Monday Musings- Kindness Matters
Happy Monday ladies. I have many things on my mind this week, not the least of which is kindness. This past year has been a strain on everyone and many of us are showing the signs of stress that often sneak out of the little cracks in our composure. We all need to treat ourselves with greater compassion because kindness matters and that extends to the way we treat others.
You can’t know what someone’s life is like until you have walked a day in their shoes. Everything may look hunky-dory on the outside yet be a hotbed of pain on the inside.
My Saturday would you wear it posts are very popular with many ladies and not so much for others. I get it! That’s human nature. We’re not going to all like the same things. That’s why they make so many flavors of ice cream. But not liking something doesn’t give you permission to say something that hurts another woman’s feelings.
Working online has exposed me to more than my fair share of keyboard warriors. These are the folks who hide behind a veil of anonymity and strike out with their words. They’re the mean girls from our youth, all grown up to be mean women.
I admit I’m that person who has a hard time keeping her opinion to herself because…well…I know everything. Just ask my husband. But I always strive to temper my words and have compassion. I’m asking you to please do the same.
I want this to be a safe, supportive place for women to express their opinions. Some comments crossed over into hostile territory on Saturday and seriously offended other readers.
If you feel that strongly about something, get your own blog and spew your negativity there. Or better yet, head over to Facebook… there’s tons of negativity there.
I won’t tolerate women criticizing other women here on AWSL and that extends to their taste in fashion. Ladies donāt come here to be insulted by other women. If you absolutely hate what the mannequin is wearing and can’t comment as it relates to you, hit exit and go on to your next email. We’ll catch you next time.
I have never had to turn moderation on for every comment and don’t plan to start now. We’re adults and if you can’t play nice in this sandbox, go home.
The term old lady, grandma, and granny were tossed around in a derogatory way. I ask you, what’s wrong with being a granny?
Related – Why Granny Panties aka Full-Cut Briefs Are The Best Over 50
Just for the record, I am that (sometimes) sweet old granny who started her own business from scratch in my 50’s. I’m a solo entrepreneur who works upwards of 10 hours a day to keep it afloat and help support my family.
I go on cruises when I can, and if someone asked me to play shuffleboard, I would. I also played Bingo when we could. Does that make me inconsequential and worthy of derisive comments? Not in my mind and my readers don’t deserve it either.
I will be trying a new format here this week and hope I can keep the “mannequins” because I usually find it a lot of fun.
Take care of yourselves, be kind and most of all, wear what makes you feel confident, no matter what other people think.
xo Jennifer
Chronologically, I AM an old lady, but in my mind and outlook, Iām not. Therefore, I wasnāt offended by the term āold lady.ā I understand what youāre saying, Jennifer, but I also think people are too easily offended these days. Itās a privilege to live a long life. I know many people, including teenagers and young parents, who would liked to have lived as long as I have. If youāre confident and satisfied with who and what you are, other peopleās comments wonāt offend you. If someone is purposely trying to insult you, then THEY are the ones to be pitied! (My opinion)
My brief comment yesterday was that I would feel like an old lady in the outfit. Jennifer took the time to reply that my comment was ānot descriptive or helpful.ā Somehow, I donāt feel that a description of why I didnāt like the outfit would have been well-received either.
Perhaps I did not explain myself well, so I apologize. I am doing these posts to understand why things do and don’t work for ladies. I would just like a more descriptive answer. I understand the feeling you described, but would love to know, is shape the offender? The type of decoration? The matching pants?
Well said Jennier. I like reading the comments as they often evoke memories for me. When my mom was 85, she drove 75 miles so I could shop with her at her favorite store, Nordstroms. Clutching the mailed circular, she asked a clerk where she could find a leather jacket on sale. The lady looked past mom to me and asked “oh, and what size do you wear?” My mom shook her head and said kindly, as if she was not offended,”No dear, it’s for me to wear on my Alaskan cruise…”
Well stated Jennifer and I applaud you on having the courage to defend kindness which IMO goes hand-in-hand with respect and civility, both of which can go a long way when practiced. Brenda-
I count on you Jennifer to show me what is fashion and how I should wear it.You are the expert and you point out things I might miss,like changes in pant shapes ,the fit of jeans etc.Itās nice that you give commenters a chance to speak,but itās the expert I listen to.Thank you for being here.
