face peel this month, but because Covid is averaging close to 43k in Los Angeles I am putting it off. I have had my eyebrows tatooed for years. I also use a prescription from my dermatologist for lash growing.
I also had another procedure done that has changed my life: for year my sleep has been interrupted because of too many potty runs. I complained to my urologist about it. There’s a procedure for this and it’s Botox. About 10 shots are inserted into the urethra. Yes, is uncomfortable even with being numbed.. it’s been a positive life—changing experience —no more panty liners, no getting up at night and I don’t have to stop drinking at 5pm. The one draw back is it has to be done every six months, I hope this information is helpful to those who suffer through the night.
Botox for the bladder – yes! I started about 3 years ago, and it changed my life. I had to wear a pad all the time for leaks, and I really didn’t want to go anywhere. I had the procedure in the office (very, very painful!) for 4 treatments. I moved and had to find a new doctor. She gave me the option to have it done in the hospital, under general anesthesia. I was very nervous, but so much better. I had to wait 9 months in between the last two times because of moving and a new doctor. I did fine. She has retired (boohoo!), but she has a replacement. We will talk about when to do it, but I may see how 8 months is.
It has been life-changing for me. I don’t have to wear a pad (and change it several times a day), I can go out and not worry, and I can finally start drinking water throughout the day (I barely drank anything before, and I know I must have been dehydrated all the time.) And yes, it has helped with my sleep as I don’t get up 3-4 times a night.
It is time that women started talking about this to help each other.
That’s so wonderful to get help!! Thank you for sharing, this will help many readers.
Thank you for sharing that valuable information with us, Roseanna! I had no idea they were using Botox for that. How amazing and a blessing that it helps. My girlfriend had the sling surgery and her problem reoccured a few years later anyway.
Why, oh why, aren’t women talking about this more! I can easily see how life changing the botox injections could be. Thank you for sharing this. I can’t wait to tell others I know who get up repeatedly during the night.
Sorry to hear of your experience at the restaurant. It is so very frustrating to be ignored. Just taking a moment to say hello and I will be with you shortly is all that is needed to be at the very least, polite. I have been totally ignored in some stores and even when it was not busy, they were talking among themselves, so after a frustrating silence, I left and on the way out said thanks for all your help and have a good day. Nothing. And yet, there are a few stores that I frequent in our little town where I am greeted as soon as I walk in the door, even if it is just a quick ‘hi’ if they are busy, then come to speak to me later. It doesn’t take much to ensure loyalty. Your toes look so cute, glad you took the leap. I have a mid tone blue with a slight shimmer on my nails as I write this, and have been changing colours at least once a week lately. Of course I have over 70 bottles so no shortage of colours to choose from.
As for the skin issue, I have my upper eyelids resting on my lashes, and am too afraid of surgery in that area to do it just yet. I have had questionable results from necessary surgeries so am a bit wary of much more cutting. However, if you feel comfortable doing this, go for it, you will feel better after.
I enjoy your monday musings, almost like a chat with a friend. Take care.
Good post! I’m repainting my toenails a fun color today! At 61 I am experiencing the same feelings of surprise sometimes when I see myself in pictures. But I’d rather pamper myself with thoughtful self care than go for surgery, fillers, Botox, hair coloring. There is a lot to keep up with there. I retired last year though, and think that helps. Most of my girlfriends have stopped coloring their hair, so my mirror looks like me a lot of the time. It is harder in the workplace!
Invisible? I’m 56 years old. I survived a severe bout of Covid pneumonia and fought my way back to health. I have residual lung impairments and now I am dependent on supplemental oxygen. I have worked hard at rehab to regain my muscle strength and I go out on occasion to have my haircut or to have my nails done – when we are not in an active wave. I love to dress up and wear my make up and walk tall. Of course I’m masked (N95), vaccinated and observe all protocols. My carer carries my oxygen canister. People avert their eyes and go silent when I walk past. My daughter says she hasn’t seen anybody else like me out and about. Are we meant to stay home and spare people the discomfort of seeing the differently abled? I don’t think so. Let’s all walk tall irrespective of age and abilities and greet the world with a smile and live the life we have.
