What to Wear to a Funeral or Memorial Service
Losing a loved one, acquaintance, or colleague is never easy, and attending a funeral, memorial, and wake can be a difficult and emotional experience. It’s a sad fact that the older we get, the more funerals we need to attend. When it comes to what to wear, it’s important to strike a balance between showing respect for the deceased and their family while also staying true to your personal style and comfort. Here are some ideas to help you select what to wear to a funeral so you’ll look respectful and appropriate while still looking stylish.
I believe we should be able to put together an outfit to wear to a funeral from what we already have in our wardrobes. These sad occasions often come up with no warning, and we need to be able to put an appropriate look together at a moment’s notice.
What to Wear to a Funeral or Memorial Service
Opt for Conservative Outfits
Funeral attire should be modest and conservative. Avoid anything that’s flashy, revealing, or attention-grabbing. A knee-length dress or a pair of dress slacks with a modest blouse is often a safe choice. Long-sleeved options are preferable, especially if the weather permits.
Do You Have To Wear Black to a Funeral?
Funerals typically call for muted and understated colors. Black is the traditional choice, but dark shades of gray, navy, brown, or deep plum are also suitable. These colors convey respect and solemnity without being too somber. The focus of a funeral is to mourn the deceased and show respect. Avoid bright colors or patterns that may be distracting or have a cheerful vibe.
Footwear For A Funeral
Funerals can be long and emotionally draining, so comfort is crucial. Avoid high heels if you’re not accustomed to them, and opt for comfortable, closed-toe shoes. If you will be going to the burial, choose footwear with block or low heels, which are more comfortable to wear on lawns.
Accessories to Wear To a Funeral
Minimalistic and tasteful accessories are best for a funeral. Avoid anything that makes noise when you move, such as a stack of bracelets or jingly earrings. You can’t go wrong with simple jewelry like pearls, stud earrings, or a delicate necklace. A scarf or shawl can add a touch of elegance and warmth. Carry a small purse or clutch with essentials like tissues, mints, and a small mirror. These items can be handy for discreet touch-ups or providing support to others in need.
Dress For the Weather
Check the weather forecast before choosing your outfit. Churches, funeral homes, and cemeteries can be cold. Bring an umbrella and dress in layers to stay warm and dry because many services also include an outdoor portion. A lightweight cardigan or jacket is easy to add or remove as needed.
How to Dress for a Funeral in Hot Weather
Black and dark colors absorb heat from the sun, so choose lightweight, breathable fabrics like linen, cotton, or chiffon. Sandals are acceptable if they are dressy and conservative. The key is to balance respect for the occasion with your comfort in the heat. It’s always better to err on the side of being slightly more formal and conservative.
/ SILVER HUGGIE EARRINGS
Things to Avoid Wearing to a Funeral
When attending a funeral, it’s essential to exercise sensitivity and respect in your choice of attire. While some of these seem obvious, I thought I’d point out a few things you should not wear to a funeral.
- Bright and Vibrant Colors: Opt for subdued, dark, or neutral colors instead of vibrant and flashy hues. Avoid clothing that draws excessive attention or appears overly cheerful.
- Casual or Revealing Outfits: Refrain from wearing casual or revealing clothing such as jeans, shorts, tank tops, or low-cut tops. Funerals are solemn occasions that call for more formal attire. Skirts and dresses should be knee-length or longer.
- Distracting Patterns or Logos: Stay away from clothing with loud patterns, slogans, or logos that can divert attention away from the solemnity of the event. Avoid overly fussy clothes you need to keep adjusting.
- Inappropriate Footwear: Avoid wearing flip-flops, sneakers, or any overly casual footwear. Opt for closed-toe shoes or, ideally, understated, closed-toe heels or flats.
- Excessive Accessories: Keep your accessories minimal and tasteful. Avoid excessive bling, oversized jewelry, or anything that might be considered ostentatious.
Most of us have pieces in our wardrobe that we can pull together to create a respectful outfit that’s appropriate for a funeral. If you lack a few pieces to complete yours, I recommend you add them to your shopping list so you are prepared.
Jennifer, thank you!
You amaze me with the topics you cover on your blog.
You are the best and remain my favorite blogger! Carry on!
Thank you Mary Ann! You are so kind.
Great post, Jen. Keep in mind it is appropriate in some Asian cultures to wear white at a funeral. I hope folks wear red to mine, it’s my favorite color!
Please be sure to let your wishes be known about wearing red to your service!
Thanks for today ‘s post
I appreciate your thoughtful suggestions both for best choices and what not to wear.
Similar to Jo and yourself and not to sound morbid, I have always had an outfit or two (in more somber colors) with a funeral in mind and also ensured that my husband has as well. On that note; excellent guidelines Jennifer. -Brenda-
Thank you Brenda. I am not surprised to learn that you are prepared.
