Why I’m Not Going Gray
I’m not neurotic about it or anything, but I do think about my hair often. Not because I love it but because it’s always a struggle. Baby fine, poker straight, and thinning is not an easy combo. Toss in the “to gray or not to gray” question and there’s more to consider.
What I Know to be True About Gray Hair
Our natural coloring softens as we age. Eye color lightens, natural lip color fades, and our skin loses its vibrancy. As a result, we have less contrast between our features and our hair. The stark contrast of very dark hair can make wrinkles appear deeper, which makes you look older.
Going gray or silver is a choice many women struggle with. It’s all the rage to go natural these days. Of course, hair color companies aren’t suffering because there’s just as many of us who choose to cover our gray than not.
Salt and pepper hair has always been one of my favorite looks. There’s something about the contrast of colors that I find beautiful. Sadly, that’s not a look I will ever get because my hair is too light. I always wanted to be a brunette…go figure.
I’ve written about my hair here, here, and here, pondering the gray question more times than not. When I make a plus and minus list for going gray, in my case silver, the minuses far outweigh the plusses.
Why I’m Not Going Gray
- My blonde is ashy and taupe. Coloring my hair adds body which is why when I started with highlights at 15, I never looked back.
- Adding lowlights gives my hair dimension and helps it look thicker.
- The truth is, I don’t have enough silver coming in so it looks mottled, patchy and drab.
- I don’t need to lighten my hair to flatter my softening features because it’s already pale.
- I really do look older with silver hair. I amĀ
oldseasoned but I don’t want to look older than I need to.
Dishwater blonde hair worked on my younger face but it’s not flattering now. I’ve toyed with the idea of going platinum but I’d need to wear it very short because of the damage the bleach would cause. I don’t look good in short hair. Been there done that in my 30’s and it was not my finest moment.
I love the look of gray and silver hair, just not on me, yet.
Did you decide to go gray?
Thanks for reading and have a great day.
I remember when doctors told us that those expensive creams would not work because they couldnāt penetrate our skin. Suddenly, we had hormone patches, heart patches, etc. If those meds can penetrate, then the hair colors can as well and thatās right next to our brain. A wig is a much easier solution.
I have ash brown hair, and have been highlighting with blonde for years. At age 67 I tried to let the grey grow out, but It came in patchy as well, so to me it looked off balance, and the color was dishwater grey, not the beautiful grey I hoped for. So I asked around at different salons for recommendations, and I ended up medium brown, yes, darker than my normal ash hair, but it looks way healthier, and the process of bleaching my fine hair stopped. What did I learn? That dye thickened my hair, and I now know what a skunk line is! Bottom line, we all have to decide what works for us, my friend at 94 still colors her hair red!
I am lazy about my hair and stopped colouring it over 10 years ago. However I applaud those who are supporting beauty salons, those hard working men and women who strive to make us look and feel our best with every visit, some with foils and dye, others with scissors and razors. They are the heroes of the hair world!
I stopped going to the salon when I got sick with endo and adenomyosis and now it’s been over a year since I’ve done highlights. I have naturally dark blonde hair with silver streaks that look like platinum highlights. Who knew? I lost all of my hair when I was younger and, when it grew back, I vowed to always keep it long. So now it’s ombre with the old blonde on the ends. It will take years to grow out but that’s OK. It’s not for everyone, but I actually quite like it. You look fabulous. Your color is very natural. I’d keep it for sure since it works for you so well. I think it’s a very individual choice.
I’m a brunette, with strong red undertones. One half of my head is going grey; if I part my hair on the right, it’s less noticeable, to the left–look out! It’s not enough grey to be attractive for being grey, too much grey to be attractively brunette. In some lights, the strong red mixed with silver creates a weird pink effect (visible only to me, my DH assures me). I’ve settled on high lights to camouflage for the time being. Argh.