That periwinkle nail colour is gorgeous. I’m going to pick it up.
Thank you for writing about invisibility. I’m 64 and have had similar experiences. Once upon a time, being noticed was not an issue. Wish I’d appreciated it more at the time LOL!
I wish I had too!
Lesley, I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I love your attitude of greet the world with a smile. Hopefully soon, people will be able to see your smile maskless. Take care.
Thank you Terry. I’m a mental
Health care professional working with youth so I get to do Teleconsults (unmasked) with young people. I just work twice a week now.
The children have long term difficulties and have known me for most of their lives. They are less concerned by the nasal cannulae and more by my hair which is now a short salt and pepper and not the mid length brunette bob they remember! It’s so refreshing working with children and adolescents who will be more direct in their questions and more accepting of change. It’s such a pleasure and a privilege to be back at work
Lesley, you go for it!! I have battled acute myeloid leukemia this year, had a stem cell transplant and maintenance chemo now. I’m 30 pounds lighter with weird bald spots. Yet still I go out when I must and dress up for the doctor visits. Why not walk tall and be proud of your strength! It’s magnificent, and a lot of people could not have done it!
And yes to the neck lift. I’d do it in a minute if I could!
Well done Susan! I salute your strength and courage. My friends who are cancer survivors understand my journey the best. Three of them discarded their post-chemo wigs in the hot summer and walked around with their bare heads because it was comfortable. They pencilled in their brows and put on a lipstick and some blush. We wear our ‘scars’ with dignity. A smile is still the best accessory.
What a beautiful post…my dear mother in law who died at 99 used to say there are always people with more challenges than you ! It helps to remember that feeling good and healthy is the most important!
Your post set us on a higher level!
Let’s be happy for every wrinkle that was caused by smiling!
Hoping for your continued health and happiness!! Bet you are beautiful!
I’m so sorry to hear about your COVID and lasting problems, Lesley. That’s very hard to deal with and NO, we are supposed to go out and do what we please. I love your attitude and am sending good vibes your way.
as someone else said, here in South Florida, we are a large segment of the population, so I haven’t noticed the being ignored very much…one incident in a Victorias secret, and that resulted in me giving Soma a try, which worked out for me, cause I love Somas now.
I would do a facelift. I would spend the money on that rather than botox and fillers. and I already know which surgeon I would use, the drs and staff that did my breast reconstruction after breast cancer were Angels to me, I would trust them 100 percent. now its just a self debate of parting with the money, the 401k is healthy, but not fat, I could take it from there, but should I? im 64, the face isn’t really bothering me right now, so the debate is postponed.
Jennifer, the way you treated the younger woman at the bar speaks of the beauty in your soul, which makes a big difference in this world we live in. You made her feel seen, but just for her appearance. And I love how you help us to be our most beautiful, confident selves.
Thank you, Libby. I was horrified when she began to apologize! How often have we looked back and wondered why we didn’t appreciate the weight or age were were, at the time? I wanted her to embrace and recognize how special she is now!
My two sisters and I, all in our 60s, had met in Vancouver to enjoy a weekend together. After a busy City day, we went for dinner. The restaurant was just beginning to fill, leaving many 4-person tables with white tablecloths. We were seated in the worst spot in the restaurant, a huge (6 person?) booth immediately in front of the half-wall separating us from the busy kitchen. After sitting for several minutes with no wait staff attending us, I called one over and insisted we be moved to a more suitable table. After our wine and appetizers arrived, I looked over and saw that although there were still empty tables available, another trio of older women had been seated in the worst spot in the restaurant.
I loved your entire post. You were wonderful to the other girl and she loved you speaking out. Good for you! Have that neck-lift if you want. I’ve had a few things and I can tell the difference and it makes me feel good.
Happy New Year!!
Interesting blog… I would like for my mirror image to be firmer, but I try to remember what Betty White said on getting older: “It’s not a surprise, we knew it was coming — make the most of it. So you may not be as fast on your feet, and the image in your mirror may be a little disappointing, but if you are still functioning and not in pain, gratitude should be the name of the game.”