First of all – you are my very favorite blogger! Everything that you write about is so relatable and your fashion sense is incredible. I did cringe as I read some of the posts on Saturday, so good for you for calling them out. However, it did remind me of taking my 85 year old grandma shopping over 40 years ago. As we were looking for a dress for her she pulled one out and quietly asked me “Do you think this style is more for an older woman?” Not wanting to make her feel bad, I said “maybe”.
Itās sad when people feel free to verbally attack others or say unkind things. Hiding behind a keyboard seems to have become the thing to do the past few years.
Jennifer, Iām not sure how long Iāve been following your blogs, but itās been several years. You are always kind and promote kindness in everything you say or do. Your āwould you wear it?ā has always been a fun and interesting feature, but as always there are unkind comments. I tend to ignore the unkind comments, but understandably they are upsetting to some. This is your blog, your page, your group and you are free to control where needed.
Keep up the good work you do! I especially love the dressing room diaries! Even during this rough year of the pandemic, your blog and the blogs of a few others have made a positive impact in the lives of many of us. All my fashion shopping has been online the past year and I am so looking forward to in person store visits happening soon. Thank you!
Jennifer, you go girl! You are a class act, and I love your blog. I am also a grandma and love it! My five grands are the lights of my life. People, be kind.
If you canāt say something nice, donāt say nothin at all ~ from the movie Bambi and all mothers everywhere.
Thanks Jennifer
So unfortunate that this has to be said, but thank you for being brave enough to say it! Keyboard Warriors is exactly right and most of the reason why I seldom go on FB any longer. I enjoy your blog, and while I personally would not wear some of the items, you have expanded my horizons on what goes together, being brave enough to try something new and all the other things (your hair and skin care routine) that befuddle me and I don’t have a lot of time to research. So again, thank you!
Jennifer,thanks for addressing a problem before it grew bigger.
I think being a grandma is my greatest pleasure in my 70ās.
Being kind is ever so important, especially right now as we are all handing all the rules of COVID in our ways and trying to stay positive takes some doing.
Please keep the blog going.
I look forward to it every day.
Thank you Jennifer……
Thank you ., we need to uplift each other .I love your posts
Before the internet, it was the telephone where people would say things to you they would not say to you in person. It’s all about character. Nicely said, Jennifer.
A couple of weeks ago you wrote an informative piece about skin care. Since then Iāve been researching retinol and hyaluronic acid treatments, only to become more confused. How often do you use retinol? In order to receive results, is it important to increase retinol amounts or to keep using the same percentage of retinol? Thanks to you, my face feels so much better using hyaluronic acid every day. I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog. I love your style tips too. Please keep it coming!
I use retin A every other night. I alternate so itās not too hard on my skin.
Kindness and compassion are the watchwords of this pandemic and the weather crises that are hitting parts of our country. We are all taxed by the relentless need to return to kindness and compassion again and again over what is becoming more than one full year.
I didnāt see the comments on Saturday, but as a novelist who loves to play with character development, I appreciate in a good way the concept of mean girls sometimes becoming mean women. It sparks the writing of some purely imaginary character sketches today.
I hope that you and all your readers stay safe, stay strong, and stay kind. I appreciate the work you do.
Thank you for your response to rude and unkind women. They probably donāt have much happiness on their life, poor things! I love your site and think you are so stylish and your warm personality come through in what you write. Well done!! Keep it up.
Hi Jennifer, I don’t comment very often but I have to say thank you for reprimanding those people who posted insulting “granny” comments. Perhaps these ladies should look further inside themselves and who they are before stereotyping others. As you said, this is not a forum for nastiness and I hope this will end it as I really enjoy your blog and appreciate what goes into preparing it and sharing it with us. Being a 77 year old Grandma is one of the best parts of my life and I treasure it. Keep up the good work Jennifer.
Being a granny is one of the biggest sources of joy in my life. Iām proud to be a grandmother.