I’m in the “I will color forever camp.” Two years ago at the age of 68 I stopped coloring my hair my usual color of ash brown. I did this for one year, but kept it short which is my usual style. At the end of the year, after a family gathering, I saw myself in a group picture and, honestly, I just faded into the background! My new gray/white/brown hair came in very patchy which is not flattering. Besides that, my hair had no body and frizzed terribly. I couldn’t style it in any sort of a becoming style. So I went back to coloring it my usual ash brown, and everyone in my family, and my friends said they were glad I went back to my coloring my hair because I looked younger, healthier, and happier. I do have to have this done every 4 weeks. The money spent is well worth it because I feel so much more self-confident with my ash brown hair. I do still admire women that have been able to transition to a natural gray/silver hair color. I think they look great!
I never expected to go short and gray but after losing my hair from chemo it came in salt and pepper. They say not to color it for six months and by then I decided I liked it. I wore my hair more like yours and I think it looks beautiful on you. I’m just happy to have hair at this point! If I get any more gray I might put in some low lights.
My hair is fine and thinner in some spots. And it’s short. I used to look at my subtle spots of gray as highlights, but I felt I looked blah. So I decided to color my hair. But again I saw so many bad “dye jobs.” Well I already get my hair cut at a beauty school, so I decided to let them color my hair, and I’m glad I did. I only do it about 3 times per year. The color is so subtle that as it grows out, the roots subtly blend in.
I always wanted to be tall and blond, neither happened?, but a couple years ago my hairdresser talked me into trying gray – I sorta like it. It took a whole year to finally grow out all the color. I didnāt know what to expect since my mom had beautiful white hair, I was surprised at the color, since it came in kind of steel ash gray. I found a cut that looks chic and seems to fit me. Iāve gotten lots of compliments on it even from my former students. Now that many young women are coloring to silver, I fit right in, lol. I think itās all in what your comfortable with. Iām glad I did it!
I tried going natural in my mid 60’s and felt all washed out. So I went back to color. I’m a natural dark brunette and have had various color combinations since I saw the first gray hair in my early 30’s….mostly highlights over a light brown base color. My last color was an auburn for a change. My length has never been below chin length and in later years it got shorter and shorter. After a surgery in early 2018, that meant I couldn’t get out for my regular appointments for about 3 months, I had over an inch or two of my natural color showing. By then I was almost 78. I realized my hair was a lovely shade of almost white gray. So I had a big chop on my already short hair and in 3 more months the color was gone. Then ensued about 6 months of growing out, which was the hardest part, and I finally was ready for a real style. I LOVE my color and have had more compliments on my hair in it’s natural state than ever before. Yes, it doesn’t have as much body and yes my hair has thinned with age but we work around that with the style. If you’re iffy and wondering, stop the color and find out how you look. You can always color again and, quite frankly, that’s what I thought I’d do. Now I use all that money I spent on my hair for lots of Broadway shows and I’m not putting chemicals on my scalp. Try it you might like it but whatever you decide, move ahead with a confidence and joy.
I tried going natural in my mid 60’s and felt all washed out. So I went back to color. I’m a natural dark brunette and have had various color combinations since I saw the first gray hair in my early 30’s….mostly highlights over a light brown base color. My last color was an auburn for a change. My length has never been below chin length and in later years it got shorter and shorter. After a surgery that meant I couldn’t get out for my regular appointments for about 3 months, I had over an inch or two of my natural color showing. I realized my hair was a lovely shade of almost white gray. So I had a big chop on my already short hair and in 3 more months the color was gone. Then ensued about 6 months of growing out, which was the hardest part, and I finally was ready for a real style. I LOVE my color and have had more compliments on my hair in it’s natural state than ever before. Yes, it doesn’t have as much body and yes my hair has thinned with age but we work around that with the style. If you’re iffy and wondering, stop the color and find out how you look. You can always color again and, quite frankly, that’s what I thought I’d do. Now I use all that money I spent on my hair for lots of Broadway shows and I’m not putting chemicals on my scalp. Try it you might like it but whatever you decide, move ahead with a confidence and joy.