I think this post on funerals is very important, I’ve always worried that if anything happened to a close family member I would have nothing to wear I never see dresses in black that would be appropriate for my age I’m 68 so I am going to be on a mission to find a couple of tops that would go with black pants also a pair of shoes my feet give me so much pain these days I usually just wear sneakers. Thanks Jennifer for your post.
Iām glad this has been helpful.
Am I wrong to want people to wear bright, fun colors at my (someday) celebration of life service to honor my love of dressing in many different colors & patterns? I do wear black & dark colors to funerals but I like the idea of my friends & family wearing cheerful colors to celebrate the happy life Iāve led. Is this just too weird? I suppose everyone can choose to do what feels best to them.
Itās not weird at all. Be sure you make your wishes known.
I belong to The Red Hat Society and have been to funerals where a fellow member has made it known that she wanted her Red Hat sisters to attend in our “colors”–red hat and purple attire.
My body has changed with a thicker waist even though my weight is five pounds less. I would struggle to put something together that fits comfortably today. My husband would have to wear a nice shirt and tie as he is so much shorter and thinner than his dark suit. He wouldnāt consider getting a suit for one occasion. He is 82, very fit and slim. What do I do in this circumstance?! We live where cowboys dress in jeans, cowboy boots a white shirt and string tie to their own weddings. But if it were a situation somewhere else, he would probably refuse to go.
Thank you for your post. Unfortunately I’ve attended too many funerals in the past few years, and as a few have replied, it’s not the time to be looking for an appropriate ensemble. I’ve taken a page from the “royals” book to always have appropriate things to put together for the occasion. I’m a full figured lady and sometimes finding things in my size isn’t easy, so having something at the ready makes for less worry at a time when there are more important things to be thinking about. And I’m so with you about being thoughtful and conservative in these situations, to me it’s better to err on being more conservative. Your gracious descriptions in your post are wise and caring. Even though today’s subject is not something we love thinking about, it’s good to have your guidance.
Iād rather be more conservative too. Thank you Kathleen.
I have a question on this subject. I have been notified of 2 upcoming āCelebration of Lifeā events. These are being held 4-5 months after the death. What is appropriate for this kind of event? Would love to hear your thoughts. Iāve been thinking black pants with a white double breasted blazer that has gold buttons. Would accessorize with gold jewelry and maybe shoes. Wondering if that is too āhappyā or showy or glitzy?? Thank you.
Celebrations of life tend to be less somber. I think your outfit sounds perfect. Formal yet friendly.
Sadly, I have seen some truly horrifying outfits at funerals recently (I will spare you the descriptions) and I am determined to not be that person. But this is a good reminder for me to check my conservative black dress to see if it still fits properly. Like Janet, I am more likely to go the black slack/dark top route, but I just want to be prepared. Thanks for your well written and varied topics.
Having lost my husband, parents brother and sister. I speak from experience the family of the deceased is comforted by your presence and doesnāt care or notice what you are wearing.
Iām so very sorry for your loss, Meg.
Glad to see all these posts in agreement with your take on dressing appropriately for funerals. I’ve noticed lately that appropriate dress for weddings needs to be addressed as well. Not only do you see very revealing (sometimes see through) bridal gowns (yuck) but guests in dungarees and flip flops. Both occasions are not casual “come as you are” or “show all you can” deals. I may be old fashioned but I think one should show some respect for the occasions – both funerals and weddings.
I agree so Iām happy to join you in being old fashioned.
Hi-
I appreciate your post & it’s focus on respect.
Somebody already mentioned the Royals, & I do think of them when I do this, but I have been caught 2x now, while traveling, having to attend funerals before being able to return home. Once for a distant relative, but also my brother. I now, always, include pieces when travelling that I know I could cobble together an appropriate “funeral” outfit. I am not easy sizes to find anyway & popping in somewhere quickly to grab something is the last thing you want to have to do.
Thanks!
Iām so sorry for your loss Teri! Thatās a very wise suggestion.
Yes it really is true that we are attending more funerals as we age. I had one to attend a few years back so I took my black slacks to the dry cleaners and they lost them!! I wore a navy blue pair but that really made me think that you do need to be prepared.
A very useful column today. Please consider an add-on about wearing hats at a funeral. When do you take your hat off? What styles of hats are dignified? Where do you find appropriate hats? I wore a hat to a funeral and at the reception afterwards. I was the only one who did, but Iām still glad I wore one.
I think a modest sized hat is always acceptable and does not need to be removed inside.
Oh my yes – as we age funerals and memorial services are a difficult reality. Thank you for sharing.
Yes, we do go to more funerals now, so sad. I noticed this when I was late 60’s.
I tend to like the tops and pants outfits, for most weather situations. My legs are not exactly great looking for a dress, and then there are shoes to deal with to go with it. There is a lot of standing at funerals, and I need very comfortable shoes.
I love the two blouses and pants, my kind of outfits.
While weāre on the subject, just a friendly reminder I always use in my home. To my husband and 40 year old sonā always be suit readyā. Have a well fitting dark and cleaned suit in your closet at all times. These things crop up and you may need to drive or fly in a days notice sometimes. Every 6 months I use my phrase suit ready so there is never a last minute rush. Thanks for this blog Jennifer and all you do for your followers. Look forward to you every morning!
