Monday Musings: Thoughts on Invisibilty As Women Age
I had a unique experience this weekend that got me thinking about invisibility as women age. Did you know there’s an actual term called invisible woman syndrome? This social phenomenon is not reserved for women but does seem more prevalent for us, especially after 50.
Some forms of invisibility simply feel like a lack of respect. That happened to me this weekend on a crowded walkway. A group of people walking four abreast toward me did not seem to see me. I was walking along the edge of the sidewalk and couldn’t move over any further without having to step into the bike path…not a safe thing to do in the city. I stopped in my tracks and waited. They would have had to plow me down to continue, which seriously pissed me off. They looked up and skirted back to their side to let me pass. Rude? Possibly, but they seemed genuinely surprised to look up and find me there.
Being bumped into is just one form of invisibility. We can also simply find ourselves feeling ignored and irrelevant. Not all cultures prize youth over experience, but ours certainly does.
The truth is, there’s an invisibility that comes with aging, but it should always be our choice. You may not want to be in the spotlight, but you don’t have to feel invisible unless you want to.
Fashion is a powerful form of self-expression, but for older women, it can also play a role in combating invisibility. In a society that often overlooks us, the fashion we choose to wear can make a strong statement. We get to choose the message our clothes send.
It won’t surprise you to hear that some women simply get dressed without giving it much thought. Others assume that if a garment is new, it’s in style, and that’s all they’re concerned with. Some women don’t give much thought to the message their appearance sends because they’re happy to blend in and enjoy the freedom they get from flying under the radar. Other women carefully craft their appearance to stand out and use it as an art form. You can see them from a mile away, and they love that. How we choose to dress is as varied as our eye color and extremely personal.
The color, shape, and volume of our clothes all affect how much our outfits and we stand out. The same is true for accessories, which can do a lot of the heavy lifting to make our look distinctive.
I’ll have more on this topic later, but I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Do you craft your outfits to feel seen and feel vital? Do you prefer the freedom of not being noticed so you can wear what you damn well, please? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Save or Splurge
Our save or splurge outfit this week features a soft, feminine blouse and spring-like accessories in soft colors. Kick flare jeans are everywhere this spring and are a great option for ladies who want a shorter inseam.
Spring is a great time to swap out your solid leather bag for woven leather, straw canvas, or wicker.
The save outfit comes in around $150, and the splurge is closer to $4,368. Can you tell the difference? Which do you prefer?
Thanks for reading, and be sure to wear what makes you feel confident.
I love to dress where I feel all put together. I plan my outfits. Lately I have really felt invisible because I had shoulder surgery and had a sling for six weeks. I had to wear button up shirts and pull on pants and I didn’t realize how much I would hate it!! The worst thing is I got rid of the sling but I still can’t do my hair. My friends say to sit back and enjoy not to have to worry about getting ready. That is so not me. I really got depressed. I have never felt invisible!
I’m sorry! Add some bright red lipstick until you can spruce up more.
I had tennis elbow surgery many years ago and was casted from shoulder to knuckles. Try bending 90° at the waist to do your hair. It’s much easier to reach and use a curling iron, straightener, etc. You probably won’t get “perfect” results, but you’ll feel better about your hair. Good luck!
Jennifer, I’m sure you were noticed when wearing that beautiful black outfit with the pop of color scarf! You look striking!!
Thank you. I loved the bright pink pop and it’s not usual for me.
I don’t feel invisible very often and when I do, I don’t let it bother me. In fact, I receive many compliments from young women frequently on my hair and clothing. I’m always surprised because my hair is grey, I’m slightly overweight, and am only 5′ 2″. I do have a few strands of silver tinsel woven in my grey hair to catch the light. I wear a “uniform” of sorts: jeans, tee or shirt, jacket, cardigan or vest and a pair of interesting and eye catching shoes or booties. I like subtle jewelry. I’ve worn this “uniform” for years. It seems to suit me. I think it is important to not look like you’re trying too hard.