I stopped coloring my hair about two years ago when a problem with my thyroid caused my hair to start falling out! I was so afraid that coloring would exacerbate the problem that I just quit. It’s been rough, but I love it now. I had forgotten what my real color was! I was coloring it a warm brown, when in reality I’m naturally very dark ash brown. I also discovered that I have lots of very cool silver streaks–they almost look like I went to the salon and had them added. I’ve been getting rid of most of my warm-toned clothes because they look awful on me now. I feel pretty lucky. Losing my hair was a horrible experience, but it’s back now and I really like it–I feel like me again.
I stopped highlighting my ash brown hair about 6 years ago now…it’s been a while. I’m about 50/50 gray and ash brown now.
Ladies often will comment on how pretty it is. My hairdresser says it’s wonderful, but one guy said to me fairly recently, ” Your face looks great for your age, but why do you keep you gray?” He wasn’t a fan, but pffft, who cares! ?
My Mom who is 80 now still has some dark brown on her head so I may gray the way she did which won’t bother me at all. I don’t miss the hours I spent in the salon getting my hair highlighted at all! Not to mention the money I’m saving.
Your last photo is gorgeous! Your hair looks lovely, no need to change it or let it grow out if you’re happy, and you look so gorgeous.
We have similar hair, texture, cuts and color although mine is a tad darker. My mother went from dark, dark brown to gorgeous silver….not me. I am going from dishwater to dirty dishwater ? I agree that by adding high and lowlights, I get body. I also have a clever stylist (at last) who gives me a great cut so even in humid weather I donāt look like a drowned rat.
As a side note, I think women should go for the look that makes them look and feel great and not necessarily what people āthinkā someone in our age group should look like or wear….just my two cents worth.
I went gray and LOVE it! The money I save at the salon is now going for a new wardrobe, though. I wear brighter colors and get compliments galore, even from the younger gals. My hubs has been gray for years and we now “go” together. Not always, but sometimes coloring the hair doesn’t always make you look younger. It took me about 4 months to transition, but I’ve always had short hair. On my 65th birthday, I had ALL the color cut out. Super short and I loved it.
I have always colored my own hair after having several bad experiences with salon coloring. Like when one hairdresser turned my roots green and told me I just had to live with it that way! At the suggestion of my wonderful hairdresser I have now ,I have gone lighter and lighter so my roots blend in. It helps that my hair is very thick. It is also unruly but I do get a keratin treatment at the salon twice a year. That makes blow drying much faster and keeps the wild frizz from taking over my hair any time I walk out side!
I lighten my hair, but at 61 I still only have a few gray hair. Growing up I was a very light auburn and in the summer would go strawberry blond. Over the years my hair has turned more brown, so I color to get the blond highlights that I had in my youth. Will have to see what I do when I really start going gray.
You look great with the color you have chosen! š I am fortunate that, at nearly 66, my hair does not have a majority of grey in it. I was always strawberry blonde, which has darkened more to a dishwater blonde, now with what look like highlights but is actually my grey coming in. I receive many compliments on my hair, and don’t want to spend money coloring it, so I let it be natural. But if I felt that the grey was unflattering, I would color it. Life is too short to walk around not feeling good about yourself!
I will never go gray. My original hair color is dark brown. I now have it colored every 5 weeks to a soft brown with hilights. Just recently I was in the company of my Mom (93) and her sister (85). My mom colors her her hair and her sister does not. My 93 year old mother looked like the younger sister. That was enough evidence for me. Everyone has to do what makes them feel best and it is maintenance to color your hair but at 65 it is one thing I give to myself to feel good.
You deserve it!
I am 70 and still color my hair. I swore I would never color it until my 40s when I started to gray. Ha Ha. Then the coloring started! I had bob length hair then and could not stand the new strands of gray hair sticking out all over my head. My natural color is very dark brunette, but now I have brown with red shades. Subtle red shades. I just love it. I will never stop coloring my hair. I feel younger not having gray hair. I think you look great without the gray. For you it would be easier to go gray since your hair is so light. but for me, it would be such a drastic change. You look great!!!
