Going Gray: It’s Not Simple for Everywoman
Happy Weekend ladies! It’s finally raining here and not a moment too soon. California is parched so we need it but my hair doesn’t. I met girlfriends for lunch and a little shopping this week and per usual, the rain made my baby fine hair go flat…but worse than usual. Thin, fine hair is seldom improved by rain. Come to think of it, curly hair isn’t either. Today I’m sharing what’s happening on top of my head, not because it’s earthshaking but because I’m probably not alone.
I liked how I was dressed but I wasn’t happy with what happened to my hair. I’d stopped high and low lighting my blonde hair several months ago to see what Mother Nature was giving me. I assumed that at my age, my hair would grow in a pretty silver like my Mum’s. It’s not coming in quite as expected and I have less silver than I wanted.
I’m satisfied with the color so far, but not the texture. I hadn’t considered that when I stopped coloring my hair it would lose body and my hair would go flat. Couple that with a blunter haircut last time and my hair feels frumpy.
Images of stunning gray and silver hair fills the internet which look beautiful and powerful to me. Everyone goes gray or silver eventually, but I seem to be a late bloomer. Don’t get me wrong, my hair is fine, but I know it can look better.
I chatted these options over with my girlfriends:
- Go back to hi and low lighting for the body and brightness it provides.
- Leave it alone and be unhappy…not my style.
- Bleach it out white to look like I have silver hair and get the added body from the bleach.
Those options were all quickly nixed so I called my stylist and she squeezed me in between clients to add more layers for what she calls “a sassier cut”.
I’ll see how this works but the verdict isn’t in. I want to go silver but if it’s at the expense of me feeling good about my appearance, I won’t stick with it.
Did you go gray easily or are you avoiding it like the plague?
Thanks for reading and have a great day!
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Jennifer, you will think this is crazy, but try hot rollers for body and shape. They are under-appreciated, in my opinion. Wash your hair, put in volumizing mousse, and let it air dry or maybe use a hair dryer a bit. (I like to use as little heat as possible.) Let the hot rollers heat up while you shower, eat breakfast, whatever. Roll them in your hair, let them cool for a while while going about your day, and take them out. Even 5 minutes will make a difference in your hair. At first it will be too curly, but run your hands through your hair, arrange your style, and you will be amazed at how much body your hair has! They cost about $20 on Amazon, any brand is great. My stylist told me to flip my head upside down and briefly use hair spray before rolling my hair–this does make it last. In this era of flat irons, no one remembers hot rollers, but they are great. I even travel with them! Makes my hair look freshly done every morning with no work. I only wash my hair once or twice a week, but I use the hot rollers in between.
Try washing your hair with a “purple” shampoo made for silver, platinum or gray hair. It will bring out the silver you are looking for.
After coloring for over 30 years, I haven’t colored my hair at all for about 6 months now, following a course of highlights to ease the journey to grey. (I’m 54). I now have 3 inches of grey in a blend of silver, platinum and darker grey which I like to think of as my natural highlights!
It was a new hairdresser that started me on this path after commenting that it was a shame to cover the lovely grey up. She also said that some people look better the color they are supposed to be. For the most part I am enjoying the ‘journey’ to full grey, I do have off days of course but then I had off days when I was coloring it!
I must say it’s so much easier not to have to plan things around my next hair appointment and no longer be counting the days and wishing my time away until the next one. I’ve let my fine wavy hair grow a little and have also stopped using straighteners, and it is healthier and softer now. I use Bumble & Bumble curl creme and mousse and leave my hair to dry naturally. The trick is not to touch it or even look at it until it’s completely dry and then quickly run my fingers through it.
I suspect some of my colleagues don’t approve, but you just have to brazen it out. Someone above commented that growing grey was ‘giving in’, but another way to look at it is ‘freeing yourself’!
Your hair looks good Jennifer, certainly not frumpy. You remind me a bit of Twiggy the UK model.
Best wishes,
Susan
Good for you Susan!! Don’t worry what your colleagues think. It’s your hair, your choice and only your business. I agree many of us look best with our natural color, I know I do. Coloring it has never been as flattering as Mother Nature gives me. Thanks!