Great suggestion.
I agree 90 percent of the time. I’ve been to funerals where we were asked to dress in certain colors or themes and I’ve been known to add the persons favorite color or something that they liked.
I haven’t attended those, but of course, would respect their wishes.
My mom was given 6 months to live at age 75 (melanoma) and SHE picked out and bought something I could wear to HER funeral! – she beat the melanoma and since then I have bought 4 more outfits appropriate for when she passes – seasonal, less dressy as the years go by and a service will be more simple – she is now 97, going strong, and has outlived all her close friends! I agree, Jennifer – āwhat to wearā is the last thing one needs to think about when these somber occasions arise – great post!
Amazing!! I’m so happy for your mom! She sounds amazing.
Thank you for this post, Jennifer. My mother once told me to always have something to wear to a funeral in the summer. Winter was usually never an issue with its darker hues. Its advice I’ve taken to heart and passed on to my own daughters. Only two weeks ago, one of them told me she was shopping for such a dress to have on hand. Mom also advised a sweater or some way to cover sleeveless dresses in a house of worship. Of course, with air conditioning that’s good advice in any case.
These days, I rarely see anyone wearing black to funerals (unless it is a State Funeral) and even the services themselves have been a mixture of solemnity and humour. Perhaps that is because the funeral services are conducted in the funeral home and not a church, or the lack of formal dressing reflects the increasing ācasualnessā in society. Not sure why, but I still like to dress in what I consider clothing appropriate for the occasion.
I do too.
Jennifer you are spot on with your recommendations. My husband and I are members of a large church and have attended 6 funerals for friends in less than 2 months! I was on staff at the church until retiring in 2017 and part of my job was helping families plan their loved one’s funeral/memorial – so I attended many. I had what I called my “funeral dress”, a basic sleeveless black dress which I topped off with various appropriate jackets/sweaters. Now I wear a column of black slacks and black top (or sometimes navy) with an appropriate jacket or sweater. Every closet should have something similar to what you describe. I read once that when female members of Britain’s Royal Family travel, they always take a black ensemble… just in case. Thank you for covering this topic.
We canāt hide from the reality that the older we get, the more we will be experiencing personal loss.
Post Covid has seen a significant change in the traditional funeral services. Many are requesting a celebration of life and a less structured service, maybe especially for an older person.
I do like this approach where friends and family openly express there personal stories of their loved one.
I do keep several clothing options in my wardrobe and agree with you completely that this is a time to not be a distraction.
Thank you for thoughtfully addressing an important topic!
Scrambling for an appropriate outfit is the last thing we should have to do at such a sad time.
I have my funeral dress and unfortunately it has been worn more often than I would have liked. The black wrap amazon dress in the first photoā¦is it a true wrap or is it sewn shut. I love the look of a wrap but I am short waisted and they gape open.
I’m sorry to hear you’ve needed to wear your “funeral” dress. It is sewn closed at the waist and stays put.
Alas timely for me as well thanks for the post.
Hi, Jennifer I. have followed your blog for many years and never commented, no real reason
for that , just one of those things
. I love your blog and you cover a myriad of topics not just fashion,which can be a bit boring
all the time. Itās seems crazy that I am commenting for first time on todayās subject ā funerals ā
You put it over so delicate and the outfits are just beautifully co ordinated, full marks
Jennifer. Please keep us ladies informed of all sorts of subjects , yes I adore your fashion choices
and we are similar in looks and style and weigh the same but I am an inch shorter.
I canāt remember but have you ever covered subjects of wigs , these days they are so natural
looking and hundreds of styles and colours. I recently have been diagnosed breast cancer,
thankfully only a lumpectomy and no Chemo. My hair though has gone so thin anyway and
I am contemplating a bob style wig .
On a lighter note although I have never commented I have made up for it in this post.
Thank you so much for all the sensible effort you put into your blog.
Regards Pam from U.K. x
I’m so sorry to hear about your diagnosis Pam, and grateful you won’t have to endure Chemo. I haven’t covered wigs yet, but I see them as a great option if we need them.Keep us posted about what you think!
Timely post. Thank you, Jennifer.
I am so sorry itās timely for you. Sadly, it likely be timely for me as well.
Thank you! I have never seen this topic addressed in a style blog. You have validated my thinking in terms of funeral choices. Recently we have seen some attendees in clothing that I think draws attention away from the memory of the deceased, the family, and the service. I try to remember, it’s not about me on this day.
Thank you for including a topic like funerals. Years ago , when I was much younger, my dad died and I had nothing in my closet that was appropriate ,especially for the many days of viewings. And not that I have a whole wardrobe of black but I do keep a couple of modest black dresses that I call my ā all occasion dressesā because I can dress them up or down depending on the circumstances.
Those kind of dresses are incredibly versatile. I have one in navy and black for just that purpose.