Yours sounds so fun Linda
I’m 57 and stopped coloring my hair when I was 54. I had been highlighting my dark ash blonde hair for years but decided that the time, money and chemicals required just weren’t worth it. I have naturally curly hair that tends to be dry anyway, and we have hard water where I live, so my hair always took on a bit of a brassy tone and all of the bleach in the highlights dried my hair out way more than I could tolerate. Then I was diagnosed with cancer and decided to take control of what I could and chose to “clean” up my diet, my environment and my personal care products. One day, while sitting at the hairdresser, watching them mix up the mixtures for the foils, it occurred to me that there were lots of chemicals in that mix. I cancelled that coloring session and instead asked for a chin length bob, grew out those high/low lights and now am in remission and have soft, healthy shoulder length silver waves. One advantage to starting off with lighter hair is that if/when you decide to go natural, the grow out is relatively painless.
Iām so happy to hear youāre in remission Barbara. Thereās no question that we are exposed to lots of toxic chemicals on a daily basis. Cancer is terrifying.
I am 76 and stopped coloring my hair 12/18. I had dark brown hair and when it started to turn white a skunk line was showing up earlier and earlier , to the point I needed to have it colored every 2 to 3 weeks. Hard on the care …and the pocketbook. I through in the towel and went cold turkey. BTW, my hair has always been short. I am particular about wearing makeup and my best colors, and I do receive complements on my hair.
Ditto here (same age too). I was tired of worrying if my roots showed every time the wind blew! I transitioned, though – kept going lighter and lighter blonde (and found a hair color that fades; not what everyone wants, but it suited my purpose), until everything just blended together. I have more money and less anxiety š
More money and less anxiety sounds good to me;)
I agree, Judy! I stopped coloring my hair 5 years ago (I’m 60) – my husband would look at the top of my head and say “The skunk came back”! I was a dark brunette and the contrast was stark – I was going every 4 weeks for touch ups but really should have gone sooner – but salon coloring is expensive, even if it does look great! With the help of my stylist, I “transitioned” my white hair as it grew it – getting it cut shorter and adding highlights to “blend” new growth. It took about 2 years to get through it – but the salon visits were less and less frequent – which was saving lots of money. Now at 60 I am a white/silver and love it! My stylist now adds “low lights” to keep it from being totally white and I am so glad I did it! I changed make up colors gradually to go with my new hair and really had to change my clothing color choices, too. I get more compliments on my white/silver hair than I ever did when I was younger with dark hair!
I quit coloring my hair during the last year of my motherās life. My auburn brown hair had begun graying years earlier although I had been coloring it even before that time. My hair was very resistant to color and I was spending a full hour with color on my head every 3 weeks! My husband had long been concerned about the chemical exposure since my breast cancer diagnosis @ age 42. My motherās health issues were taking up increasing amounts of time, in addition to my more than full-time job, parenting a special needs teenager, being active at church and trying to have a little left for my patient and supportive husband. I asked my stylist to give me a heavy white blonde frost….the next time I thought about it was 4 years later. Iāll be 65 in 2 months and have beautiful, shiny white hair. I have no idea whether it makes me look older or not but most people donāt believe my age. Everyone should do what they feel comfortable with and can support, both in terms of time and money.
Agree absolutely Patti. Although older, er, more āseasonedā (love Jenniferās word) I lived through the going grey process due to cancer & itās possible issues with hair colouring. Iām content. Always at very least wear bright lipstick to lift face colour. My sister, 15 months younger has her hair coloured & she looks lovely. Sheās also content. Think itās personal choice.
I am another Susan but decided to go gray about 4 years ago when I broke my foot. All my cousins on my Mom’s side have gone gray except one who still lives in Italy and is the oldest of our tribe, 75. I will be 69 in November and have accepted my age gracefully and realize that age is just a number. When playing with my grands, I feel muchyounger. I still love my hair as it is very like my aunt’s. I now love being told I look exactly like her! Age transforms a person. Given the consequences, I’ll take it!