My texture changed alot since letting my silver hair show. What’s helps me the most so far is Schwartzkopf Oasis bouncy curls gel that helps volumize. It’s much more cooperative!
Good to know! Thanks for sharing Louise.
I am a new reader. I would just like to suggest to the reader with the thinning eyebrows to ask her doctor to check her thyroid levels. More mature women often have low thyroid and thinning eyebrows is a classic sign of that deficiency.
I don’t know all of your past comments about hair but I am a firm believer in getting checked for nutritional deficiencies, especially folate. It isn’t very common but when I have a folate deficiency (it’s happened twice), not only am I really tired but my hair thins and falls out. Occasionally I take biotin tablets but not for more than 2 or so weeks and not without asking a gp first. Also, it is important not to take biotin if you’re going to have lab tests as it creates false readings. I will never have grandmother style as I don’t have grandchildren, plan to be young looking until I’m at least 72. I hope to have white hair like my mother. She would not stop getting her hair dyed and then one day said she was growing it out. She had worried about having grey hair that yellows but what she had was white hair that sparkled like light on ice. If mine turns like hers, I’ll be so happy!
Such good advice about the thyroid. That’s been my struggle for many years. Welcome and thanks for joining the conversation.
Initially I had promised myself at age 60 to allow my natural hair color to show. 60 came and I was hesitant to no longer color my hair, but at my daughter’s insistence, I allowed Mother Nature to do her thing and have had compliments after complements. My boyfriend calls the color, “Angel Hair.” I have a short hair cut that is so easy to manage and happy with the decision to let Nature take its course.
That’s a beautiful name for it, angel hair. Lucky you Anna!
I started going grey at 24 (I’m 69 now) and so coloring my hair was just a part of most of my adult life. By 65, I was dying to stop but it took me three years to get up the nerve. Before I let it grow out, I told myself, if it wasn’t the chic white I wanted, I could always still color it. I cut it super short, it grew in silvery white and I never looked back. But even if it wasn’t naturally a color I loved, I would not have hesitated to help it along in order to feel good about myself at this age.
I love your attitude about it Hilary! You got lucky but knew you would do what it took to make you feel happy about it. Bravo
I was totally grey, with mostly white in front, until I got stage three cancer at age 64 in 2012. With chemo I lost all my hair. So wore a wig. A blonde one that resembled the colour of my younger self. It’s a flattering style for me, similar to Lady Di.
I love being blonde and I love my wig, even though my hair is coming back, thick and white. I look ten to fifteen years younger than I did. People cannot believe I’ll be 70 next year. ( I can’t either!!) . Anyway, I’m blonde for now and am thrilled with my wig. No styling necessary. Just wash, and then ready to go. Never a bad hair day. Don’t plan to go white any time soon.
Honey Bee
Thanks for sharing Honey Bee. I’m so glad you’re recovered. Fascinating about the blonde. Wash and go would be so easy.
Hi Jennifer! I, too, am contemplating going grey. I have medium brown hair, and at 3 weeks after color, I have too much regrowth for comfort! I use the root concealer, but am just getting tired of it all. There is a product by John Freida that is a clear glaze that you put on your hair for body, shine and texture. I have known about this product for some time, but haven’t used it yet. Might be worth a try!!
I’ll check it out Julie, thanks. I didn’t care for the professional one my stylist used but maybe this is better. Hers made my color warmer which tended to brassy.
Naturally dark, wavy hair here. Decided I had enough of colouring and would let it grow out….big surprise it’s the texture of pubic hair!!!! No kidding. Oh it is so getting no colored next week!!!!!!!
Lol Allison! Not your favorite look?
haha It is so getting colored next week…..My grandmother used to say her hair was like steel wool..she was far more polite than her grand daughter!!