I feel that your blog offers encouragement and inspiration to be open to new ideas. Each generation seems to leave their own unique mark on life. Maybe thatās what some of us are struggling with, not wanting to repeat what we view as outdated. The next generation will fight the same battle.
But through all of this, there needs to be an appreciation for the beautiful variety of each persons individual style. A flower just blooms, it doesnāt search about to make sure it looks the same as the others.
Iām sorry you even have the need to publish this post. I thought it was a group of mature, sophisticated, kind women, like yourself. I know there are trolls out there. I see it on Instagram and am shocked by the vitriol that some spew. It was especially vile during the US election,
Iām a 68 year old gramma and I like to stay current in both my home decor, clothing and hair styles but I would never judge those who are comfortable in their style. Itās the personality of a person that attracts one and forms a friendship. Not sure why some people are so judgemental. I suppose they are unhappy in their lives.
But the way, I love to cruise too. On our last cruise our 45 year daughter enjoyed a game of shuffleboard. Is there a stigma to playing shuffle board or scrabble? I wasnāt aware.
I appreciate you and your desire to keep this positive and kind. I am appalled to see how much more negative Facebook has gotten year by year. We need more kindness and caring in this world. There is more than enough negativity out there. Thank you for your blog and your positivity.
Bravošš»šš»šš»šš» Thank you for taking this stand. Kindness always wins!
I solved this problem months ago. I never read Would You Wear It on this site or on Pam Lutrell’s site. I long ago became disgusted with the comments of those who don’t want to comment on how the item relates to them but prefer to denigrate the people who do like the item.
I will be changing that this week so perhaps youāll prefer my new format.
I saw some comments that may have been off colour but not everyone is as gifted with words as you are in your blog. Calling out women (like myself)who are older and yes, grannies for speaking up is silly on your part, it would have been wiser for you to ignore the post completely. As for your Facebook comment….really? Comparing tongue in cheek comments from peers to the anger that is spewed on some social media sites. Is it possible you need to show some grace as well?
Any and everything is possible. However, as this is my site, if I am offended, I will call the person out.
I stand corrected. It is your site and you can say whatever you feel is appropriate. My apologies.
Right on, Jennifer! It’s too bad you even had to address the subject, but you did so with style and grace, as always. I just quit reading the comments Saturday…but you have to endure. So sorry. I am just so saddened some days by what I read. Yesterday where I live was dumped with 8+ inches of snow when 1-3 was predicted. The attacks on our weather casters were just brutal! You can’t argue with Mother Nature, especially in Nebraska! I was shocked. Please keep up your good work, words and styles. I look forward to your post every day!
I was attending a virtual memorial for a friend on Sat so didnāt see the comments before they had veered off course. Those posts are intended to be inspirational not a free for all.
Thank you for reminding people that we all have feelings and bullying is not acceptable.
Thank you, Jennifer, for addressing this issue. I enjoy your blog and part of that is because of the different opinions, most of which are politely given. I hope we all remember to think before we respond. Thank you for your wonderful blog!
Very well said,Jennifer. And the responses in
the comments above were excellent.
You are also one of my favorites!
Your kindness always shows through!
I am an old granny aged 68 and I thought the outfit was ok and I also did not find the comments offensive. I think there is a lot of talk on line about how to dress at a certain age etc so when some people see an outfit that for them appears old fashioned and they could not possibly wear it because it would make them look old, like a granny, they say it! I do not think it was meant to be a hate grannies post and they could have chosen a different way to say it but I was not offended.
The posts ask that readers share how they would style an outfit and why of why not, as related to their personal circumstances.
Hi I do see that but this is not a negative to you but your choice of outfits are often unusual and maybe people try to be clever in the answers as in their mind they would never wear that style. I agree people could be nicer and more considerate of others. However I do not think their replies were offensive but I also see that you are offended. Regards
Thank you Jennifer for being so gracious. I have followed you for awhile now and admire your fashion style as well as your lifestyle advice. Times are tough for everyone and many of us do a pretty good job of masking our problems. Please continue to raise our spirits by sharing your talents with us.