The last photo of you in the blog is just Beautiful and I agree adding color or highlights will give you more body and appear and feel fuller. For me I do not have that problem……I will be 60 in December and for most of my adult life have worn my hair short. I do color and highlight my own hair, it’s thick and has a lot of body. I think keeping it short helps to keep it somewhat tame and not look “too big” for my small frame face. I do think as we age we need to go a bit lighter and shorter……helps to keep us looking younger. Love the name of your lipstick “wink”?.
Youāre very clever to do it yourself. Thatās one thing I have never tried.
I love todayās article! I am 56 and I will color my hair as long as I can without looking crazy. My hair started going gray very young. I thought of embracing it in my 40ās but hated the look and transition. I finally started adding blond highlights to my red hair (that now is from a bottle as well) then when the white starts showing it blends until my next appointment.
I always wanted to try out red hair. Itās so unique and pretty
It’s so fabulous that we live in a time when we can choose to color, go “natural”, or even somewhere in between with high and low lights. I think it’s good to have your own understanding of your choice of whether to color or not. I have short dark wavy hair that I’m letting go grey. My hair grows fast and because my hair is dark, I would need to color my hair every 3-4 weeks. I also understand that because my hair is dark, going back to grey would be awkward, to say the least. Now, that I’ve got my natural “silver highlights” it’s part of my style. and your beautiful blonde hair is part of your style too.
I have straight, fine hair that is starting to thin at 60. I am a brunette with little gray, mostly at the temples and hairline. I get by with blonde highlights for now. I don’t think gray will suit me, making me look faded. I do have short hair because I don’t have the time, interest or talent to fuss with it. To offset all that, I wear enough makeup to give me the brightness and polish I need.
I need to add a brighter makeup too these days. Itās a good thing I like makeup.
Having coloured my hair in various ways since I was a teenager, and embraced keratin straightening for a while, I finally decided to go natural, when I was tired of going to the hairdresser every three weeks to hide the silver wings. Fortunately, very short hair suits me, and my salt and pepper gets many compliments. Gosh, it’s liberating, economical and time saving. At the same time, I’m very aware that it’s not for everyone. Jennifer, your hair suits you very well, vive la diffĆ©rance!
I have had gray hair (hairs) since I was 17. Iām now 77. Iāve never colored my hair so have transitioned over time. There is still some dark hairs so Iām not totally gray….yet. Both of my parents had beautiful silvery gray hair. I always get compliments on my hair and I wear it short. Would love to let it grow out to your length but dread the growing out process. I have thinner hair now and itās always been very fine. I find the gray hair gives me lots more body and I was also blessed with natural curly hair. Keeping it short allows to me still it much easier, I think. But, we ALL have to decide what looks best on us! I think your hair is beautiful and love the color of it.
Jennifer,
I totally agree with you. While I was recovering from surgery, I was unable to get to my hair colorist. One day I looked in the mirror and saw Casper the Friendly Ghost looking back at me. As soon as I was able I booked an appointment and voila 10 years younger.
Thank you for outlining the reasons why gray just doesnāt work for some people.
Yours sounds very pretty Sondra.
I am not ready for gray either nor is my hair since I don’t have much gray yet. I’m 63 and I’ve been coloring my dark brown hair with red by my hairdresser for years. I’ve began the process of letting some of my natural hair color come through and hope that will help my transition be a little easier. I’ll probably continue with some red because I love it so much (and so does my husband). My SIL starting letting her hair go gray several years ago and always makes comments about my continuing to dye my hair – so glad she lives on the West coast and I’m in TN. All this to say is do what feels right for you. Hair is such a personal choice and takes thoughtful decisions that reflect you, not someone else. Love your blog!
You are lucky she lives far away;) I wish
more women would accept other womenās choices. We need to do what makes us happy.
Some women suit grey hair, but I think it is very ageing and not flattering. I am 62 and get my hair professionally coloured every 6 to 8 weeks and it looks glossy (brunette) , shiny and thick and will continue this until I can no longer stagger down to the hairdressers, no doubt by that time, from the nursing home (aged care facility).
I agree completely! Maybe we can go to the same nursing home and hire someone to come in and color both of us! lol
Yes, Susan! I feel exactly the same.
Lol! Glossy, shiny and thick is a dream for me. Lucky you