That’s a beautiful quote.
I have experienced the invisibility primarily when shopping–especially if I’m shopping with my 30 year old daughter. The clerks immediately go to her, which I find funny, as I have considerably more disposable income than she does! I used to get botox and fillers on a regular basis, but we moved across the country recently and I just haven’t really looked for a doctor to do it here. I find that I just look “refreshed” and it softens the fine lines. I would love to have an eye lift but am a little nervous to try it.
Lori, I’ve had the exact same experience. My daughter is mid-thirties and very pretty. I’ve had waiters etc respond to her even when I’ve asked the question.
Thank you for a very interesting article. I wish I had your confidence. I have had enough other surgeries so any plastic surgery is out for me, but I think those that do it look great.
After several years of discussions with my eye doctor, I finally decided to do an upper eyelid lift last summer. While I can see better, I really didn’t enjoy the process. And my eyelids will probably be tender for the rest of my life as scars tend to be. The recovery was annoying (including an allergy to the healing ointment they gave me to apply 2x daily). I also hate the odd feeling when I try to rub my eyes. The lid feels half gone (which I suppose it is…ha!) and putting on eye makeup has become a strange feeling as well. So overall, I would not do more surgery on my face. But I am not critical of those who want to do so. To each his/her own. Aging is not for sissies.
That numbness will fade with time.
I’m with anything that makes you feel better. I have had a surgical eye lift. That was about eight years ago. Since then I regularly get injections, of both Botox and fillers. I also do a monthly routine of visiting my aesthetician. She rotates several procedures including what is commonly known as a vampire facelift (PRP), and laser light treatments.
I made the decision “that’s enough.” I stop the line at blood. No surgery again for me. I’m 67. I look good enough. Instead I’m focusing on being in good physical shape. I stay active and want to be healthy enough to travel far as many years as possible.
This philosophy allows me to feel confident and look good as I’m going to, while I am still vertical.
Thanks for sharing, Peg. I’ve had some microneedling for the sun damage on my chin and know it can make a powerful change. PRP is fascinating. I need to read more about it.
What a wonderful post! It is curious that you forgot to publish this one. I’m 70 and it surprises me daily. How did I get here? I AM so thankful!! And yes, we are a bit invisible, but I can only take it with wisdom and grace that hopefully comes with this well earned 70 years! What’s not to love about a beautiful, fresh face, brimming with possibility? I’ve been fortunate not to have been snubbed to the point of rudeness, and I find most situations to be just the opposite. Regarding plastic surgery, I guess I have waited too long! Plus, I’ve had a couple of really serious health related surgeries that make me think twice about the experience. So I choose not to take that route. Call me a bit of a coward, but previous experience makes me shy away. Some of my good friends have had face lifts, etc, and they are gorgeous! So I say do what makes you happy!!!
There’s a book called “Facercise” by Carole Maggio. No miracles for me, but a definite improvement! She’s been around for a while as I purchased my copy of her book in 1995. And at $14.00, it’s a lot less expensive than a facelift!
I remember that book! I know face yoga is very popular too:)
Yes! The Maggio book and exercises really do work! After doing them twice a day for several weeks, my hooded lids lifted enough that I could create a small cat eye with liner. My cheekbones became more defined and I no longer needed to contour them. My lips were much fuller and chin was firmer. I really need to get back onto a routine!
The Facerobics channel on YouTube is also quite helpful. As compared to the Maggio routine, these exercises use hands/fingers to push/press on the face to create resistance. More repetitions and seemingly quicker results.
I’m astonished that face exercise doesn’t get more attention. It’s often dismissed and pooh-poohed. Results are subtle…but noticeable!
As to “invisibility,” I’m six feet tall, so they notice me…and then ignore me!!
Is that an improvement??
Many people I know here have had multiple Botox and Filler procedures looking very natural – well most of them. A warning learned from someone – go easy on fillers so you don’t end up with “squirrel cheeks”.