I agree. Some women can wear anything and never look like they’re trying too hard.
I am very self conscious. I welcome the invisibility that comes with age. That said, I have been dressing up more when I go out. I like to look nice for me!
I love the way you tied your red scarf in today’s post. Looks great!
Your outfit for the symphony was gorgeous, that scarf made the whole outfit.
I like flying under the radar, no need to be noticed. I still want nice outfits but I don’t want to spend much time dealing with clothes. That is why I read your blog so I don’t spin my tires shopping.
I’m sorry you almost ended up in the bike path, I’ve been in a similar situation. When walking in a crowd, I’m usually the one who yields.
I enjoy dressing for myself and for what activity I am attending. I am 73.
I really notice people if all ages hogging the pavement. Often when people are chatting or on their phone. I often say a loud beep beep ! The reaction can be priceless. I think a lot of people young and older have left good manners at the door especially since Covid!
I use public transportation often in Victoria bc . It is rare to be offered a seat. I do ask people to move bags , feet etc.
not good.
I speak up too. I’m appalled at the lack of manners these days.
I used to be invisible—overweight, homely looks, stringy hair. Then came the pandemic. I lost weight, but remain immunosuppressed due to a medication I take. I go nowhere inside without a mask. I dress in my usual elevated sporty style. I have a long gray pony tale. My posture is strong and I have a crisp gait. I am now very visible. People of all ages see me, but I am most impressed with the younger people who work in the places I go. They chat with me, remember my name. Being visible has been a great thing for me…and I live in Southern California. I’m 75. Who knew?
Posture has a huge impact on how people see us. Good for you!!
I definetely feel the ‘invisibility’ thing. I’m 71 and it’s a common enough occurrence that people just don’t see me. It’s definetely weird. I guess I was around 60 something when I first noticed it. I’m glad you brought it up. I dress for myself and always have. i don’t even own a dress. I wear levis, T shirts, denim shirts over most of the time. I do wear leggings and t shirts when I go to the gym. Such an interesting topic. I admire your sense of style.
What a timely post Jennifer!
I was bumped into and quite hard by a young woman! I am not sure how she didn’t see that I was standing there? It shocked me but I didn’t think to say something.
I dress for myself…have a small wardrobe and am currently really embracing vintage denim and white shirts with jeans and white sneakers. I feel energized when I wear this type of outfit…and usually some pearls.
Thank you for keeping up with your blog. I know it is a lot of work
Leslie
Hostess of the Humble Bungalow
Thanks for sharing Leslie. That happens more times than I like to think. Many older people get knocked off balance which can be dangerous!
I dress for myself and what I feel comfortable in. I haven’t thought about being invisible and I will be 60 in June. Age is just a number…it’s how you feel inside it what’s most important. If you feel young, people will assume you are!
I’ve given the issue of invisibility some thought and realize I have never experienced that feeling. What I have noticed is that people view me as a senior woman (which I am, age 74), and are ready and willing to assist me with my bag, doors, whatever, even though I am able to manage on my own. I love it, and often accept help with thanks. As far as fashion goes, I love nice cloths and put a bit of effort into my look, but sadly I rarely pay attention to what others wear.
I make it a real point to compliment other women if I can tell they’ve made an effort. The look on their faces never varies … surprise … me?… delighted! It has sparked some nice conversations too. I do feel invisible, but I choose not to react. I spent decades as a plus size woman, and boy, does it take inner confidence to enjoy clothes and shopping in our society when you are a 2x and many designer brands say a size 12 is xl. I decided long ago that -nobody- defines me but me, and I would never pass an activity by that I wanted to do, just because of my size. I knew I was “there” when I went out into a department store from the fitting room in bathing suits to get my husband’s opinion. I thought nothing of it, but the clerk said women never parade around and turn around in the public places while trying on swimwear (wish I could have shown her your recent blog post :)). Shine with your inner light … if young people don’t “see” you, say so what and move on.