I’m 67 and this year my Book Club read Going Gray. 50 Graylicious stories. It really got me thinking about letting go of the bottle every 5 weeks. I knew I was pretty white but used to be medium brown hair. My hair dresser was very supportive with my transition using severe highlights on the previously colored hair. I’m actually very ok with the look so far. Grow out length is 3/4 “. It was very helpful to me to hear other women’s stories of embracing their real selves. I also got a lot of ideas on changing makeup colors, clothes colors, and using different hair products. The most drastic change is wearing brighter and darker lipsticks. Never thought I could sport a red lip, but I think it looks pretty good. Many women have taken to u-Tube with their going gray experiences which gives very good support. That being said, until now I have said I would never not color my hair. Its nice we can each choose our look, whatever works for you.
Women should all fell free enough to decide gray or no gray. Unfortunately there are some women who believe coloring our gray hair is a cop out. I don’t agree. Good luck! It’s sounds like your stylist is very sharp.
Have your hairdresser give you a good glosser and you will have plenty of body!
We did try, but it made my hair brassy so maybe we used the wrong thing?
This is a tough one that I struggle with daily. There are days when people (even men) say that my silver gray hair looks stunning. Then there are days I look in the mirror and dont recognize myself without my sassy high/low lights.
The texture of my hair is definitely fine now that I dont color it. In the past I bought a L’oriel color 10 that looks similar to my silver hair but it made it too white, although it gave my hair texture.
i guess I have “given in” and now do not use any color.
As I said before…there are days people compliment my hair and I say to myself “yeah!” and then there are days I have to add a tad more foundation and lipstick because I feel washed out.
Black looks really good with the silver hair.
Keep us posted…really appreciate your forum.
Good luck to you and all I can say is that we all have to do our own hair journey because no two of us are alike.
Is that good? Ha!
Cheers
That is exactly how I feel Judy! We all have our own hair journey and need to do what makes us feel confident and happy. Some days I feel washed out and am thankful there is bright lipstick to put on. Maybe color 9 or 9 1/2 would solve your problem? Just a thought. Thank you for sharing.
i don’t think i will ever go gray. I find that gray ashy look depressing with my coloring. But I sympathize with the fine hair problem. Have you tried the Living Proof products for fine hair? There is a dry spray volumizing product that works pretty well. The shampoo and conditioner is also very light and works better than most for me.
I’ve not heard of or tried them, Kathy. Thanks, I’ll check into them! If you have warm coloring, gray can be hard to get right.
I went gray when I married my handsome “silver fox” eight years ago. We are now a salt and salt couple instead of salt and pepper. My hair was very dark brown and I colored for years until my hairdresser told me that I had enough gray to go high and low lights. Two years later, I now have a thick head of silver hair and I love it. I wore it short when it was dark, but now wear it in a chin length graduated bob. I use a spray-on, leave-in conditioner for gray hair and blow dry after washing with a clear shampoo every three or four days. I use a tiny drop of Frizz Ease when it is very humid (often in Savannah, GA) to keep it smooth. I have found that my longer slightly blunt cut holds the style very well. I, too, use a satin pillowcase to sleep on, and my hair looks great when I get up. I rarely use hairspray because it weighs my hair down. I’ll bet your hair would look great with a little more length and blunt cut. It would give it more body instantly. I would love my hair to be a little thinner so I guess we are never really happy with what we have! I get lots of compliments for my silver bob so I guess it is working!
Lucky you Diane, it sounds gorgeous! The grass is always greener with hair, isn’t it? It sounds like your stylist knew just what she was doing. I have worn my hair longer but not for many years, since it started to get thinner.
I can’t see a frumpy lady when I see your photos but I think you would be happier with more colour in your hair.The fact you’re questioning how your hair feels is an indication you like what colouring does for your hair’s appearance and texture.
In regards to my fine hair,I’m originally a strawberry blonde and have been getting highlights since my late forties to add some brightness to my hair(I’m now 64).I’m lucky I only have to get them done every 3 months and I’ll keep getting them as they add volume to my fine hair and they suit my complexion.My problem now is my fine thinning eyelashes and what to do about them…..the joys of ageing!
Thanks Julie. I wanted to see what would grow in and then decide if I’m ready. I may not be…ever because of the body issue. I am trying something new for my eyelashes and eyebrows so I’ll keep you posted.
I’m trying good old Vaseline at the moment for my eyelashes.We’ll see…..
Keep me posted