Face lifts scare me though I don’t personally know of anyone who has had one. I’ve read about the healing process and that’s what scares me. You’ve been through it with your mom so you do know.
(I think you’re beautiful as you are! )
I can understand a bit of Botox or Filler as no one might suspect anything – just that You looked more rested. But, if it’s something you want- go for it.
I am often looked past in shops or stores but not in the pharmacy line!
I’m not suggesting that there is no such thing as ageism out there nor that your experience wasn’t that, but just another side to the coin………perhaps in the time between your entrance and the young woman’s the bartender’s work load eased up. He may have been slammed with a bunch of orders about the time you sat down and by the time the younger lady sat down things had settled down a bit for him. Just saying……. .
Someone who always is as well dressed and put together as you are would never be ignored and if he didn’t have the manners to apologize and explain his tardy reception of you then he’s not really doing very well at his job, is he?
All of those things could have been true and it could have just been a crazy night…but I don’t think so. No matter, it’s happened before and it will happen again. At 65, I have a veil of invisibility that I can use if I want or fight against when the situation warrants it. It didn’t that rainy night in Vancouver.
Recently had this conversation with my sister-in-law but it centered around our newly grown out gray hair. Something else you will notice is people offering to “help” you more often…would you like help with loading your groceries, etc. Also, the glances. Sitting at a traffic light in your car, turning the corner in a big box store you will see the dismissive glance. My response? Look the best I can look for my age, hair coiffed, dress nicely, body in a healthy shape, and socialize with you friends!
I find it interesting that I’m disappointed I don’t have more gray in my hair yet am thinking of a neck lift. Thanks Julie.
Surgery or fillers? Has to be in the budget. Some women cannot afford either one. So they grow old gracefully. I do not think it’s anything wrong with having fillers or surgery, However I do think you should have the best person , doctor or office performing these tasks. A friend of mine had a facelift and the after effects are still glaring, leave you wondering who is this person! Her upper lip looks so different and almost don’t recognize her. So be careful in choices. Thanks for the topic today.
That is certainly my fear, Pam! I still want to look like me, just with less excess skin on my neck.
Lots of thoughts on this post! You bring up so many good points. Regarding your bar scene: Perhaps, coincidentally, they were all truly busy when you sat down but there was a “break” that coincided with the younger woman sitting down. Or maybe you looked undecided and they were letting you review the menu. Or many other possibilities. But probably not. I, too, have had this happen. I typically try to smile and make eye contact and maybe throw in a head nod. And I find this happens not just in eating establishments, but at some of my favorite places like home remodeling centers! Not naming any store names, because they’re all guilty. There, however, they gravitate towards helping men first, figuring women don’t know what they’re talking about. And that cooks my grits! Car dealers are another place where I have faced stereotyping, both in what I want to test drive (stick shift vehicles or trucks) and also in talking financing. They tend to try to bamboozle women. So it is not just being invisible, but also being considered inept, incapable or whatever else these minds have stereotyped us with.
Regarding how we choose to take on the aging process, nothing made me more aware of how my face has lost some of its youthfulness than the zoom meetings we were thrown into with the covid crisis. I was horrified as I looked at the screen and saw how I looked. Mind you, since I was practically captive in my home at the beginning of the crisis, I was going make-up free, as did most everyone else. And yes, I went for one juviderm session. I couldn’t see a difference and would go no further with injections because of reading what those injections are and how they are toxins in your body. Can’t/won’t do it! I’ve also thought of a brow lift, as my eyelids are getting more droopy with excess skin. Still can’t do it. For some reason, the thought of having unnecessary surgery scares me and so does all the things that could go wrong. I have several plastic surgeons that are clients and they all do fabulous jobs as I’ve scrolled their websites and seen the before/after pictures. However I also know women who have had work done and evidently some have a skin type/genetics that are prone to certain things, like the one woman who had severe “baggy eyes.” She had a brow lift and less than two years later, her eyes looked the same as they had pre-surgery. So, my thoughts are that I would rather spend that money on a trip to Europe where I can enjoy history, good food, and make memories! My face is what it is, and some of it is genetics and some is due to lifestyle. I blame my baggy eyes on my ex-husband, as I shed a lot of tears when he left me. I admire Dolly Parton to be so forthcoming about having plastic surgery because it makes her feel good and look youthful.
