Dressing to Please Yourself
Within seconds of seeing us, people make assumptions about our financial situation, sense of humor, education level, socioeconomic status, happiness level etc. We all know that’s true but at our age and in this era of wearing what we like, how many of you feel pressure to conform? Do you let other’s perceptions affect your fashion choices? Even in a subtle way? Do you dress to please yourself without concern about how you are seen?
I asked a question on my Facebook page, (do you follow me there?) earlier this week which sparked a lively discussion. I asked, “What does frumpy look like to you?” Notice I said look like to you. Not feel like.
Women mentioned brands and types of garments they think look frumpy. There were lots of generalities but few made the connection personal. Some mentioned things which other women defended as not frumpy.
It’s not surprising to read how vehemently women feel about looking frumpy. It’s not a look many women would intentionally put together. There was no consensus and opinions varied widely which demonstrates why frumpy is one of those things that’s hard to describe, but you certainly know it when you see it.
If dressing and feeling frumpy is the terminal look no woman wants for herself, (and that certainly appears to be the case) what would or could cause you to feel frumpy?
Could another woman style a garment you think of as frumpy and make it look chic?
What role does your confidence play in appearing frumpy to others?
Does your size play a role in whether you feel or appear frumpy?
If you don’t feel frumpy, do you care if others see you as frumpy?
Please share your thoughts. Be kind and thoughtful in your comments because this is a sensitive topic for many of us.
I’ve read many of the comments above, and while most resonate with me with regards to how I define a “frumpy” appearance, I think it is really all about the rest of the picture. Do you smile? Do you walk with confidence and head held high? Are you physically clean? Is your hair brushed? Have you made any attempt at respecting yourself with how you’ve dressed? You can take the same baggy sweatshirt and put it on two different people — it’s frumpy on one and not the other. The frumpy one has most likely NOT “put on” good character as well as basic pride in her general appearance.
We never do know what struggles another woman is dealing with so should never judge. Sadly, it’s human nature to judge. I think many here are pointing out what appears frumpy to them. What matters most, is how we feel.
I can’t tell you how horrified I am reading the comments here. They sound so judgmental and not very empathetic. I do try to dress neatly and attractively because it does my mind and psyche good but my appearance doesn’t tell the whole story. Some of us are self conscious about physical features (my neck that I seem to have inherited from my father) and struggle with ways to dress in ways that make us comfortable with those features. Daily I deal with chronic disease and am often achy and stiff so I mostly dress for comfort and convenience. Most days no one sees me – I’m at home by myself except for the hour or two my husband and son are home in the evenings. I tend to not wear scarves or necklaces because they get in my way in my daily activities. I mostly don’t wear makeup. My skin is fragile and makeup irritates it. I use prescription eye drops to deal with a condition. I don’t wear eye makeup as liner and shadow irritate my eyes. I don’t wear mascara because the eye drops cause even waterproof mascara to run. I do get my lashes dyed and my brows waxed in an effort to be at least well groomed but my lashes are thin compared to my younger days. The daily things I deal with aren’t apparent when you look at me but I’m sure many of you would consider me to be frumpy. My situation has lead me to be a little slower to judge because you never know what the other person is dealing with.
I have seen more frumpy men than women. Frumpy to means not caring, stained and crumpled clothes. My friend (who I adore and don’t care what she looks like) always looks frumpy and doesn’t realise it. Her clothes are way too big and baggy because she thinks that hides the fat, she loves wearing tatty turtle neck tops under short sleeved shirts because she thinks it hides her red menopausal neck.
I think it’s all about how YOU feel. If you dress appropriately for the occasion and are in clothes you love, you’ll feel great. How can you be frumpy if you feel great about yourself??
Great point