Bravo!!! That’s fabulous
Linda that is Bravo! You are a lady that exhibits a lot of self confidence (IMHO). I believe self confidence shines through from inside to the outward side and is a beautiful asset to have.
Jennifer I see the people not moving over on walk ways and similar activity etc (young and old), I just think a segment of society has become so self absorbed…….so now that I’m older, I mean more mature :), I use it as opportunity to say good morning ladies or what ever to catch their attention. Maybe they’ll do the same one day.
I have been tall my whole life and always relegated to the back row in school and family photos. Now that I’m 63 with natural gray hair, I find that I have the habit of dressing to blend in and not wearing pretty colors or patterns to make me noticeable. Old habits die hard…
They do Mary. I find tall women striking!
At 72 I haven’t experienced the invisable syndrome yet, but I am also 5 ‘8″. I dress to please myself and consider every day an opportunity to make up a new outfit, even if I never plan to leave the house. At our age, we are given the advice to wear nuetrals, blacks and avoid loud colors and prints. It’s no wonder we become invisable. If you pick carefully you can wear all those things. I’m in jeans, a solid rose tee and a matching cotton bomber jacket and canvass dockers, ready to hit the garden store.
The best thing to wear is a smile. I am 88 and it is my favorite thing to wear. Plus a smile lets people know they are visible and noticed. It’s what most of us appreciate most of the time…being acknowledged.
That said, in retirement, I have more time to think about what I wear which is pretty classic understated stuff. Your blog keeps me on my toes about what I put on each day so I don’t slide back into a sweatshirt and jeans mode. Thanks.
When i was in my early 50’s i had a friend over 60 tell me that women become invisible once they turned 60. I thought it was just her imagination. Boy was i wrong! I’m 68 now and wish i could tell her how right she was. On the rare occasion when someone does hold the door or ask if i need help reaching something (mostly in a grocery store), it now catches me off guard. I always make it a point to smile, thank them and to say something like “have a great day”. In a small way I hope it encourages them to continue to help people older than them.
I think it does. I always hold doors for people who are following in behind me, no matter their age. It’s simply polite.
Yes! Yes! I definitely feel like I’m not seen.
But like Mel, I wear a smile and it’s amazing how many folks will smile back.
I love fashion & really enjoy wearing nice clothes.
We all love a compliment!
Your sight really helps keep me current.
When I was younger, I felt invisible. I was a busy mom and just threw on clothes, never put on make up or cared about my hair. My priorities were my kids and my husband.
After an unwanted divorce, I retired, moved to another State, purchased my own lil home and I live alone. I now put thought into my clothing, my makeup and my hair, and I feel like I am no longer invisible.
That’s wonderful
I’m in my 70s and have been ignored in retail settings many times. I think it would be wise for retailers to realize that often our over 50 or 60 age group has more disposable income to spend than younger people. Just good business sense, besides good manners, to pay attention to us!
Thank you for addressing this reality. It is, unfortunately true and very disrespectful. Even here in Canada where people think everyone is so “polite”. Not in this regard!
Wow! Lots of comments on invisibility. Very cute splurge outfit today, and I guessed it correctly based on the beautiful details of the blouse and the purse. Thanks for the fun!🤩
My husband guessed it by the blouse details 😄
I have another point of view to share. I have often noticed that if I have a pleasant look on my face, or a small smile and make eye contact people of all ages smile back, especially younger people in fact. I live in a condo where there are lots of younger residents. They seem very happy to respond to me in a pleasant way if I make a light comment in the elevator about the weather, or whatever.
I think we need to be aware of how we present to others. If we look and feel confident and positive people won’t overlook us. Dressing in a way that makes us feel great increases our confidence. So as a woman in my early 70s I try to dress to look and feel my best.
I love looking at your fashionable outfits to give me ideas!
thanks
Excellent point!! Being engaged and vital has a big impact on our visibility as we age.