Thank you for bringing up this topic. My cousin is looking at a neck lift and I strongly encouraged her to look into it further, because if it makes you feel better, then you should absolutely do it! Just not for me, at this time. I may change my mind, but that is a woman’s prerogative.
Lots of great thoughts in your comment, Ellen. Not surprisingly, I’m more insulted and incensed when my intelligence is ignored or presumed lacking. I never ignore that one! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
As baby boomers I believe we are the first generation to value youth and it is so hard to experience the changes as we age. I have my mom’s saggy neck and would also love to have a neck lift but my mother never gave it a second thought. I say go for the best plastic surgeon you can afford. I agree with you about the fillers. I am 72 and wish I could have afforded to do it 10 years ago. I do miss the attention I received when I was younger.
I find your comments about the bar experience very interesting as I have had the same happen to me. I admire the way you handled it and want to tell you that I thoroughly enjoy your posts! I’m 73, by the way, but still think of myself as 43! Have a great day!
Unfortunately, invisibility comes with age to both men and women, but that has probably been the case since ‘Adam was a boy’. I don’t think being ignored is even intentional on anyone’s part, but it is hard not to feel somewhat resentful. As for ‘work’, I would like to get a surgical face lift, but have always been too nervous about anaesthetics. Instead, I opted for a liquid facelift and am very happy with the results and will continue to have fillers. Not botox though. I had botox to the lines at the outside corners of my eyes. Two weeks later, I had an episode of double vision which required a visit to the Emergency Room. A CT Angiogram, MRI, visits to a neuro ophthalmologist and a Neurologist later, it cannot be 100% determined whether the botox migrated to the eye muscle or whether it was a TIA (both Specialists suspect the Botox). Either way, I now have to take an aspirin and wear a prism in my glasses so I can drive. The botox (until the double vision) was fantastic though. Good luck with your neck lift Jennifer. No judgement here. As a plastic surgeon once said, it is either ‘your face or your figure’ which is indeed quite the conundrum.
That is terrifying, Susan! Thank you for sharing your story with us.
I have had braces on my teeth 3 times in my 65 year life. I am currently using invisiline, sort of invisible correction trays, they are amazing!
I could have been finished with treatment 5 months ago but I know my teeth. They are stubborn, unlike me of course.
The day to put the behind teeth permanent hold wires on came and the Orthodontist asked me if I was satisfied? I asked him “when people ask me who did your teeth? Do you want me to say you?”. I had told him my failed treatment history at the onset of treatment. He said “…..not really satisfied with the tiny space you have between the fronts it looks like you have a seed stuck but if you are ready we will wire ‘em in, I thought you were in a hurry to be finished”
I said “look this is my last chance to get it right, let’s do this”
Ok so 9 more weeks/trays ordered and I will be finished after that. Treatment still taking less than a year.
My point is: I felt I was invisible before getting my teeth fixed. I am thrilled with my smile, even wearing the invisiline trays. It is a reflection of my soul. I don’t have anyone telling me I have a seed stuck, spinach leaf on the side smile maybe lol. but that would be for real.
Considering eye lid lift when insurance will pay for it. (medicare pays for this correction if lid measures a certain amount of extra skin)
Thank you Jennifer for being real, love your style. Keep up the great work for us in our third/third.
Thank you for sharing your story, Nancy. I understand completely! I would be the same way. I had horrible teeth, that constantly need fixing but it’s worth it to my stubborn self.
@ Jennifer. The Neuro-Ophthalmologist said she has had several cases of women with post botox double vision. I have had in the past eyelid droop from Botox and the Neurologist did say I could be very sensitive to it as I had a Bell’s Palsy many years ago. Nothing is without risk though.
You bring up an excellent point, nothing is without risk. That’s why I am weighing mine.
The invisibility thing is interesting. Where I live in south Florida most people are over 60 and many are over 70 so we are not as invisible as we are elsewhere. I am often surprised at that when I go other places and do not get attention the way I do at home. The worst is at work, however. I am still working in corporate America and will be as long as they keep me around but the opportunities to advance or even do something different dried up when I turned 60. I am always in fear of the next round of layoffs. I am sure I am at the top of the list just due to my age.
I would love to have plastic surgery but I am very fearful of complications. I work in healthcare and have seen what can, and often does, happen. I have used botox and fillers for years. They are OK but expensive and the effects do not last. I could probably have had a facelift for all the money I’ve spent over the years on botox alone. I have had other procedures (lipo and breast augmentation) and I now regret them very much. So, I am avoiding it for now.
Ageism is rampant in the workplace and women certainly get the worst of it. I’m sorry you’re dealing with it, Ellen. Interesting about visibility in Florida. The same is true in my active retirement community. I wonder if that’s why so many seniors love them.
Invisibility and ageism prevails. I have cared for older adults most of my personal life and worked for 30 years in an organization dedicated to their care. Now, I am one. I believe we need to take every opportunity to speak up and teach others that all people deserve the same respect and attention. Boomers are the largest demographic (here) and not typically a passive one. It is time to be clearly visible.
p.s. love the periwinkle toenails. Will try on my fingernails. 😊
We do need to educate others but sometimes, I just don’t have the energy.
I think every woman should do what makes her feel her best. I get some botox every few months and love the little lift it gives me. I’m too afraid of the complications of surgery to go that far but, again, think every woman should do what suits her. I always maintain my highlights and lowlights and never intend to go gray. I do feel the “invisibility” of aging at 59 but I also feel the freedom that has come with age. I worry less, accept more and generally have an easier time “going with the flow.” I love being retired and spending my days doing what I want to.
What a wonderful way to describe the wisdom that comes with age. Thanks Janet
At age 55, I had a neck lift as an add-on to another procedure (not a facelift). I’m now 67. In these past years, of course, it has lost the tautness of a fresh lift but I am still pleased. I find that when I work out my neck looks tighter. Several years pre-procedure, a co-worker told me that she could tell when I was working out by looking at my neck! I really could use an eyelid lift but no one is messing with my eyes! I say go for it Jennifer!
As to the Issue of visibility, you are correct for the most part. I think those who can afford to get surgery should do so if it makes them feel better about themselves. I will be 72 this year and I still want to look as good as I can within my means. I still color my hair and use the best skincare I can afford. The pressure on women to look perfect all the time is difficult. Especially when we age. The Hollywood set makes look like you can be without a line on your face at 65. They have a full time job looking good.
Thank you for addressing this topic.
It’s a complex topic for sure. Thanks for being here, Mary
I see (and prefer) my own invisibility on a nearly daily basis. There are times I don’t appreciate it, but overall I understand it. I also know that I can be vocal about it when needed, and that has come from age as well. As for ‘work’, I think about it at times but usually dismiss it. I began going grey in my early 30’s and still going that way (64 now). I had a round of cancer and have been blessed to live beyond expectations. I avoid as many procedures as I can as I believe they would lead to waking the sleeping giant. My treatments included radiation to the head and neck, and I recently read of how that causes advanced ageing! I already figured that one out. All that being said, I wish I had aged more gracefully, but I am eternally grateful to God for every day I get, no matter my outward appearance! Always enjoy your blog and thank you for taking the time to write it.
Thank you for your wise comment and for sharing your story, Deb. It’s powerful, and I’m so glad to hear you’re on the other side of it. I couldn’t agree more about choosing when to be vocal about invisibility.
I know how you feel about being invisible! One year around Valentine’s Day I walked into a boutique and home decor store near me. The two ladies working there were engrossed in a conversation and never said a word to me as I walked around looking at the very expensive clothes. Just as I was leaving two younger women walked in. They were greeted enthusiastically and informed that everything red was marked down. I walked out and have never been back. I was invisible even to other women.